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Archive for the Ass Category

2007

Jun

I am – Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures of the Day

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova in a bikini top and little shorts for you to look at while you sit at your computer thinking about how much you’d rather be at the beach looking a girls tanning but are too scared to leave your house….I guess you could also dream about how you always wanted to be Enrique because of his angelic voice and ability to be gayer that fucking bicycle shorts while still leading the public to believe he is slamming this Russian slag. I can only assume that any real man would never let the world know he sings the way Enrique sings for fear of being called a fag, I can also only assume that this motherfucker only sells records to the middle aged women and gay men because middle aged women like gay men and gay men like gay men. I can also assume that being born and named Enrique kinda type casts you as the cabana boy who is light on his feet and doesn’t really like wearing much more than spandex euro trash booty shorts speedos for everyone to see your package.

That doesn’t change the fact that everyone has had a thing for this Anna Kournikova whore for at least 10 years. I can only assume it is because of her athletic ability, at least that’s why Enrique is with her, I hear she’s in tight with all the pro tennis playing dudes like Serena Williams and hot chicks always attract men leading him to live out his homosexuality disguised as Male-Male-Female threesomes….

2007

Jun

I am – Natasha Hamilton Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

I know you probably don’t know who she is because I don’t know who she is and despite having no interest in these people and just use them to lure idiots like you into my site, I still have been doing it 2.5 years and that makes me a bit of an expert. I don’t think being an expert in identifying useless celebrities is something to be proud of, it kinda categorizes me into the worlds of virgins and people who cut out pictures of bitches from magazines to put in my magical box that I keep under my bed for lovemaking purposes. I am talking about the losers who identify with celebrity vagina because they can’t get vagina of their own and in their fantasy world the characters these bitches play in the movies are their dream girls and one day when they make it rich they will win them over and end up marrying them and living happily ever after. What they realize is that no matter how much money they make, they can’t erase the fact that they are socially awkward creepy chronic masturbaters and girls don’t like awkward creepy chronic masturbaters, not to mention you don’t get rich living in your mom’s basement playing role playing games and poking girls your don’t know on facebook. That said, I have no idea who this bitch is, but rumor is that she’s in Atomic Kitten and that’s some UK girl group you probably want to fuck….

The real reason I posted these wasn’t because of the white bikini, even though I love white bikinis because they get see through and everytime I’ve seen a bitch in you, I’ve been able to make out what her pussy looks like, and despite that sounding creepy as shit, reality is it’s not my fault a bitch is showing her junk to everyone at the public pool I sometimes sneak into..so stop judging.

I wanted to write about redheads and how I was always scared of them growing up. I was born in mexico and spend a solid 10 years of my life there. I had never seen a redhead before and when I did for the first time when I was moved to Texas, I thought they were the spawn of the devil. I admit I was living with crazy Jesus people and I thought that everything was evil because that’s what they beat into me, but these pale faced, freckle covered weirdos with fire colored hair made me feel fucking uneasy. Later in life, I became a little more obnoxious and started asking the redheads I knew if they had fire crotches, they never wanted to answer me so I just assumed they were. I think I probably traumatized them and gave them a complex, but I was 15 or some shit, I hope they got over it, because I don’t want a group of redheaded weirdos I once knew holding meetings on how they want to kill me for ruining their sex lives, because redheads are naturally really strong and could hurt me. I figure they are strong for the same reason retarded people are strong, their gene pool evolved over the generations to deal with dickheads like me who would tease them for being different, so that we couldn’t lock them in lockers and shit. Someone once told me that redheaded kids were left in the woods to fend for themselves as babies in the middle ages because having a redheaded kid was considered a bad thing. So the ones who survived were obviously the ones who could deal with the elements….making them a superior race of humans….

Either way, what I am getting at is that the though of these pale spotted people with bright red lips and what I assume big red cunts with orange fucking pubes used to make me fucking sick to my stomach and I couldn’t grasp why Archie from the Archie comics always wanted to get a piece of the redheaded girl…that was until I started seeing seeing hot redheads, ones who didn’t look like they were genetic accidents that would have been left in the woods in the middle ages. They looked like hot fucking pieces of ass that I wanted to go down on for fucking hours. Now it seems that every time I leave my house, I see at least one redhead I’d like to fuck, red pubes and all. Maybe it’s become a fetish because I’ve never had one, but I am thinking that for all those years I was just prejudice and missed out on fulfilling this dream and now it’s too late because I am married and can’t get boners.

This post was really long. I bet it was boring to read. Good thing you didn’t bother. Asshole.

2007

Jun

I am – Britney Spears Bikini Ass of the Day

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I came across these Britney Spears pictures and I realized that there is nothing better in life than posting 2 Britney Spears posts back to back. It the shit bloggin is made for…

Yesterday on my drunken adventure, I ended up at the strip club for too early for there to be strippers working. It was me and the stage and a bar tender who was playing her own shitty music. I asked her if there were any girls to entertain me considering I spent 3 dollars oto get in to see vagina. About 5 minutes later, some french slut hit the stage and did a little dance for me. Since I was the only one in the place it felt really romantic as she spread her legs…The issue I had was that I knew she wanted my money, the other issue was that I had no money. I looked over my shoulder to see her wiping down her box after rubbing it up against the pole and I wondered if that really prevented HPV and AIDS, maybe she was onto something. When she got me lookin’ at her she turned around in embarrassment even though I already saw her inner parts…

The thing I like about Britney is that it seems like she never embarrassed, she has no shame, she has enough money to not give a fuck and we’ve all seen her inner parts but like the stripper, she still bothers to cover up.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Britney Spears|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Serena Williams Bikini Body of the Day

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So to balance out the day, I figured I’d throw up these Serena Williams bikini pictures, even though I linked these fuckers in the stepLINKS last night. If you’re wondering what I mean by balance shit out, I am not talking about throwing this thick piece of ass on a scale to prove that her workout regime has gone totally fucking wrong, I am not really sure what I am talking about, but I was thinking along the lines of since my last 2 posts were of chicks in bikinis, I should give some airtime to dudes in a bikini.

I think it’s safe to say that her boyfriend is wallet fucking her or trying to get ahead in his own career as a possible hip hop MC or some shit and getting in paparazzi pictures is a solid way to promote yourself because there is no way he’s with her because she’s a good fuck or because she’s a gentle lady.

All the masking your sexuality and taking female hormones all because her dad wanted a champion tennis player can make any dude pretty fucking pissed off. I remember this one time I was drunk and passed out at a party and some chick put make up on me. I looked really pretty and felt like I had been raped. Taking away someone’s manhood is probably the worst kind of abuse a person can endure and making bitch live the role so well so that she doesn’t give up the jig when she goes out in public in lady’s bikinis is totally humiliating.

She’s the kind of girl who doesn’t have a vagina, so it’s in the ass everyday and I am not talking about in her ass, I am talking about in your ass. All the hard training and loses in her sport means she’s gotta take her aggression and frustration out somewhere….

I know that everyone is saying that she’s a dude and that it’s a pretty obvious joke. I am sure she’s a nice person who just does too much weight lifting to scare all the dainty tennis chicks off the court. It’s like facing the monster at the end of a video game only the real life version and she makes millions because of it. If I could make millions doing anything, I’d probably do it. If I was creative, I would have come up with a whole other angle, but I’m not creative so suck my dick and while your at it, jerk off to this bitch’s dick. Gaylord.

2007

Jun

I am – Celine Dion Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are the Celine Dion Bikini pictures that I have been waiting to see for 10 years. I don’t know when they were taken and I hate this bitch as much as you do but there’s just something magical about french chicks that you probably don’t understand because you don’t live in Montreal.

I’ll quickly explain because I figure it’s my role as the Number 1 Blog of Montreal to give you good reason to come to this city and that good reason is the french girls.

French girls are sluts, they are into sex and they are pretty fucking dirty girls in the bedroom. They are liberal, emotional and like anal and being naked. They don’t take much working on, you basically just need to catch them when they are horny or impress them by pretending you are famous because a lot of the french girls I have met have been from small shitty communities and work as bar maids or waitresses or strippers and are easily impressed. They spend their money on nice clothes, lookin good and going out instead of shit waspy corporate suburban trash spend their money on, like pant suits for the office car and mortgage payments and other expenses to ensure a dull fucking existence.

Majority of strippers in Montreal are french and have tight fucking bodies even though they only eat french fries and drink wine. They are genetically programmed to maintain a tight lookin’ figure well into their 50s even with chain smoking, hard livin’ and bad food. By the time they are 30, their faces usually look weathered and old like a wilted flower but their bodies scream 16 year old and the older they get the sluttier they get to try to hold onto their youthful years of multiple sex partners.

The only problem with french girls is that they don’t speak english, they hate english people and they don’t get my fucking jokes. Every french girl I try to talk to don’t get what I am saying and my shit goes way over their heads. When a sense of humor is all you’ve got, you’ll be going home alone, but if you’re older and richer, they are totally into having you for a daddy. Kinda like Celine did with her manager husband who tapped her ass at 14 before making her famous and leading her to believe that she’s nothing without him….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Celine Dion|French Chicks|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Danielle Lloyd in an Expensive Bikini for Cancer of the Day

58 Comments »

I use the Internet too much. I feel like my last love affair was with an emoticon banner on myspace and it was the best sex Ive ever had because all the slut would say is “hellllooooo” over and fucking over again and couldn’t get me hard by still whispered sweet nothings in my ear….So looking at anyone in a bikini is a total fucking relief for me. It could be because I live in Canada and I don’t see nearly enough bikinis in a year and when I see anyone rockin’ one it gets me goin like a virgin with a high trafficked celebrity blog that posts High Res pics to share my amazing find with other fucking virgins…or it could be because this bitch I’ve never heard of before last week is rockin’ diamonds and being a poor person I dig diamonds…it means she’s living the dream even though no one knows who she is…it could be because she’s dressed like that at a charity and I like women who get naked for a cause but I prefer girls who get naked for no cause, because you don’t need a reason to show me your goods…trust me, I have no standards and don’t get offended by much, not even when this downs syndrome faced slut does it….

I am slow on my posts today because I had to be somewhere all morning. Sometimes you can’t control that shit. I am back now but it’s the end of the day – so I am not sure if I should bother to even post, but I will anyway.

2007

Jun

I am – Mila Kunis Wears Short Shorts of the Day

1 Comment »

So I ended up going out to the Steve Aoki show because I thought it would be funny. I thought there would be lots of sluts and I figured that if someone you write a post about saying they bang their sister ends up hookin’ you up to go to their event, you gotta take the opportunity to see if they will have a baseball bat in hand to take your face off.

I got to the club, they didn’t want to let me in, they told me that I wasn’t on the list and that I didn’t meet dress code standards. I somehow swindled my way into the club promising the bouncers I wouldn’t leave the DJ Booth area and mingle with their clients….

I walked up to Aoki, some groupie with fake tits was talking to him, shook his hand, knocked her drink out of her hand and she spilled it all over herself and tried to tell me off. He was very nice about things and I ended up having a good time drinking off the club’s bottle of Grey Goose and lookin’ up girls skirts. So the advice of the day is try to offend people enough so they know who you are, then ask them for free shit.

Here are some pictures of Mila Kunis because she was on that 70s Show and Aoki’s DJ partner is on that 70s show and she’s wearing short shorts….

I am running off 2 hours of sleep – I’ll be back on later today with more hits.

Posted in:Ass|Legs|Mila Kunis|Shorts|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Brooke Hogan Performing of the Day

2 Comments »

Nothing says I am a piece of Florida trash that would have become a stripper if my dad let me because being a stripper has been my dream for my entire cheesy slut life that when I sit alone in my room I put on assless pants and pretend that I was rocking the pole until I realized that if I became a talentless hack of a popstar with my dad’s money funding my career, I can do my stripper routine in my assless pants on stage for lots of people to see that my fat ass is less fat than it was when I started to live my fucking dream. It’s actually a typical situation for a girl who no one wanted to fuck because they thought she was worth fucking, but instead fucked her because her dad is a fucking legend in the WWF, which may not be saying much, but I know some of you would still let Hulk Hogan give you a hot oil massage, not because you are gay, but because you are lonely and human touch is something you’re yearning for….Either way, always being second lead her to emotional eating that turned her fat until she realized that she could make a name for herself and started to hit the fucking treadmill and that is my theory on this slut.

Posted in:Ass|Brooke Hogan|Cameltoe|Performing|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Nicole Richie Hiking to Stay Fit of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some Nicole Richie staying fit by Hiking in Hollywood in spandex, showing off her nasty non existent ass that I’d probably stick my dick in if I could get it up, but only because it would probably look pretty big for the first time in my life. It’s part of the reason why I used to only date girls with small hands, I thought that the contrast made me feel like more of a man but that’s not important.

What is important is that nothing screams I am a hippie lesbian who eats granola and doesn’t shave her box like a girl who hikes. They are the kind of bitches in Birkenstock sandals, cargo pants and oversized sweatshirts with some kind of University Name or Country flag embroidered across their thick lesbian chests. They rock no make-up and wear hats to cover their ratty, yet practical hair and on the back of their hiking bags they’ve got all kinds of water bottles and camping gear, I guess in case they come across some kind of hill, mountain or wooded area that needs to be conquered.

Here are those Nicole Richie Pics, I guess the shocking news is that the heat and activity didn’t kill her, sometimes when answering emails too quickly I get hot flashes and my heart starts going insane…maybe no eating is the key to healthy living….

Posted in:Ass|Exercise|Nicole Richie|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Pamela Anderson in a One Piece Bathing Suit of the Day

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Pamela Anderson One Piece Bathing Suit

Pam Anderson is Kissing some Magician named Hans Klok at his magic show. Magic shows are pretty fucking lame, but I can only assume virgins are into this shit, like they are into wrestling and computer games and that’s part of the reason I am posting them. See, I totally work for you.

I guess the only really magic at this event is that this hag can still pull off a bathing suit in public. But lots of money in plastic surgery and maintenance isn’t really all that magical…I do know that nothing says party like Pam Anderson in a one piece bathing suit, showing off her old haggard body that is probably hotter than any body you’ve ever seen at your local strip club, I know that you still jerk off to this whore, because that’s what a legacy does. No matter how old she gets we will always remember what she was and reality is, she still has something working for her, even if she’s plastic.

Speaking of plastic, I was leaving a strip club a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine who had been there about 2 hours before I showed up. He spent most of his welfare check on this one bitch in the booth and kept going on about how horny she made him. She had huge fake tits and looked like she dreamt of being Pam Anderson. When we walked by a dollar peep show that pretty much plays clips of porn for a dollar dude walked in. He told me to wait outside. About 3 minutes later he walked out and had just rubbed one out. He was sold on how amazing these things were and I thought the whole thing was fucking hysterical. I have never done the whole peepshow thing and probably never will. I watch too much porn on the computer and shit does nothing for me, so paying a dollar to sit in a booth where dirty fucking men have busted nut is not my idea of a good fucking time. I do think that it is a good option for someone like you though, seeing as you never get laid and masturbation has become boring. It’s kind like the middle ground between doing it on public transit to switch things up but still being private enough for you to not get arrested.