I have this sorta-friend I met while drunk at a bar, who’s also a party-slut. I texted her to see if she wanted to get drunk and felt up. She said yes. I call her SallyYuki because she is Japanese and I can barely understand what she says, and she doesn’t mind that i can’t pronounce whatever her name is. We get picked up by three Romanians who are fairly hot and most importantly, ready and willing to shower us with top-shelf liquor.

We tell them we want to move to a club (aka grind and make-out), so we all hop into their beamer and head to some place I can’t fucking remember, but it cost $20 to get in, and they paid. While SallyYuki was occupied with Romanian #1, I was busy sandwiching with Romanians #2 and #3. At one point #2 and #3 hoisted me up onto the DJ’s stage, where I shook it and whipped off my shirt until security escorted me down. Later, while #2 was getting more drinks, I let #3 slither his fingers down my pants and into my soft slit. The next thing I know, SallyYuki taps me on my shoulder and is waving her arms in the air, screaming in Japanese, then storms off in some bizarre spaztic fit of rage. Whatever.

We dance and I divide my time between #2 and #3 till closing. I ask if they can give me a ride home. They oblige. As we’re waiting for the car, the 3 Romanians make a proposition: a foursome. Now I wouldn’t do that shit as a hooker, and I am not about to break my old hooker standards. I did a three-some once (two guys and me) under pressure from my pimp, and I didn’t like it: too much of a balancing act and the guys didn’t realize how homo-erotic it was for them, which is pretty fucking funny. I said no thanks on the foursome, but I WILL blow them all in the beamer on my way home. They were like kids on Christmas day. So about every other block, they stop the car and play musical chairs, only there are no chairs, just me deep-throating various Romanian cocks. In the end, they got a free ride, and so did I. Hurray.

Here is Eva Herzigova at the opening of Chopard’s store (yeah who the fuck knows, sounds expensive). She is Czech, which is pretty close to Romania in my geographically challenged mind. Eva is giving you a free peak up her dress and plenty of cleavage. I wonder if she had to sucks any cocks to get where she is today? I feel like it’s a right of passage in the modeling, acting, and general slut industry. Now go let on fly and pretend it’s shooting up her cooch.Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

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