This is Chanelle Hayes in a bikini, she’s some chick from UK Big Brother and she seems to have a track record of being some kind of party slut, which isn’t too surprising because it’s pretty much the life plan her parents gave her after naming her after some kind of tacky stripper or pornstar.

These have been floating around the internet the last couple of days and I kept deciding to not bother posting them, because bitch in the pictures is bloated and seems like she’s been doing enough floating around on her own. It looks like her ass has builtin float-wings you put on your kid so it doesn’t drown because having a kid drown reflects badly on your parenting skills.

Reality is that since I have no idea who she is, it’s possible that she’s pregnant and making fun of a bloated pregnant chick may not be very nice because it’s natures way of ruining a perfectly good vagina but at least it’s less abusive than if I was making fun of a bloated chick for being pregnant, who wasn’t even pregnant at all because that would just be mean.

Reality is she is one of those tight bodied 18 year olds who turns 20 and shit starts drooping in ways she never thought it would when she was a tight bodied 18 year old. It’s one of those life isn’t fair for a young slut situations that happens all the time. That’s why the awkwardly skinny 18 year old virgins are the ones you should be going after because at least by the time they hit 25 they’ll still be tight bodied and won’t have had multiple cocks in them during their pre-mature prime.

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A stripper I once knew became a pornstar about a year ago because she thought she’d make more money doing porn that stripping and because she just liked to fuck. She did a few scenes of standard sex and about 10 movies later went a little bit more hardcore. I ran into her randomly the other day and she ran up to me pretending I was her dad who abandoned her as a child and acted all happy to see me. I assume that was the pornstar with daddy issues way to interact with an older man. When I asked her what she was up to she told me she just let 10 dudes piss on her then fuck her for a scene. It’s funny to see the evolution of a girl who once let me grab her tits for 10 dollars and slowly worked her way up through standard sex to anal sex and now to gangbang golden shower shit, all in the course of a year. I know that in the next 2 years she’ll become known and 2 years after that she’ll be a nobody that no one wants to marry, because fucking a slut is a lot different than marrying a slut.

Either way, here are my links:

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I haven’t been following the Britney Spears story at all because I honestly don’t give a fuck. I am too self absorbed and I find the shit pretty fucking boring because it’s got nothin to do with me. I don’t really care that she’s completely insane or that she’s lost her kids and has been skipping court dates. I guess it’s sad that she’s probably goin to end up killing herself or institutionalized and that someone like her isn’t really safe to have on the streets and that her life is so fucking chaotic and intense when it could have been so relaxed and retired by 23 because she fucked the wrong dude who took her for a ride and ruined her making it like a scene from a really bad movie, all while I sit at my computer in my soiled underwear eating a muffin.

Either way, I heard she’s banging a paparazzi and I am jealous of him, because I’d want to be on the front lines of this shit but that’s just because I think my life is dull and I think it’d be fun. I always had a thing for vulnerable girls, they are easy to win over and K-Fed again and it seems like homie may have already hooked that up, because she was seen out buying a pregnancy test.

I like the way she thinks, if the motherfuckers won’t let her have her babies, she’ll just make herself some more.They can’t stop her tattered womb from doing what it’s supposed to do and that’s the kind of ambition you need to become a success. You don’t take no for an answer, you keep going back to the studio til you find that hit, even if it means fucking an immigrant with a camera to make it happen.

It reminds me of the time girl refused to go on a date with me, so I just climbed her fire escape, crawled into her room and stole all her dirty panties…because let’s face it, that’s all I really wanted her for…and I just wouldn’t take no for an answer….so in a Lot of ways I am like Britney Spears and that’s pretty exciting. Want to see me dance?

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Rachel Bilson is just one of those girl you’d see in the club and totally want to slip the date rape drug into her drink. She’s small and that makes it easier to pull her out by her hair without anyone asking any questions. Once getting her into the cab, you’d just tell the cabby how she just had one too many Tequila shots and that as her longtime friend you want to make sure she gets home safe so that some creepy dude doesn’t get her home and have his way with her, totally tricking him into thinking that you’re not that creepy dude taking her home to have your way with her and possibly even tricking him into giving you a free ride because you’re just that nice and more crafty that a group of grandmas at a church bazaar.

Rachel Bilson does things to me that not many other girls do. She makes me a bad boy. She’s like the girl the rapist said was wearing too short of a skirt and that’s what made him do it. The proof of that is that she made me watch a Zach Braff whiney Jew movie just to see her in one sex scene that lasted a minutre and she also made me watch a whole couple seasons of the OC in one sitting when I was at a friend’s house and the OC marathon was on and I had drank one or two too many cocktails.

The point of all this is to say that I am not a date rapist or any kind of rapist for that matter, but Rachel Bilson could have the power to change that, she’s the kind of girl who makes me want to try new things and explore new worlds but since the the chances of me being in the same room as her are pretty much slim to none, and since I am a pretty sexy middle-aged fat married dude that she’d totally want a piece of and since you can’t rape the willing, this post shouldn’t lead you to calling the police.

It should however lead you to be happy, because GQ has got Rachel Bilson doing some pretty magical half naked things and that’s a good way to start your day. Cuddles.

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