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Archive for the Uncategorized Category

2008

10

Sep

Jojo is Still Alive for the People Who Still Jerk Off the Her Music Videos of the Day

4 Comments »

Remember Jojo, the ghetto chick who spoke with a black accent and dated rich teenage rappers like Lil Bow Wow or the other one who I can’t remember right now. She’s the girl all these perverts were so excited to see turn 18 because they thought she was so hot and once she turned 18, everyone forgot about her, which leads me to believe that everyone is just a bunch of perverts who find a bitch hot because she’s illegal to fuck and the second she’s no longer official jailbait, they forget about obsessing over.

I never thought Jojo was hot or would turn out to be hot and I was right, but that’s just because I don’t look at jailbait as the forbidden fruit, I look at is as easy pickins, I mean not for me, but for someone with decent looks and a little charm, because their little minds are so easy to manipulate into doing all the evil things you want them to do because they just want to be adults and being an adult usually involves sitting on a dick, so instead of jerking off to their music videos, you should just tell them that grown girls never say no to your requests and make them feel insecure about being young by saying things like “if you were older you’d be so hot” or “if you were older you’d be way more fun to hang out with” and before long, they’ll be workin’ you like they work their crimpin iron or whatever the McDonald’s cash register you met them at…..

Either way, here’s some Jojo in purple….

Posted in:JoJo|Jojo Levesque|Uncategorized

2008

10

Sep

Hayden Panettiere’s Feeling Herself Up of the Day

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I am guessing these pictures came out yesterday and they are of Hayden Panettiere adjusting her tits since no one she knows wants to do it for her for fear that their friends will call them gay and you know how hard it is to live down that rumor. The truth is that I don’t really understand why she has to turn to masturbation when there are a lot of perverts with no standards out there and the truth is that we all grew up with Tonka Trucks and she’s just the real life female version only instead of filling her up with sand in the sandbox, you can fill her up with cum in her manly box, that is rumored to still be a box despite the fact that it’s got a six pack, knows how to do chin ups and can crush a can of beer with it’s clit hood, at least that’s the rumor.

Truth is this post is stupid and so am I so I’ll keep it up anyway because I like the direction I tried to go with this, I just didn’t really deliver as well as Hayden did with her titties, ya homo.

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Posted in:Breasts|Hayden Panettiere|Uncategorized

2008

10

Sep

Jessica Simpson’s Titties Play With Microphones of the Day

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Jessica Simpson rocks the mic like she rocks a dick and that’s not very well, otherwise she’d be the one pregnant and married and not her ugly, useless sister. I don’t really have anything else to say about that because the quality of Ashlee Simpson’s baby daddy is seriously questionable, but I know that the old maid of sister is jealous and that keeps me goin’ because other people’s pain is my fuel…

Posted in:Breasts|Jessica Simpson|Uncategorized

2008

10

Sep

Sophie Monk Bikini Pictures of the Day

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It looks like I slept on these Sopie Monk pics, which is probably because everytime I think of the trash that has actually slept on Sophie Monk, like Ryan Seacrest and the Good Charlotte twin who is slamming Paris Hilton, both sexually ambiguous, Ryan Seacrest with his frosted hair and everything about him being gay and Good Charlotte for having sex with his brother because it’s seen as masturbation since they are twins, playing shitty gay anthems and most importantly because he sucks, leading me to believe that Sophie Monk may be a transexual and despite finding her kinda hot and interesting to look at like a Picasso painting, here she is with her junk taped up. I just can’t wait to see her stage show where she sings “I Will Survive” and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” like all the trannies do at their tranny shows because there is no way this bitch doesn’t have COCK.

Posted in:Bikini|Sophie Monk|Uncategorized

2008

09

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

8 Comments »

Does anyone with a video camera want to do me a favor? I got invited to some porn event that I can’t get to because I am poor. It is in NYC on September 10th, that’s tomorrow. It starts at 8 pm. It is VIP. I don’t know if that means it is open bar. I do know that I want to see some footage from the event, I want pictures and some stepTV action. Here are the details.

WHO:  Adult superstars and Vivid Girls Savanna Samson and Sunny Leone will introduce Hanna Hilton and Nikki Jayne in a blowout bash from Vivid Entertainment, the world’s leading adult film producer. Hanna is a voluptuous blue-eyed blonde from Indiana and Nikki, a statuesque blonde English beauty, make their official NYC debut as Vivid Girls, the elite group of contract actresses who make erotic movies exclusively for Vivid Entertainment.
 
WHAT: Party-goers will get a sneak preview of songs from Savanna’s first album, “Possession,” from KOCH Records which will be released this month.  Nikki, Hanna, Savanna and Sunny will be available to pose for snapshots and sign copies of Vivid’s “Meggan and Hanna Love Manuel.”  All four actresses will be making appearances at EXXXOTICA New York 2008, a three-day erotic expo at The Meadowlands.

Let me know and I’ll get your name on the list for drunkenstepfather but if you are just some pervert con artist and you don’t make me a video of the event, I will be sad, but then I will post the links and I’ll be happy again. Here are today’s links.

Jessica Simpson Continues Her Shit Storm At Her Latest Show
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When Will You Assholes Ever Learn, You Are NOT Going to Make a Back Flip!
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I’m Pretty Sure Kendra Winkonson Owns No Actual Clothes and Just Wear Lingerie All Day
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And Here’s Kendra Wilkonson Wearing a Wig
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Lindsay Lohan Isn’t Wearing a Bra
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The Ten Hottest Female Politicians of All Time
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I Hate Katy Perry and I Wish She Was Dead
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Porn, What Is It Good For?
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Jesus Will Be Your Friend No Matter What
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Why Hello Diana Falzone
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Miss World Upskirt Throwback
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Man, I Love Me Some Kate Beckinsale
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Whoose Footbal Boobs?
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Don’t Be Racisy in an Elevator
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Now That’s What I Call Getting Your College Education
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Someone Else Hates Noel Gallagher As Much as I Do
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When Samuel L Jackson Auditioned for Titanic
(This is Actually Him)
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Making Mom and Dad Proud
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Because It Isn’t Really Sex If Your By Yourself
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Welcome to the Meth Minute
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With a Name Like Cinta Dicker, You Can’t Help But Expect Jokes
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Roman Candle Shot in Mouth
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Ranch Party Fun
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Sandy Summers Straps and Silver
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BEACH BABES!
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Puff Daddy is a Liar
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Siphie Monk Bikini Fun
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Khloe and Kim Kardashian Think They Are Fashion Designers
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Bollywood Can Do No Wrong
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Taylor Momsen at Fashion Week
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Nicole Richie Would Look Kind of Hot If She Took That Fucking Head Band Off
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Getting Sex Is Now Almost As Easy As Using Your Own Hand
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Striptease of the Day
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Monkey Tries to Steal Car
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Red Neckin’!!
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Diesel Renzo Rosso Totally Looks Like a Pedo
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Loora Wants to Teach You How to Play the Piano
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Kathy Wants to Help Pick You Up
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Man, Usher Needs a Smack Up Side the Head
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Will He Make It?
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Steven Speilberg is Getting Sued Because He Can’t Think Of His Own Ideas
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Lynne Spears is Mother of the Year
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Erica Campbell Will cure Your Blues
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Pornstar Taylor Wayne Talks About Her Dogs….
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This is Some of the Craziest Online Sex Around….I Think You May Have To Sign Up….
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These People Consider Masturbation the New Fucking Whores and Other Chicks aka Cheating because they are CRAZY
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Thought you might like these chicks in Handbras
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Dude Where’s My Vagina? Playboy Brazil Overdid Photoshop….
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ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Older Chick Topless
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Some Hot Naked Amateur
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Some Chick Shows Off Her Vagina and Booty
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Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

09

Sep

Mini Me Sex Tape Hits the Internet of the Day

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If you were scared that you wouldn’t get your chance to see the Mini Me having sex with a regular sized girl because you are a sick fuck who gets off to sick things and who is probably a threat to society despite the fact that you get off to these things in the privacy of your own home and are not out hustling midgets at a short people convention and by hustling I mean raping, because of the whole lawsuit out against all the companies involved in releasing the sex tape, you are in luck.

Some Chinese company got their hands on the sex tape and are selling it for 10 dollars and that means it is probably already out on the Internet to download. I haven’t bothered trying to get it because the internet connection I am on is fucking shit and it is taking me an hour to upload an image, but I figure you and your creepy yet crafty internet ways will be able to find it and do all the dirty things you want to do with it until your mom finds it on the computer and organizes a sit down with you to discuss the direction of your life, where you will have to play off that you were just curious to see one of your favorite actors doing it, because you were convinced it was all just some weird joke until seeing his mini penis/arm entering her vag, to which she will probably ask to watch the clip with you for a good awkward and uncomfortable laugh and she will finally understand where you are coming from because the real tragedy in all this is that Mini Me has never been recognized for an Oscar for any of his work.

So the Mini Me sex tape brings families together according to me. It also cures sex offenders. And it can be all yours motherfucker.


For the record, these people aren’t advertisers and are not paying me. I am not endorsing them, so if shit’s a scam don’t come running after me for turning you onto the site. I am just letting you know what I know. Enjoy…..
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Posted in:Mini Me|Sex Tape|Uncategorized

2008

09

Sep

Halle Berry Takes Her Big Mom Tits Out for a Walk of the Day

4 Comments »

Halle Berry still has big hot tits and she still takes them out for walks and I still have no idea what she is doing or what she has been doing, but I do know that I would play her like a guitar if I could, which may not be saying much considering I have no idea how to play the guitar and when I awkwardly poke and flick at my friend’s guitar making disgusting sounds come out of it it is pretty much the exact same as when I have sex, so it’s saying something and that something is that this bitch looks like a lot of fun to have horrible sex with despite the whole baby thing….

Posted in:Halle Berry|Mom Tits|Uncategorized

2008

09

Sep

Sarah Palin Done Gone Playboy of the Day

4 Comments »

I didn’t watch this video and I don’t know if it works, but I do know that it was sent to me by Playboy and Playboy gets girls naked. The subject was something about Sarah Palin, so I am guessing she could be naked, she could be in a bikini and she could midwifin’ her daughter’s birth like my Labor Day videos.

I do know that she’s kinda hot for an old lady, she has a funny accent that makes me feel like if she was 17, I could have knocked her up like she was her daughter and despite losing the Miss Alaska contest to a guy named Bear, because his beard and lumbering skills were better than hers, I’d still like to swim upstream to her fluffy pink salmon even though it’s not so fresh and you know I’m talking about that 5 kid producing pussy that’s more damaged than a fishing cabin after a blizzard because a few other men have beat me to the gold prospecting than I am…..

Sure she’s accomplished and part of a strategic move to not get a black man in office, despite him being smart, down to earth, intelligent and charismatic, while this Palin bitch, who will be your next President after McCain dies from the excitement of getting elected and I don’t think I’d want some small town woman who can’t even run her household in small town Alaska running my country who as a republican may not believe in abortion but still encouraged her crazy underage drinking daughter to get one because she didn’t want her to ruin her teenage life and that’s why they preach this abstinence is like godliness bullshit, when they should just be teaching people about safe sex….either way who cares, I spent too much time on this post because I have a feeling this video is a shitty song that is a take on Jesse’s girl that is not funny, or creative but for some reason making big money for big companies that are about 10 steps behind when it comes to funny.

Posted in:Playboy|Sarah Palin|Uncategorized

2008

09

Sep

Jennifer Aniston is Boring in a Sexy Dress of the Day

3 Comments »

I was at a bar the other night and this annoyingly friendly dude who must have been a lawyer or an accountant or in sales and on vacation bcause he was happy as fuck, dancing around, talking to everyone with a big fuckin’ smile that made me want to punch him in the face. He was with his girlfriend who clearly sent her life in his shadow, you know taking the back burner to him during dinner conversations with friends because his big personality won’t let her get a word in edgewise and anything she says, he discounts and gives his take on it because he’s just that guy.

So dude was dancing around, talking to everyone, grinding with girls all while his girlfriend awkwardly busted her moves she learned at her weekly salsa dance lesson she takes with her friends when the boyfriend is out playing squash or some shit. So dude busts some break dance move and everyone claps and in his excitement from his moment of achievement he runs up to his girlfriend and gives her a high five. She smiles because she’s used to it and has convinced herself that that’s the kind of boyfriend she wants. Someone she can go white water rafting with and high five when they are done. Someone who she can go out to dinner with and high five when he makes a funny joke. Her life was all about humoring him….

About ten minutes after she downed about 10 shots to deal with her inner pain that is the man she is probably going to marry and have annoying kids who they will take to annoying tennis lessons and annoying ski lessons and annoying family trips, the song Cotton Eyed Joe comes on and she drops the dance because I guess it was big when she was a senior in high school, the good old days. Now homeboy didn’t know the dance routine and just stood and watched and tried to smile while she stole her thunder and became the life of the party for once. When I left, I heard them talking and he was giving her shit about wanting to fuck the black guy she was dancing with, but trying to do it in a nice way by telling her that she really came out of her shell for once but that she shouldn’t drink so much because it embarrassed him, when I knew he was just mad that boring little white girl showed a side of herself he never saw and he didn’t like it…..

No Jennifer Aniston, no matter how hard she tries to break out of her shell, and God along with all her friends know how hard she’s tried because of the constant whining, will always be as dull as this girl, the only difference is that the girl I saw can land a boyfriend, even if he’s a fucking cunt.

So despite Aniston being a decent lookin Greek girl because her nose has been fixed and her ass isn’t huge, still sucks and here are some pics to prove it….

Posted in:Jennifer Aniston|See Through|Uncategorized

2008

09

Sep

Jenna Dewan Bikini Pictures of the Day

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I don’t know who this bitch is but I do know that she’s in a bikini. I didn’t look too closely at the pictures so I don’t know if she’s worth fucking and the truth is that all vagina is worth fucking. We are all part of God’s flock and that makes each and every one of us beautiful in our own way.

I am running a little behind schedule of all the great things I have planned today, like sitting on my couch. Watching my friend the spider make a nest in the corner of my living room and then watch Youtube dance videos to practice my moves so I become the star of every wedding, bar mitzvah and sweet sixteen I get invited to, which to date have been none, but you can never be too ready.

Word on the internet is that his Jenna Dewan chick is a dance instructor or professional dancer or some shit and with a body like that, I am sure she’s had a solid career as the entertainment at some all inclusive club that I am not on right now, where the local girls dance like fucking pornstars and bend down with their asses in the air for the local dudes to mount them and hump them for everyone to see from every fuckin’ angle, grinding harder then I grind my teeth at night when I get nervous while I try to chime in with my mocking moves that offend the locals because I can’t dance if I wanted to all in hopes of getting some tight spanish ass up against my crotch….

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Posted in:Bikini|Jenna Dewan|Uncategorized