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Archive for the Beach Category

2010

15

Feb

Mariska Hargitay’s Boring Beach Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

Here’s the ethnic-named born and raised in America, but you’d think you were calling a mail order bride if you were randoming looking for easter european mail-order brides in the phonebook when bored and drunk. She’s from Law & Order and now she’s in a “shitting in the woods” stance on the beach in what I guess is a bikini….she’s 46, I guess I should give her a break…because my wife is around this age and she can’t even support her own weight when she squats to shit, so I guess this makes Mariska a fuckin’ hero….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Beach|Mariska Hargitay

2010

08

Feb

Brooklyn Decker and Her Beach Shoes of the Day

2 Comments »

Tennis pro Andy Roddick’s wife is some bikini model named Brooklyn Decker who you’ve probably all heard of since she was in SI and Victoria’s Secret and other related shit.

She was on the beach in a pair of heels because you can’t put a price on making your legs look as good as they possibly can since you depend on the shit to get more work…so comfort and not looking like an idiot doesn’t really come into play…and here are the pics…

I’ve tried to befriend this bitch on Twitter, but she just ignores me, so I should really try to be a lot more evil in this post, but why fuckin’ bother….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Beach|Brooklyn Decker|Legs

2010

08

Feb

Marisa Miller Dressed Like an Angry 15 Year Old of the Day

Comments Off on Marisa Miller Dressed Like an Angry 15 Year Old of the Day

There’s something funny about seeing grown women dress like teenage girls. Sure most of my sexual fantasies involve a barely 18 year old and her cotton panties, but whenever I try to get my wife to play that shit out, it always turns into a disaster, mainly because I know it takes years of hard eating to get as fat as she is, and my whole excitement level goes out the window with harsh reality…

I don’t know why Marisa Miller isn’t wearing her bikini, or her lingerie and I don’t know why she looks like she’s going to the mall to flirt with boys and listen to CDs at the music store but I do know it isn’t as hot as it could be….but you’ll probably like it cuz she’s a girl and girls have vaginas and vagina is something you never get to lick, touch or fuck.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Marisa Miller

2010

08

Feb

Jordan Sparks is Covered Up on the Beach cuz She’s Fat of the Day

19 Comments »

It’s nice to see Jordan Sparks wrapped up and covering her disgusting body on the beach of Miami. I am sure it’s a hell of a lot more fun than when her sister’s baby daddy murdered her entire family, oh wait, that was Jennifer Hudson, the other black American Idol…they all look the fucking same….

Yes. I did just make that joke.

I hope that’s her brother and not her boyfriend, cuz I don’t think beds or hotel room neighbor’s can handle that kind of abuse. I mean other than me, because whenever I hear two people fucking, I always get excited, especially if it is a fat American Idol….yes Ruben, I’m talking to you big boy….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Beach|Jordan Sparks

2010

01

Feb

Victoria Beckham on the Beach of the Day

3 Comments »

Victoria Beckham was on the beach and she did what any mother of 3 should do and that was stay the fuck out of a bikini. Sure this bitch is skinny and has fake tits and in theory would be decent to see half naked like any stripper, but the truth is that any girl is good to see half naked no matter how meaty, destroyed, plastic or cold and dead their pussy is, or no matter how fat they are….because in the best case situation we can jerk off to them and best case we can laugh at them…

God knows why she’s rockin an Independent Truck Company hat, but can only assume it is because she’s taken up skateboarding and that’s all I have to say about that….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Beach|Victoria Beckham

2010

25

Jan

Are These Pictures of a Topless Donatella Versace of the Day

16 Comments »

Someone emailed these into me and I’m not sure if they are of a tan addicted, plastic surgery piece of shit ex stripper, or if shit is Donatella Versace like they are advertised….I don’t know when they were taken or how old they are. I just know that there comes a point when the fake hair, fake tits, fake face, and horrible skin color kinda spills over and makes these pig women all look the same, whether they are ex strippers, pornstars, Jewish grandmothers in Florida, victims of hollywood or rich and famous luxury brand designers…..What do you think?


To See THe Pics Follow This LInk
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Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Donatella Versace|Topless

2010

13

Jan

DeAnna Pappas in Some Staged Bullshit of the Day

4 Comments »

Looks like this former Bachelorette’s televised love didn’t stick much longer than the length of the contract cuz here she is on the beach with her new “boyfriend” hoping the paparazzi remind the world she’s still around.

I guess this teaches us that if love can’t be found on a staged show where you make millions if you find “love”, seduced by legal contracts, cameras and storylines while fighting with 50 other contestents for it, love can’t be found at all…so we should just stick to whores…

I guess it also teaches us that reality shows give insignificant people a sense of puroose and a taste of celebrity cuz here she is in some staged bullshit on the beach. I guess she paid off the paparazzi to take bullshit pics of her and her new boyfriend.

If you’re wondering why I know it is staged, well firstly it is cuz she is on the paparazzi sites and even the paparazzi don’t remember who she is, I guess she is addicted to the cameras and the attention she once had once and has her publicist working on it overtime and secondly, even the most obnoxious horrible acting annoying motherfucker I want to punch in the face doesn’t make thee facial expressions…this shit is worse than the catalog to a 2 star hotel in Haiti.

But it looks like she took that new study that fat legs and ass make for a healthy pussy …..

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Beach|Bullshit|DeAnna Pappas|reality star

2009

31

Dec

More Yulia Voronin on the Beach cuz No One Better is in Bikinis of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s some immigrant whore and her immigrant soccer playing husband polluting the beach in Miami because that’s just what trashy Ukrainian gangsters do, but I figure a soccer player wife, who before meeting him was just an aspiring mail order wife working the local sex trade rockin’ a bikini and living the good life she could never imagine just a few years earlier when she was sucking dick for potatos and rationed bread, is a symbol of hope going into 2010 and better than nothing even if its not that good.

Pics via INF

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Yulia Voronin

2009

27

Oct

Kelly Rowland and the Smallest Fake Tits on the Beach of the Day

8 Comments »

These are probably the hottest pictures I’ve seen on the beach in a long time, not because she looks good, or sexy or even worth fucking, but because if it wasn’t for Destiny’s Child, this bitch would just be pregnant in the projects, and I’m not saying that cuz I am racist or think that’s where all black girls belong, but she had an abusive alcoholic father and that’s just the fuckin’ stats motherfucker, so instead of working the welfare check line, she’s working the beach and living the decadent life, unfortunately, not working a hot bikini to show off her shitty small implants, because that’d make these pictures make a hell of a lot more sense…..

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Beach|Kelly Rowland|Tits

2009

04

Sep

Kristin Cavallari and Her Legs on the Beach of the Day

No Comments »

I know it is the afternoon and I haven’t posted and that is because it is the long weekend and I know no one is online today and because I am hungover and woke up 15 minutes ago but I just wanted you to know I haven’t died yet.
I hate writing out Kristin Cavallari’s name because she spells her shit with an “i” and not an “e” and that’s just the kind of pretentious bullshit you’d expect out of her, you know having a generic fucking name but spelling it retarded to be different and I guess that’s got nothing to do with why I hate her, but it does have a lot to do with why I hate writing posts on her.
That said, she’s back on The Hills and I find it funny that she refused to do the spinoff show and for a few years tried to get a legit acting career while her friends got richer and richer and richer while she got rejected from role after role provided she even got auditions and in the end she had to decide whether to take the job at McDonald’s she’s qualified for thanks to her level of education/highschool diploma or to go back to The Hills and instead of saving fucking face she crawled back into the arms of MTV who paid her less than she was getting paid before while giving her the life lesson that once you are MTV, shit’s a life fuckin sentence….

Pics VIa PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Beach|Kristin Cavallari