Ass Archives - Page 26 of 44 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Ass Category

2007

Nov

I am – Brooke Hogan Bikini Pictures of the Day

Brooke Hogan’s a pretty thick girl, but one that you’d still want to fuck based on her pictures, not because of her hot ass or good new fake tits she got while her brother was out totaling cars and crippling people, but because she’s Hulk Hogan’s daughter and your first taste of gay porn was watching his ripped greased up body rubbing up against other ripped greased up bodies in their underwear, and things have never really been the same for you since. I bet you’re lookin’ at these pics trying to find her dick you fucking homo.

Related Posts:

Brooke Hogan Performing in a Bra
Brooke Hogan Bikini Pictures
Brooke Hogan in Fontless and Backless Pants Cuz She’s Classy
Brooke Hogan in Those Pants Again Because They Are Jokes

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Brooke Hogan|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Le Call in a Bikini Again of the Day

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I am a lot like Owen Wilson, except for the fact that he’s a suicidal drug addict who fucks hot shit, when I am just a drunk fat dude who recognizes that I suck at life but would never jump. I also don’t fuck hot shit or I just fuck shit unless you count the time I was still slamming my wife and she shit on my dick because she ate too much mexican food and thought she just had to fart and I still finished, but that was years ago and I only did it because being Mexican, the irony was poetic and poetry always makes me cum.

I was at a bar last night and it turns out that people at bars hate me as much as I hate myself, because the last 6 times I’ve left my house it’s ended in some serious conflict where I am the center of the fucking problem. The problem is usually that I am a schoolyard bully who gets off on fuckin’ around with people, and instead of muscling them out and stealing their lunch money, I just run my mouth off and they don’t get me. I don’t do it to fight, I do it is for jokes, but it turns out that I am not funny and that people don’t get me and I can only blame you for my problem, because you’ve given me false sense of talent for emailing me telling me that I am funny, like Hayden Panettiere’s got the false sense of being hot. I am so bad at this blogging shit that I shoulda used this paragraph in the Hayden post but didn’t. No wonder people try to beat me up.

Either way, here are some pictures of his new vagina with a stupid name in a bikini from a few days ago because she’s easy on my hungover eyes and because she’ll lead this fucker to actually killing himself when she fucks off on him after becoming famous off his controversy, and I am all about people who inspire people to succeed.

I am – Miranda Kerr Bikini Fashion Show Pictures of the Day

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Guess who just woke up still drunk from the Thanksgiving party I had for myself last night that involved drinking and a turkey that wasn’t so much of a turkey but more of a bottle of Whiskey……Here’s some Australian model named Miranda Kerr modeling some bikinis. It’s Thanksgiving and I figured I should throw something up for you fuckers, because I have a feeling that the 6 of you are the kinds of guys who don’t get invited to family functions and ever if you were, you’d be uncomfortable leaving your computer for the amount of time it would take to eat dinner and because I am in Canada and it’s a work day for everyone here, not that that really has much influence on the way I live my life as is now, cuz this isn’t a fuckin’ job.

Either way, I’ve decided that Vagina is my poison, but that’s just because I’ve only been with disgusting girls and like to joke about how I only bag dirt, like a gardener or a hippie with a compost pile in his self containted organic living compound. But then I remember that joke isn’t funny and cry instead because I realize that I suck at life and would like to give thanks for that.

I don’t know when these Miranda Kerr Bikini Pictures were taking, but she’s hot right now and I am into hot girls, so that’s my post.

Related Posts:

Heidi Klum Playing With Her Tits Video from Yesterday
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture
The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Fashion Show|Miranda Kerr|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Le Call in a Bikini of the Day

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You don’t know who this bitch is and either do I, but the word on the internet is that she’s Owen Wilson’s supermodel girlfriend who I’ve never heard of, but then again, I am not good with remembering names or celebrities, I only remember vaginas.

The thing I like about Owen Wilson is that he tried to kill himself and failed. I always find failed suicide the biggest fuckin’ joke, not because I am into people dying or anything like that, but because you know when a motherfucker hates themselves so much and wishes they were dead and decide to actually go through with it because they are failures and suck at life so much and don’t deserve to live and end up failing at that too, it’s like can’t you get anything right you fucking loser.

I knew a dude who jumped off an overpass onto a freeway back in the day, his logic was that if he doesn’t die, he’ll at least get run over, but what ended up happening was two broken legs and few other broken bones and some head injury and no cars ran him over, and no one called an ambulance for him for 4 hours, because he did it late at night in some deserted part of the highway that no one was driving on and now dudes half retarded and has a limp and everytime I see him I can’t help but laugh.

I guess the good news for Owen Wilson is that he is lucky he didn’t end up dying and that he got a new lease on life, because it seems to be working out for him alright, this girl is much higher quality than that damaged Kate Hudson trash, even though the girl only with him because she’s using him to get her name out there because she knows there’s going to be media attention since he tried killing himself, and I’ve never been too worried about girls using dudes as long as they are putting out, because shit’s usually less expensive than hiring whores.

Related Posts:

There’s No Way Kate Hudson Could Lead Anyone to Suicide
Kate Hudson Bikini Pics To Use for Comparison
Karolina Kurkova’s Ass in Intense Shorts Because She is a Supermodel
Some Rachel Hunter Bikini Pictures Because She Was a Supermodel

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Le Call|Supermodel|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Vanessa Minnillo Still in a Bikini of the Day

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So bitch is rockin a bikini on the beaches of the Virgin Islands, which is kind of appropriate because you’re jerking off to these pics and well, let’s face it, fucking yourself doesn’t count as losing your virginity….I don’t know why I bother with the you’re a virgin jokes, they really aren’t funny but I guess funny isn’t really my thing…

The reality is that I write this site for hot chicks and if you’re reading this and not a hot chick, you’re seriously fucking up my masterplan. I figure hot chicks like celebrity shit and I don’t so it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make in attempts for getting them to fly me out to Virgin Islands or really any tropical place, including their bathrooms, because compared to the shit hole I shit in, the local gas station bathroom is luxury, to watch them frolick around in a bikini, but only because the hot chicks I am interested and who I am writing for are also rich and willing to support me.

This is all part of my hot chick brainwashing quest, because I am tired of seeing hot chicks with guys I consider losers, even though they are good looking and have money and cars and buy them nice things and treat them better than I will, because Chachi motherfuckers and their magnums of Grey Goose with their gel haired dropping jokes from some shitty movie they just saw or doing the Borat are the people who deserve to be virgins.

Either way, Here are them there pics.

Related Posts:

Vanessa Minnillo in a Bikini Yesterday
Vanessa Minnillo’s Ass Shopping
Vanessa Minnillo Fully Nude Pictures
Nick and Venessa in the Hot Tub

2007

Nov

I am – Vanessa Minnillo Bikini Ass Pictures of the Day

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The dude who invented the bikini was a smart person. Shit has become the norm on the beach, and event though that means bitches who have no business wearing bikinis rock them, so do hot chicks. Since ugly girls don’t register in my brain and just blend into the scenery no matter how fat and disgusting they are, them in bikinis doesn’t phase me. What does phase me is that decent lookin’ girls have been walking around half naked since they were kids, the were raised on this shit and that makes girls more comfortable walking around in their bra and panties, because shit’s equally revealing. It’s like the dude who invented the bikini was a master trainer, and shit worked out, only we all get to reap the rewards of his perversion pretty much every time we leave the house, or get a girl back to our place. Not that you know anything about that, but either do I, and that’s why we’re crew.

Here are some pictures of Nick Lachey livin’ the life on a yacht with his Boy Band money proving that you don’t need talent to be a hustler. He’s his girl Vanessa Minnillo who’s in some bikini and has a fuckin’ tight body and knowing that he cums inside that on the regular can only make me hate myself for never learning how to dance.

Related Posts:

Vanessa Minnillo’s Ass Shopping
Vanessa Minnillo Fully Nude Pictures
Nick and Venessa in the Hot Tub
Some Jessica Simpson Hiding in her Bikini

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Minnillo|Unsorted|Vanessa

2007

Nov

I am – Hilary Duff’s Ass in Demin of the Day

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I have decided that today I am a fan of Hilary Duff. Not because she’s hot, but because she’s not fat and broken down like my wife and that shit is refreshing to me.

It’s kinda funny what happens to a man when you’ve been with someone who makes you sick to your stomach for about 5 years, and that is that the girls I once found hideous are slowly getting more and more attractive.

It’s like when I was in High School and I wouldn’t fuck the decent looking chick because she had one eyebrow and took too much work to convince to take my dick and my albino neighbor was easy and all about my dick because dude’s were usually scared shitless of her red eyes…but the point is that as an older dude, I find myself lookin’ at average lookin’ 18 year olds who I would have never fucked when I was 18, but now bring dirty thoughts in mind, because the fact that they are 18 outweighs the fact that they looks like they belong on a farm.

So Hilary and her horse face may not be the most amazing thing to look at, but I wouldn’t mind riding her down the beach and into the sunset like on a club med commercial but that’s just because late at night, I like to pretend I’m a cowboy and I feel like she’d be able to contribute to that fantasy by playing both the whore in the Saloon and the Horse I rode in on, she really is a triple threat.

Related Posts:

Hilary Duff Riding Her Bike With Her Good Charlotte Before He Left Her and Knocked Up Nicole Richie
Hilary Duff Bikini Pictures
Hilary Duff’s Eating Ice Cream Erotically
Hilary Duff is Wet and Acting

Posted in:Ass|Denim|Hilary Duff|Jeans|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Naomi Campbell’s Ass in Panties at Some 80s Party of the Day

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I am all about washed up models wearing stupid costumes to 80s parties with other washed up models only because shit reminds me of every hipster party I’ve ever been too, where motherfuckers rape thrift shops and American Apparel only to act like everyday is Halloween. The difference is that Naomi Campbell is rich and doesn’t have to hide her cocaine from her other hipster friends for fear that they are going to want a bump that will bite into her stash that she won’t be able to replenish until her dad wires her the weekly stipend he has set up for her to go to University, because she’s a rich kid.

I am also all about the fact that bitch is insane and insane girls get me excited, except for this insane girl I once banged who was emotionally unstable. I used a condom even though I am anti condom because I didn’t know what gutter she crawled out of, but she smelled like it wasn’t a very clean one and half way into it, she was begging me to take off the condom and cum inside her because she wanted to feel what it’s like to have my baby….

That scared me enough to finish up fast and run to the bathroom to flush the condom because I didn’t want her to turn it inside out and try to knock herself up. In retrospect, I should have let her have my baby, she would have made a decent mother and has been the only woman to ever ask me to get her pregnant on the first date.

Bonus – Some Slag Named Jenny Frost I’ve Never Heard of at the Same Party

Another Bonus – Kate Moss and her Boyfriend at the Party

Related Posts:

Naomi Campbell Gettin Arrested
Naomi Campbell is a Rockstar
Kate Moss Topless

2007

Nov

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Apple Bottom Like Apples of the Day

2 Comments »

I think she did this shit on purpose. What are the chances of a bitch with an apple bottom posing with fuckin’ apples? It’s like she went out with her on staff paparazzi and was like, people always freak out over my ass, how about we get a shot of me bending over with an apple in hand, it’ll be so funny and ironic and creative and reality is that it’s none of those things, it’s just lame and her ass isn’t comparable to an apple, but more to apple pie and way too much of it. Bitch needs to hit the stair master in a big way, and by big I mean, she’s fat.

I am pretty sick today, been in bed all day, so writing about Kim Kardashians fat ass is about as exciting as waking up with a snot covered face and pillow making me feel like I was just in a gay orgy or some shit.

I don’t know why she’s wearing two different outfits in these pics, I can only assume it’s because she shit herself. I guess that would also explain her shit smeared skin color….it comes with the territory when your ass is that massive. It’s like wondering why your hummer burns so much fuel, not that you have a hummer, you’re too busy being unemployed to ever really afford much more than a skateboard, even though you aren’t even cool enough to skateboard…you’re more of a rollerblader like DJ AM, only he does that shit in bicycle shorts and is so gay that he makes them shorts look straight.

Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Pussy Preview
Kim Kardashian’s Tits are Insane
Kim Kardashian’s Tits Blow Out Candles

Posted in:Apple Bottom|Ass|Booty|Kim Kardashian|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Vanessa Minnillo’s Ass Shopping of the Day

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I got a thing for watching useless d-list celebrities shopping, mainly because it reminds me that a lot of people who suck at life are doing a lot better than I am, and that is the kind of re-affirmation I need to continue hating myself.

While leaving the bar last night, I ended up seeing one really hot chick and her ugly friend walking down the other side of the street with bikes in one hand and the front tire in the other. I have a thing for girls who steal bikes , that shit is like porn to me, so I decided to run up to them and see what the deal was, hoping I’d have a better outcome than the last time.

The hot girl was decent with me and joking around about how they stole bikes, but her friend went fucking crazy on me for being english. She was telling me how fat and ugly I am and how I lack culture because I don’t speak their fuckin’ language. She went on about how French is Montreal and how I have no business being there, so when I asked it that meant she wouldn’t let me watch her masturbate she fuckin’ lost it and tried to have a fight with me. I was fucking wasted and felt like punching a bitch in the face woulda made for a good end to my night, so I tried to convince her to hit me first, but she just got in her cab, with her stolen bikes and drove out of my life.

Reality is, I don’t hit girls but I woulda used to opportunity to just tried to wrestle her to the ground and start makin’ out with her, because fighting with girls is embarrassing, because I know she would have won.

Speaking of winning, it looks like Nick Lachey didn’t win the lottery with this slut after spending a couple years slammin’ Jessica Simpson, this is a step down, but she’s still better lookin’ than I am and even if that isn’t saying much, it’s sayin’ something…like I’d still watch her touch her toes, over and over and over….

Related Posts:

Vanessa Minnillo Fully Nude
Nick and Vanessa In the Hot Tub