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Archive for the Ass Category

2008

30

May

Jelena Jankovic Plays Some Pornographic Tennis of the Day

Tennis is the most pornographic sport with these Eastern European girls in little skirts and panties grunting like they are fucking and I like to watch it because I am a pervert. Here’s some bitch named Jalena Jankovic taking it to the next level by throwing in some splits and using her ass to get some more coverage because she knows that her male fans will appreciate it. I never really understood why dudes freak out when strippers throw in the splits in the middle of a routine, I am guessing it’s got something to do with visualizing that flexibility in the bedroom, but I just find it obvious. I’d be a lot happier if a stripper pushed the limits a bit and fisted herself on stage while taking a shit instead, but then again, I am a tough crowd. I blame the internet for desensitizing me.

Posted in:Ass|Jelena Jankovic|Panty|Porn|Splits|Tennis

2008

27

May

Melanie Brown’s Jungle Ass in Bikini of the Day

Here’s some Spice Girl Melanie Brown in a bikini all bent over and showing off her body in what is probably one of the classiest paparazzi angles out there. I know that shit makes her ass look good enough to perverts who like seeing girls on all fours because they never get girls on all fours in real life but for me, these spying camera shots are uninspired and boring. I think it’d be a lot more interesting if the paparazzi hired obscure artist photographers instead of stupid immigrants with a camera, at least that way I’d be able to post something a little more stimulating to look at.

Either way, it’s nice to see Mel B getting back in touch with her roots in a jungle print bikini, as some sort of tribute to her people that used to run from crazed jungle animals on a daily basis because it’s nice to know that despite having made it and having lots of money and a life of luxury, she doesn’t forget the tribe she came from.

Posted in:Ass|Melanie Brown|Tits

2008

15

May

Kourtney Kardashian’s Hotter Than Her Sister of the Day

Kourtney Kardashian is the hottest Kardashian sister, which isn’t saying much since one of them is a fucking monster and the other one is fat. I guess the good news about having a fat sister is that it’s easy to be the pretty one and when you’re the pretty one – you don’t have to work as hard to get ahead, you can just ride out the fat ones fame from her sex tape without actually having to film yourself getting fucked like a whore because you have self respect and get all the positive attention you need without having to throw out your tits in hopes of getting a compliment because your daddy was too busy to give all three of you equal attention, but always managed to find time for you because you were the cute one and the other ones were too busy fighting over the oreos….

BONUS: Kim Kardashian and Her Fat Tits in Miami from Awhile Ago

Posted in:Ass|Kourtney Kardashian

2008

15

May

Jennifer Aniston’s Ass From a Stalker Angle of the Day

The paparazzi are on my ass again for allegedly posting pictures that belong to them and I figured that these pictures they took of Jennifer Aniston with John Mayer because they look illegal to me. They are at some pool and the pics are taken from what’s gotta be a tree or a hotel room balcony with some psycho zoom lens because they look like some serious stalker shit that would normally land someone in jail for harassment but instead can be sold for insane prices to magazines, tv shows and blogs.

I was listening to the local news today and I heard a story about an all-girls school in a state of panic. Some dude they call a peeping tom, who isn’t me, is parking outside school grounds with some insane zoom lens and taking pics of these underage school girls for what I can only assume is for his masturbation. Dude’s totally planned this shit out and drives his van up there and parks in what he thinks is a clever location with his high-end equipment and gets rightfully called a predator and everyone freaks the fuck out to find him and prosecute him. All while the paparazzi are doing essentially the same thing and their only punishment is getting rich off the shit. The law is twisted and I think I am going to start petitioning the local government to put an end to them. It’s really my only option at this point.

Posted in:Ass|Jennifer Aniston

2008

13

May

Tara Reid Rockin’ Out on the Bikini Because It’s All She Does of the Day

It turns out that even party sluts need a break every once in a while, you know sometimes they just want to put the binge drinking, late night coke parties, random hook ups, dancing on the bar in a bikini top like an eternal spring break party on the back burner to feel like a normal person. They usually do this by settling down with some random guy they met in the club and it lasts for about a week, until she realizes how fuckin’ boring relationships are and she ends up sneaking out when dude is asleep and goes back to her party slut ways.

The good news is that in the meantime, Tara Reid is settling down by getting in a bikini on the beach with the dude she’s using to feel like a normal 35 year old, because bitch’s body looks pretty fuckin’ banging and drunk or not, I’m down with staring at it.


See More High Res Pics of Tara Reid in Her Bikini in the Forum
GO

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Tara Reid

2008

07

May

Lohan’s Lesbian Ass of the Day

So it turns out that Lohan’s lesbian cock is some David Spade-lookin’ motherfucker and she’s grabbing onto Lohan’s coattails as hard as her little lesbian hands can because she wants all the exposure she can get while Lohan’s letting her lick her pussy. Samanth Ronson is a fuckin’ mess of a person and the reason she went dyke is obviously because dudes refused to get up in that all her life but girls are more forgiving and find beauty in shit kinda like drunk guys. Either way, here’s Lohan and her David Spade latch-on.

Posted in:Ass|Lesbian|Linday Lohan

2008

05

May

Fergie Ass Performing of the Day

Here are some pictures of Fergie performing with her big ass. I kinda miss the crystal meth days when she was picking her scabs off her arms and eating them in hopes of getting a fix and crawling through the gutter collecting cans to take back to the grocery store for money for her next fix. It’s one of those success stories where you go to the people from the past and say “look at me now motherfuckers” as she cruises by in her Bentley, only in this case everyone from her past is dead because meth is just that good.

Posted in:Ass|Fergie

2008

05

May

Jennifer Aniston’s Bikini Pictures of the Day

I guess Jennifer Aniston is trying to deal with failed relationships and the whole biological clock tickin’ shit by spending all her time on the beach in the sun while fucking John Mayer when he’s not too busy to fuck her, with what I hope is with a vasectomy dick, despite celebrities not being into the whole safe sex concept, because this bitch is hungry for babies. She’s the kind of girl who you have to bring your own condom for fear that she poked a hole in the shit and you have to either flush that fucker down the toilet or tie it up and stick it in your pocket because the second you pass out you know she’s got it flipped inside out in attempts to knock herself up. She’s the kind of girl who stopped taking the pill by conveniently doesn’t tell you and begs for you to cum inside her instead of on her tits like she normally wants which sets off alarms in your head that you don’t listen too because you’re about to bust inside Jennifer Aniston depsite how boring she looks in a bikini she’s still worth the fuck and if you’re someone like me, she’s worth knocking up because she’s probably a lot less annoying than my wife and has a lot more money and I think knocking her up is a fair trade off for a better lifestyle. I’m a whore like that.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Aniston

2008

01

May

Mandy Moore’s Dumpy Ass Gets Her Dry Cleaning of the Day

mandy moore ass

I am still drunk from last night and I’m lookin’ at these pictures and all I’m seeing is some pudgy faced slut, who slammed DJ AM for a while, who has probably been working out a little because she’s got the confidence to wear tight pants, but then again, she could just be wrongfully showing off her ass because of all the positive feedback she constantly gets from a group of very well paid assistants who are there to tell her how great she is and from her fans because she’s one of those girls who has a whole lot of obsessive compulsive virgins collectors who think she’s the chosen one.

Truth is, it looks pretty ok to me, but then again I am still drunk and haven’t had sex in a really long fuckin’ time, so I am equally attracted to plastic bag of dry cleaning she’s carrying, but that’s just because I have a thing for dresses that can’t be machine washed or get wet. They are just so high maintenance and classy and remind me of my wife. Not because she’s high maintenance or classy, but because she’s too big for the bathtub and has to wash herself in the winter using this powder, in the summer we just hose the bitch down.

Either way, here’s Mandy Moore’s ass in tight pants.

Posted in:Ass|Mandy Moore

2008

25

Apr

Brooke Hogan’s Got a Wet Ass of the Day

Brooke Hogan is sad that her parents are staging a divorce and that her dad is running around with her older friend and mentor because bitches look the same. She’s so upset that the attention isn’t on her that’s she’s gone out and peed herself like a 2 year old kid because she knows that will get mommy and daddy’s attention and in some juvenile way, hopes that her emotional breakdown will bring their family together.

I never understood why kids were such pussies about their parents splitting up. It seems like a way better situation to be in. You don’t have to listen to the fuckers fight all the time, you have two homes so you can always escape whichever parent is pissing you off and the guilt your parents have for being failures by starting a family with someone they wrongfully thought they would stay with and the social shitstain they’ve become in their community leads to overcompensation that usually comes in the form of a lot of gifts. Whenever I see a kid cry about his parent’s divorcing I always laugh at how self-important people are, like their little bullshit family unit is relevant to the rest of the fuckin’ world and they should just look on the fuckin’ brightside instead of pulling a Lohan and blaming the divorce for her self-destruction. Shit’s fuckin’ weak so Brooke Hogan better pull the fuckin’ diaper up, shut the fuck up and film a fuckin’ sex tape because I want to know if she’s actually got a pussy or not because she’s broad and I like to think that’s the only revenge I can see fitting to show her parent’s how their failed marriage destroyed her that benefits me.

Posted in:Ass|Brooke Hogan|cleavage