DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2018

29

May

January Jones Booty Shorts of the Day

When you’re a single mother, because your baby daddy wants nothing to do with you, but likely sends her monthly checks…you do what you can to make ends meet, including but not limited to giving us glimpses of how she got a career in the first place…exhibitionism in a playful way so it seems less desperate and whorish while it is still desperate and whorish….

Obviously, she is pandering to some group of virgin loser tit lover, and I guess ass lover, in a low level way that people pretend isn’t low level thanks to her being on TV, making her high level by default…she’s got that TV stamp of approval…..unlike all the other girls who wear shorts like this who are like 20 years old and we want to see dressed like this…

We all know that dicks were sucked to get to this point in her career…we also know she’s 40, living single mother being a stereotype ass out…for male attention..and you probably find it hot…

Posted in:January Jones|SFW

2018

29

May

Cindy Crawford Tits of the Day

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Cindy Crawford is old, and her narcissism has been diverted with laser sharp accuracy on whoring out her teen daughter….but I guess with people obsessed with the 90s like everyone…it’s the 90s revival…people are still into her…despite her looking her fucking age.

I have seen her in person…and it turns out that she’s fucking amazing in person…we exchanged smiles…made eye contact…as she entered her hotel years ago….I didn’t follow her in, security didn’t like me and she probably only smiled because she probably thought I was a homeless guy…or someone with downs syndrome down on his luck who needed a little pick me up…when in reality…all I needed was for her to invite me into said hotel room and sit on my face…which obviously didn’t happen…but that was decades ago..and I don’t know if she would still have that star power or presence…but I do know that her tits are out, her and her husband are stupid rich, her daughter even as a teen being whored out is hot, and that’s more than I care to know about 90s models who should have died off to me in the 90s…but thanks to the fucking internet all these people get second and third lives to their celebrity…instead of their disappearing.

We have pics of 90s Cindy, we really don’t need this. She should go back to destroying her daughter’s soul, by cashing in on her look at 16, even though they don’t need the money, they just like the money and probably think they are teaching her work ethic, thanks to skirting through life not working her entire life and having at least one Malibu beach house to show for it.

Posted in:Cindy Crawford|SFW

2018

29

May

Lottie Moss Panty Flash of the Day

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Lottie Moss is on the instagram bikini hustle, because she’s from the UK and being from the UK means she needs to weekend in Ibiza, and is there for opening weekend, in her bikini…

Lottie Moss is not a household name, she’s not compelling or interesting, but she is the mooch Kate Moss sister who isn’t even Kate Moss’ official sister, she’s old enough to be Kate Moss’ daughter, but I am sure having the same last name as Kate Moss has carried her through her life, from a young age, through high school, into her adult life…being Kate Moss’ sister was all that she had going for her, all that people around her cared about, and because of that she’s managed to make many friends….a reality show star…and an exhibitionist attention whore with some tits she likes people seeing..

Not a bad gig, being Kate Moss’ sister, it means you don’t have to do shit and people will pay you off…it’s crazy…

Here she is pulling her tits out for the waiter..

Some bikini posing…

Posted in:Lottie Moss|SFW

2018

29

May

Jenna Dewan Hard Nipples of the Day

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You may not know who back-up dancer Jenna Dewan is, but you may like her nipples…

The biggest in Jenna Dewan news is that she and Channing Tatum have finally broke up after all these years for him to go explore his homsexuality….

The second biggest in Jenna Dewan news is that when she was a back-up dancer for Janet Jackson she was gifted vibrators by Janet Jackson, a gift idea she got from talking to her brother about what he gave 12 year old Culkin…..

The story is that it was wild cuz she was 19 at the time, even though she was 19…19 year olds masturbated…and the gift that kept giving was gift that would get a man arrested by the MeToo movement for participating in…but that everyone laughs at when it’s creepy girl to creepy girl…but was a great gift…

The only Jenna Dewan story I know comes from Channing Tatum’s old agent, who used to go drop off scripts at his house, and the couple would answer the door naked and try to get him in for the naked party…which is hardly a scandal…but it’s a story and I just told it.

Posted in:Jenna Dewan|SFW

2018

29

May

Eniko Mihalik in a Bathing Suit for Marie Claire of the Day

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Big news…because Eniko Mihalik has done nude shoots before…is in a magazine…not nude…

I know it’s not actually big news, no one cares about Eniko Mihalik…or what she’s up to…she’s old now.

But she was a titty fashion model, not that kind of titty model who is all low level and attention seeking with her tits, despite being attention seeking with her tits, but rather the kind of titty model who fashion like and throw millions at.

She may not be nude, but she’s old now, but she is in a bathing suit, a one piece which should be more inspiring to older women everywhere, there comes a time you strap your titties in and pack them up and let the young girls bring the tits, while you bring the Jell-O pudding pops or baked goods for the bake sale granny..

Posted in:Eniko Mihalik|SFW

2018

29

May

Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne Scissor of the Day

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Every once in a while I like to post celebrity gossip stories, rather than celebrities flashing their assholes, like I am TMZ, to spite TMZ, for cutting me off their traffic exchange for calling Paul Walker a sex offender, because where I am from, if you’re Fiance is 16, you’re a sex offender. I know I am not Mormon so I don’t know all the rules, but I use logic of seeing 16 year old girls and thinking “that’s perverted”…even if Elvis met his wife when she was 14, and there have been generations of fucking perverts….but the point is, they blocked me because Warner Brothers owns them, conflict of interest, sure…but they don’t tell you that…and Warner Bros was putting out Fast and Furious 600, Paul Walker’s last drive….and didn’t like it.

SO here’s my celebrity Gossip, that isn’t even my gossip, because when I get my own gossip from credible sources, the people who read this sit, DO not make it go viral…..

So anyway, clickbait garbage fat has been who isn’t even 30 yet Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne who is not hot, exciting, or interesting in her quest to be an actress now that she’s crawled down the METH hole, are trying to promote nonsense, create a meme, tell the world they are fucking, to be interesting, compelling, or to make a joke…or to get press…..

Because the media is so lame they talk about the shit like it matters…and it works…

They are called #Cashley, even though Cara Delevingne has been with other women the last month, because that’s how media whoring works, you try to be exciting…When I know that no one gives a fuck about fat Benson or Cara Delevingne, the famous pussy fucker, who has been playing this storyline for a long time. The gateway to lesbianism for all these women, because I guess she loves to scissor, eat pussy, because it is free marketing hype…

WE ONLY CARE about the sex tapes, and not even, because Lesbian sex is anti climatic.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Ashley Benson|Cara Delevingne|SFW

2018

29

May

Nina Dobrev Bodysuit of the Day

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I am a big pug fan….I have a pug. I have an intense friendship and relationship with my pug. I freak out over all pugs I see. I love everyone who loves pugs. It warms my heart and gets me excited and happy feeling despite being otherwise dying on the inside…

So by default, I have to like Canadian Nina Dobrev…from Vampire Diaries…who prior to today, I didn’t care…

Even if she’s using the pug to make herself look better, to appeal to me, to make her own clickbait…I can’t help but support the pug. He’s so cute…and these pics by default make me excited and happy feeling despite being dead on the inside…

From what I know, she’s trying to be a fitness influencer, fitness is hot, fit women are hot, I’m just glad she’s not fat. Maybe this is part of that….or maybe this is just a PUG as a prop by a devil opportunist…

Who knows, she’s from Bulgaria, moved to Canada, and is now famous as fuck…I figure to get their requires very little soul…lots of strategy, puppies and blowjobs, and thank you gifts…

I know, as a Canadian, I should support my own people, but she’s an immigrant, you Americans know all about how to treat those, plus I don’t remember from Degrassi, where she gave Drake Handjobs, or at least I assume she did…Degrassi is all Canadians are allowed to know…as a Canadian it is our duty….NOT TO MENTION…she doesn’t show up to the Igloo Pow Wows anymore to suck on frozen maple syrup anymore…she’s turned her back on us…so I’ll turn my back on her by writing a whole post on her…thanks to the PUG…the way into my heart.

Posted in:Nina Dobrev|SFW

2018

29

May

Farrah Abraham if For Sale in Dubai of the Day

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Farrah Abraham has found her place in the world. Dubai.

The sex worker, who was once on MTV, on a very popular show that probably streams in Dubai on MTV Dubai….giving the rest of the world the script to how to move in and destroy the American culture without them realizing it…because they are too distracted with bullshit smut like Teen Pregnancies…

The point of the story is that women in Saudi Arabia, or even UAE, aren’t allowed to do shit, but the Americans they collect because they are rich, and these American women like money, can come in and get gang shat on for money by these people as a representation of them taking over America…

First we get their desperate sex worker women, then we shit on them, then we take over the world…

Why the fuck else would Farrah Abraham be in Dubai…makes no fucking sense unless rich dudes are paying her desperate fake ass.

THat said, I am a fan of Farrah Abraham because she made me money with her sex tapes….thanks Farrah for taking one for the team you didn’t even know what your team.

Posted in:Farrah Abraham|SFW

2018

29

May

Chanel West Coast is So Gross of the Day

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Chanel West Coast is such dog shit on all levels…she is not hot, but she’s out there dressed like she is, because she probably thinks she’s hot, or maybe her celebrity, and there’s not that much celebrity there, but what she probably thinks her celebrity is based on, is being the hot chick on some bro skater MTV show I never watched but assume she was dog shit on.

The kind of girl you’d pick up with a plastic bag and toss, if you were allowed, but instead allowed to live on her social media, producing her social media content, ass out, tits out, all while being dog shit.

I would say that most remarkable thing about her that despite being dog shit, she’s got a career, pays rent and think she’s a female rapper…my dog shit is far less ambitious and annoying, it kind of just sits there festering like her, stinky as fuck…but it’s not nearly as irritating as whatever this dog shit is…