DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

04

Jun

Bikini Roof Top Jump Win of the Day

I don’t know about you, but I hate all the negativity going around the world today. It’s like when you turn on the news, or hit any website everyone is hating, and as a professional critic, who is confused as a hater, when really I don’t care, sometimes I think it’s okay to celebrate people and their stunts…that may not pan out how they wanted them to pan out, you know a fail at the task at hand, while in turn are just a fucking win.

If this girl made the roof to pool jump as she wanted to, no one would know she did, it would never hit the internet, so the fact that she didn’t make it, is why we do.

So call it a fail, I see it as a hit not a miss, and anything involving pain and bikinis work for me.

Posted in:Videos

2013

04

Jun

Ireland Baldwin Has Sex in the Ocean of the Day

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Ireland Baldwin posted these pics to her instagram.

She is the 6 foot 2, IMG Model Agency Signed, 17.75 year old girl, who as her size and hips would suggest, has the hormones of a 27 year old in heat, ready to make babies, unable to keep it in her pants, not even when the paparazzi is watching, I mean especially when the paparazzi is watching, because what better way to piss off your dad and make a name for yourself by being a celebrity wild child the media waste their time talking about, because without being Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassigner’s daughter, she wound’t matter in the world, but even while being their daughter, she doesn’t have to be working it for the paparazzi for attention.

This is what happens when daddy doesn’t hug you enough I guess. The broken girls with daddy issues are always the ones who hit puberty the youngest, I’m talking 8 years old.

I don’t feel dirty posting a 17.75 year old in a bikini, because I am not lusting after this one, and I also know nothing really changes from 17.75 and 18, so it’s virtually the same thing, just don’t get caught with naked pics of her….naked pics you know her Stand Up Paddle Boarding boyfriend has….

FBI – He’s the one you want, not the readers of this site.

Young love, can’t wait for it to all go wrong, as it always does.

I blame it all on her blocking me on Twitter.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
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Posted in:Ireland Baldwin

2013

04

Jun

Hayden Panettiere See Through to Bra of the Day

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I thought girls who got implants didn’t wear bras…what the fuck is going on here Hayden Panettiere. I guess getting engaged has made her gone soft. I thought we had hope for her now that she was proportional to her shoulders. I really believed topless scenes were coming, then she got engaged, and does this…a total waste of implants.

If she’s gonna disappoint, she should just go back to practicing juggling and balancing on a beach ball for the strong lady freak act in the traveling circus she belongs in. If only it was the 1920s still.

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Posted in:Hayden Panettiere

2013

04

Jun

Mel B Gives a Champagne Facial of the Day

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Champagne Facials are an amazing and highly popular trend that Mel B is probably too old to be participating in….

But the one very valuable lesson I have learned from my trip to Florida, is that old ladies like to have fun, especially when they are recently divorced and living off their rich husband’s alimony and child support and spend a lot of time tanning, wearing bikinis and working out.

I’m talking seeing moms and daughters at the beach, in matching bikinis, almost equally hot, only to hit the bar at the end of the day, to get wasted together, collectively looking for cock.

I mean the kind of women who would mud wrestle or wet t-shirt if the option was there, because really, we only live once, who gives a fuck.

So today, seeing Mel B holding on with Champagne facials, in a bikini, has a whole new meaning…

TO SEE HER IN A RED BIKINI IN MALIBU
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Posted in:Mel B

2013

04

Jun

Natalia Vodianova’s Amazing in July’s Glamour France of the Day

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Natalia Vodianova is a pretty major Russian model who never had to do the whole mail order bride or cam girl shit, because she’s in her 30s, and managed to escape that shit thanks to being one of the hottest fucking models around. One who can live the billionaire life, without having to

THis shoot isn’t naked, or really all that exciting, but she looks good, especially in those Debbie Does Dallas style shorts that remind me of masturbating in the 80s, when she was growing up, and luckily that’s enough.

It just amazes me that she’s got 3 kids….but still looks like this. It’s almost unnatural and I’d almost hate to see the condition of her pussy, and by hate, I mean I’d love give it a full examination with my mouth.

Posted in:Natalia Vodianova

2013

04

Jun

Miranda Kerr Recycles Some Bikini Pics for Instagram of the Day

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Bikini model Miranda Kerr posted these bikini pics to her Instagram….

I am guessing she’s hired a publicist now that her gig with Victoria’s Secret is up and she’s out there trying to promote herself as hard as she can so that all her riding Victoria’s Secret marketing budget to become a celebrity the last 6 years doesn’t go to fucking waste.

You know, because she’s at her peak and can either ride the status quo as she slowly gets fatter and older. Or she can break free and create her own destiny, that will either collapse and she has enough money to still live the good life with her rich actor husband, or work and she will make a name for herself as someone who isn’t just a Victoria’s Secret model, whether through acting or modelling, just anything that isn’t Victoria’s Secret.

So she’s been out there posting all kinds of pics from shoots, that are all a lot like her Victoria’s Secret shit, but I guess we should give her time to find her own style and sound. Like when she WENT OFF AND GOT NAKED FOR VOGUE …

She’s even gone on Fox and Friends to show off her flexibility to the Republicans….What won’t this girl do…

There is hope….

Posted in:Miranda Kerr

2013

04

Jun

Victoria Justice Bikini for Social Media of the Day

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Being on the beach in Florida, looking at girls who looked like this, and realizing that not all girls who were 300 pounds as expected, I felt that there is hope for a better tomorrow.

It’s like not all “18”-20 year olds, because they were all 18 from the distance I was staring at, legal to have sex with with my mind, are fucked up from the hormones in the food in a fat and sloppy way, but instead are lean and long with great booty way…I want to bury myself in….

Collectively parading around knowing they were hot, snapping pics for each other for their social media.

It was a magical experience.

I don’t know who this Victoria Justice girl is, but I do know she’s leading a great example for the girls I saw, better her than that Kate Upton pig.

Posted in:Victoria Justice

2013

04

Jun

Amy Childs Silly Big Tits in a Bikini of the Day

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AMY CHILDS is from the UK, she claims she’s 21 or 22….but I’d have to see proof, because she looks like she’s more of a 45 year old cougar from Flordia, rocking her second set of fake tits, because her first ones weren’t big enough for the UK, because the UK loves stupidly huge tits, probably because the working class chimney sweep family were too poor and malnourished from all the porridge and potatoes to breast feed the last 100 years. You know, giving them a big titty complex.

Either way, along with posing in this green Bikini, Amy Childs has achieved such greatness as being in Celebrity Big Brother and some other shit called The Only Way is Essex, not that it matters, what matters is that she’s another nobody milking her tits for personal gain, which works for me because I’d like to milk her tits for personal gain to.

Not to mention, she’s got PUGS, and as a certified Pug Whisperer, I think that means we’re destined to be.

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Posted in:Amy Childs

2013

04

Jun

Esme Bianco Full Frontal in Some Stephen McClure Shoot of the Day

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Show NSFW Content

Esme Bianco is some UK burlesque dancer, because apparently burlesque still exists, even if it is one of the dumbest things to watch, and usually performed badly by fat chicks.

You probably know her from Game of Thrones, a show I’ve never seen, because I am uncomfortable with dragons, midgets and wizard shit. It just reminds me of virgin losers too much.

I assume that if she’s on the show, she’s one of the girls getting naked….so this nude full frontal in a photoshoot looking amazing…may not be all that wild and exciting for you…but it is for me.

I’ve posted Her tits on TV Before , but this is better.

Posted in:Esme Bianco|NSFW

2013

04

Jun

Sasha Cohen’s Got a Great Ass of the Day

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Olympic figure skater Sasha Cohen as at some dude named Victor Weir-Voronov’s pool party this past weekend, and like most pool parties, she got into a bikini, only at this party, she decided to pose for a group shot like a fucking boss, you know at the right angle to show off her fit round ass an ass she clearly knew she had, because most girls in bikinis who aren’t so confident about their ass posing, usually have a sarong or towel or oversized t-shirt to compensate, even when their asses aren’t half bad.

All this to say, this is just another example of athletic girls in to fitness because it is their livelihood, squatting their way into an ass I’d like to chip my tooth on.

Seriously, I love fit booty, and this one blows my fucking mind, unlike trying to masturbate to figure skating back when it was on the only channel I had, because along with tennis and swimming, the camel toe and panty flash is there, but so hard to time right your orgasm to right…

Posted in:Sasha Cohen