Unsorted Archives - Page 121 of 511 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

29

Jun

I am – Jessica Simpson Tits in a Blue Dress of the Day

So I was at the drug store buying some hemorrhoid cream for my wife. I wish she was one of those hollywood type that uses the shit on the bags under her eyes, but no, I landed myself a woman with asshole problems. She’s gone to the doctor about it a few times and she blames her pregnancy almost 18 years ago on her asshole problems, but reality is that bitch eats like shit, is insanely overweight and takes the longest shits ever.

I used to live with a guy who made a ritual out of shitting. He would get his porn magazine, or book, or whatever he was in the mood to read, he’d bring his weed and papers and a pack of cigarettes to role a joint and smoke while shitting, sometimes he’d bring a can of coke or bag of chips and he’d spend the afternoon in the bathroom shitting. He called it his alone time like he was a middle aged man who’s only escape from his wife and kids is when he shits. Either way, my wife puts him to shame and unlike him, she’s not hovering over her shit doing a crossword puzzle and drinking a cocktail, she is actually there trying to empty out her fucking ass womb.

Either way, she has hemorrhoids and I had to go to the drug store to get the meds and saw the tabloids and since I write this site, I notice the tabloids and they were all praising Jessica Simpson for her recent drop in 20 lbs over the last 2 months. What they didn’t praise was John Mayer for dumping her fat ass making her forced to work out to get back into the dating scene in hopes of making him kick himself in the ass for dropping such a prized piece of ass while he’s fucking some smokin’ hot local chick in every town he tours because they think he’s some kind of god.

I don’t know if that came across like it sounded when I said it, but here are Jessica Simpson’s rockin’ tits, slimmer body and all that bullshit you like.

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simpson|Tits|Unsorted

2007

29

Jun

I am – Maria Sharapova Down Shirt Tennis Post of the Day

3 Comments »

I figure that a lot of you fuckers like sports because otherwise athletes wouldn’t be making millions of dollars. If the whole world worked the way I work, then strippers would be the main attraction at arenas and these bitches would be makin way more money than Hollywood Stars and people in sports combined, but I guess that doesn’t really matter to you.

What does matter is that as long as there is a sport that allows women to maintain some level of sex appeal, whether it be by not being bulky as fuck, whether it be by not being lesbionic as fuck, whether it be not having cocks taped to the inside of their legs because they are really dudes trying to excel like in every shitty cliche movie, then I am all for posting pictures of the girls involved bending over, showing their asses, wearing little tight shorts and rockin’ camel toe.

These are pictures of Sharapova, a girl you all want to throw a ball at, but you’re ball would be attached to your dick and your game would last a lot less that a normal match she’s used to because you have premature ejaculation issues and vaginas are like to forbidden fruit you’ve never seen so you’d get overwhelmed with the hole thing and blow it.

I snuck into the professional ladies tennis match that happens here every 2 years last year and I couldn’t really follow the game, their squeals distracted me, on my way out I say Sharapova in person, she’s really not that hot, sorry to break it to you, but she’s a pro athlete and she may look good compared to the people she is up against like the Williams sisters, but that’s like saying my gonorrhea discharge is sexy because it’s not herpes – ya heard?

Posted in:Athlete|Maria Sharapova|Tennis|Tits|Unsorted

2007

29

Jun

I am – Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Naked of the Day

15 Comments »

These pictures were taken by photo agency FAME and they are of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo naked. Unfortunately the fuckers sold the picture to Life & Style magazine and the uncensored version hasn’t hit the internet yet. I emailed x17 asking them to send me the unedited version, which could have been a mistake since those fuckers hate me and sites like me and sue all of our asses as often as they have to to protect their really lucrative, yet sleazy business of taking pictures of celebrities naked. The reason I am posting these is in hopes that one of my 12 readers, that means you, works at this magazine and has a copy of the original.

I always was fascinated with pubic hair and pussy and always wanted to know what bitch is rockin’. I remember when I was in school I used to ask all the girls to tell me about their pubic hair. I’d want to know what color shit was, I wanted to know how shit was maintained, was it bald, was it rectangular, was it triangular, was it dealt with by using scissors, wax, Nair or a razor or was it full blown bush. I never got kicked out of school for sexual harassment, only because it was a different era, no one ever complained and the teachers were probably just as into the shit I was doing and the information i was trying to get as I was, that’s why they were highschool teachers and didn’t have real jobs.

If that happened today, I probably would have never finished the ninth grade. They would have kicked me out and sent me to therapy or an all boys school or some shit good thing they didn’t because an all boy’s school would have given me little information for my autobiography that I will never write that is going to be called Life as a Pervert.

If you’re bored find me a contact at this agency…

2007

29

Jun

I am – Rosie Perez Big Stretch Marked Titties of the Day

4 Comments »

Mom, is that you? I know that I am pretty slow moving today and that you’ve already left your shitty jobs to go home to spend you shitty weekend with your shitty friends and your shitty family and maybe if you’re lucky you’re shitty girlfriend will put out but reality is that you probably don’t have a shitty girlfriend you just have a shitty sex drive that isn’t shitty because it’s not raging, but shitty because you can’t do anything about it so that it hangs over your shitty head like a fucking demon you can’t get rid of because jerking off bored you and you already do it 3 times a day.

Rosie Perez was never a woman I wanted a piece of, I am only throwing this pictures up so you can see what aging does to a face as well as what it does to a set of big ol’ titties that are hanging so hard they are stretching the shit out of her skin leaving stretch marks, like a teenage girl who has grown up on genetically modified food who’ grew to a D-Cup overnight, only the opposite, because a teen with a new set of natural D’s is a beautiful thing, where as an older mexican slag with big fat tits hanging off her frame like an anorexic girl’s uterus hangs out of her box isn’t.

As the only mexican blogger, other than Perez, but he’s gay so he doesn’t count as a real person, I feel it’s my duty to properly represent my people. I know that won’t stop you from doing whatever it is you do to these pictures because you’re a pervert and these pics are the closest thing you can get to pussy.

Posted in:Rosie Perez|Saggy|Stretch Marks|Tits|Unsorted

2007

29

Jun

I am – Jodie Sweetin Goes to the Pink Taco Opening Party of the Day

16 Comments »

So this is that meth-head Jodie Sweetin who was Stephanie Tanner on Full House when she was a kid. She always took the backseat to the Olsens and from the way I see it, she was just an accessory to making them billionaires, while leaving her in the corner hating herself so much, unable to get work and turning to smoking meth. Think about it, you’re on the same show as these cunts and they don’t even have a fucking talking role because they are still in diapers, but for some reason they still build a fucking empire out of it, while you just fizzle off into nowhere, living in your parents shitty house they bought with your money, your big tits and all, you’d be hurting too…

Reality is that her tits are so fucking stacked that there is no way she was ever really addicted to meth. The way she can barely fit into her jeans makes me think it was some E! True Hollywood lie to get her back into the public eye, land her some interviews on TV and in Magazines and give her the opportunity to show the world she’s still around and by still around I mean her massive tits. This Bitch is all big and bubbly and trying to make a comeback. all the meth addicts I’ve known have had ratty fucking skin, emaciated meth bodies, no tits, yellow meth eyes and have been shaky, speedy, itchy anxiety ridden. I don’t think there is anyway that this bitch was on meth, I think it’s a way to launch a K-Mart product line and series of children’s books.

Either way, she is at the opening of Retard Harry Morton’s restaurant/club called Pink Taco. He’s Lohan’s ex boyfriend, son of the owner of Hard Rock Cafe, Grandson of Morton’s Steakhouse and I am assuming that dude wasn’t inspired by Lohan when he came up with this fucking stupid name, because if he had the place would be called “The Big Spotted and Scabby Red Cunt That Smells Like Shit From Rotten Cum From Other Dudes She had Raw Dog Sex With and Let Drop Load in Her and a Tampon She Forgot in there a Month Ago when She Was Drunk”, I don’t think that would have been so good for business, but he’s a rich kid, he doesn’t need the business to make money, it’s just his dad’s way of giving him something to keep his son busy with…

That Lohan Vagina joke was probably pretty obvious, but I am hungover again and just trying to get through the day….

Other People in Attendance of His Big Opening:

Jessica Alba With Her Extreme Face Close-Up

Some Chick Named Nikki Griffin I want to See Naked

Kristen Cavallari With Her Weird Tattoo

Summer Altice and her Muscles

Kimberly Stewart And her Stupid Outfit

Mary Carey and her Busted Face

Amy Smart

2007

28

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

52 Comments »

I ran into some people I know who spend some time in LA and they told me that DJ AM, the guy I call gayer than bicycle shorts on an almost weekly basis has told them that he hates me. When I heard that news, I was pretty happy because it means that my message is getting out there, even if it’s reaching lame fucking DJs who bang f-list celebrities who play bar mitzvah music and make way too much fucking money, enough to drive Lamborghinis.

I guess my next target should be Lohan, the day I find out she knows I exist will be better than today’s news.

Either way, here are my links:

Another Booble Porn Minute With Some Hot Tits
GO

Paris Hilton Goes to Hawaii in Disguise
GO

Britney Murphey has a Pretty Hot Ass in this Photoshoot
GO

Maria Sharapova in Action Pictures
GO

Bride Peeing in a Cup on Her Wedding Day Because She Doesn’t Want to Take off Her Dress…Video
GO

Hayden Panettiere Painted in a Bikini
GO

Hot Brazilian Ass Playing Soccer on the Beach
GO

Brooke Burke’s Hot Ass
GO

Megan Fox at the Transformers Premiere
GO

Jail Bait Alert…
GO

Claire Danes Has Hard Nipples on Leno
GO

Guy Gets Caught Banging an UGLY fucking Hooker in the Park on Video
GO

Best and Worst Celebrity Beach Bodies
GO

Remember Kylie Minogue Performing When She was Hot
GO

Kylie Minogue on Vacation
GO

Lucy Pinder in Video With Her Tits
GO

Coco and Ice T plan a Reality Show You Will Jerk Off To
GO

Fergie Bouncing Her Boobs Video
GO

Paris Hilton Stands to Inherit 100 Million Dollars
GO

Some Howard Stern Impersonator Scares Me
GO

Truck Driver Picks up a Hooker
GO

Skipping for God
GO

Electric Shock Porn Is Fucking Weird
GO

Pete Doherty Looks Like He’s Going to Die
GO

Eva Longoria Bikini Pictures from some Shoot
GO

Michael Jackson’s Kid is Going to Be Fucked or Zorro
GO

Mariah Carey Camel Toe
GO

Jennifer Garner Pregnant Belly and Little Tits
GO

Britney Delivers Papers to her Mother in Short Shorts
GO

Guys Test Out Porn Cliche’s in the Real World
GO

Dude Hanging By His Balls
GO

Lohan Had Cocaine in her System
GO

George Michael May Have Aids
GO

Eva Mendes Banned Her Dad From Seeing Her Sex Scene
GO

Krumping at the Driving Range….
GO

Watch This Dildo Action Wait Til the End…NSFW and Weird
GO

Pictures from L.A Erotica Show
GO

This Interview With a Kid Dressed Like a Zombie is Funny
GO

VH1 Has a Show About Ugly Chicks
GO

Some Girls Dancing Around, Shaking Their Asses….They Look 18 to Me…
GO

Girl Wants to Raise 50,000 Dollars Otherwise She Aborts Her Baby
GO

Gemma Atkinson’s Calendar Spread
GO

There are 9.5 Million Millionaires, I didn’t make the list this year again…
GO

Some Dude’s Funny Complaint to an Airline Company….Read it….
GO

This is NSFW, Girl Swallows Cum Then a Goldfish…
GO

Crazy Naked Crackwhore Sister
GO

Some Teen Model Chick Named Brooke Skye Playing Soccer With Her Friend in her Panties.
GO

Girl Topless on the Treadmill
GO

Not that you care but some Paris Hiton Bull Shit:

The Paris Hilton Interview Where She Says She Doesn’t Do Drugs
GO

The paris Hilton Video Where She Does Drugs
GO

Paris Hilton has Never Done Drugs Part 4
GO

Paris Hilton has Never Done Drugs Part 3
GO

Paris Hilton has Never Done Drugs Part 2
GO

Paris Hilton has Never Done Drugs Part 1
GO

Larry King and Paris Hilton After the Interview From Kimmel
GO

You Need This Spray To Get Laid….Because You’ve Got Shitty Game and Are Scared of Women
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Leelee Sobiesky's Big Tits and a Bow Tie of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Leelee Sobiesky’s big old tits at some black tie event wearing a bow tie like she’s a fucking clown at a kids party, or maybe even a Chip and Dale male stripper working horny bachelorettes and their horny single friends. I think that’s one of the things I love about women, they give us slack for going to strip clubs and being relatively tame, drinking our beer, trying to act on our best behavior in hopes of getting the strippers to fall in love with us, because we know we can provide them with a better life where they don’t have to get naked for dirty old me, or because we are the dirty old men but we don’t want them knowing we’re dirty old men because if they did they’d stay as far the fuck away from us as they could…But when girls go to strip clubs, they go fucking nuts. They get on stage, they lick whip cream off the dudes, they grab at them and become the whores we want them be in the bedroom, but we don’t get to benefit from it….

It’s like when you bring a hot chick home and she runs to the bathroom and all you can hear is her farting and shitting and stinking up your apartment. You try to think about how bad you wanted to eat her out because she’s so fucking stacked, but that was before hearing how bad her bowels wanted to get the fuck out of her. You fuck her anyway, because you’re desperate and pretend that you never heard her colon problems from the other room, but that shit keeps haunting you, and all you keep thinking to yourself is how such a hot piece of ass can make you so fucking sick to your stomach.

I guess that’s really not at all the same thing as Leelee Sobiesky taking her tits out to play in costume, but I’ll leave that story in anyway, because Leelee Sobiesky shits too.

Posted in:Leelee Sobiesky|Tits|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Leelee Sobiesky’s Big Tits and a Bow Tie of the Day

56 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Leelee Sobiesky’s big old tits at some black tie event wearing a bow tie like she’s a fucking clown at a kids party, or maybe even a Chip and Dale male stripper working horny bachelorettes and their horny single friends. I think that’s one of the things I love about women, they give us slack for going to strip clubs and being relatively tame, drinking our beer, trying to act on our best behavior in hopes of getting the strippers to fall in love with us, because we know we can provide them with a better life where they don’t have to get naked for dirty old me, or because we are the dirty old men but we don’t want them knowing we’re dirty old men because if they did they’d stay as far the fuck away from us as they could…But when girls go to strip clubs, they go fucking nuts. They get on stage, they lick whip cream off the dudes, they grab at them and become the whores we want them be in the bedroom, but we don’t get to benefit from it….

It’s like when you bring a hot chick home and she runs to the bathroom and all you can hear is her farting and shitting and stinking up your apartment. You try to think about how bad you wanted to eat her out because she’s so fucking stacked, but that was before hearing how bad her bowels wanted to get the fuck out of her. You fuck her anyway, because you’re desperate and pretend that you never heard her colon problems from the other room, but that shit keeps haunting you, and all you keep thinking to yourself is how such a hot piece of ass can make you so fucking sick to your stomach.

I guess that’s really not at all the same thing as Leelee Sobiesky taking her tits out to play in costume, but I’ll leave that story in anyway, because Leelee Sobiesky shits too.

Posted in:Leelee Sobiesky|Tits|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Kimberly Stewart's Got Hot Legs and a Busted Face of the Day

No Comments »

I was just given free credits on a webcam site so I logged in to talk dirty to girls doing dirty things to themselves. The first room I went into was a tall blond girl in her lingerie who looked pretty fucking amazing. Just as I was typing “Stick a dildo in your ass like the whore you are”, she started to blow her nose into a Kleenex. I would have been okay with it if bitch hadn’t been so graphic in trying to clear out whatever was clogging up her nose. She was shoving her finger in the thing diggin’ for clams in front of a pocket mirror. I made me want to throw up so I didn’t end up wasting my free credits on her and that means I never saw her real clam.

She didn’t care that dudes are trying to jerk off to her. She didn’t care that dude’s have no interest in seeing that shit. It was probably her passive aggressive way of saying she doesn’t give a fuck about us or our needs, she just wants our money and until she gets our money she’s just going to sit there waiting like we’re not there and even if that means scratching her ass, blowing her nose, popping her pimples or doing her fucking laundry and any other disgusting habits she’s got, she’s going to do them.

Kimmy Stewart is a lot like this webcam whore, she walks around with her face out in the public making us all sick to our stomachs distracting us from her hot legs. If she was to walk around with a mask on, or a hood over her face, or a Muslim costume while showing off her legs, you’d think she was a hot piece of ass you’d want to fuck, instead we don’t have the chance to enjoy a good thing or wait for bitch takes off the mask, hood or Muslim costume to have all the dreams of cumming inside her wash away. She just puts it all out there…

So if you’re an ugly girl with hot legs, ass or tits don’t feel afraid to cover up your problem spots, even if it’s your face. If you’re a webcam whore, try not to do disgusting things when guys are watching you. I am just trying to help you get ahead.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Kimberly Stewart’s Got Hot Legs and a Busted Face of the Day

2 Comments »

I was just given free credits on a webcam site so I logged in to talk dirty to girls doing dirty things to themselves. The first room I went into was a tall blond girl in her lingerie who looked pretty fucking amazing. Just as I was typing “Stick a dildo in your ass like the whore you are”, she started to blow her nose into a Kleenex. I would have been okay with it if bitch hadn’t been so graphic in trying to clear out whatever was clogging up her nose. She was shoving her finger in the thing diggin’ for clams in front of a pocket mirror. I made me want to throw up so I didn’t end up wasting my free credits on her and that means I never saw her real clam.

She didn’t care that dudes are trying to jerk off to her. She didn’t care that dude’s have no interest in seeing that shit. It was probably her passive aggressive way of saying she doesn’t give a fuck about us or our needs, she just wants our money and until she gets our money she’s just going to sit there waiting like we’re not there and even if that means scratching her ass, blowing her nose, popping her pimples or doing her fucking laundry and any other disgusting habits she’s got, she’s going to do them.

Kimmy Stewart is a lot like this webcam whore, she walks around with her face out in the public making us all sick to our stomachs distracting us from her hot legs. If she was to walk around with a mask on, or a hood over her face, or a Muslim costume while showing off her legs, you’d think she was a hot piece of ass you’d want to fuck, instead we don’t have the chance to enjoy a good thing or wait for bitch takes off the mask, hood or Muslim costume to have all the dreams of cumming inside her wash away. She just puts it all out there…

So if you’re an ugly girl with hot legs, ass or tits don’t feel afraid to cover up your problem spots, even if it’s your face. If you’re a webcam whore, try not to do disgusting things when guys are watching you. I am just trying to help you get ahead.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Unsorted

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