I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2013

04

Jun

Helena Bonham Carter Sexes it Up of the Day

Helena Bonham Carter creeps me the fuck out in every single move she’s done. From Fight Club to Alice in Wonderland, her goth weirdness is anything but sexy to me, if anything it is like some horrible horror movie character Tim Burton crafted in his weirdo basement when doing the research for Edward Scissor hands….

But that doesn’t mean I don’t like her, I mean I fear most women, especially when they are willing to fuck me, it’s like “What’s the fucking catch, do you have aids, is this an attempt to murder me because you’re in a lesbian tribe of dick killers” kinda thing…I only trust a girl who doesn’t want to fuck me…

Either way, she’s old. She looks LIKE SHIT IN A BIKINI but I guess some devil’s magic went down in this shoot Vogue UK’s July 2013 issue, because I find her hot…and that scares me more than her witchcraft.

Posted in:Helena Bonham Carter

2013

04

Jun

Sara Sampaio for L’Officiel Turkey of the Day


SARA SAMPAIR is some Portuguese model who you may or may not know from the Victoria’s Secret catalog you are subscribed to since the 90s under a fake chick name, that still comes to your door every month, and that you re-visit when you’re bored of porn and feel like reliving 1992, but you probably wouldn’t recognize her, because despite being awesome, fit and amazing in a bikini, all their models are shot the same, in the same pose, and it’s hard to really tell them apart…until today, today she’s posing for L’Officiel Turkey, in a bikini, that is so different than WHEN SHE MODELS THIS, it’s like we’re looking at a whole new person…

THat said, I kinda PREFER WHEN SHE’S CLIMBING THE MODEL LADDER NAKED

Posted in:Sara Sampaio

2013

04

Jun

Lucy Pinder and Others in the “When Boobs are Big” Issue of NUTS of the Day

Lucy Pinder and some other Glamour models are in the “When Boobs are Big” issue of NUTS, which is pretty much every issue of NUTS, but I guess now they’ve got into naming them, in order to differentiate the same fucking thing over and over again. Not that it is a bad same thing over and over again, like fucking your wife on a schedule when really all you want to do is fuck your 18 year old Daughter’s friends, in fact it’s a good repetitive thing, because big tits never get boring.

I just feel like it is an office joke, they know that all it takes is a couple big titty bitches, in a photoshoot, and dudes will buy, but they have to keep re-packaging it, so that people don’t just jerk off to the one issue they bought, you know keep it fresh, an with ideas like “When Boobs are Big” – I can’t see how they can fail.

Posted in:Lucy Pinder|NSFW

2013

04

Jun

Today in Miley Cyrus Hotness of the Day


Miley Cyrus is my spirit animal. I am not sure what that means, but I like to believe it’s some Native tradition that means we are connected at the soul, not that I care so much about being connected to her in anyway but her genitals, and maybe her bank account, because that’s what love is when you’re a broken down money making girl who has been supporting a team of people since you were 12….

She’s hot, she’s reinventing herself now that she’s broken up with her fiance, she’s doing this hip hop thing and taking being the white Nicki Minaj/Rihanna, whoever the fuck else she’s channeling in her pop crap that hip hop guys are eager to participate in, because she pays them to be her friend….and the good news is that she also pays us, via hot pics of herself…

Like a tween girl, I’m a fan.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

04

Jun

Babes at the CFDA Awards of the DAy

Sofia Vergara, Jessica Chastain, Adriana Lima, Miranda Kerr, Candice Swanepoel, Alessandra Ambrosio, Karolina Kurkova, Ireland Baldwin and other bitches were at the CFDA Fashion awards, to celebrate people in the industry, in another masturbatory awards show, that for some reason is less obnoxious to me than Hollywood and Music Industry awards, because fashion is something that some dude in his basement can go viral with and become the next big thing, while Hollywood and the Music Industry, for the most part is celebrating people who have already fucking won to be there in the first place…not to mention, fashion attracts hotter bitches, and showcases tits like it was porno….

Here’s a little Candice Swanepoel getting yelled at by the paparazzi…

I’m into it, as I sit here in soiled sweat pants I’ve had for the last 15 years.


TO SEE A COMPLETE ROUND-UP WITH ALL THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:CFDA 2013|Events|Sofia Vergara

2013

04

Jun

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

Turns out my wife is a whole lot less fun than porn chicks She’s also smells worse, is substantially uglier, but equally broken making me question this whole thing.

All it takes is porn conventions to make me fall in love with the idea of escaping this prison.

Just as soon as I get off the couch.

Sofia Vergara for Machete Kills
GO

Catherine Zeta Jones Doesn’t Have HPV
GO

National Anthem – Fail
GO

Llama Gets Tasered By a Cop
GO

Hot Girl Named Jen Selter in Yoga Pants
GO

The Playground Fail Compilation
GO

Brazil Bikini Girl’s Butt Workout
GO

Dog VS Inner Tube
GO

Pam Anderson in Vogue Freaks Me Out…
GO

Stuffed Raccoon Spooks Cat
GO

Hot Girls You’ll Be a Little Afraid Of…
GO

A Juggling Otter
GO

Kelly Kelly Bikini Tweets….
GO

Angelina Jolie’s New Tits
GO

The Highlight of EXXXOTICA For me was the Cam Girls
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2013

03

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day


I am sad to be leaving all my new friends in florida…from old leathery skinned fake tithes ladies…to cam girls and porn chicks who like being electrocuted. I thought I would never say that. Florida, up until this weekend has always been a horrible nightmare to me.

Until we meet again motherfuckers….now back to hell real life, with a fat wife, I am finally motivated to escape from…

Stay tuned, we may have to kill her off in this story and go mental, but I am generally too lazy to get off the couch…but at least thinking about it makes it feel like it is going happened. Kinda like staring at chicks and imagining fucking them is almost as good because there’s no lawsuit.

Here are some links…

More Joanna Krupa Topless
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Kris Jenner Has a New Girl to Pimp Out Cuz Kanye Has Girl Making Sperm
GO

Big Busty as Fuck Girls
GO

Today in Fail Compilations
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Ashley Tisdale in Daisy Dukes
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No Breasts Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt at the World War Z Premiere
GO

There’s a Kate Moss Hologram and She’s Not Even Dead Yet
GO

TOday in Underboobs
GO

Elsa Pataky Tits in Romasanta
GO

Her Name is Ashley James and these are her Panties
GO

Father and 2 Year Old Playing Beatles…
GO

Haters May Call Taylor a Slut Who Gets Naked in Pics…I call her Lovely.
GO

Cameron Diaz is Feeding her Boyfriend…
GO

Cam With Her Webcams…..
GO

Hey Girls – Bring In the Backs
GO

Sophie Turner Tweets Her Ass
GO

J.Lo is Cheating on her Tween Lover with Pitbull
GO

Amanda Bynes Former Co-Stars are Worried About Her – Because it Gets Them in the News – Ride The Wave Motherfucker.
GO

Lindsay Lohan Rehab Update!
GO

Pauley Perrette Pokies!
GO

Katie Banks Masked and Busty as Fuck
GO

Blogger Shows Us Her Tits
GO

Tap Dancing Seagull
GO

Hot Nude Model Showing her Vagina
GO

Amazing Video of a Dude Calling a Girl a Hoe Before Slapping Her to the Ground – WTF
GO

Irina Shayk Hiding from the Paparazzi
GO

This Nude Model has Awesome Tits
GO

The 20 Hottest Photos of Isabela Soncini
GO

Pug Video of the Day
GO

This is One Hot Slut
GO

College Post Game Silliness
GO

What Girls Say Vs What Girls Mean – Topless
GO

Julianne Moore Pantsless for Madame Figaro
GO

So Many Bikinis
GO

Fall in Love With Hot Free Cam Girls….I Know I Did – Dusty Destin…
GO

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From stepSMUT!! NSFW!
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Pre-Mature Ejaculation Porn is the Funniest
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Weird as Fuck African Gang Bang Fesitval
GO

Some Cam Girl’s Vagina Show
GO

Cute Skinny Girl Gets Fucked
GO

Today in Fisting
GO

Dude Wanking on Unwilling Women is Hilarious
GO

Even When Your Dick Does Work, Fucking a Girl Til She Cums with a Vibe is Awesome….
GO

Cam Girls are People Too…People I Like to Masturbate To….
GO

My New favorite Thing Before Bed -> PHONE SEX!
GO

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Girls Hate Your Balding Hair – That’s Why You Don’t Get Laid – Fix It…
GO

I love Teen Mom Farrah…..
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2013

03

Jun

Jennifer Lawrence on Set, In a Thong, In Montreal of the Day

I am the worst celebrity blogger, not only am I not recognized by the mainstream media as a celebrity blogger, but I am also located in Canada, so far away from the celebrities, until today, when I found out that Jennifer Lawrence has been in town filming X-Men, and has probably been in town the last 3 months filming X-Men, and I haven’t had the slightest idea since I don’t leave my house, when you’d think this would be a huge deal for a dude from canada with a celebrity blog. Like I’d be out there walking the streets looking for her, calling her name, hoping to bump into her….because it’s not a very big city…but I don’t leave my house for anything but TEEN MOM FARRAH . That’s gotta change, but why bother, when the paparazzi are snapping off fucking peeping tom thong shots of her…I can just watch from the comfort of my own soiled matters, mouldy, basement of hell. There’s less chance of being arrested this way, cuz you know Jennifer Lawrence isn’t down with this Jesus in ways that would involve her willingly letting me singing her love songs and holding her hand and gazing in her eyes as we plan our future.


TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Jennifer Lawrence

2013

03

Jun

Emily Ratajkowski Naked for my Friend Chris Heads of the Day

I have been friends with a very solid photographer named CHRIS HEADS since what feels like the 90s, but was probably back in 2006 on Myspace…

He has since deleted me from his social media, so apparently we aren’t friends, which would explain why he hasn’t shot anything for DrunkenStepfather.com exclusively, but what he doesn’t know, is any picture of Emily Ratajkowski is for me, because I love her, and print them off, and wallpaper my one room basement apartment in them, so that I am in a room full of Emily, something that is as consuming as the real thing as I can get while plotting our flash mob proposal, and first wedding dance, just as soon as she responds to all the love letters I’ve been sending her, seal with my semen…

What we can learn from this shoot is that Smoking is bad…but Emily Ratatatatatatakowski is so good.

Posted in:Emily Ratajkowski|NSFW

2013

03

Jun

Paris Hilton Panty Flash of the Day

I thought I would never say this, but thank God for the Panties….

I’ve seen Paris Hilton’s vagina in a variety of ways over the years. From sex tape, to short skirts and no panties while getting out of low cars for the paparazzi, because she’s just the kind of people who wants to show people her panty meat. But I guess she’s either grown up, matured and realized it’s ok to wear panties, you can flash them just as easy and the blogs will still post them. That or she’s’ in the midst of a herpes outbreak and dripping all over the place all blistered up and the panties are being used as a shield for her to not humiliate herself and/or to hold in the topical ointment in place..

Here are some pics of her posing in her bikini….for herself…because she’s the only one who cares, I mean her and the guy gold digging her hard enough to be the next K-Fed, hotel stays around the world for free and a billionaire lifestyle, make a bitch more tolerable….

For the record, I don’t hate her as much as I used to. I think she’s a lovely delicate flower sent from hell.

Posted in:Paris Hilton