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2013

02

Jul

The Helen Flanagan Bikini Fail I Call a Win of the Day

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Helen Flanagan is a UK Soap Star turned Glamour Model…and the people at NUTS, being TITTY Obessed journalists, have published a couple of pics of what they are saying are her first full tit exposed pics, but based on the direction of her career, from Soap Star to Glamour Model…the only logical step for her would be to go from Glamour Model to Pornstar…

I don’t really know what she’s doing and I’m not complaining, because I like busty young girls topless as much as the next guy, especially when they were once on TV, but normally they only end up topless because they need to pay rent, you know cuz all has failed. They are not getting topless because they just want to be topless, because that being on TV has nothing on being topless in magazines…and despite the whole thing being awesome, it is totally fucking weird and makes no sense…

I’ll still stare at the pics, cuz I am not her career councillor, but I should be at a local high school cuz my advice would always look a lot like this…or stripping…or cam girl..cuz it’s all about making money as easily as possible…

The fact remains that I never heard of her when she was on TV, but I have now that she’s doing this, so maybe she’s got it all figured out, and I like the way she’s doing it.

Posted in:Helen Flanagan|NSFW

2013

02

Jul

Raica Oliveira in her Bikini at a Victoria’s Secret Shoot of the Day

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Raica Oliveira is a hot Victoria’s Secret Model from Brazil, like so many other Victoria’s Secret models before her…making me think that the evil corporation probably has some kind of outpost there. A place where they abduct and train these bitches to become the face of their brand. I figure if they make their bras in sweatshops, exploiting child labor for cheap product, why wouldn’t they do the same for cheap models, it’s all about the bottom line people, and if you can make a celebrity out of a babe you own, thanks to brainwashing them into thinking you’ll kill their family, why the fuck wouldn’t you. I mean why spend the million dollars a year on them like they were Miranda Kerr, when you can just get it for free from all those willing….

She’s 29, which is pretty old as fuck, especially for a Victoria’s Secret model, she’s pretty accomplished, she’s probably had sex with Adam Levine or Leonardo DiCaprio, they all do, and she’s’ looking good in her bikini for this shoot. I’m a fan, which isn’t saying much, cuz she’s wearing a bikini, so obviously I’m a fan. That’s all it takes.

TO SEE ALL THE BIKINI HOT BIKINI MODELING PICS FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Raica Oliveira

2013

02

Jul

Lana Del Rey Probably Shouldn’t Be Wearing Short Shorts of the Day

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Lana Del Rey, like so many girls before her, is proving a very known fact, at least to most men, and that is short shorts are not made for all pussy, but rather only a select few should be allowed to wear them…

Bodies, especially when lazy and hard drinking, are not created equally…and that means, either should the length of their shorts….

Sure, I don’t mind looking at even the fattest bitch in short shorts, you know trying to understand what it is I’m seeing, you know trying to make sense of the whole thing, in a “what the fuck does she think she’s doing, she’s too fat to be in those, how did she even get them on, I guess that’s why the button is open and zipper is down, because she didn’t get into them at all, but yet she decided to wear them out in public…weird….”…situation.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS OF HER BUSTING OUT OF HER SHORT SHORTS IN A NOT SO HOT WTF IS SHE THINKING WAY FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Lana Del Rey

2013

02

Jul

Ana Beatriz Barros in Bathing Suits for Harper’s of the Day

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This is for Harper’s Bazaar Spain….and I feel like a few of these bathing suit pics don’t quite hit the mark. I mean 4 year old girls building sand castles at the beach show more skin…this is some “We’re moms in our 30s and can’t look like sluts with the other moms at our babies swim class” look…you know or it is like some orthodox christian, jewish or muslim, friendly bathing suits, because even they have to swim sometimes…

Speaking of Religious women, when walking the dog, I saw a young Rabbi and his religious wife, who was wearing the wig, and skirt down to past her knees, in a little AMISH style collared shirt, looking relatively wholesome, so I stared at her tits, then back at her, and winked, to remind her what being a woman is all about, and that’s turning me the fuck on…even when you’re in it for God, wholesome as shit, I know deep down, there lives a slut…there always does…

The good news with this shoot is that Harper’s Bazaar, got a little more european, and put her in a little less clothes, even if it’s not quite European enough for this pervert, I can always find a way to make it work.

Posted in:Ana Beatriz Barros

2013

02

Jul

Lucy Hale’s “Hot” Instagram Bikini Pic of the Day

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Lucy Hale posted this hilarious ass pic to instagram that I can only assume is her posing with her handicapped sibling, trying got share some of the attention she is getting, you know because she’s a nice sister like that…or maybe her intentions are more in line with the fact that she’s some tween celebrity pushing 25, who probably has a team of people, a lot of money, and a shitty attitude, who knows that posing with her fat friend, or weird shaped friend, will just make her look all the hotter. I mean these celebrities, even if you’ve never heard of them, know what they are doing, that’s why they are at the level of success they are at, so assuming they don’t know the most obvious way to make themselves look hotter…

It is easier than make-up, or fitness and it is the same move so many girls in clubs pull, it is the same move that usually leads to me having sex with a fat friend, because the fat friend demands some of the attention the hot friend I want to have sex with is getting…I think it is just female instinct to hang with uglier chicks…so I wouldn’t put it past this Lucy Hale character…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE BIKINI PICS FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Lucy Hale

2013

02

Jul

Jessica Alba for Glamour of the Day

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I don’t get overly excited about Jessica Alba, but she’s still Jessica Alba…you see she’s always been hot enough to look at…but she’s also always been fucking annoying. Whether it was never getting naked in her movies despite being cast as the hot chick, to having babies pre-maturely to trap her husband, to now doing some Martha Stewart shit, it’s just been fucking consistent disappointment with her…so I know what she’s posing for magazines, it’s not for a “before and after” expose on mom vaginas…it won’t even be artistic nudes, even after being spread out on the hospital bed birthing, it’s will just always be G-Rated, leaving us wanting nudity, and after so many years, it no longer remains cute, if anything it just makes me mad…

I don’t even really want to see a naked mom of 2 in her 30s…I mean despite the fact that I want to see every single woman ever naked…but it’s not my fetish or something I seek, but her constant tease, the 2 decade old tease, that always ends in disappointment, kinda makes me want it more…

So her she is in August’s Glamour….we’ll leave it at that.

Posted in:Jessica Alba

2013

02

Jul

Aimee Garcia for Dexter’s Season 8 Episode 1 of the Day

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I don’t watch Dexter, I know it’s all the fucking rage, people are naming their kids and their dogs after the show, but I’m just not into commitment that lasts 8 seasons…or more…that I tune into week after week…it seems like a scam, maybe even a trap designed to prevent me from living my own life, but rather to keep me inside my house, numb to all the corruption the government is pulling off…

So I’ve never heard of Aimee Garcia, but apparently, the Dexter fans are fucking excited that she’s finally got naked…like a non nude teen model from the late 90s, finally showing her pussy, after years off being a member of her site, it’s happened…and unfortunately it was badly lit and uneventful…but it still fucking happened…

I will say, that I appreciate that TV is going down the sleazy route, the 90s made me think I’d never get my own show, because anything I’d right would involve at least one interracial midget sex scene with real sex to make it more authentic…and by the looks of cable..it looks like they may beat me to it…which is okay, I’m too lazy for success and riches.

Posted in:Aimee Garcia|NSFW

2013

02

Jul

Ashley Tisdale’s Bikini Party of the Day

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Ashley Tisdale is in a bikini with a bunch of friends…and for some reason, a reason I call bad judgement, she’s not wearing the Mexican Wrestling Mask I sent her to help her with her face…it’s the new plastic surgery…when plastic surgery doesn’t work…and it’s far more water resistant than a paper bag…

I guess putting a mask in an envelope with a mason jar of dried semen, sent to Disneyland, addressed to “The High School Musical Chick With the Bad Face”….isn’t postal worker friendly…they are unionized and don’t like going out of their way for anyone.

What it comes down to, is duck face or not, Ashley Tisdale has a fit little body, and as much as I make fun of her face, it’s not as bad as it could be, it is just bad in Hollywood standards, and the fact that she’s living in a mansion, making money, gives us the right to demand more out of her…

Seriously, I get so much hate from people when laughing at this asymmetrical looking thing, even though I totally appreciate that she’s trying to offset her inadequacies with fitness…and really her bank account balance proves that face or not, she’s already won, so stop defending her, it’s not like she’s defending you, she’s too busy hanging in her bikini, living the good life.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale

2013

02

Jul

Nicole Kidman Models Shoes for the Foot Fetishists of the Day

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Jimmy Choo’s fall campaign stars Nicole Kidman…the robot/alien ex-wife of Tom Cruise, who happens to own a carrot pie that he probably wasn’t too into eating, because it didn’t have testicles, but that I am totally down with eating, because I’ve never had sex with an official redhead thanks to years of being disgusted by them…and karma not allowing me to get up in one now that I’ve grown as a man and accepted all shades of pubic hair, even the pubic hair that contrasts heavily with the bright pink of the vagina lips that contrasts heavily with the pasty, almost invisible skin.

I know she’s old, I know she’s clothed, I know these pics are about the shoes, something I assume at least one of you has a fetish for, a fetish so consuming you have a pair on right now….because that’s jus the kid of crowd I attract…

I blame THIS NICOLE KIDMAN PHOTOSHOOT …for the boners Nicole Kidman now gives me…

Here’s the campaign.

Posted in:Nicole Kidman

2013

02

Jul

Topless Tribute to Lindsay Lohan for Her Birthday of the Day

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If you’re like me, you probably forgot Lindsay Lohan existed.

Which is too bad, because for the longest time I was her biggest fan, I would leave her creepy voicemails and post them to YOUTUBE….and I even became her text message buddy, that lead to me spending a night in her hotel room once, drinking her Vodka and eating her sweet potato fries while she danced to her album that never got released…but then she officially fell off…turned 25 and it all ended…leading to nonsense stories of Rehab and court dates, that made the damage less fun, more repetitive, and if anything just a disappointment…

I like when girls are fucking messes, especially rich girls, it is fun and inspiring, it’s office “I Don’t Give a Fuck, I’m Too Broken”…but unless they take ownership of it…it gets boring fast..and they disappear…even to those of us who really loved her fucking tits..

Well she’s 27 now, old as fuck, this is the year for her to die like she was Cobain, even if to most of us she’s already dead.

I have hope…that there is another round for this one….and if there isn’t, at least we have her amazing tits to remember her by….

Happy Birthday Lohan. This is your year.