Legs Archives - Page 18 of 22 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

10

Oct

I am – Helena Christensen’s Got Legs of the Day

Sure Helena Christensen’s a washed up hag now, but bitch still has fucking amazing legs and amazing legs always get my attention and as long as I stare at them, I can pretend that she doesn’t have the face of last month’s leftovers that are still in my fridge because my wife doesn’t like vegetables.

The beautiful thing about watching a girl age is that you know she is still a whore. Sure when she was a little girl she was sweet and cute and fun to be around because she always did such crafty things and when she turned 12 she was cool to be around because she was innocent and played with her dolls and had crushes on boys she saw on TV, but then she hit puberty and realized she had a vagina and could use her vagina to get anything she wanted because dude’s are fucking easy to manipulate, all you gotta do is show your tits. After realizing that she had this vagina that guys wanted a piece of she discovered that she liked money, and from that day on she was whore. Using her pussy to satisfy her self-interest. Now girls don’t like being told that they are all whores, but I’ve never met a girl who left a dude with money for someone with less statue because it’s all about upgrading for personal gain. That’s why ugly rich dudes always have hot pieces of ass by their side. Their lives are their business and when trying to get the fuck ahead the easiest way to do it is to fuck their way there.

So here is Helena Christensen, a champion whore who made her own money using her vagina, but bitch still has legs I’d like to crawl up just to see where they end and I am hoping her Vagina didn’t age as badly as her grill, because nothing ruins a great set of legs like a vagina that dangles like the shit stuck to my wife’s ass hair, because let’s face it, it’s a hard to reach area.

Related Posts:

Cameron Diaz’s Hot Legs Pictures
Paris Hilton’s Prison Legs
Kimberly Stewart’s Got Some Hot Legs
Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Solid Legs

Posted in:Ex-Model|Helena Christensen|Legs|old|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Helena Christensen's Got Legs of the Day

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Sure Helena Christensen’s a washed up hag now, but bitch still has fucking amazing legs and amazing legs always get my attention and as long as I stare at them, I can pretend that she doesn’t have the face of last month’s leftovers that are still in my fridge because my wife doesn’t like vegetables.

The beautiful thing about watching a girl age is that you know she is still a whore. Sure when she was a little girl she was sweet and cute and fun to be around because she always did such crafty things and when she turned 12 she was cool to be around because she was innocent and played with her dolls and had crushes on boys she saw on TV, but then she hit puberty and realized she had a vagina and could use her vagina to get anything she wanted because dude’s are fucking easy to manipulate, all you gotta do is show your tits. After realizing that she had this vagina that guys wanted a piece of she discovered that she liked money, and from that day on she was whore. Using her pussy to satisfy her self-interest. Now girls don’t like being told that they are all whores, but I’ve never met a girl who left a dude with money for someone with less statue because it’s all about upgrading for personal gain. That’s why ugly rich dudes always have hot pieces of ass by their side. Their lives are their business and when trying to get the fuck ahead the easiest way to do it is to fuck their way there.

So here is Helena Christensen, a champion whore who made her own money using her vagina, but bitch still has legs I’d like to crawl up just to see where they end and I am hoping her Vagina didn’t age as badly as her grill, because nothing ruins a great set of legs like a vagina that dangles like the shit stuck to my wife’s ass hair, because let’s face it, it’s a hard to reach area.

Related Posts:

Cameron Diaz’s Hot Legs Pictures
Paris Hilton’s Prison Legs
Kimberly Stewart’s Got Some Hot Legs
Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Solid Legs

Posted in:Ex-Model|Helena Christensen|Legs|old|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Rihanna’s Dog’s Got the Coolest Job of the Day

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Rihanna is one of those girls who I watch sing and think about how badly I wish she was using my mic for a dick. I mean my dick for a mic. The reason she gets me going is because she is a hot black girl who isn’t all eyes and teeth, she’s like some Caribbean mix from when the white man rape the locals and it looks good. She is the first black girl I ever really wanted to since Aunt Jamima broke my heart. I was really only into her because she was a provider and had big tits and makes good pancakes and owns some kind of empire and I woulda totally be fucking her wallet and living the good life, but then I realized that bitch didn’t exist and was a figment of my imagination fueled by her hot pic on a box in my cupboard, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated and couldn’t look at another black girl the same until this bitch Rihanna came along.

The funny thing about Rihanna is that she’s carrying this dog around with her everywhere she goes. I am jealous of the fucker because not only does he get to follow her around, see her naked, accidentally sniff her cunt, watch her shit and suck dick and shower and everything you’d want to see her do, but he also gets to lick her dirty panties and eat her used tampons, and there’s nothing more that I want this second than to be Rihanna’s tampon. Sure I am not all absorbent and shit, but I am not good at anything and that doesn’t stop me from trying….see how inspirational I am. If I was you I would totally turn to me for advice because ending up in the gutter isn’t that bad of a place to be as long as you’ve got cheap cigars and some kind of song and dance routine you can take to the street to make money to eat, cuz no one likes a talentless bum….

Related Posts:

Rihanna’s Got Some Fuckin’ Legs Yo….
Rihanna Hides Her Forehead But Not Her Tits…
Rihanna Performing in Latex
Rihanna Rocks a Onesy Pictures

2007

09

Oct

I am – Rihanna's Dog's Got the Coolest Job of the Day

No Comments »

Rihanna is one of those girls who I watch sing and think about how badly I wish she was using my mic for a dick. I mean my dick for a mic. The reason she gets me going is because she is a hot black girl who isn’t all eyes and teeth, she’s like some Caribbean mix from when the white man rape the locals and it looks good. She is the first black girl I ever really wanted to since Aunt Jamima broke my heart. I was really only into her because she was a provider and had big tits and makes good pancakes and owns some kind of empire and I woulda totally be fucking her wallet and living the good life, but then I realized that bitch didn’t exist and was a figment of my imagination fueled by her hot pic on a box in my cupboard, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated and couldn’t look at another black girl the same until this bitch Rihanna came along.

The funny thing about Rihanna is that she’s carrying this dog around with her everywhere she goes. I am jealous of the fucker because not only does he get to follow her around, see her naked, accidentally sniff her cunt, watch her shit and suck dick and shower and everything you’d want to see her do, but he also gets to lick her dirty panties and eat her used tampons, and there’s nothing more that I want this second than to be Rihanna’s tampon. Sure I am not all absorbent and shit, but I am not good at anything and that doesn’t stop me from trying….see how inspirational I am. If I was you I would totally turn to me for advice because ending up in the gutter isn’t that bad of a place to be as long as you’ve got cheap cigars and some kind of song and dance routine you can take to the street to make money to eat, cuz no one likes a talentless bum….

Related Posts:

Rihanna’s Got Some Fuckin’ Legs Yo….
Rihanna Hides Her Forehead But Not Her Tits…
Rihanna Performing in Latex
Rihanna Rocks a Onesy Pictures

2007

28

Sep

I am – Kimberly Stewart’s Pantyhose of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Kimmy Stewart lookin’ better than usual at some premiere in the UK two days ago. I feel like Kimmy Stewart’s the kind of girl that guys are always two days late for because she’s not that hot and when they hear that she’s two days late they plot some kind of scheme to punch her in the stomach while she’s sleeping, the “I was having a nightmare” induced miscarriage.

The thing that always surprised me about her is that she’s probably slated to inherit a truckload of money when her dad dies. I know he’s got his own army of blonde kids running around the globe, with his own army of blonde ex wives he needs to payout and I am sure Kimmy’s not the favorite one, but she’s more set than you’ll ever be, and that’s enough reason for me to fall in love, because looks aren’t everything.

I was in a bar last night, in a group of people trying to get my drink and some asshole farted, literally. Everyone around me were looking to see where the fucking smell was coming from, and as soon as they saw me, they were gave me the look like I’m fucking disgusting, because I was the fattest and rattiest dude and although I usually smell, I actually showered yesterday and it wasn’t me, I am convinced it was this tight bodied blonde chick in a short dress but since she was hot everyone assumed it wasn’t her even though logically, her asshole was pretty much hanging out of her dress and there was less travel time for the fart to get out there…I fucking hate talking about fart and making fart jokes but it’s a story and it proves my point…I just wanted to clarify that I hate fart jokes….and was just telling a story to prove a point….

And the point of the story is that I felt like Kimberly Stewart at a family dinner, so I guess what it comes down to is that looks do matter. Sorry Kimberly but at least we’re in it together now buy me things. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Kimberly Stewart’s Cellulite Ass in a Bikini
Kimberly Stewarts Skirt Fights the Wind
Kimberly Stewart Getting Dressed at Coachella
Kimberly Stewart’s Got Hot Legs
Kimberly Stewart’s Sister is Hotter Than Her…So Are Most People…

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Pantyhose|Unsorted

2007

28

Sep

I am – Kimberly Stewart's Pantyhose of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Kimmy Stewart lookin’ better than usual at some premiere in the UK two days ago. I feel like Kimmy Stewart’s the kind of girl that guys are always two days late for because she’s not that hot and when they hear that she’s two days late they plot some kind of scheme to punch her in the stomach while she’s sleeping, the “I was having a nightmare” induced miscarriage.

The thing that always surprised me about her is that she’s probably slated to inherit a truckload of money when her dad dies. I know he’s got his own army of blonde kids running around the globe, with his own army of blonde ex wives he needs to payout and I am sure Kimmy’s not the favorite one, but she’s more set than you’ll ever be, and that’s enough reason for me to fall in love, because looks aren’t everything.

I was in a bar last night, in a group of people trying to get my drink and some asshole farted, literally. Everyone around me were looking to see where the fucking smell was coming from, and as soon as they saw me, they were gave me the look like I’m fucking disgusting, because I was the fattest and rattiest dude and although I usually smell, I actually showered yesterday and it wasn’t me, I am convinced it was this tight bodied blonde chick in a short dress but since she was hot everyone assumed it wasn’t her even though logically, her asshole was pretty much hanging out of her dress and there was less travel time for the fart to get out there…I fucking hate talking about fart and making fart jokes but it’s a story and it proves my point…I just wanted to clarify that I hate fart jokes….and was just telling a story to prove a point….

And the point of the story is that I felt like Kimberly Stewart at a family dinner, so I guess what it comes down to is that looks do matter. Sorry Kimberly but at least we’re in it together now buy me things. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Kimberly Stewart’s Cellulite Ass in a Bikini
Kimberly Stewarts Skirt Fights the Wind
Kimberly Stewart Getting Dressed at Coachella
Kimberly Stewart’s Got Hot Legs
Kimberly Stewart’s Sister is Hotter Than Her…So Are Most People…

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Pantyhose|Unsorted

2007

26

Sep

I am – Kristin Cavallari Dressed Like a Slut of the Day

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Here are some Kirstin Cavallari pictures from the set of some movie she’s working on. Yeah, it’s hard to believe that she’s working on a movie but I can only assume it will be one of the shittiest movies ever made….

I went to a strip club recently and when I was there the girl was wearing a similar outfit to Cavallari’s. She was in cut off jean shorts and had a push up bikini top and she looked like she was pretty hot, until the clothes came off and I realized she was dumpy as fuck. I am not into discriminating bitches for being dumpy, because all pussy is worth at least lookin’ at, but when she got on stage she was a wreck of a performer. She kept tripping and falling all over herself. When she did her pole tricks she kept hitting her head on the ground and she almost kicked the dude I was with in the face. She got on all fours to do the booty bounce because it’s popular but couldn’t manage it and just looked like she was flexing her ass muscles and lookin at a flexed chick ass is one of the least sexy things out there. There was nothing hot about the performance and I laughed at least twice.

I like to think Kristin Cavallari is a lot like that stripper. She’s not that talented or good at what she does, but she doesn’t realize it and still gets on the screen for people to watch and laugh at, but when she’s sitting around in a push up bikini top and short cut off jean shorts, I got no problem lookin’ at her tits….

Related Posts:

Kristin Cavallari Bikini Pics
Kristin Cavallari Facebook Pics
Audrina Partridge From The Hills Bikini Pics
Lauren Conrad Bikini Pics

2007

25

Sep

I am – Britney Spears Uses a Handicap Public Bathroom of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Britney Spears using a public bathroom for Handicap people because no matter how big you are, literally and figuratively, you are never too important to use the bathroom, because when you gotta go, you gotta go. The big surprise in this is that there’ no toilet paper hanging out of her dress, or dragging along the ground stuck to her shoe and all I keep wondering is not whether she washed her hands, but whether she even bothered wiping….Was she the kind of girl who hovers over the seat, or the kind who doesn’t even bother putting the seat down, did she take a pee, or a poo or was it a drug stop….or was she just going in to check herself out in the mirror to make sure who wig was on proper…because keeping up appearances is one of her hobbies. I guess the real health concern in all this is that the poor fucker who uses the toilet after her, may have some serious issues in 4-8 weeks.

I hate public bathrooms, sure I have passed out in my fair share, but I would never use a public toilet, I’d rather shit myself. I don’t care what all those studies say about the impossibility of getting an STD from the shit, because I know one night while high on GHB with a group of friends in a club 10 years ago, we all got the shits. And had no choice but to go….and coincidentally every single one of us got crabs. I know do crabs even exist. they are like the mythical pubic hair creatures used as a scare tactic, but after getting them, I can safely do exist and they are fucking assholes.

Either way, here are the Britney Public Bathroom pics.

Related Posts:

Britney’s Pussy Picture That Isn’t Even Her Pussy Picture…It’s Just a Fold of Fat…
Britney Spears Likes to Dance Pictures
Britney Spears Upskirt Pics
Britney’s Puke on Her Boyfriend Pictures

2007

21

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson on Set of Some Movie in Shorts of the Day

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I always get hate mail for people for being a mean spirited asshole. I always tell those people that I rip into myself a lot harder than I rip into any celebrity and I am really only doing it for the sake of doing it. I don’t actually care if Jessica Simpson is an idiot or if she was fat but is now too skinny, I would take the bitch as is, no questions asked. I think what it comes down to is that I am just making fun of the media that makes fun of her and seriously reports her weight changes and her relationship status. Who gives a fuck about those things, I just want to see her tits. So here she is lookin’ fit as hell on the set of her movie. I assume she had a jogging scene because she’s in jogging gear and it’s too bad she’s rockin’ a sports bra, because sports bra’s ruin tits.

I remember I used to bang this really busty girl and she’d always be ashamed of having such big tits, so she’d wear a normal bra and 2 sports bras over it in hopes of squeezing the fuckers in. She didn’t like people knowing that she was packing that kind of heat and she wasn’t a fat chick so shit was way out of proportion. I remember that every time I would come over I would fight with her to take the stupid sports bra off because let’s face it, her tits were the only reason I was hanging out with her and as soon as she got drunk enough, she’d let me. Getting to her nipples was like getting to the center of a tootsie pop shit took forever, and there were so many layers. I felt like a prospector lookin’ for gold, but once I got through those fucking sports bras and into that special place where her titties lived, I had so much tit I didn’t know what to do with myself other than cum.

Here are those Jessica Simspon on set pics:

Related Posts:

Jessica Simspon’s Acting Drunk on Set Pictures
Jessica Simpson Showing Off Her Legs
Some Jessica Simpson’s Got Hard Nipples Pictures
Jessica Simpson’s Tit Busting Out of Her Dress

2007

20

Sep

I am – Alyson Hannigan in Fuck Me Boots of the Day

2 Comments »

Here is a picture of Alyson Hannigan in fuck me boots, because fuck me boots were so fucking popular a few years ago that everywhere you went girls would be rockin’ them with a hot short skirt, but for some reason shit shifted, fuck me boots were considered too whorish for girls to wear, because they were called fuck me boots, and they were done feeding into the degradation. Maybe they got a boyfriend or became a feminist or some kind of hippie tree hugger who works at the organic food store who hates me because I don’t recycle and doesn’t wear shoes because they find them oppressive but I know they are still out there and Alsyon Hannigan is reminding us that they exist while reminding us that she still exists because let’s face it, being casted as the ugly chick in American Pie should have broken her down enough to realize that she’s the ugly chick no one wants to see on screen.

Either way, it’s too bad that this bitch has to be the one reminding us that Fuck Me Boots are still around because no one wants to fuck her, she’s probably wearing the boots in efforts to get fucked because it’s understood what they imply…the next best thing to wearing fuck me boots would be to wear a “Please Fuck Me” hat, or to walk around, vagina exposed, grabbing her box screaming “I NEED FUCKING DICK”.

That said, I was outside for a few hours and saw some girl who was probably barely 18 walking to school and she was wearing these boots that went up to her fucking vagina. They were some next level pretty woman shit, with a stiletto heel and all, and she was with her mom and I was fuckin’ thrown off as fuck. But not as thrown off as the time my friend told me that he wanted to bang Alyson Hannigan, that shit was just too much to handle and I had no choice but to “peace” on that friendship. That was me using terms of the generation. I am trying to cater to a younger crowd.