DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

08

Apr

Katherine Heigl Bikini Pics of the Day

Katherine Heigl is in Mexico because her life isn’t a fucking vacation, and she posted this really hot pic of her and her sister, who seems adopted or asian, unless Hollywood made Heigl reformat her face to be the star of so many shitty movies, you know that started out lookin like the thing on the left…..

She’s as irritating, boring, played out as any 30 something mom on vacation on the beach can be, I mean sure you’ll try to jerk off to the album on facebook cuz you like to challenge yourself and have nothing better going for you, but you know that a click away are hot girls who are probably far hotter to jerk off to….

Here’s a picture of her getting tickled by a fish that is trying to make it’s way home into her twat….

She’s less fat than she was, but still just as fucking irritating.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Katherine Heigl

2013

08

Apr

Kate Upton Modeling in Bazaar with Wild Animals of the Day

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There’s always something funny about seeing Kate Upton modeling that I call obesity.

She’s massive, sloppy, chubby, but she’s got skinny legs and big tits, to make her weird bulbous cartoon like torso a little less offensive than it actually is.

She gets so much hype and represents all that is wrong with the internet, you know because without the internet, she’d be working the Walmart cash, but with the internet, and it’s gang of virgin losers, she’s on the cover of magazines, cuz people celebrate her and the mainstream media figure they should do, even though I know, that they know, that she’s Anna Nicole Smith a few years before becoming Anna Nicole Smith….

Here she is with wild animals, cuz she’s a farm animal, for Harper’s Bazaar.

Posted in:Kate Upton

2013

08

Apr

Kristin Cavallari Bikini of the Day

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If a reality store from 5 years ago, who ultimately doesn’t matter, puts on a bikini, does she make a sound.

Well apparently, yes.

Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach, who had an ego that turned down The Hills cuz she was going to run with her own acting career, without being informed that she had no talent, only to crawl back for the last Season of The Hills, after everyone made all their money on the shit, while she just went to auditions and got rejected, making her more than just a failed actress, ex-reality star it makes her desperate and that is porno to me….especially when in a bikini or two….next stop sex tape.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Kristin Cavallari

2013

08

Apr

Rumer Willis Goes To Events in Bikini Tops of the Day

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Rumer Willis is pretty disgusting to look at, and I just like to check in with what she is up to every now and then, because she is a reminder, that although she lives the perfect rich girl life, thanks to her mom and dad’s celebrity, she’s still vile, that to her mom and dad’s clashing of incompatible genetics, and a uterus probably ravaged by HPV and hard drug use, cuz before the millions Demi put into Plastic surgery that happened after she fucked her way to the top from a nude model to the star of GI JANE, she probably looked a lot like this alien, only with a little less Bruce Willis midget in it.

She showed up to some event like this, cuz clothes forces people to notice her face.

Bikini tops, allow us to be distracted.

I appreciate the effort she put in, and the sick thing in all this is that I’d totally eat this thing out for hours, slapping my dick in her face, exploring our sexuality and boundaries, because as disgusting as she is on paper, she kinda turns me on.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Rumer Willis

2013

08

Apr

Teen Mom Farrah’s Porn Announcement of the Day

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I have never seen the Teen Mom show, but I think it is safe to say that the girls on it are trashy as fuck, that’s usually how teen mom’s operate, I mean classy teen girls who get pregnant get Plan B or abortions so that they can live on with their irresponsible lives.

So hearing the news she had a sex tape this morning was hardly shocking, and when that news turned to it being an actual porno, I was equally not shocked, because porn is all about trashy girls, the kind of girl who would be a teen mom, all filled with daddy issues and damaged as fuck.

Not to mention, She’s tried the music thing and that didn’t work out for her

So the story is that she’s getting fucked by James Deen, in what is obviously her cry for attention, cuz she’s not a teen mom being exploited anymore and she needs the fame to continue cuz that shit is more addictive than heroin.

Porn is mainstream, it won’t damage her career, partially cuz she doesn’t have a career, but I am sure it will make her baby proud, that is provided he doesn’t die in a bath or from neglect or when mommy decides to murder them off like that bitch in Flordia, as these trailer park families and their party slut mom’s often do.

She’s garbage but her porn will probably be awesome. I’m going to work on getting exclusive footage of it, so stay tuned to the wholesome, well rounded mom, who will teach her kid the morals and values she needs to know….

It’s being put out by VIVID

Posted in:Sex Tape|Teen Mom Farrah

2013

08

Apr

RIP Motherfucker the Annette Funicello Edition of the Day

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Today, we lost a legend, and not I don’t mean Margaret Thatcher, I am talking about Aneette Funicello, the masturbation to a generation of kids who didn’t have access to porn, because porn just didn’t exist, and masturbating was reserved for doing secretly while your dead relatives watched to National Geographic or to babes in their bikinis in 1960s surf movies like Annette Funicello.

She was also Mousketeer, chosen by Walt Disney, which means she probably had sex with him, although at 13, she was probably too old for him…and now at 70..like Roger Ebert, she’s too dead for me.

But that doesn’t take away all the loads she made happen in her prime, and that is something we celebrate.

RIP motherfucker.

Posted in:RIP Motherfucker

2013

08

Apr

Shauna Sand’s Instagram Bikini Pics of the Day

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I forgot that Shauna Sand existed!

I am a fan of hers, and I have posted about her lots over the years …so I am shocked I’ve neglected her.

It’s been at least a couple of years since we saw her corpse vagina in action with one of her boy toys, you know to make herself a little money to subsidize her lucite shoe addiction that her alimony from Lorenzo Lamas couldn’t afford, in the form of a flashy, black, vagina SEX TAPE featuring one of her boy toys she hires to escort her around. I just revisited the clips – they are amazing.

Probably one of the worst, 10 years too late, attempt at another go at this fame game, even though her first go involved being naked in Playboy, prior to destroying her tits, face and body with too much fake tan, tit, and face ….but sex tape is a sex tape…even if it involves someone who looks like she has been chewed up by the porn industry and shat out by it many years before actually taking part in it…

But at least we’ve seen her fuck, and now we see her in a bikini on her instagram, still worth fucking, even if that vagina died long ago, that’s never stopped me before. The dryness and fleshy lips would lead to much needed friction to feel anything when inside it. Fact.

TO GET HER SEX TAPE
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Shauna Sand

2013

08

Apr

Ray J’s I Hit it First Song About Kim K of the Day

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I like to think that Ray J’s talent as an rapper is probably the reason Kim Kardashian has moved onto Kanye Sperm. We get it, he hit it first, when she was a nobody with a fat ass and a dream, but now that she’s made a lot of money, she has options, and can leave this dude in the shelves of her DVD collection, because sure his cock helped make her, but she doesn’t need that shit anymore, but it’s nice to see that he still needs her, making horrible songs about the glory days, and as much as I hate Kim Kardashian, it’s safe to say that Ray J is even worse than her. He’s milking her like the cow that she looks like, all swollen utters and barnyard smells.

Worst song ever, but I guess we got to give him some credit for trying. These lyrics are the fucking worst….

TO SEE THEIR SEX TAPE IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Ray J

2013

08

Apr

Ireland Baldwin’s Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

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Ireland Baldwin is a some 6 food 2, 17 year old, who you may remember from being on the receiving end of Alec Baldwin’s evil rant, where he called her a little pig, when she was 10, during his divorce with her mother, Kim Bassinger.

The problem with 17 year olds is that you really just know what is gonna happen when they turn 20. They may look decent now, but shit, as soon as the metabolism dies a slow and tragic death, they fill the fuck out.

The problem with girls who are 6 foot 2, is that they are 6 foot 2.

The good news is that you’re a pervert, she’s in a bikini, she’s illegal for you to lust after cuz you are in America, she’s legal for me to lust after cuz I am in Canada, making my perception a little more objective, and not blinded by her being some forbidden fruit, and the conclusion is, she takes a decent pic, she’ll be a model cuz of her connections, but she’d probably be better at joining the Volleyball team or some shit….

You’ll masturbate to her, and Alec Baldwin will love you for it, and by love yo, I mean pick fights with you, from his Twitter account, which is also his charity, that in and of itself is always kinda funny.

Posted in:Ireland Baldwin

2013

08

Apr

LOLZ of the Day

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Vladimir Putin was in Germany celebrating World War 2 or some shit, when a topless protester ran at him with her titties, and dude looked ready for it, hands out before security got in the way of a little hand-save titty grab, head tilted, lips pursed, dude was makin’ faces out of a porno movie, and LOLZ ensued making it the LOLZ of the Day

Posted in:LOLZ