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Archive for the Ass Category

2008

17

Mar

Jennifer Aniston’s Bikini Ass of the Day

I was reading some women’s magazine the other day, as I like to do, to keep in touch with the other gender. I feel like it fills me with useless information that I can use to seduce women into getting naked for me on webcam because I generally don’t leave my house. My theory is that if you understand what the other species is reading and being fed, you can understand what they are thinking and in turn use it to your advantage in getting a hot young vulnerable girl to flash her tits for the sake of flashing her tits, as long as you use a language they understand.

So this week I learned that there are more men than women in the world so something like 4% of women will never get married, never have a family, never grow old with someone and will instead just die alone. My initial thought was that the 4% of girls who never get married were ugly, fat, disgusting women that no dude would want to end up with, but it turns out that a lot of them are hot, successful and just missed the fuckin’ boat. Maybe they were just saying that to make the lonely, vulnerable, fat disgusting readers feel better about themselves so that they don’t go jumping off any bridges, but maybe it’s true and if it is, Jennifer Aniston is one of those. The only difference is that she was already married, she just wasn’t good at it and forced her man to leave her.

So all the money in the world, all the re-runs of friends with her hard nipples, a hot bikini body still don’t help her lock down a cock, but the reality is that you’d all wait in line to get up in this, she just thinks she’s too good for you because Brad Pitt gave her unrealistic self-worth, even after destroying her on all levels, her low self esteem and rejected self still thinks she’s too good for you…..so stare at her ass and show her who’s boss in the privacy of your own room in your mom’s basement.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Aniston|Tits

2008

14

Mar

Lori Loughlin Has a Full Ass in Her Pants of the Day

Her name is Lori Loughlin and she was the only chick on Full House worth fucking if you aren’t a pedophile or gay. She is proof that people in Hollywood make way too much fucking money because she’s out shopping for designer clothes with it because she hasn’t had work in the past 10 years. I guess she may have married rich or maybe she’s some stock market genius who made money off her Full House money, but none of that really matters because she looks pretty fuckin’ good for an old lady in tight pants and that’s all I have to say about that.

Posted in:Ass|Lori Loughlin|Tits

2008

14

Mar

Kelly Brook Shows Off Her Thong of the Day

Here are some pictures of Kelly Brook out for lunch with her man Billy Zane and her thong is riding pretty fuckin’ high or her pants are riding pretty fuckin’ low. She reminds me of those trashy bitches I see at clubs in their 5 dollar pair of white tight pants or short skirt who deliberately jack their thong up like it’s some kind of fashion accessory, because I guess when you’re a slut, you’re underwear becomes the most expensive or luxurious part of your wardrobe and you want the world to know that you’re a new woman, who is wearing underwear that no matter how many drinks you buy her, she probably won’t suck your dick or let you take that underwear off with your mouth, unless you are the bartender. She is the kind of slut who goes to the tanning salon to get thong tan line because she thinks it’s sexy to look like she’s wearing a thong at all times by skin discoloration effects. All I know is that the real sluts out there aren’t wearing underwear, they are too busy shoving things inside their cunt. So despite Kelly Brook having been a half naked model we all want to fuck but settled with Billy Zane’s penis, she’s not an official slut, just a poser and here is her thong.

Posted in:Ass|Kelly Brook|Thong

2008

13

Mar

Sienna Miller’s Ass Crack in a Bikini of the Day

I didn’t feel like posting today, I don’t know why. Maybe because I was tired and sick or maybe it is because writing about the same useless people day after day leads any normal person into a depression, but I realized that I have nothing better to do and that I was depressed before starting this site, so here are some pictures of Sienna Miller in a bikini.

She’s the kind of celebrity I like, I don’t know why because her body isn’t really all that, sure she’s skinny, but her ass lacks personality and her tits are just standard at least she’s not fat and there’s something about that way she carries herself that makes me just want to fuck the shit out of her. That’s really not saying much because I was just at the bank applying for a credit card and this old lady in the senior citizen line tripped and fell and I totally saw up her old lady skirt and saw her old lady support underwear and my first reaction was to bone her while she was down….unfortunately, one of the bank employees decided to be a fuckin’ hero and helped her up, ruining the fun for the rest of us and by rest of us I mean me.

The good news is that I didn’t get the credit card because I have really bad credit, but at least I spent the last 3 hours there to find that out, I couldn’t have used the time for anything better. No seriously, it gave me something to do and here’s Sienna Miller’s Ass.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Sienna Miller|Tits

2008

11

Mar

Amy Winehouse’s Ass Crack of the Day

I am guilty of liking skinny chicks and appreciate any means a girl takes to get herself skinny. I am talking eating disorders, drug addiction, laxatives, extreme cardio, terminal illness, pretty much anything the world offers them to maintain their skinny bodies, because it takes some commitment, determination and it’s a lot better seeing a girl frail from starving herself, than watching a girl sit on her fat ass eating donuts. Maybe I’m crazy.

Unfortunately, Amy Winehouse just doesn’t do it for me. Lookin’ at her ass crack on a non-existant ass kinda makes me sick to my stomach and I don’t know why. I should be all over this, but I assume that she takes the nastiest cocaine fueled shits and doesn’t wipe properly because she’s too busy trying to get her next fix…but major drug addiction and bad hygiene hasn’t stopped me in the past, maybe I’m just an anti-semite and can’t stomach her buggy eyes on her droopy Jew-Face…..but the good news is that girl can sign.

I guess the real question is where was she when spirits needed to be lifted in the concentration camps in Nazi Germany? Just because she looks like she’s an emaciated Anne Franck relivin’ it doesn’t mean she’ was there for her people. Bitch.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Ass|Crack

2008

07

Mar

Rachel Bilson’s Ass in Jeans of the Day

These are some pictures of Rachel Bilson doing some Anna Nicole Smith high class escorting that they pretend is love for the public because it turns out people are pretty judgmental when it comes to unconventional relationships. No one ever thinks that maybe bitch just has grandfather issues because he was never there for her growing up, he was too busy dying before she was born and this is her time to fill that empty void. Instead they just look at his bank account and figure that she’s just on a higher salary then at the strip club they met in and is just doing it for the money and not the hot arthritic sex they have. I can only assume people are just jealous because they never found a love so pure.

That said, Rachel Bilson is up on the same game, only she’s actually doing it with her real life grandfather and who are we to criticize. Sure the media, our western morals and scientific evidence say that it breeds retards and tells us that incest is wrong, but does that factor in her happiness from finding true love. I wanna know what love is and I want you to show me.

Posted in:Ass|Denim|Rachel Bilson

2008

06

Mar

Kim Kardashian is a Fat Chick in a Bikini…of the Day

You motherfuckers are crazy. I constantly get Kim Kardashian supporters bitching me out for saying that she has a fat ass because she eats too fucking much and doesn’t exercise, and that all you fuckers are just confusing sloth lazy over-eating fat with sexy natural booty bullshit because she doesn’t have cellulite because her fat is so compacted that the skin looks smooth, when really it’s just tryin’ to hold it all in there without exploding all over the place. It is the same reason your 300 pound beer belly is harder than Reggie Bush’s 6-pack and I think it needs to stop because I think it’s giving her an ego.

Most fat chicks swim in their t-shirts, but this bitch seems to think it’s ok to wear a bikini. She also thinks it’s ok to pose for Playboy. What bitch needs to do is spend some time with her boyfriend’s personal pro-athlete trainer, not more time thinkin’ her body is good enough to flaunt, even though I’m still checkin’ it out, but I am a easy to please. If you’ve seen my wife you’d know why.

Either way, if she doesn’t put an end to this shit now, I can guarantee 5 years from now, things are going to be fuckin’ messy, and I am not just talking about her shit stained designer panties because she can’t reach around her stomach far enough to get in between her ass and wipe properly, I am talking about her whole fuckin’ body is going to be consumed in disgusting. I guess the good news for her is that she is rich enough to hire someone to wipe for her, and I would rather be doing that for work, than doing it here on my wife for free a couple of times a day.

I guess there will always be dudes who like fat chicks and fat chicks in training and here are the pictures to look back on when you see her being craned out of her house for an episode of Oprah in a few years while she’s pushing 700 lbs and some of you will still be jerkin’ off to her big ol’ ass, but that’s because you’re a sick fuck.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Fat|Kim Kardashian

2008

03

Mar

More Kate Hudson in her Thong Bikini Pics of the Day

I already did a post on Kate Hudson in her bikini today , but here are the thong bikini pics that are doing the rounds. Don’t ask why I bothered doing another post on her today, I feel like it was easier.

Either way, she does look a little fat in the uterus, but my expert opinion is not very expert since I have never knocked a girl up either because I am shooting blanks or I just never heard back from the girl since pregnancy and abortions were all part of her job description and were a cost of doing business, so even if she did get knocked up, she still wouldn’t have called me to let me know because she got with so many men in any given day, anyone could have been daddy….

All I know, her uterus looks fat, but it could be because of her period or maybe it’s just the way she’s standing or maybe she’s drank one too many beers and eaten one too many plates of nachos. Who knows or cares, what you should know is that despite finding her ugly and not worth a fuck, I had no idea that her ass was this fuckin’ great….so pregnant or not, she’s worth a round as long as she’s gettin’ it from behind….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Kate Hudson|Pregnancy|Thong

2008

03

Mar

Drew Barrymore and the Mac Guy on the Beach of the Day

These pictures hit the internet last week when my website was being hacked and I couldn’t update it, not that I would have, because I kinda hate all you fuckers for trying to bring me down, even if you didn’t have anything to do with it. I still feel like my English teacher who we all hated because she was a cunt and figured the best revenge we could get on her is convince the weird got chick before got existed to dump some chemical we stole in chemistry class into her cranberry juice. If you’re wondering why she was drinking cranberry juice, it was probably because she had a UTI from doin’ some ass to pussy fuckin’. The juice ended up having a chemical reaction with whatever the goth chick dumped in her drink and when the teacher went for a sip, she noticed it had turned green and chunky, so she didn’t drink it and reality is, I probably wouldn’t have let her. I am more into bitches on all fours naked then poisoned, call me crazy.

Speakin of all fours, here’s Drew Barrymore in a bikini, when she really should be wearing more clothes. Bitch has no business showing off her uneven tits and when I look at these pictures all I see is cunt and not the kind I like, more like the kind I would convince a goth girl to drop some mystery powder in her expensive cocktail, but that’s just because she annoys me and likes getting high. I guess the good news is that 2 people destined to die alone because everyone hates them because they are ugly, found each other and can now frolic in the surf so in love, like starring in their very own shitty love story no one cares to watch.

I guess the good news for you is that a Zach Braff muppet lookin’ mac guy can still get laid, because let’s face it, Drew Barrymore may not be hot but a lot of guys will still fuck her tattooed ass, while Mac Guy is just one ugly fucker who, like you spent most of his 20s not getting laid from anyone. These pictures bring hope….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Drew Barrymore

2008

28

Feb

Bijou Philips and Some Shitty Bikini Pictures of the Day

In case you were wondering why my site has AIDS, it’s because some piece of shit cocksucker fucked with it last night without a condom and now they are laughing about how they brought me down with his other internet buddies who helped him right now because they have nothing else to do…since they aren’t getting laid or anything. Either way, I am okay with the downtime because it gives me time to practice my sitting, while eating a bag of chips that I snuck in the house because I knew my wife wasn’t home to steal them from me.

Speaking of AIDS Here are some boring pictures of Bijou Phillips in a bikini and she’s with her DJing that 70s Show boyfriend at the beach which is more interesting than what I am doing right now, which is writing about how boring their lives are and last time I checked when you write about how boring someone’s life is, you’re life isn’t a whole lot better.

I wonder how many dicks that rebellious daughter of a Momma Cass’ ass has seen during her coke fueled, hanging with Paris Hilton, modeling days. I am guessing more than one. Maybe Masterson should let her soak in the ocean a little longer, or does the salt burn the wounds too much and that’s why she’s running out like she just got bitten by a shark… I don’t know what I am talking about, but give me my site back hacker. Thanks in advance.

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Posted in:Ass|Bijou Philips|Bikini|Tits