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2013

03

Oct

Esme Bianco Topless Photoshoot of the Day

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I don’t watch Game of Thrones, because Sci-Fi Fantasy is just weird to me. I mean life is ridiculous enough that we don’t need to create alternative worlds to really get by…even if no one likes you, fairies and dragons, even when marketed as mainstream, shouldn’t make that shit better….

But apparently, there is a babe on the show. Her name is Esme Bianco, I’ve posted her FULL FRONTAL before….

Hot tits…

Posted in:Esme Bianco|NSFW

2013

03

Oct

Kendall Jenner for Agua Bendita of the Day

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She’s finally made it…

Kendall Jenner, aspiring Victoria’s Secret model, with a broken down Kardashian Face, who is not hot at all, and only has a good 17 year old body to carry her through this Victoria’s Secret model dream, has been booked to model swimwear for some company that I assume is owned by Victoria’s Secret, because they lend them their models all the time, and that would only happen, if they had a big piece of the pie…and not the pie Kendall never got at the dinner table because the big Kardashian ate all of it…

So I guess this is step one of mom’s whoring….and I guess Agua Bendita’s first step in child pornography….because when my neighbor gets 17 year olds half naked…the police aren’t huge fans….

Posted in:Kendall Jenner

2013

03

Oct

Hayden Panettiere Hanging with Herself of the Day

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There’s gotta be a fetish in this somewhere….Hayden Panettiere posing with a giant cut out of herself….in some masturbatory, twin on twin bullshit that is far less interesting that a fat black chick smothering your face while railing cocaine off each other’s hot tits….who cares….

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere

2013

03

Oct

Aubrey O’Day Showing Off Bikini Body of the Day

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Aubrey O’Day is not as fat as she used to be….and I guess this is an improvement of what was and coincidentally happening at the same time she’s lost interest in black dudes…and no matter what she will always be a vile cow to me…moo.

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day

2013

03

Oct

SFW porn screenshot of the day

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Here’s a new feature I want all of you to participate in, even though it was a pretty major fail on Facebook, it’s called SFW porn screenshot where you snap off a pic from a porn that doesn’t have the actual porn in it, but rather has all amazingness that is porn awkwardness…

Send in your SFW Porn Screenshots to info(at)drunkenstepfather.com

Posted in:LOLZ

2013

03

Oct

Kate Upton’s Pregnancy Glow of the Day

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I don’t know if Kate Upton is sweating like the pig that she is because she just walked up a flight of stares, or if her face is just shiny because she shoved it in a trough of french fries, I just know she looks disgusting, so disgusting that you’d expect her to not leave her house without a mask on, or maybe some cover-up make-up, cameras are high res and no one wants to see your fast food eating break-out, especially not when you’re an overpaid, overrated, fat model who doesn’t deserve the success she has…she is just a set of tits that went viral and that people attached themselves to to get hits…but this cow needs to be taken to pasture and forgotten…the milk’s gone sour…which is good because she’s probably pregnant and hormonal hence the reason she has a baby bump and bad skin….you heard it here first people…Drunkenstepfather.com News Maker….yo

If you’re more into her posing in a baseball uniform all thick legged and loose shirt cuz she’s got a shitty bloated water retaining from too much salt body…here is a photoshoot SI did with her….cuz SI loves this silly girl…she’s put them back on the map…

She looks awful….Anna Nicole Smith in training, only Anna Nicole Smith pulled off fat and busty a lot better…

Posted in:Kate Upton|SFW

2013

03

Oct

The Black Aryan of the Day

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Here’s a black dude with a Swastika on his hand….who claims he is an Aryan, because he is first breed white, because first breed white is extremely dark, and he’s eating some kind of fruit that’s all over his face, and clearly insane…but totally fucking hysterical…if you aren’t offended by Black Aryans…who make weird noises…I don’t know what he’s selling but I’d love to make him my sidekick at least to any formal events I need to attend…or at least give this dude his own TV show…

If you didn’t like that, here’s Some new Rub and Tug Technology….

Despite rub and tugs being a legal loophole to prostitution and because of that there is one on every corner of every city….I have still never had one…because either I am too drunk to bother or just uninspired by old Asian ladies despite their firm grip.

I have walked into a few over the years and made the manager/pimp bring the girls out for me to interview to see which one was worthy of my hundred dollars, only to be kicked out after trying to get an insurance receipt to claim the massage so I don’t have to pay for the massage…

This is a dude working on some new rub and tug technology…hammer and chisel motherfucker….

Posted in:Videos

2013

03

Oct

Straight from the Bed of Miley Cyrus of the Day

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Miley Cyrus posted a picture from her bed, which I guess could be a very exciting thing, because Miley is a strategic girl who knows exactly how to milk it to be the more relevant performer when she’s performing. Disney trains their girls right. They work hard, they get the hustle, they have teams of people who create pop and trends for idiots like you to buy, and ultimately, I kinda love her for that…and her hot little body she doesn’t mind showing off, even if her ass is a little deflated….

This picture could be so much better, because so many good things happen to a girl in bed….but it could be so much worse…because Miley lets those things happen to her from a gang of thug rappers…a fetish I have not yet embraced…

But I’ll look at everything she produces, not because she’s a genius, but because I like it…even when she cries.

She’s the host of SNL this week…here’s the promo….I guess to remind us that SNL still exists…

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

03

Oct

Some Hooker Water Campaign with Hookers of the Day

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So some new water company either owned by Playboy or the paparazzi agency that shot these garbage pics packaged some shitty Playboy trash, like it was Playboy of the 90s, and Playboy still mattered and the girls who were in Playboy had to audition and weren’t just any bitch they could find willing to get naked…even though I like when girls get naked…I just know how desperate these girls are…hookers…with water…interesting..

Posted in:Campaigns

2013

03

Oct

Avirl Lavigne in Some Magazine of the Day

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Avril Lavigne is impregnated with the spawn of Satan/Nickelback, who is actually too pussy to actually be Satan, but rather a horrible joke Satan played on the world in the form of the worst possible music that I guess someone out there likes, for some fucking strange reason, because otherwise they wouldn’t be huge successes…not that there is a satan, but there is no way that Nickelback wasn’t created in a every evil place with evil intentions…or maybe it was a joke…because the thought of a dude rocking’ out to any of their songs is actually pretty hilarious to me…but none of that matters, because like Jews, Canadians like to keep their seen in their own, at least when you’re a 40 year old sexual predator who has targeted a bitch since she was 14 to one day father your kids, devoting years of brainwashing work like that Castro dude…reminding us all that persistence is key..break a bitch down…be there through her divorce…hold her hand until she says “all other dudes are assholes, I’m gonna go with the one who just makes asshole music for assholes”….

Who cares, she did some Magazine, it isn’t hot…and now she’s ruined, despite still dressing like a suburban mall teen mom…running into hot topic…

All this to say, I just all girls by the penis they put inside them…