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Archive for the Tits Category

2008

14

Mar

Teresa Palmer on Set With Adam Sandler in a Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

Her name is Teresa Palmer and I have no idea who she is, but assume she’s hit her big break starring with Adam Sandler in his new movie. I am not going to admit that I like Adam Sandler, because I don’t, his smile and stupid voices piss me off, but a lot of other people seem to think he’s worth wasting 2 hours of their life over, so I can only assume this is a good career move for her, not that she had the choice, because with roles like “Pool Party People” in Wolf Creek and some secondary role in The Grudge 2, which was a second rate movie, so it’s safe to say bitch has some credit card debt racked up while working towards the dream to pay off….She is from Australia, she’s in a bikini top and I just have to say it’s unfortunate she didn’t take the route of many other failed girls with a dream who ended up suckin’ dick on camera, because I’d like to see how she handles a cock.

That was a long fucking sentence ….Grammar Police where are you, because I think you need to arrest me for slaughtering the English language.

Posted in:Adam Sandler|Bikini|Teresa Palmer|Tits

2008

14

Mar

Melanie Brown Bikini Action of the Day

5 Comments »

I know that I used to love watching the Spice Girl videos back in the day because I didn’t have money or the internet so porn was less accessible and Scary Spice’s tits were retarded. The fact that she did that for me back in my times of needs makes me have a warm sport for her, and that warm spot is not the same kind of warm spot my wife tries to make me touch at night, it’s more the kind that’s in my heart. So despite being 10 years older, a mom and pretty much damaged goods, I’ll still look at her in a bikini and if I could I’d jerk off to it, just for old times sake….

Posted in:Bikini|Melanie Brown|Tits

2008

13

Mar

Ashlee Simpson Bikini Lesbianism of the Day

18 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson kissing a topless chick. I wonder what her religious molesting father thinks of this shit.

I know I am sucking today. Someone offered me a free trip to Cancun for Spring Break leaving tomorrow night and I have been doing everything I can to make it happen.

Unfortunately everything was smooth sailing this morning but the travel agent the dude’s booking through cancelled it on us because the resort is over-booked or some bullshit. All my romanticized dreams of a vacation to the motherland where girls flash me while throwing their herpes at me are slowly being flushed down the toilet….I should have expected everything to go wrong for me because nothing ever works out and I suck at life…I’ve been fighting with them on the phone for the last 3 hours but the good news is that at least I am not Pete Wentz.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Bikini|Tits

2008

13

Mar

Sienna Miller’s Ass Crack in a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

I didn’t feel like posting today, I don’t know why. Maybe because I was tired and sick or maybe it is because writing about the same useless people day after day leads any normal person into a depression, but I realized that I have nothing better to do and that I was depressed before starting this site, so here are some pictures of Sienna Miller in a bikini.

She’s the kind of celebrity I like, I don’t know why because her body isn’t really all that, sure she’s skinny, but her ass lacks personality and her tits are just standard at least she’s not fat and there’s something about that way she carries herself that makes me just want to fuck the shit out of her. That’s really not saying much because I was just at the bank applying for a credit card and this old lady in the senior citizen line tripped and fell and I totally saw up her old lady skirt and saw her old lady support underwear and my first reaction was to bone her while she was down….unfortunately, one of the bank employees decided to be a fuckin’ hero and helped her up, ruining the fun for the rest of us and by rest of us I mean me.

The good news is that I didn’t get the credit card because I have really bad credit, but at least I spent the last 3 hours there to find that out, I couldn’t have used the time for anything better. No seriously, it gave me something to do and here’s Sienna Miller’s Ass.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Sienna Miller|Tits

2008

12

Mar

Selma Blair Bikini Action of the Day

7 Comments »

I am all for girls with small tits, so here are some pictures of Selma Blair in her bikini playing with her non existent tits.

She reminds me of the 45 year old whore last night who was built like a 12 year old boy and who for some reason had all the guys makin’ it rain on that ho. A guy I was with wanted to see why she was so popular because she looked like a budget stripper that would affordable to poor people during the recession but figured that she had some secret moves….He left me alone for about 5 minutes before coming back with a disgusted look on his face.

I asked what happened and he told me she stuck her ass in his face and it smelled like shit. I decided to take it up with the management because I am self-serving and wanted to get a free drink out of my friend’s traumatic experience, but the manager just told me that was her trick, she wouldn’t wash her junk because that’s what her clients want. So this 45 year old mother, who probably gets fucked a lot both for money and for the feeling of being wanted, doesn’t wash her fucking vagina and that is how she makes all her money….and I got jealous because it seems like a pretty easy gig.

I guess the real question is what Selma Blair’s ass smells like…because I know that’s what you’re into….

Posted in:Bikini|Selma Blair|Tits

2008

12

Mar

Kathleen Robertson’s Pregnancy Tits in a One Piece of the Day

5 Comments »

Her name is Kathleen Robertson and she’s 35, knocked up and has fat tits in her one-piece bathing suit. The good news for her is that she will have a little fucker who will always love her unconditionally, or until the repressed memories of her touching it inappropriately surface, because it will come in handy when her husband leaves her for never bouncing back from her pregnancy weight.

Speaking of bouncing, this stripper who we negotiated with to get her to insert 4 fingers in her vag and a thumb in her bum was at the stripclub last night. The reason we did it was because she was fat and just as hungry for money as she was for donuts and we knew we could get her to push her limits a little. She was even fatter this time around, I guess it was the winter weight, or maybe it’s from spending the whole night on a chair sprawled out like she was on my couch eating a bag of fuckin’ chips….nothing says please touch my tits for ten dollars like a drooling fat slob with a plate of fries in front of her.

Posted in:Kathleen Robertson|Nipples|One Piece Bathing Suit|Tits

2008

12

Mar

Pink in a Bikini on a Boat of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Pink celebrating being recently single by going out on a cruise alone and taking pictures of herself alone and getting her little hired homie to take a couple for her, because that’s what you do when you don’t have a husband to take pictures of you or with you anymore. It’s kinda like watching a recent widow accidentally buy two coffees at the coffee shop by force of habit…You do the same things you always did only you do them alone, like a self sufficient, empowered woman, who needs men kind of thing, even though Pink is kinda cheating the whole feminist movement by having a penis.

The good thing about Pink is that she can be your thinspiration. I went to the strip club with him last night and this anabolic fitness bodybuilder chick got up on stage. I am immediately disgusted by her 3 inch long clit that is bigger than your limp dick, but my friend tells me that she’s the reason he comes here 3 times a week because she has the body he’s been trying to get at the gym, so he takes her into the lap dance booth and she gives him work out tips.

I asked him if he’s going to get the implants by summer too, because grabbing her broad shoulders and chiseled biceps is pretty homo and getting implants would be the logical next step. He didn’t laugh, but between you and me, I hope he does because I’ll get to touch them whenever I want for free and even though touching my male friend’s fake tits seems gay, it’s way more fun than giving each other high fives or bro-hugs.

Either way, she’s in a bikini and some of you may dig that. It doesn’t make you gay, it just makes you weird.

Posted in:Bikini|Pink|Tits

2008

10

Mar

Paris Hilton’s Tits Rock Out With Good Charlotte Sister of the Day

7 Comments »

Paris made another appearance with the Good Charlotte sister, only this time it was in Vegas at a club because hosting events is pretty much the extent of Paris Hilton’s contribution to the world.

She is wearing some kind of miracle bra that would piss you off if you ever met a girl in a club with tits like this and brought her home to find out she’s staked like a 12 year old fat kid, but I guess that’s not really anything you’d know first hand, since the girls you get don’t actually exist and are just things you fantasize about in your depressing basement apartment.

I guess you could understand the frustration if you switched your fantasy up a little. So next time you jerk off, imagine the girl who you picked up at some exclusive event, with tits bigger than your head gets into your exotic sports car and starts suckin’ your 10 inch dick. Once you get her back to your luxury hotel suite that costs you 2500 dollars a night, but that doesn’t phase you because you’re so rich, she starts to undress. First the dress comes off, and her body is banging in some expensive sexy lingerie set and you pounce on her like a rabid dog. You go for her tits and all you find are silicone inserts and a really strong push-up wire bra that you awkwardly try to take off but can’t so she does it for you and next thing you know you’re trying to stick your dick into you best friend from elementary school who you spent everyday of summer vacation with.

I guess that’s the beauty of fantasy, they always go into weird dark places but no one needs to know how fucked the shit that makes you cum is. It’s your little secret to yourself. Kinda like when the Good Charlotte sister used to dyke out on each other back when they were 14 and experimenting their sexuality together. It’s their little secret that is only remembered by the matching soul-mate tattoos they got, but they never re-visit except when fuckin’ their 14 year old boy lookin’ girlfriends.

I guess the only thing faker than Paris’ Cleavage and Good Charlotte’s rockstar persona, because that shit is posing harder than the bra is squeezing her tits, is this staged relationship. Enjoy.

Posted in:cleavage|Good Charlotte|Paris Hilton|Tits

2008

07

Mar

Kristin Cavallari in a See Through Top of the Day

No Comments »

So Kristin Cavallari is the most recent victim of wearing a black shirt for high powered flashes and you can kind of make out her bra. I know this is a huge deal to you because that bra is so close to her tits that it’s pretty much touching her nipples and that’s something that you can’t even get to happen, even after introducing lots of alcohol and sedatives to your date.

That bra actually has a much better life than you have, not only does it get to play with her tits by tricking her into thinking it is a utility, but it also gets to spend the night on the floor after being ripped off by some dude and watch her get fucked from behind. I guess the realization that you are envious of a bra is a pretty depressing realization, but I think it’s inspirational because at least you know what you want out of life, even if it’ll never happen, but my bet is that there will be one old, ugly, useless bitch desperate enough to find you charming and she’ll let you play with her tits as long as you promise to give her a baby…

Posted in:Bra|Kristin Cavallari|See Through|Tits

2008

07

Mar

Paris Hilton and Her Useless Cleavage of the Day

8 Comments »

We all know that Paris Hilton contributes nothing to the world, not in the music or film world and not even in the porn world. The only reason her DVD did so well was because she was not the average porn star and it was a bitch we saw in the media being seen the way we wanted to see her and it wasn’t because we thought she was hot or important, it’s because we are just perverts and like seeing how bitches we see around fuck. It’s the same reason I have multiple restraining orders against me. I am not embarrassed to admit that I’ve climbed my fair share of fire escapes and trees in backyards and set up my fair share of hidden cameras in the bedrooms of girls I know who would never fuck me, just to see them in action out of curiosity, not out of some sick sexual perversion because it’s not like I was masturbating when I was doing it….but it turns out judges don’t really think that’s a valid defense.

Either way, here she is suckin’ at flaunting her cleavage, but I am posting it anyway, because tits are tits even when they are attached to a bitch we all can’t stand.

Posted in:cleavage|Paris Hilton|Tits|Useless