Ass Archives - Page 20 of 44 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2008

31

Jul

The Guy from CSI’s Girlfriend has an Amazing Ass of the Day

I was at a bar last night and I witnessed 2 relatively hot chicks recruit some dude to have a threesome with them. They walked up to him and started rubbing up on him and telling him how amazing he was and all this shit. At first I was a little thrown off and jealous that they didn’t come up to me and offer me the same fuckin’ deal, but I realized that I kinda smell like piss and haven’t showed for a few days, thanks to having no hot water. I guess what made the whole thing easier on my self esteem was that I was at a full service strip club and that I knew dude would be shelling out lots of money for that experience but it still made me feel inadequate, almost as inadequate as the dude in CSI rockin’ a speedo. I have no dick, but at least my balls give me more fuckin’ volume than him and for some reason, motherfucker’s hanging out with the hottest ass I’ve seen in a while, and that reason is because he’s on TV and you aren’t.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|CSI

2008

24

Jul

Rachel Bilson’s Ass in Jeans of the Day

6 Comments »

I used to think Rachel Bilson had this really tight body and probably a pussy to match because she’s so tiny and dates guys like the dude in Star Wars who I assume has no penis. She’s the kind of girl I’d like to believe uses the pediatric sized speculum at the gynecologists. You know when you slam the bitch with your 4 inches of pathetic cock, the bed looks like a fuckin’ murder scene and you sit there smiling like you just taught the bitch proper. Then i realized you can fit pretty much a fist in any girl with a little patience and the right lubricant, ideally her tears if you do things the right way, but that’s just because pussy is made for making babies….

Unfortunately, her pictures are always fucking boring to me and I feel like she’s the kind of girl who you would hang with and rather play videogames or watch Sex in the City with, than fuck because she just doesn’t inspire much more than a good night’s sleep. The good news is that at least she’s got a tight lookin’ ass and in the fat world we live in, I can handle lookin’ at pics of it.

Here are a couple more from the other day….

Posted in:Ass|Jeans|Rachel Bilson

2008

24

Jul

Kim Kardashian’s Big Ol’ Ass of the Day

28 Comments »

I saw a girl the other day who had absolutely no ass. She wasn’t anorexic and she wasn’t so fat shit was buried in her thighs. She was just totally average in size and was wearing leggings leaving little to my imagination which turned out to be too bad because when I got to staring at her shit, my imagination would have made things better but instead I was stuck trying to figure out where she shits from, or what she sits on, because her legs turned into back without anything in between and it looked fucking mutant to me.

I got to talking to the teenage girl next to me who about it because she caught me staring and told me that she thought shit was strange too and she went on a rant about how she would rather have a Kim Kardashian sized ass that makes shopping for jeans impossible even if it meant having to have sex black men for the rest of her life, I thought that was a pretty bold statement because Kardashian’s ass is disgustingly big and makes her look like a lazy slob and I asked her to stand up and show me what she was dealing with and she refused.

About 5 minutes later a black dude showed up and sat next to her and they started making out, so I guess that was her boyfriend and she’s already getting black cock and Kim Kardashian’s ass is something she holds on a pedistole, like something she wishes she had to better please her man and all the men to come her way since they’ll all be black. Teenage girls are such whores. I blame hip hop. We’re all going to hell.

Posted in:Ass|Big|Kim Kardashian

2008

21

Jul

Fergie’s Ass in Shorts of the Day

11 Comments »

I am hurting today because the weekend was involved a lot of drinking, drunk driving and passing out in beds with my stepdaughter and her friends, fondeling one of them and getting me in trouble. I do remember that through the messiness that is my life, I had a conversation about Fergie with a Fergie hater. I had her back, not because I think she’s hot, but because I know she’s hotter than anyone you’ve ever fucked and because she was the ploy of the Black Eyed Peas to make a ton of fucking money, because before she was in the picture, they were just a second rate hip hop dance act that were self promoting themselves so hard that they sat outside a club in Montreal about 4 years ago handing out stickers for their new album, the one before Fergie blew them up. So you can look at her, dis her for being muscular and rough lookin, but all I see is ta prized meth addicted pussy with dollar signs for an ass and here it is dancing on stage in shorts.

Posted in:Ass|Fergie

2008

16

Jul

Gisele Bundchen’s Ass for Vagina Magazine of the

6 Comments »

A reader sent in these pictures of Gisele from V for Vagina magazine and wrote something like “I bet you’ll love this shoot” or something equally inspiring. The truth is that Gisele has too many masculine features that I know she’s got a clit the slze of my big toe and although some dudes like that, I’d rather focus my energy on someone who is more chick than dick. The funny thing in all this is that she’s on the cover of V magazine, when her V is actually less of a V and more of an M and V magazine isn’t a fashion magazine, but actually a femal genital medical journal and Gisele’s just made the cover because she’s the hybrid gender you’ve all heard about all these years, but haven’t met because you haven’t been to Southeast Asia or Brazil, where there are more lady boys per capita that any other gender.

I guess what I mean by all this is that, Gisele and her V magazine cover would go over great for Gay Pride week that hits Montreal soon, and that I can only assume I’ll see some of you who made the trek up here on the local news rockin’ the floats in the parade for the progression of your people and by progression of your people I mean lots of gay orgies. Enjoy ya’ sexual deviant.

Posted in:Ass|Gisele Budchen|V Magazine

2008

15

Jul

Brooke Hogan Bikini Pictures of the Day

14 Comments »

I realize why Hulk Hogan wants to fuck his daughter and that’s just because no one else will. He’s just being a caring dad who can’t accept that he produced something so fucking ugly but still wants the best for his baby and doesn’t want her self-esteem to dwindle into suicidal rage, so he gives her the normal male attention a girl needs.

He realizes that no dudes ever call his girl back after they have their way with her while drunk and the family try to rationalize it by blaming it on the fear of getting confronted by her overbearing, wrestling dad and they aren’t man enough to take him own in the backyard wrestling ring for her hand in marriage or some weird ritualistic shit that goes down in the trailer parks of Tampa Bay. But that’s just what they want to believe. The truth is the first dude who comes along and sticks with this bitch after sticking it to her will get to go on a shopping spree with the Hulkster and get all the crazy pants his heart desires, making her dowry something equally as trashy as her, but the sad truth is that I’ve fucked ugly chicks for less return.

She’s big, has a broken down chevy of a face, the kind you find in the backyard acting a place for illegitimate kids to play and a pick up truck body to match. She has no real talent or future, just an inheritance, which is good enough for me, but doesn’t take away from the fact that she has no ass at all, her legs kinda just mutate into her very broad back. Even after taking the same path of many inadequate girls that only a daddy would love and getting a pair of fake tits to compensate, she’s even gone so far as to get in shape and lose the fat she was hiding behind all her life only to find out that she is still a waste of time for annyone with any dignity. For the record, I have no dignity.

I am not sure if she’s the header picture of the girl in the white bikini, because I am not even sure if that’s a girl or just Hulk Hogan incognito, but I had to post it mainly out of fear but also to help you come to terms with your homosexuality in babysteps.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini Pictures|Brooke Hogan|Tits

2008

24

Jun

Kobe Bryant’s Ass of the Day

10 Comments »

Sure being married has nothing on raping young chicks in hotel rooms, because they want to make a couple extra bucks by dragging your name through the mud and you want to cum, but at least marriage is a constant. Something that never seems to go away no matter how badly you wish it did because you hate your wife more than you hate yourself and every little thing she does makes you want to jump off the fire escape of your third floor shit-hole of an apartment, even her smell and the way she breathes gets under your skin leading you to reach for the bottle because it’s the only way you can deal with the fact that she won’t get a divorce because she finds it embarrassing and admitting failure and even if she did want a divorce you wouldn’t be able to afford your modest lifestyle because her disability check is your life support. It’s a fucking trap or prison sentence at least that’s what I’ve heard.

Here are some pictures of Kobe Bryant’s wife’s ass in a bikini.

Posted in:Ass|Kobe Bryant

2008

24

Jun

Orlando Bloom’s Naked Ass of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom on a vacation tanning naked as they are supposed to. The highlight of the pictures have to be finally seeing Orlando Bloom’s ass. Dude was so dreamy in Pirates that I’ve just been waiting for this day for the last 5 years. It’s days like today that I want to take off my Crocodile Dundee Hat, put my pet Kangaroo back in his cage, drink a couple of Beers and sing Waltzing Matilda to celebrate Australia because I support all things white trash and Australia was pretty much built on that shit and deserves some fuckin’ love for their naked exports that are a lot more worthy of love than Vegemite or Steve Irwin.

2008

04

Jun

Kate Walsh Fights The Wind of the Day

3 Comments »

Kate Walsh is on Grey’s Anatomy or was on Grey’s Anatomy because the truth is I don’t really know since I am not a middle aged mother who watches Grey’s Anatomy because it gives me something to masturbate thinking about. I do know that shows that make wives horny are my worst enemy so I am happy that I don’t have a TV and that my wife barely speaks english because the last thing I want is to have her expecting me to treat her like some scripted shit she sees on TV, but I am sure that some of you appreciate it because it’s made the only woman in your life find her vagina and bring it out to play since she packed that shit away, locked it up and threw away the key the day she got pregnant with your kid, so you should be supportive of this kind of mainstream smut, it makes your life a better one.

You should also support Kate Walsh flashing the world her old weathered ass because of a perverted gust of wind, because maybe if enough of us encourage the wind to keep up his pervert ways, maybe it’ll take the practice he’s had on useless bitches and take it to the next level with chicks we actually want to see unexpectedly flash us. Peer pressure has always worked out good for me in the past so the only thing I see that may be a challenge this time is that Wind isn’t really something you can really reason with or manipulate, but at least we can all hope it does because hope is all we really have.

Posted in:Ass|Kate Walsh|Upskirt|Wind

2008

30

May

Liz Berkley’s Ass in White Pants of the Day

6 Comments »

I think it’s a little presumptuous that Liz Berkley shows off her menopause pants to the world because no young fertile woman would be caught dead in white pants for fear of the nightmare of getting their period while wearing their white pants, because we all know that shit always hits when you least expect it, like before a hot date with a dude you want to fuck, or when you have a vacation at the beach planned and most importantly when you are somewhere far from a store without a tampon.

So Liz Berkley who is seemingly living on the edge of danger is pretty much giving you all a fuck you because she’s in her 40s and the only thing she has to worry about is the continued changes her body undergoes as she gets further and further from her Striptease body and closer and closer to a dumpy assed, saggy titted old lady.

Posted in:Ass|Liz Berkley|White Pants

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