2008
01
Sep
Despite popular belief, Paris Hilton’s push up bra that makes her look like she’s actually got tits, did not die of Aids, but her dress is still the only pink thing she owns, since her vagina slowly weathered and turned grey like an old park bench that’s be sat on too many times…
Posted in:Paris Hilton|Push Up Bra
2008
25
Aug
Paris Hilton is reportedly single because I guess the rich rockstar she was dating doesn’t have to follow the herpes life sentence rule the rest of us follow and that is that when you land the shit, you stay locked down to the bitch who gave it to you, or the bitch you gave it to 6-8 weeks after a wild night raw doggin’ a stripper and polluting your girlfriend of the time who you cheated on, even though sex with strippers is never considered cheating where I am from, it’s just buying yourself something that feels good like when a girl goes to the salon to get her hair and nails done.
So Paris is back to her old ways, wearing annoying stripper like outfits that have her name printed on them, like some kind of reminder of what we are dealing with because I guess she doesn’t realize that no matter how hard we try to forget her, we just can’t seem to pull it off because her annoying face always manages to surface because the media still loves her and so do you.
Posted in:Launch Party|Paris Hilton
2008
20
Aug
Ever since the sex tape came out, I knew everything Paris Hilton did was fucking half assed. I knew that anything she touched would turn out to be shit, like her movie roles, her TV show, her product lines, her club event hosting and her music career. She was just a fucking massive joke on society and for some reason society was just eating it all up because her depressing and embarrassing existance made us feel better about herself. You know, that a girl with a lazy eye could really get ahead provided she came from a prestigious family with a lot of money and a dream, all it took was turning to porn. It’s one of those motivational posters where you see a retarded kid running across the finish line or some shit, only less attractive.
The point of all this is to say that she has some half-assed extensions in her hair just after launching some line of hair extensions in hopes of making more money that she already has because extensions are more popular now than they have ever been and could mean lining her pockets and cashing in on a trend she probably thinks she started.
Now I am not business man, but when you are trying to sell stupid products, like hair you got from dying orphans in Africa and South America, you should at least rock them properly so that the rest of the world turns to themselves and talk about how nice your fuckin’ hair is and not just because it’s covering your busted face, making those who use extensions think that you’re actually wearing your own shit, so they buy it.
Showing up to a party with your extensions showing, is pretty fucking tacky, I mean I know hookers, strippers and sluts who all have extensions and I’m talking the cheap dollar store kind, and even they know how to cover shit up.
I don’t know why I just wrote this post, but I did and it’s staying…..
Posted in:Extensions|Paris Hilton
2008
12
Aug
So it turns out that Paris Hilton has finally come to her senses and dropped this whole lesbian theme that’s been going down the last couple months in Hollywood because it was overbearing and her career went to shit, by leaving her lesbian lover Benji Madden. The rumor is that she’s moved onto the CEO of Myspace named Chris DeWolfe, which is pretty appropriate considering that Myspace is dying as fast as Paris Hilton’s career and this is the kind of thing that a company in extreme desperation would try to stage to get back in the news……
Now I hate Paris Hilton as much as I hate Benji Madden and his suburban rockstar/popstar bullshit image with his fake tattoos, his sex with his twin brother that isn’t gay because it’s like they are masturbating since they are the same person, but I don’t hate either of them as much as I hate Myspace, because neither Paris or Good Charlotte fucked me over personally, I can just ignore their retarded behavior, but Myspace deleted my profile that I was trying to use to get famous like I was Tila Tequila and that shit’s not at all forgivable, kinda the same feeling Chris DeWolfe will feel when Paris Hilton moves onto new cock and he realizes that he threw away his marriage for this subpar broken down vaginaed slut in some act of desperation, mid-life crisis or just plane dirty ol’ man maneuvering.
Here is Paris Hilton celebrating the fact that she’s fucking an old man at the Playboy mansion with other whores who fuck an old man…..it’s nice to see like-minded people finally finding each other, it’s like when two socially awkward people who have no friends in their local towns, but find each other on the internet and end up marrying and living a happy life they otherwise wouldn’t live, but the lingerie, fake tit, blonde, get paid too much money to get naked and fuck on camera because we don’t consider ourselves everyday strippers/whores version…..
Posted in:Good Charlotte|MySpace|Paris Hilton|Playboy|Uncategorized
2008
11
Aug
I hate Paris Hilton, not only because she’s rich and tricked the world into caring about her up until recently, or because she’s a good business person and understands marketing or making money, or because she’s trashy and fucks on camera because most of the girls I love are trashy and fuck on camera, but because she’s just one of those people who annoys the fuck out of me and rubs me the wrong fuckin’ way. I figure the rest of the world feels the same way, because she’s hardly relevant anymore, her Good Charlotte sister, who will be in Montreal on Thursday and who I plan on egging on video, has a tight leash on her crazed vagina but unfortunately, whenever I see her pumpin’ up her barely there tits using a push up bra because she’s not into implants, I feel the need to post the shit.
I have a girl on my Facebook who has a profile that is pretty much identical to the real Paris Hilton’s profile, she included an AIM account on it and I decided to message her because I figured there was a chance it was her and I was pretty bored. After about 5 minutes of chatting with this bitch, I realized that she was nothing more than a 15 year old high school girl trying to be funny, mainly because she was smart enough to formulate a sentence, and because she knew less about Paris Hilton than I did, which doesn’t say a lot for me and was not a very proud moment.
I figured that since this bitch pretends to be Paris Hilton, despite being a teenage Filipino, I should ask why she tries to trick us into thinking she’s got bigger tits than she does, since I find it offensive, false marketing and it brings back memories of bringing home sluts with hot tits when I was younger, only to have been dooped and stuck with some A-Cups to play with.
This was her response as Paris Hilton…
because I am a whore
So since she’s the Internet Paris Hilton, I figure that statement is pretty much truth, unlike the lie that is in her push-up bra.
Posted in:Paris Hilton|Push Up Bra
2008
06
Aug
I hate Will Ferrell and everything he does. I don’t really know why, maybe it’s because I don’t find him funny anymore and just think he’s annoying as fuck and does bad movie after bad movie and still gets respect despite being a repetitive asshole or maybe it’s because he moved online with this FunnyOrDie shit and is stepping on my fuckin’ toes by being way more successful than me on my own turf, because I like to think I pioneered the internet from my Salvation Army pissed stained couch in my shitty apartment that I call my command center, but it doesn’t really matter, I’m a hater anyway you dice it and nothing they produce makes me laugh especially with that bias.
So, last night when at a hot young girl’s house because she offered to make me dinner, she’s got Leno on and they feature this Paris Hilton response to McCain using her image in one of his ads and the concept is alright, because seeing her solve the energy crisis while the politicians can’t come to a logical solution and fight like girls about it, instead of actually making moves to make the world a better place is alright, but the biggest joke in the whole thing was her intro wear she sounded like a retarded 14 year old and made claims of being hot while wearing a bikini, when the rest of the world knows that she’s over and done with. If anything McCain’s just showing his age and disconnect to the public by using her to represent one of the biggest celebrities out there, when the reality is that she’s just a fuckin’ nothing rich kid and that disconnect may have ruined his campaign for anyone on the fence about who to vote for.
I’d be more supportive of this site if they had some kind of voting widget that if the public voted something to be not funny, they would follow up with a video of the person in it actually dying.
Posted in:Funny or Die|Paris Hilton
2008
10
Jun
I heard on the news that there was a tornado warning and I got excited because I have never been in a tornado and assumed it was a sign of the apocalypse. When the power went out and the overcast and wind rolled in, I was excited to see the world come to an end. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and people like Paris Hilton as still gracing the planet, but the good news is that she’s gracing the planet alone and she doesn’t have a little spawn growing up inside her tattered womb like everyone reported last week.
She is however, still a trashy attention whore who despite having no talent or skills gets away with being a bisexual cokeslut drunk, and instead of being sent to rehab to save her career, is paid lots of money to show girls how to dance to the wrong song that the DJ is playing because the beat doesn’t go with her pre-planned moves.
The worst thing is that little girls are just copying her bullshit, wearing the party dresses, dancing on the bars and talking like a semi-retarded valley girl who got in an a drunk driving car accident on prom night and things just haven’t been the same since.
It’s got so bad that even today, I saw a little asian girl rockin’ animal print boots, she was about 3 and I already knew what fate had lined up for her and I blame Paris.
Either way, Paris was at a club, drinking and dancing and I assume that if that doesn’t confirm she’s not pregnant, and the fact that she’s got more pussy diseases than the SPCA and can’t get pregnant is just speculation, pictures of her miscarriage dripping down her thigh, is in the only thing that will let me sleep easy and can only hope it’s in the near future.
Posted in:Paris Hilton|Pregnant
2008
05
Jun
Paris Hilton seems to have be a little jealous of Nicole Richie because Paris Hilton is a catty little cunt who wants the spotlight on her. She’s gone onto date Nicole Richie’s baby daddy’s twin and now looks like she’s knocked up. I guess this is a miracle from God, not because you’d think all the abortions and STDs would leave her barren, but because it means that the Good Charlotte sister’s don’t actually have vaginas. I remember watching some kind of documentary as a kid about a kid born to a herpes ridden vagina and how it had the shit all over it’s head like some kind of monster and that makes me excited to see the baby pictures, provided she doesn’t get a third trimester abortion when the baby miscarries due to her drug habits, eating disorders and when it realizes who’s womb it’s inside and kills itself.
Posted in:Paris Hilton|Pregnant
2008
03
Jun
These are some stalker paparazzi pictures of Paris Hilton smokin’ something while sprawled out on her balcony after taking a shower in what looks like a towel. I am sure she’s happy she dished out that extra cash for the beautiful city-scape view that has unimaginably beautiful sunsets….rumored to be some of the best in the world, when all you really had to offer the slut is a full length mirror. I was wondering if she is thinking to herself how she’s just not the woman she thought she turned out to be, but that’s probably way to complex for this whore and she’s actually just trying to get herself in the mood to rub one out and she’s the only thing that turns her on because she’s self-absorbed like that.
Posted in:Naked|Paris Hilton|Sun Tanning
2008
21
May
So for those of you who don’t know, Paris HIlton’s grandfather is worth 2.4 billion dollars and for her entire useless life she’s been expecting a huge cut of that fortune, but in the last couple of years after realizing that his grandkids are fuckin’ useless, dude decided to put shit up for charity.
In the clip, some British reporter asks Paris about how she feels about her grandfather scaling down on her inheritance and she demands for the next question like some spoiled little cunt who doesn’t wanna acknowledge the fact that her cunt and her antics for the last 10 years that have embarrassed her family are the reason he’s not facilitating their future.
I love how bitch takes this shit personally, like she feels she is somehow owed money just because he has it. I never understand that about rich kids, just because their parents are loaded, they think they are by default, but maybe that’s because I am not rich, but if I was, I can guarantee I wouldn’t just turn the product of my hard work over to a bunch of hungry leeches or to some partyslut with herpes, even if that partyslut with herpes was my wife. I’d rather give spend that shit to myself before I die, or maybe like Paris Hilton’s grandfather, I’d give it to AIDS research to save my granddaughter’s life, because she’s a useless rich girl slut.
Posted in:Paris Hilton|Spoiled