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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2007

19

Jul

I am – Model Belen Rodriguez of the Day

Belen Rodriguez

When I was a hooker I had a client who had me tie his wrists with a long rope of braided hair, bind his dick so tight in dental floss it turned purple, and scratch his ball sack hard while I fucked him. Twice he payed extra to duck tape my tits. I was never really comfortable with the scratching part–the guy was a bleeder, and you know, AIDS is a bitch. But he was a huge tipper, always brought his own dental floss, so I just dipped my fingers in alcohol when it was done, then moved on to the next John.

The point is i don’t think you should scratch or be scratched by anyone unless you have seen the printout of their AIDS/Hep test, even if its hard to get diseased that way. Unless they are paying you. I am no doctor, just a dumb slut with a bigger fear of blood than semen.

But you freaks would sell your kidney for the chance to scratch or be scratched by this slut until you came, even if she told you she was a walking flesh-bag of HIV. Meet Belen Rodriguez in Italian Pocketbook Magazine. Get out some Kleenex, you’ll need it.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE



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I am – America’s Next Top Models Get Naked of the Day
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Posted in:Lingerie|Model|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Michelle Marsh and Her Big Jugs of the Day

Michelle Marsh

Michelle Marsh is the type of girl that most of you virgins out there would like to be your first. She pretty much fits the stereotype of standard beauty for young guys everywhere to beat off to under the covers. I mean really, you can’t go wrong with blonde hair, nice body and big tits. The only problem is that if, by some crazy hell-freezes-over-pigs-fly-in-the-air chance you did actually get her to be you first, you would probably bust in your pants as soon as you touched her tit, like when Forest first grabbed Jenny’s goods in Forest Gump.

Teenaged guys are the worst to have sex with, which is why I pretty much never fuck guys my own age. First of all they have no fucking concept of foreplay and just want to stick their dick in you as soon as their pants come off (maybe because they know they are going to bust a nut in like 23 seconds?) If you try to get on top, they don’t really know what to do and get confused (Yes, I’m a top). They hump you like a little jack rabbit, but have no real rhythm or timing in regards to the whole thing, finish at lightning speed and then pass the fuck out before you come back from the bathroom.

So yeah, to all you teenaged boys out there, I’ll stick to older men because I have severe unresolved Daddy issues that are going to affect my dating habits for the rest of the life, and you stick to internet pictures of Michelle Marsh and humping your pillow while Mommy isn’t looking. Deal?

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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I am – Michelle Marsh Has Huge Tits of the Day
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I am – Michelle Marsh in a Bikini for Miss Britain of the Day
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Posted in:Bikini|Implants|Michelle Marsh|Tits|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Sienna Miller’s Bus Ride of the Day

Sienna Miller

Turning tricks for Jesus’ 4 readers is tougher than turning tricks on the street. You’re like a 15 dollar blowjob that refuses to come for like an hour and bitches about method. But sometimes you throw in an extra 5 bucks, so I am gonna try my best to suck you off by being extra crude and offensive, and probably fail.

Yesterday i splurged and took the bus home because it had been raining. I like to play a game where i pick some cunt to be the suicide bomber who is gonna take away our misery. Yesterday it was a 58 year old woman with spectacles, bangs, and a kankles. You could tell her husband is terrified of what her pussy. The explosives were packed beneath the pancake tits hiding under her grandma sweater (it’s fucking summer).

Now, I don’t support terrorism, unless the only way to get Sienna Miller to off herself is to have her become a suicide bomber, then I am all for it. Her movies tank, the fat nanny was a better fuck, and she seems like an real bitch. She should at least wear something nip-slippable to distract from her squinty eyes and truckstop hair, instead of this upity awareness shirt at some annoying the screening of new Hindi film “Partner” in Mumbai.

I am hoping she makes her mark on public transportation soon. As long as i get to chose who is on the bus, it’s fine. I would definitely put Paris on that bus, along with that guy i recently fucked at the W hotel in the bed that was still wet from his buddy jizzing all over some other slut. I was too drunk to give a shit then, but i feel nasty now, so for that he has to die, so he can be the driver. Who would you put on Sienna Miller’s “Big Ride to Hell”? (if you say me i will cut you.)

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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I am – Sienna Miller’s Nip Slip of the Day
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I am – Sienna Miller Vaginal Definition of the Day
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Posted in:Sienna Miller|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Sienna Miller's Bus Ride of the Day

Sienna Miller

Turning tricks for Jesus’ 4 readers is tougher than turning tricks on the street. You’re like a 15 dollar blowjob that refuses to come for like an hour and bitches about method. But sometimes you throw in an extra 5 bucks, so I am gonna try my best to suck you off by being extra crude and offensive, and probably fail.

Yesterday i splurged and took the bus home because it had been raining. I like to play a game where i pick some cunt to be the suicide bomber who is gonna take away our misery. Yesterday it was a 58 year old woman with spectacles, bangs, and a kankles. You could tell her husband is terrified of what her pussy. The explosives were packed beneath the pancake tits hiding under her grandma sweater (it’s fucking summer).

Now, I don’t support terrorism, unless the only way to get Sienna Miller to off herself is to have her become a suicide bomber, then I am all for it. Her movies tank, the fat nanny was a better fuck, and she seems like an real bitch. She should at least wear something nip-slippable to distract from her squinty eyes and truckstop hair, instead of this upity awareness shirt at some annoying the screening of new Hindi film “Partner” in Mumbai.

I am hoping she makes her mark on public transportation soon. As long as i get to chose who is on the bus, it’s fine. I would definitely put Paris on that bus, along with that guy i recently fucked at the W hotel in the bed that was still wet from his buddy jizzing all over some other slut. I was too drunk to give a shit then, but i feel nasty now, so for that he has to die, so he can be the driver. Who would you put on Sienna Miller’s “Big Ride to Hell”? (if you say me i will cut you.)

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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I am – Sienna Miller’s Nip Slip of the Day
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I am – Sienna Miller Vaginal Definition of the Day
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I am – Sienna Miller’s Sex Video of the Day
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Posted in:Sienna Miller|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Fergie's Eyebrows of the Day

Fergie

Our token Gay Blogger and my personal friend (only because I’m still clinging to the hope he will come play for our team…I heard he has a big wang) has been kind enough to grace us with another post via email. Clubs! Cocaine! Drag Queens! Read on….

I went to this drag bar last night and I was in the bathroom doing lines with this one performer, Kitty Litter. The funny thing about her is that during rest of the week she is actually a teacher at rather conservative Catholic high school but one night a week she gets all decked out in sequins and lip-syncs to Donna Summer songs for a bunch of screaming queens. If that’s what the teacher is doing, god only knows what the principle of that school does on his Tuesday nights.

So anyways, she and I are in the bathroom and she’s re-applying her makeup, (and of course by re-applying, I mean putting on foundation by the pound and making sure that her glittery hot-pink lipstick hasn’t smeared while she was wiping her nose) and I come to the realization that drag queens have a really fucked up idea of what a woman is. Now, I’m not going to get all fourth wave feminist on you (or whatever the hell wave those dykes are on) but I realized that these queens really have no idea what a woman is.

I know, I know they are supposed to be portraying a parody of a woman but not even the trashiest, whorish, cracked-out slut of woman would be caught dead wearing what these drag queens were wearing. No woman with any shred of self-respect or dignity would ever in a million years look like these drag queens. She would have to be the absolute bottom of the barrel, the most meth addicted piece of shit to even remotely resemble Kitty Litter or any other female impersonator.

Kitty Litter has the same eyebrows as Fergie.

Smooch!

Julien


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Posted in:Fergie|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Fergie’s Eyebrows of the Day

Fergie

Our token Gay Blogger and my personal friend (only because I’m still clinging to the hope he will come play for our team…I heard he has a big wang) has been kind enough to grace us with another post via email. Clubs! Cocaine! Drag Queens! Read on….

I went to this drag bar last night and I was in the bathroom doing lines with this one performer, Kitty Litter. The funny thing about her is that during rest of the week she is actually a teacher at rather conservative Catholic high school but one night a week she gets all decked out in sequins and lip-syncs to Donna Summer songs for a bunch of screaming queens. If that’s what the teacher is doing, god only knows what the principle of that school does on his Tuesday nights.

So anyways, she and I are in the bathroom and she’s re-applying her makeup, (and of course by re-applying, I mean putting on foundation by the pound and making sure that her glittery hot-pink lipstick hasn’t smeared while she was wiping her nose) and I come to the realization that drag queens have a really fucked up idea of what a woman is. Now, I’m not going to get all fourth wave feminist on you (or whatever the hell wave those dykes are on) but I realized that these queens really have no idea what a woman is.

I know, I know they are supposed to be portraying a parody of a woman but not even the trashiest, whorish, cracked-out slut of woman would be caught dead wearing what these drag queens were wearing. No woman with any shred of self-respect or dignity would ever in a million years look like these drag queens. She would have to be the absolute bottom of the barrel, the most meth addicted piece of shit to even remotely resemble Kitty Litter or any other female impersonator.

Kitty Litter has the same eyebrows as Fergie.

Smooch!

Julien


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I am – Fergie’s New Video Panty Scene of the Day
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I am – Fergie Singing Say You Say Me of the Day
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Posted in:Fergie|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Britney Spears Being Classy of the Day

Britney Spears

These pictures look incredibly staged and I think this is all a publicity stunt, because this bitch just announced she will now be her own manager and publicist, which is kinda like when a 4 year old tells you he is going to build a rocket and you pat him on the head and laugh at him when he goes to the backyard to try and make one out of cardboard and tinfoil.

I went out with my cousin last night who was here from out of town. She’s the type of girl acts like a fucking prude majority of the time, and then you get a few beers in her and you find her the bathroom with no top on sucking on some dudes cock who bought her one of those shitty flowery shots that stupid girls like to drink. Which really is fine, I mean I’m all for dirty bathroom sex, trust me, but if you’re going to be a topless cocksucker you should just be comfortable with that not fucking use the excuse that you were drunk or whatever, because that’s such a cop out.

I wish she would just admit it, and have fun with it, but she’s the type of girl who doesn’t realize that being a whore (in the figurative sense) doesn’t mean you’re a dirt bag, it just means you like to fuck. And there’s nothing wrong with fucking. The sooner girls get comfortable with just fucking men, like men do women, then the sooner this god damn gap that is between the two sexes is going to close and that’s when the real fun is going to start. I’m comfortable with a fucking a few different guys and I’m comfortable with talking about it, and other girls should be too, because guys do it all the fucking time.

My cousin went home with the dude, after her bought her a few more drinks of course, and I’m sure today she will come in with some story about how she was “sooooo wasted� and she “never does that type of thing.�

That’s why I gotta hand it to Britney. For years she tried to play the good girl, telling us she was a virgin and like she was this real stand-up gal, but now she’s just kinda like fuck you, I’m gonna swim in my underwear, drive with my baby on my lap and change diapers on restaurant tables. She finally accepted she’s white trash and is just rolling with it. You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl….

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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Posted in:Britney Spears|Underwear|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

stepLINK July 18/07

Okay so I know yesterday after we had that video of the homeless dude and his dog and I was saying I felt bad cause I rag on homeless people a lot on here and shit, but I take it all back and whether I’m going to hell or not I really don’t give a shit because I hate most homeless people I decided today.

There’s been a lot of what I like to call “tourist bums� hanging out in my hood lately. Tourist bums are guys that aren’t from the neighborhood, but come to set up shop cause it’s a nice cushy spot to panhandle and our park benches are more comfortable then other places in the city, much like when a whore has a specific track she’ll walk in the city.

The thing about tourist bums is that they don’t know you, and that’s when the problem’s start. These guys will follow you down the street instead of just taking the hint. They don’t ask you to spare some change, they ask you to go buy them fuckking a beer from the store or a slice of pizza. I mean man, I’ll give people a hand out if I got it, I’m not that big of a bitch, but a fucking beer? What happened to asking for a quarter? They also have a better tan then I do, because they sit in the park all day, while I am inside on my computer writing for all 4 of you.

The bums in my neighborhood know that when I walk by them and don’t acknowledge them, it’s because A) I don’t have any money or B) I’m in a rush and don’t have time to stop. Either way, they know I will most probably throw them a nickel next time, so they leave me the fuck alone and move on to the next person. Tourist bums, take the hint. Even tho you are a bum….and don’t have internet….and therefore will not read this…Fuck.

You get your links early today, cause I have some family stuff to take care of.


Some idiot attempts 3 backflips
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Pete Doherty leaves rehab after one day.
GO

Britney Spears = Still Insane
GO

Japanese TV has done it again
GO

Finally! A cock smaller then yours is!
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Deep inside Nene Blue
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Some afternoon T&A
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Leeann Tweedan photoshoot
GO

Sadie Frost kind of see-through shirt but not really.
GO

Catherine Bell lookin’ sexy
GO

Sports dude are losers.
GO

Hilary Swank has amazing legs
GO

This guy does magic
GO

More crazy shit from Japan
GO

Rachel Ray is a fat, manly, slob
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For anyone interested in fashion
GO

Sweet thongs of summer
GO

Emily Booth topless
GO

Floors so clean you can eat your wife
GO

Dave Chapelle was in hospital for “exhaustion�
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Jordan gives her daughter a stripper name
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Beckham is a bench warmer
GO

Outhouse prank
GO

Tommy Lee is fucking Kimberly Stewart
GO

How to make an angry american
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News anchor laughing at model who fell
GO

Supermarket catfight
GO

Motorcycle wheelie gone wrong
GO

TMZ photographer beaten by CSI star
GO

How to steal a car
GO

Christopher Walken is homeless
GO

Nicole Richie = Whos the daddy
GO

Fake Spice Girls reunite. Wow, just, wow.
GO

Naomi Watts Preggers
GO

Russian Hobosex Part 2 (NSFW)
GO

More details on the Benoit Murders
GO

Spoof of the Wii Fit
GO

Dead bird cereal prank
GO

Hilary Duff pictorial
GO

Britney slaps her Mom
GO

Kelly Clarkson looks good when she is Photoshopped
GO

Large Breasts
GO

Kirstie Alley is fat again. I am shocked. SHOCKED!
GO

Pete Wentz is a wimp
GO

Hairspray comes out this Friday. Go see another shitty remake of a Hollywood classic.
GO

Tammy Faye Baker weighs 65pbs. Ew.
GO

Find sex is your hometown
GO

Get Laid
GO

Email links and loveletters to stepdaughter[at]drunkenstepfather.com

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – Folk Park Dancing of the Day

Normal people scare the shit out of me for the most part, simply because they’re lives are dull and boring, and on a daily basis I get into enough shit that would most of them have a fucking heart attack. Anyone who knows me knows that I know how to have fun. However, if this video ever becomes my version of fun, I will shoot myself in the fucking head.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – Pam Anderson Short Dress of the Day

Pam Anderson Walking

My friend is trying to look for a roommate in this big 3 bedroom apartment he has in a great area of the city. Only problem being that him and the other guy he lives with live in complete and utter filth and argue with each other about which one is responsible for it and talk behind each other back blaming the other one. It’s actually pretty fucking funny to listen to two people so in denial in regards to their own living habits.

I had to listen to one of them bitch last night about it, because apparently they are having trouble finding a roommate because of it, and I guess the thought never occurred to either of them tat maybe if they took out the garbage and got rid of the smell of cat piss, they may get some takers. Our house is a piece of shit, but for the most, it’s clean, you know?

I never understood and still don’t understand people that are fucking dirty and live in filth, and I don’t mean homeless people, I mean normal people with jobs, a place to live and functioning lives. The other day I was walking to get breakfast with my friend and we were walking behind this old dude and I had to stop and let him get about 20 feet ahead of us because the wind was blowing in our direction and all I could smell was fucking piss from the jeans or whatever the fuck he was wearing.

This all had a point and was somehow going to link back to Pam Anderson, but now I can’t stop thinking about that guy and feel like I’m going to yak, so photos is all you get. Hugs and Kisses.


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Posted in:Pamela Anderson|Tits|Unsorted