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2020

05

Oct

Jordyn Jones Thong Bikini of the Day

Jordyn Jones is in a skimpy bikini because what the fuck is she supposed to do. She’s a trending young girl from Kalamazoo Michigan who is going to end up 300 pounds like her white trash mom, but in the meantime, this one is living in LA, rocking a house with a pool, while none of us know who the fuck this bitch is….

The good news for the perverts out there is that she does have a typical instagram body, some booty and tits, in a skimpy bikini because this is the kind of content her generation produces and expects from each other because they are all stunted mentally and only understand being pervert exhibitionists, you know they grew up on porn, they are different than the old stuffy boring people you grew up with who only get sexually interesting when it’s FAR too late for them….after the divorces and kids…instead of getting it done when they are at their youngest and hottest.

I’ve always said women reaching their sexual prime at 40, which I always thought was just a lie from the Women’s Magazines to give them all hope so they don’t kill themselves, but hormonally it may be true in their trying to get knocked up before that last eggs drop, so instead of doing it when they were young because they were insecure, they’re out at the grocery store with their pussy definition out there for all to see trying to compete with their slutty daughters with their pilates bodies…I’ve always told every girl I know to take the nudes now, no matter what age they are at when I come in contact with them, because it only gets worse…

So here’s KALAMAZOO at it.

Here she is in little shorts!

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Posted in:Jordyn Jones

2020

05

Oct

Florence Pugh Hard Nipples of the Day

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Florence Pugh is trying on bathing suits!

Florence Pugh is a very overrated Oscar nominated, possibly Oscar winning, who knows we don’t watch the Oscars in these parts or put any fucking value on them, even though winning an Oscar has allowed bitches like Brie Larson to continue to exist all because she had one decent role, so cast her in everything now…not that Florence Pugh is Brie Larson, but her boyfriend is about Brie Larson’s age…a little Zach Braff getting in on this….

Now Florence Pugh, who I heard calls her fan club “Poo Fetishists”….like how Lady Gaga calls her fans monsters, or Katy Perry calls her fans “I can’t believe I have fans”….is out here in a one piece swimsuit cuz she’s short a thick….and that’s how those types wear bathing suits…and you can see her hard nipple that Zach Braff probably can’t believe everytime it gets pulled out since prior to his celebrity that no one understands, Zach Braff probably only had sex with his vagina he crafted in woodshop class, he has that vibe…but now that he’s SCRUBS rich, he’s getting in on this….which I guess would be less eventful if Florence Pugh wasn’t as highly rated as she is because she’s pretty average looking for a celebrity…and there are SO many hot whores on instagram who aren’t lame ass actors available to fuck rich guys like Zach Braff so it’s a lot of “what the fuck’s that idiot doing….boomer doesn’t know all the whores in the LA area that would give him equally empty relationships”…but that would give better emptying of balls….so the whole thing makes no sense.

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Posted in:Florence Pugh

2020

05

Oct

Jennifer Garner Bathing of the Day

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I’ve never found Jennifer Garner hot, she’s just been the victim of Affleck abuse because you know that dude’s a giant asshole drunk child…and she’s been the average and relatable all american looking bitch in movies…not the kind of celebrity that makes you cum yourself when you see her tits on the big screen…

Anyway, You know the age old expression that women age like bread not wine…getting all mouldy and shit….that I think was first documented in the 1700s by Albert Einstein or some shit….is obviously fact….that’s not to say men don’t age like shit, I am sure my organs are on their last legs….and I look like shit, but I’ve always looked like shit…not to mention, this isn’t about me, I’m not the celebrity in question or a celebrity at all…but Jennifer Garner is….

Now I typically point and laugh at old looking bitches with their old looking mom bods….at least historically I have…you know KICK THEM WHILE THEY ARE DONE has been my lifelong philosophy, it was even my Yearbook quote in High School.

BUT in this era of everyone turning themselves into the Kardashians, I am forced to celebrate a mom mid section…you know the mom gunt in a one piece bathing suit looking like a mom, instead of some freak who looks like she had her ribs torn out, and her belly fat injected in her ass, while her muppet face tries to smile….

So here’s Jennifer Garner a celebrity mom who looks like a mom….for those of you into moms because you never had a mom…or never made a mom because girls don’t let you fuck them.

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Posted in:Jennifer Garner|SFW

2020

05

Oct

Julianne Hough Bikini of the Day

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Julianne Hough, like UTI or yeast infection commercial and continues to exists….

The Mormon Gone Wild, who denounced her church and their concept of modest being the hottest, for the life of celebrity….one that ended up dating Ryan Seacrest for a decent amount of time, someone who has had sex with at least one person I know, and who has told me he’s all about the ass and cocaine, but they could have been lying, but for the sake of this post, let’s think of the Mormon gone Wild getting cocaine snorted off her butthole before getting a dick up in her like she was her brother, or like the dick was her brother’s since they are a weirdo dancing family that clearly has a weirdo history…

Despite being older, she’s in a bikini being slutty, assuming you consider a girl producing content of her ass in a bikini slutty, which I do…and so does her church as they frown upon her behavior since she doesn’t believe in the whole modest being the hottest concept of her church, hence the whole Mormon gone wild….as she lives out her RUMSPRINGA the right way, at least for her pervert audience…

I guess that’s basically the way professional dancers work, from strippers to dancing with the stars dancers, they’re trained to move in rhythmic ways in little clothing and the whole dance thing keeps them hot bodied, so they are the kind of people you’d probably get fucked right by…and since you’re not getting fuck by, you’d probably want to be fucked by…

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Posted in:Julianne Hough

2020

05

Oct

Meadow Walker Hard Nipples of the Day

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Meadow Walker is Paul Walker’s 21 year old daughter, which means that if her dad was still alive and if he didn’t kill himself like an asshole, her and her friends would too old for him to date, because when he died there was a story going around that he started dating his girlfriend he died dating back when she was still 15 or 16….something Warner Bros didn’t like me reposting as if I fucking broke the story because they came after me….knowing an underage relationship scandal would probably be bad for their cash cow the FAST AND FURIOUS FRANCHISE without remembering that people don’t actually give a fuck about any of that unless they are told to outrage or single out a motherfucker like they did with Kevin Spacey…

Point being, Meadow Walker is Paul Walker’s daughter and like other 21 year olds who remind me of retards at the pool…discovering their genitals and wanting to let people in on it….as she posts her hard nipple selfie, she’s clearly posting to show her hard nipples, in a “I’ll show you mine, if you like and follow me” instead of a “if you show me yours” because in this world of “SELF” there’s no room or interest in other people…just being excited your nipples are excited on a level where she feels the need to document it, post it, share it….pretty funny…

I’m not against 21 year old girls resorting to pics of their hard nips for attention or art…or high concept…it’s just funny how the dumber people as a society the more sexualized they get…because sex is a basic fucking need engrained in our core…obviously everyone’s going to be drawn to that and are finally embracing that and it’s getting weird out there with all that nudity at least for me, because I like the tease, the not shameless nudity, the more subtle or special nudity that makes you feel like you’re in on something exclusive rather than just scrolling instagram….but I’m a fucking dinosaur…who still believes in the power of love songs…

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Posted in:Meadow Walker

2020

05

Oct

Noah Cyrus Bikini of the Day

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Everyone’s least favorite CYRUS, including the brother who’s some meth trailer park dwelling, rob the convenience store for cough syrup and beef jerky looking motherfucker, NOAH….who unlike the ark builder or the great grandson of Enoch, is not a legend in the making, but rather a low tier clickbaiter who uses her last name, access, money to manipulate the world into following her and thinking she’s got something to offer…

This is the main problem with celebrity, it’s that the kids and siblings of celebrity feel entitled or more qualified to be celebrities than they probably should, but then again, maybe they are better suited to be celebrities thanks to living that life by proxy, especially since every girl of all ages is out here trying to be a celebrity too, using the same tactics and publicity stunts and nudity…only getting a fraction of the views because no one gives a fuck about them when they can get the level celebrity experience from someone who hangs with actual celebrities and may even feature those celebrities on their feed…

You know 90 percent of Noah Cyrus’ followers, maybe even 99% are only there to see Miley, so as she gets naked for likes and follows and attentions, the people are thinking “where are the Miley Cameos, that’s why we are here”….because Miley despite not being all that hot, is hot to me and obviously super fucking famous, or at least famous enough for her troll sister to think she is famous…you the residual effect….

She’s in a bikini and probably doesn’t know she’s ugly because you know you have to over hype the shadow dweller in the family so they don’t kill themselves…

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Posted in:noah cyrus

2020

05

Oct

Sammi Hanratty Got Them Tits On of the Day

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Sammi Hanratty is a non famous rat looking actress that lucked out and ended up on Shameless for a season or two because they needed some crack baby looking bitch to fill the spot of one of the girlfriends in the show..

Shameless as a concept is great and I did watch the first season and the last season, ignoring the 10 or more seasons in between, because I am from the era of William H Macy being a legend of an actor in a lot of great roles, so I bought into him doing TV….plus I can relate to degenerate losers in life far too much that I would have liked….but being a drunk mooch is my vibe….I hated Emmy Rossum, despite the tits for the season I watched and I loved that they didn’t give her the same amount of money as William H Macy forcing her to quit the show, which was the biggest and most important thing she ever did to be relevant, she was probably one step away from heading back to New York to work for her Auntie Vera Wang in the fashion business before getting cast, that loser ungrateful bitch….so when she quit, I figured I’d watch again because like the “VOTE” they are shoving down your throat, I hoped my VIEW mattered in then NEVER folding to recast the cunt.

ANYWAY, Sammi Hanratty, who is far too ratty for my liking, but great to play a crackbaby or an inbred, is being sleazy to get noticed, it’s standard and basic tactics for this moron generation of underachieving slackers who are overpaid for minimal effort like that tiktok bitch making 5 million to dance as she lip syncs….suck a fucking dick…people do actual important things in this world and don’t even make 100k tittok cunt.

I love that my Sammi Hanratty post has zero to do with Hanratty because that’s how inspiring her trashy content is.

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Posted in:Sammi Hanratty

2020

05

Oct

Vanessa Hudgens Booty on a Bike of the Day

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Vanessa Hudgens grinding her pussy up against a CITI BIKE, despite it being a Global Pandemic….you know because I see these bikes around here and even before the pandemic just assumed that homeless people used them as a cum rag…smearing their feces, blood and semen all over the motherfucker, making me laugh every time I see tourists riding the things…they have no idea what homeless people do to those things at night…

I will say this though, Vanessa Hudgens with her ass on her bike seat as it presses against her pussy is a nice reminder that I didn’t spend any time sniffing bike seats that were still warm from the hot girl who just parked it at the grocery store…or pharmacy to get what must be her UTI or YEAST INFECTION medication for some of them because that shit can stink….but you get what I am saying and that is the COVID ruined my PERVERT HOBBIES jerks.

I know what you’re thinking, you’d rather see Hudgens riding that bike without the bike seat, but she’s not at that stage in her career where she turns to porn, but the way things are going, it may not be too far away as all these sluts embrace being sluts and want to get paid for being sluts….a very weird concept for someone who has grown up with porn and mainstream being so fucking opposite…but that’s the way evolution works again, we are all fuelled by sex.

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Posted in:Vanessa Hudgens

2020

05

Oct

Tara Reid’s Not Dead but She Is in a Bikini of the Day

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I saw this Tara Reid bullshit the other day, I guess she’s out promoting that she’s on TikTok, you know trying to exist as the Sharknado fame starts to fade and she needs some new viral stunt to keep relevant, like dancing to viral challenges like an idiot teen, probably securing a whole new fan base, because she is still Tara Reid the funny drunk old lady who was at one time one of the hottest celebs, only to decide to take a 10 year or more break from that bullshit acting thing, to party around the world…like a true alcoholic craving a perpetual spring break would…..

The funny thing about Tara Reid is how these “feminists” crying about body positivity and supporting all women basically SLAUGHTERED Tara Reid for her wonky ass tit job back when she flashed her wonky ass tits on the red carpet before being made fun of on a deep fucking level forcing her to flee hollywood….it was a GiRL ON GIRL crime, but believe them when they pretend they are all about women, supporting women, and all that other shit because women are evil, catty and HATE all women…their support all women shit is lies…

You see because dudes love tits, even shitty tits and maybe we laughed at her tits that looked like they were part of some serial killer’s basement autopsy, but they were still tits and as men, we can face all odds and we can confront all challenges with this ability to get a boner to shitty tits.

So the point is, Tara Reid is still alive, still thin, not dead, possibly a zombie, while rocking out in Key West in her bikini and that’s news to me.

Posted in:Tara Reid

2020

05

Oct