DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

25

Mar

Reese Witherspoon’s Unfortunate Bathing Suit Experience of the Day

This is the reason I don’t read my twitter feed….Seriously. Celebrating Reese Witherspoon’s birthday with what may be the most offensive pics of a woman in a bathing suit in the last decade, all fat and sloppy because lets face it, she was fat and sloppy in the 90s when she first started getting pregnant, but she managed to carry herself though it in ways that tricked people into giving her an Oscar. This whole southern girl with good morals and values who traps the high school quarterback with her uterus, ruining his career. A church goer, who gets knocked up out of wedlock, because she’s full of shit, literally, at least according to her belly in these bathing suit pics.

Defend her all you want, she’s pushing 40, has kids, I get it…but fuck there’s no excuse for this level of sloppy. Bitch needs to hit the beach in a snow suit.

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Posted in:Reese Witherspoon

2013

25

Mar

Jessica Alba is in Latina Magazine of the Day

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For generations, Jessica Alba has tried to down play her Mexican Roots. Like Eva Longoria they didn’t want to celebrate being Mexican with a fucking dozen kids, some corn tortillas but instead celebrated being Mexican by hiring a mexican maid and gardener to boss the fuck around, because most Mexicans trying to make it in white America try to distance themselves from being Mexican, like we are third rate citizens that White people don’t like, before realizing that they should milk the Mexican card, cuz as Mexicans we support our own, even the traitors, who secretly we love for getting famous and despite not embracing Mexico in public, have Mexico in their soul, proven by her half dozen (2) babies before 30.

She’s Jessica Alba, she’s still hot, even if the sauce she puts on her taco isn’t, and taco I mean her vagina…all broken with babies and shit.

Here she is getting some votes for Latina magazine. Welcome back woman. You need all the help you can get.

Posted in:Jessica Alba

2013

25

Mar

Vanessa Hudgens High School Musical Song $$$ex of the Day

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This is horrible.

I guess part of the Vanessa Hudgens contract with Spring Breakers was that she’d show her little pudgy body naked, even though she’s been naked in pictures before, if they let her have the theme song, that turns out to be a huge pile of shit, not that you’d expect anything more from a low level, Disney High School Musical star, that grew up so disconnected from what is good, that all she knows is brought to her by executives with contracts in hand.

But I’m posting it anyway.You know, cuz she’s so edgy and inspiring. Breaking down walls and innovating with the same recycled shit we’ve heard before.

Keep trying pudgens.

Posted in:Vanessa Hudgens

2013

25

Mar

Kim Kardashian’s Ridiculous Huge, Hard, Pregnant Nipples of the Day

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These Kim Kardashian hard nipple, 300 pounds of pure, horrible pregnancy, because like so many fat chicks before her, she’s using the pregnancy as an excuse to eat her fucking face off, because eating her fucking face off is her hobby, but this time around, she doesn’t have to throw it up to be accepted by the world as a vapid, materialistic, garbage of a woman. Pretty much the worse society has to offer….only now she’s lookin’ like Roseanne…a tank, or a farm animal, that as far as I’m concerned looks the same as she’s always fucking looked, maybe with all little more sag, but this is what I’ve seen in every picture she’s done ever.

She’s a fucking pig, this is disgusting, but not as disgusting as the fact that she’s breeding and has the devil growing inside her polluted twat.

Let’s hope she dies giving birth. Life has been too good for her, it’s time for some karma.

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Posted in:Kim Kardashian

2013

25

Mar

Victoria’s Secret March Madness Mega Post of the Day

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I feel like I’ve posted these pics hundreds of times before…with the same cast of characters and with other girls posed exactly the same way, wearing products that were exactly the fucking same, expect with a different fabric.

This mega post includes Behati Prinsloo, Erin Heatherton, and Maryna Linchuk, because when girls get half naked, under any and all circumstances, I pay attention, even if shit is boring, repetitive and a waste of all our time….I mean as much of a waste of time as half naked catalog pics of babes can be.

Posted in:Victoria's Secret

2013

25

Mar

Helen Flanagan in a Bikini of the Day

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Helen Flanagan is the Soap Star from the UK turned Glamour Model, because no one cares about Soap Stars in the UK, but everyone cares about Glamour models, in what I would consider some backwards logic, but don’t really bother looking too much into it, as Glamour models are hookers, who get naked, and slut out for the camera, and that’s enough of a dream and aspiration for me. In fact I think all girls should aspire to that. Fuck actual careers. Being half naked is what really matters.

Either way, I’m a fan.

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Posted in:Helen Flanagan

2013

25

Mar

Doutzen Kroes and Candice Swanepoel Together in Bikinis in Miami of the Day

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Doutzen Kroes and Candice Swanepoel in bikinis…together….like this was a Victoria’s Secret shoot, but really it is on their spare time, and they are doing it for free, is like a doctor on Doctors Without Borders, or a lawyer doing pro-bono work in the ghetto, or a fucking pornstar fucking you for free. It almost doesn’t make sense, but it is a glorious experience, that feels like you may have won the fucking lottery to make it happen. I mean shit, to book these girls to do this in front of you is probably 10k each…and here they are doing it for free….amazing….especially Candice ass…my god, this is the best pic ever.

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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Doutzen Kroes

2013

25

Mar

Nabilla Benattia has an Amazing Skirt of the Day

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I have no idea who this chick is, I just know she has 200,000 followers on twitter, most are probably fake, but her feed is updated every 10 seconds, I’m talking bitch tweets non fucking stop, or at least her team does.

I think she’s on a show called Hollywood Girl, which is a reality show from whatever country she is from, following around some trash can stripper slut, on her adventures in Hollywood, but I can’t be too sure, I’m too busy looking at her short fucking skirt.

The fame game amazes me. It’s like why is this pig of a person with awesome tits willing to expose herself like a pornstar famous even at a low level, I mean there are so many girls with tits here who are just as trashy and unable to reach the great heights this one has reached….oh right….cuz of the great tits and willingness to expose herself. The world doesn’t need talent, it just needs a willingness to exploit.

I think I’m in love.

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Posted in:Nabilla Benattia

2013

25

Mar

Holly Peers and Friends Flashing Their Tits for NUTS of the Day

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I am always down for a good titty flash. In fact I am really into flashing of all kinds even when their careers involve showing tits, there’s still a level of excitement when the shirts come off, even if it is on a photographer set at they are getting paid their day rate, I can pretend this is fucking spring break and I’m on the receiving end, because I wasn’t flashed enough as a kid. The girls were flashing all the cooler guys, so blame my inadequate youth and the prude bitches I grew up with for my perversion and obsession with tit. I am a product of my upbringing….at least that’s what I tell security when girls complain my chanting “show me your tits” is creeping them out. Uptight bitches.

Here’s some Glamour models. Less uptight.

Posted in:Holly Peers|NSFW

2013

25

Mar

Rihanna is Fun on Instagram of the Day

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Rihanna is a lot of fun. Not because her tour bus got busted for having weed on it and some asshole was her fall guy, because he gets to work for Rihanna and she can’t go down for drugs, even though she posts pics of her smoking all the fucking time, pics that are far more fun because she’s also posting pics of her slutting out, whether licking some chocolate diamond or humping the air in her stage costume, to booty in underwear, it just never ends. She was rumored to be a hooker in Barbados, and old habits die hard, especially when she’s a hooker to the world now, selling her soul and low level talent to make a lot of people rich. This may come crashing down eventually, but I like watching it. I even went to her concert last week, sure it was for free, and I got more of a kick out of her stripper fans twerking, but I was still part of the movement and when I see her pics, I’m not ashamed of that…even if I should be.

Posted in:Rihanna