DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

10

Jun

Nina Agdal in Sloggi Swimwear of the Day

Nina Agdal is a bikini model….a bikini model who normally looks like she has downs syndrome….but in a good way…not in a wearing a diaper or shitting herself, wearing a helmet, trying to bash herself against the wall while drooling in some retard shit, literally…not that retard shit would be a bad thing…because retards are the kings of public masturbation, and if they looked like this while doing it, I think I’d find a new career and more importantly love…because lets face it, taking care of a retard who looks like this, while getting paid, would lead to many unwanted pregnancies I couldn’t get arrested for…cuz she never said “NO”…even if she can’t say no…

Not that NINA has that issue, but we’re all allowed to have fantasies.

Posted in:Nina Agdal

2013

10

Jun

Joanna Krupa Hot Bikini Bachelorette Party of the Day

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Trash can Joanna Krupa, who does have a hot body, despite her overall irrelevance in society, is celebrating her staged wedding, because she’s become a very very low grade version of a Kardashian, a fate worse than death, and these are some pics of her staged bachelorette party, because her life is designed for reality TV lonely white trash get absorbed in, because their lives suck worse than KRUPAs.

What we can learn from Krupa, is that if you are hot, get fake tits, to start your career out as a model with fake tits, for low level companies and magazines…because a decade after you’ve failed at it and have no where left to go, you may have one producer or agent willing to get you on a Dancing With the Stars show that needs pussy to keep husbands from letting their wives watch the shit, and that, can lead to gold digging your way onto another show, which is way better than just having sex with anyone you come across with money, because this way you can pretend you’re a huge TV Star.

The whole thing is uninteresting, almost idiotic that it happens, but I’ll stare at her 40 year old ass still trying in a bikini, because she’s not fat.

I’m that easy….and I guess so is this hooker.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE BIKINI PICTURES OF THIS TRASH
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Joanna Krupa

2013

10

Jun

Rosie Huntington-Whitely’s Hard Nipples of the Day

1 Comment »

Rosie Huntington Whitely has hard nipples, which would be exciting, you know since she’s hot as fuck, if it involved less shirt.

You know, before she was a low level actress, she was a model, and in being a model, she She’s done a whole lot of awesome titty shoots …making her hard nipples a fun reminder…but I’d rather just stare at the real thing.

I’ll post it anyway, because I don’t know what else to do with myself…knowing that this doesn’t matter and won’t change the world…I’d be surprised if anyone even reads it…but I just can’t help it….

Posted in:Rosie Huntington-Whitely

2013

10

Jun

Miley Cyrus Twerks for Juicy J of the Day

4 Comments »

New Miley Cyrus is all hip pop. You know because Hip Hop is the new pop music, having a resurgence, and girls go nuts for it in the club, twerking like a rap music video, everywhere you look. It’s crazy. I mean I am from an era of bad awkward dancing, and doing some choreographed shit would be laughed at and embarassing, but now girls just go wild, even girls who have no idea what’s up, live in a bubble, a bubble filled with being locked in a mansion smoking weed and watching rap videos…rap videos that inspire her to get out there and reinvent her country, wholesome self, into some kind of club slut, and I’m not complaining, I love this awkward shit, especially when cross-referencing it to her Hannah Montana days.

It’s a whole new Miley, on stage with rappers, getting down to Bands Make Em Dance…in a Twerk that isn’t quite what I’d want from a professional, but that’s good enough, cuz she’s not a real professional, but instead a fabricated little white country girl brat multi-millionaire that is fully connected and has a huge fan base…meaning she can do what she wants,..

The good news is the fans will follow, so expect a hell of a lot of twerking by “normals” you’d never expect to see twerk in the months to come. Thanks Miley.

Next time do it in less Beetlejuice pants and more booty shorts…

I threw in a bonus instagram pic of her crotch from a video shoot this past week. I like where this is going.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

10

Jun

Jamie Lynn Sigler’s Pregnant Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

There’s just something about pregnant girls in bikinis…that makes me want to throw up.

There’s a creature growing inside her that will be shat out of her pussy.

That’s fucking disgusting.

Not to mention, look at her body, built like a tank, when and if that shit ever burns off her, she’ll be a shell of what she once was…a loose skinned shell.

Horrible. Put some clothes on. Keep it in your pants. This is what abortions were made for.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Jamie Lynn Sigler

2013

10

Jun

Cindy Crawford Making Out With Herself for MUSE of the Day

1 Comment »

Cindy Crawford is a fucking dream. I know I am supposed to be disgusted by old ladies, but this one, this one’s special and not even because I used to jerk off to her in the 90s when she was supermodeling, but because I crossed paths with her once, and her “it factor”…the same “it factor” that made her a celebrity in the first place…pretty much melted my soul.

I guess some people just have an energy, or what it takes to win the people around them over, and some people, like supermodels, no how to make love with their eyes, and pretty much ruin anything in a 10 block radius.

Seriously, after the day I crossed paths with her, I’ve never been the same, no girl has been close to this greatness, and all the bitches I fucked, despite having no standards, were that much more unappealing.

I am a fan of this shoot for the latest issue of MUSE…but more importantly, I am a fan of ejaculating on printouts of it…because that’s as close as I’ll get to this loveliness.

Posted in:Cindy Crawford

2013

10

Jun

Isabeli Fontana Modeling Bathing Suits of the Day

2 Comments »

Brazilian supermodel Isabeli Fontana is modelling bathing suits, and unlike most Brazilan models, at least the ones I’ve met, she doesn’t have a dick.

You know, since Brazil is the hub of lady boys and trannies, the gateway for people like Anderson Cooper to dabble with homosexuality, you know to dip his toe in first, before being full fledged, cuz it’s not quite gay if she’s got tits with her dick…

I PREFER SEEING HER TOPLESS cuz that’s what these fashion models are meant to be doing….but bikinis work…I mean anything to help me imagine them naked…is good enough for me…but then again a plastic bag filled with expired meat is good enough for me to imagine fucking…but that’s probably cuz it smells like my wife’s cunt…feels like home.

Posted in:Isabeli Fontana

2013

10

Jun

Emily Didonato’s Lingerie Campaign of the Day

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Emily Didonato has shown her NIPPLES FOR FASHION ….and it was semi-disappointing, knowing that Jake Gyllenhaal, enemy of DRUNKENSTEPFATHER.com, owns them, before remembering that Jake Gyllenhaal, enemy of DRUNKENSTEPFATHER.com, is a homosexual, who has probably only seen these nipples, while shopping for bikinis, or when one tit slipped out while they were pretending to be in a relationship, and she was either bending over in a loose fitting shirt to pick something up off the floor, or changing before going to a function where she was going to play his beard, at leas that’s what you’d like to think, cuz knowing a bitch, especially a hot bitch, is doing groupie shit with such a loser, no matter how famous he is, ruins her….so it’s better to pretend their genitals never got jammed up in each other…..

Here she is modelling lingerie…

Posted in:Emily DiDonato

2013

10

Jun

Zuzana Kopuncova in Bathing Suits of the Day

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Zuzana Kopuncova has the name of a girl who should be locked in the basement of a stripclub in some Eastern European city. You know, because she was abducted or sold to the MAFIA by her father to pay off some kind of debt, or because the MAFIA was looking for some young, tight pussy, to work their CAM companies for free, or at least to save their parents from being killed off.

But instead, this Zuzana Kopuncova, is just some lovely Slovakian, 5 foot 10, goddess, all long and lean, because she’s a model, modelling bathing suits, all thanks to the fall of communism, because without the fall of communism, she’d be sewing work uniforms in a factory for 1 dollar a day, and that would be a waste of such amazingness…

Posted in:Zuzana Kopuncova

2013

10

Jun

Natasha Barnard for GUESS of the Day

1 Comment »

Natasha Barnard, not to be confused with Natasha Barn yard the pig you lost your virginity to, cuz you dad caught you playing with barbies and he couldn’t have that….is a Guess model, following the footsteps of such great models as Anna Nicole Smith, only unlike Anna Nicole Smith, this Natasha Barnard is not dead and thank god for that, because it would make jerking off to her way creepy….

Posted in:Natasha Barnard