Lindsay Lohan Archives - Page 45 of 51 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Lindsay Lohan Category

2007

Aug

I am – Lindsay Lohan and Rebecca Gayheart are Criminals Who Grocery Shop of the Day

So one of these girls killed someone or ran someone over or some shit that landed her up against manslaughter charges and the other is slowly killing herself and her career with DUI’s, Drug Possession and Assault charges and both happened to go grocery shopping yesterday, because that’s what people who hate the law do, they pretend to do wholesome things, you know, keeping up appearances by acting like housewives or suburban moms or hired filipino maids when reality is they are just waiting to break the law again, because they’ve got a taste for it and are addicted to the rush…

I once knew this guy who was really into getting stripped on stage at stripclubs, he would go from club to club claiming it was his birthday or bachelor party or whatever else he could think of as a good excuse to be brought on stage with the strippers where the proceeded to strip and humiliate him by spanking him with his belt and making him rock the pole. I never knew whether him wanting to go on stage was weirder than his one friend who payed for him to go on stage every single time and would just sit there watching him wide-eyed like it was the funniest thing he ever saw and like it was a little piece of heaven….

I don’t know what that has to do with these pictures, but I do know that just because he was in a stripclub didn’t mean he was straight, just like how these girls in a grocery store doesn’t mean they’re wholesome….

Rebecca Gayheart – Stay Out of Her Cart’s Way Or She’ll Kill You…Seriously…

Lohan Grocery Shopping – Keep Her Out of the Household Cleaning Products and/or Mouthwash Section – Cuz Bitch Loves Getting High….

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Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Lohan Bikini Pictures

Posted in:Ciminals|Grocery Shopping|Lindsay Lohan|Rebecca Gayheart|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Lohan is Named the Maxim 10th Anniversary Cover Girl for September Sneak Peak of the Day

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So it turns out that the people at Maxim are into the same kind of women as me. You know, barely legal, addicted to drugs, with panties that are filled with money, herpes, men’s cock and a vagina that is always ready to have a good time. She is a pornstar without showing penetration on video, although after watching every single one of her movies I’ve felt totally prison raped, she’s Lohan and when I was away, she was put away. So seeing her grace the pages of a magazine in picture and in interview is a nice welcome home to me.

I have realized that I will never get to hang out with Lohan by the pool drinking cocktails. She will probably either be dead or committed and even if she had maintained her life livin’ the dream, she’d never take the time out for me. I have been trying to stalk her for about 2 years, I thought I found her on facebook, myspace, AIM, Google Talk. I had her phone number and would call her and never get an answer, so I guess I am forced to accept defeat and move on. It is going to be hard, goodbyes are never easy, especially when you’re not leaving by choice. I guess what it comes down to is that Lohan is done to me, but her tits will always have a place on this site when no one else wants to let her in off the street for a shower and a warm meal….

I was just outside and saw two girls thuggin’ it out. They were rehearsing some rap song while shopping for groceries with their mom. They were saying shit about a girl they had bagged who was five foot six and really knew how to suck some dick and I found the whole thing pretty awkward because the younger one’s dance move was simulating giving a blowjob. I blame them for my slow start to the day…and I blame the Disney Channel for giving them such shitty idols. Cuddles.

If You Want to see all the pictures and read the interview because I was too Lazy to Upload Them…
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2007

Aug

I am – Lindsay Lohan ELLE Interview Clip of the Day

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I try not to report on to much actual news, even if it is celebrity related, only cause we aren’t a new site, and I’m not a reporter. But in a nut shell, there was this article in ELLE magazine where Lohan was talking about how she was actually so good, and how everyone just waits for her to screw up and how she wouldn’t drive drunk and violate her probation. This all being BEFORE her SECOND stint in rehab, she is now on her third after her recent arrest for drunk driving AGAIN. Fucking funny. She also talks about her new movie and how its “REALLY SCARY!!”.

LIKE OMG!!!

Anyways, this is video taken from the interview, so you can listen to her kiss Karl Lagerfelds ass and talk about her “style”, even tho she has a stylist and doesn’t choose anything she wears herself, except maybe the ring of cocaine around her right nostril, or the left one when she starts to get sores in the right.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Lohan Arrested AGAIN of the Day

15 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan

And that’s all I have to say about that.

I am – Lohan in a Bikini and Picking Wedgie of the Day

4 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan

Friday night I had the choice between sex at the Waldorf or possibly scoring coke from Columbians. I did not chose wisely. It went something like this…

Me and my hot Dutch friend were cruising outside of some clubs, looking for house music, when we picked up these two guys who bought us drinks at a bar down the street. One of them was on the same HBO Show my friend used to be on, so that was kinda cute. The other was from outa town and thirty-something and Irish–just the way I like ’em. He bought me some more drinks, but wasn’t drunk enough to dance, so i salsa’d with some sanitation workers that tried to get me to go for a ride on their motorbike. No thanks. So then Out of Towner, HBO Show, and my Dutch friend moved on to the next bar where we all got wasted. I was making out and falling down at the same time with Out of Towner, which is what i do if you buy me enough drinks. Then these Columbians that were HBO Show’s friends came into the picture. Out of Towner had to leave (early flight in the morning) and wanted me to go back to his room at the Waldorf.

Now here is where the dilemma started. I would have loved to fuck this guy at the Waldorf mostly because i haven’t even been to the Waldorf. But the Columbians, they probably had coke, being Columbian and all. Plus I was do for a wax and although Out of Towner probably wouldn’t have minded, I would have been embarrassed. So I picked possible drugs over sex like the dutiful cokewhore I am. Bad choice. Here is why.

I got the ugly fat Columbian cousin and was hastled by everyone to give him a kiss in the cab, which I did to make everyone shut the fuck up because I was nauseas. We get to the club where they pay the way and promise it has house music. It doesn’t. As soon as we hit the dance floor, six hip-hopsters are grabbing my hips and rubbing my stomach. I wasn’t in the mood to be molested. I asked fat Columbian if he had coke, he said he did but in his apartment in fucking QUEENS. As soon as they went to get me some water from the bar, me and Dutch friend made our escape like we were Batman. I got home and threw up in my sink.

I feel Lohan’s pain because I am hurting for coke, I haven’t had any since my Korean roommate moved away last year, and it’s time to binge again. But knowing Lohan, her drug tests are done with other people’s pee, I bet, so she probably isn’t hurting for coke. Here she is in a bikini and touching her ass in some shots. Have fun, I’m not.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – The Original Lohan Stalker of the Day

3 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan

So there’s a site I link who got Lohan’s email and found out that there are some sleazy pics of her floating around. All of a sudden, shit gets picked up on every major media outlet and he’s famous overnight. I have Lohan’s number and call her, leave her messages and stalk the bitch for 2 fucking years and no one ever picks up my story, I never become famous overnight and my self-esteem that is already pretty non-existant goes even further into shit….

This kind of thing makes me question what I do, and here are some pictures of Lohan in an almost see through because that’s all you want from me. Asshole.

Internet is too expensive for this so that’s the end of me for now….

With Love
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
On Vacationâ€¦.

ED. NOTE: She Looks fucking forty.

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Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Lohan goes to AA of the Day

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Lindsay Lohan AA Meeting

Here’s Lohan on her way to an AA meeting Friday, the day before she partied at Pure with a truckload of Redbull and Vox water laid out before her, which she also did pre-rehab when also ‘sober.’ You can feel that she is jonezing for a drink in this pic, and you can tell her straw hair is tired of clorox, and she is tired of this AA publicity shit.

I spent some time in the Midwest when I was on the run from my pissed off Turkish Pimp, Zeki. What i learned about the Lake Michigan area is that everyone is fat on hotdogs and is a raging, boring alcoholic, not the fun kind like dear, sweet Jesus. I can promise that there, AA meetings are few and filled with vacant seats. I met a guy, let’s call him Marty, who was trying to break into Hollywood by living 1000+ miles away from it. Marty gives Segway tours for obese tourists to support his drinking habit. Marty lives in his childhood home and dressed up a mannequin in his mother’s wedding dress and placed it in the chair she died in. You’re not allowed to touch or move it. Marty’s crib is decorated for Halloween all year long. Marty is 38 but still pretty so he needs a sugar-daddy to make sure he can afford his crazy pills, so he gays it up with a brilliant but lonely older man who is desperate for love, just like Marty… But aren’t we all, otherwise I wouldn’t have had a job during my dark years… But Jesus made them light. Just like he lights up your life… and he will be back…

Lohan is also looking for love, and also a shot, only she won’t find either one at an AA meeting.
Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME

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Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Lesbo Lohan

3 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan

Well, it looks like all that talk about Lohan being a lesbo is pretty much true. She didn’t just get the look, but somehow added 10 years to it. It’s almost like all that time spent chain smoking, binge drinking, and cum guzzling caught up with her in one fell swoop.

These shots remind me of this chick I used to bang back in college. She was one of those political lesbians who only ever craved meat after too many drinks, and we were drinking buddies. Because she was a lesbo, her pooter was pretty bushy, but the conquest of sticking it in a lesbian feminist made me feel like a big man — and I liked that because I’m lacking in the bulge. She probably only dug me, though, because my small penis didn’t threaten her liberated womanhood.

Anyway, I think she has a PhD now, and I don’t even have my own blog. That makes me feel pretty shitty, so you should send me stories about how size doesn’t really matter to harleyhouston@drunkenstepfather.com because that would make me feel better about myself.

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Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Lindsay Lohan Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini while taking some time off of rehab to enjoy the beach like anyone who has an addiction and is supposed to be being treated would. It’s like fuck counseling the sun is out, men with abs are waiting with booze and drugs at the Mailbu home, rehab can wait til it’s raining out.

I was talking to someone about Lindsay Lohan, well not actually talking to them, I’m not into talking about celebrities in my free time but I do listen to people talk about celebrities. This time it happened to come up when we were in line at the grocery store. I was buying cans of Chili because they are probably the best meal you can buy with 59 cents. Either way this married mother was talking to her friend about how much Lohan has pulled her shit together and how she’s so inspiring. I was thinking to myself that this shit is all for show. What do you think the lawyer’s number one argument for her DUI driving case is? That she’s cleaned up. So while she is seemingly in rehab sometimes and she is seemingly getting better because she goes on hikes, rides tricycles and cancels vodka sponsored parties and wears bikinis looking well rested and big breasted, the public is already warming up to this skank.

I remember when I knew a girl who used to let everyone fuck her. She seriously had sex with any guy she came across and one day she announced that she was a born again virgin. She joined all these stupid support groups for virgins that you all probably know about, she didn’t have sex for about 5 weeks, but every day in those 5 weeks I had to hear about it from someone. Reality is she went back to working cock after those 5 weeks, nothing really changed, but for those 5 weeks, bitch wasn’t looked at like a herpes ridden whore everyone knew she was, people looked at her with a whole different wholesome attitude. I knew all along that it was false hope and I’d tell my buddies over and over again that she’d be back, because her addiction to the cock was a lot more important to her than her need to be respected and heard….I was right.

Point of that story is to say that Lohan is keeping up appearances, trying to save face, trying to regain the trust of employers, trying to regain the trust of the public, trying to have a sold case in court all by taking a break from the parties for a little while, but I know that she is still nothing but a coke addicted whore. The old Lohan will be back….in the meantime her tits look fucking stacked and rehab or not, lies or not, I’m still gonna look at ’em.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Rehab|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Lindsay Lohan Celebrates her Birthday in a Bikini of the Day

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Lindsay Lohan celebrated her 21st birthday out of rehab with her friends and coke addicted mom in a bikini, when I was in rehab i was told to stay away from the enablers or old friends that didn’t want to make the same changes in their life as I had. It meant dropping everyone I knew and partied with but I guess that rule doesn’t apply when the bitch who fed you cocaine when you were a teenager was your mom. The biggest supporter of the drug was the person you turned to for life advice. I don’t have proof of that shit, but I think it’s pretty obvious.

Either way, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree or whatever that expression is, so it’s safe to say that Lohan has a life of addiction ahead of her, but so do most of us, unfortunately not all of us look have as much money as her for the shit to not ruin our lives. We also aren’t as good lookin’ as she is when she does it. It’s not that I think Lohan is hot but she’s hotter than you and even though that’s not saying much it’s saying something.

I remember I had a friend who got his mom hooked on meth with him. He was doing it for about a year until she caught him doing it and freaked the fuck out. He told her that it was diet medicine and before you could say “bust out the pipe” this middle aged suburban woman was smoking meth with him. The dad had no idea what was going on, but he didn’t complain when the house was cleaner than it ever was, her body was thinner than it was when they married, there was always big feasts cooked and dude felt like he had a new lease on life and on his marriage. He had never been happier until she emptied the bank account and ran off with her drug dealer. My friend ended up going to rehab, getting back on track, landed a good job and a wife and shit but never heard from his mother again, she’s probably sucking dick on the streets near you, so next time you hire a 60 year old drug addicted whore, you can thank him for hookin’ you up, because if she never did meth with him 10 years ago, she’d never be taking your load on her face.

I guess that’s a pretty sad story, but them’s the breaks.

Bonus

Lohan Running On Beach Almost Losing Her Top Over the Weekend
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