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2013

07

Mar

Jenna Dewan Intensely Kisses Her Trashy Mom of the Day

This almost feels weird to stare at…

I mean I guess Texan trash…even with all that Texan money has the ability to look like it just fell out of an 80s movie…with teased hair and a bad dye job…filled with corn casserole…that may be served in a mansion but where the recipe was developed back in the trailer park she grew up in…

I’d say this intense kiss is just how the family does it…making me think a paternity test is in order…cuz just cuz she says it is Channing Tatum’s doesn’t mean it is….for all we know the real daddy could be her daddy…cuz if a non lesbian pregnant woman like this gets down to momma…I just can’t imagine how a cock hungry….proven by her uterus…girl gets down with daddy….

The weirdest thing in all this is just how much it is turnin’ me on….

It’s ok to love your momma…just as long as you document it for me to masturabte to it….I grew up on 70s porn…incest was kind of a recurring theme…

Posted in:Jenna Dewan

2013

07

Mar

Miley Cyrus’ New Boyfriend of the Day

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Recent gossip has been saying Miley’s boyfriend or fiance…which in and of itself was a fucking joke in the first place….has cheated on her…with first January Jones…and now Emma Watson….because I guess he’s into skinny girls who look like 14 year old boys….because it is less illegal that having sex with 14 year old boys….

Well, Miley was supposed to delete her twitter, has instead made statements like “I will only talk about my music”…cuz it’s al about the music man….cuz I guess she’s getting attacked by her fans and followers…or maybe…she’s just broken on the inside…cuz your boyfriend cheating you can cause distress and stupid behavior like writing shit about it on twitter…which will make her look like a bigger idiot than she is..

Now she’s posting pics of her with her new BF…a fat black kid who’s shirt is covered with cocaine….cuz sometimes…especially these sad times…when your joke of an engagement is in trouble…coke covered fat guys is the only answer…..at least that’s what I tell every sad girl I try to bone…sadness is the prime time for bad decision making.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

07

Mar

Sofia Vergara’s Guns for Machete Kills of the Day

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Sofia Vergara got herself some more acting work…because despite being 60 fucking years old….she’s still in high demand….for reasons I can only assume involve being from a Colombian drug cartel that feeds the execs in Hollywood….so that they have no choice but to hire her otherwise she will expose them….I mean that or it’s cuz she’s got ridiculous titties…and the movie maker’s know 50 percent of America are hispanic…and in being Hispanic need hispanic characters to relate to….so they might as well cast the best one…even if she’s better suited to be stripping like most single mom immigrants….

Well the acting work in the new Robert Rodriguez movie, Machete Kills….also staring Mel Gibson, Vanessa Hudgens, Jessica Alba, Charlie Sheen, Amber Heard, Alexa Vega, Lady Gaga….but none of the others made the first movie poster…cuz they don’t have tits they can sensationalize with guns…like he did to Rose McGowan’s leg in that Grindhouse shit…

Either way, here’s the poster, I hope it speaks to your inner nerd, which in your case is also your outter nerd…you’re just lucky nerd is still trendy and doesn’t result in getting beat the fuck up….

Guns for tits…on a girl known for her tits…so fucking clever/comedic/obvious/who cares…oh right, you do.

Posted in:Sofia Vergara

2013

07

Mar

Kelly Osbourne Just had a Seizure of the Day

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photo via TMZ

Apparently, Kelly Osbourne was filming a show called Fashion Police, with Melissa Rivers for E!, complained about not feeling well and fell to the floor shaking…someone in the audience…who was either a doctor or a pervert pretending to be a doctor knowing this was probably his one chance to mouth to mouth her….helped….she came to…but they send her to the hospital anyway…cuz seizures aren’t normal…

I like to think it all started when she looked at herself in the mirror…

I would blame anorexia…but I don’t blame anorexia for anything…anorexia is the source of great things…like bikini bodies….

I do however blame her genetics…the sperm that made her was so contaminated….and made her this obese thing…along with her brother who has MS….

Is Kelly Osbourne death near?! Only time will tell.

Posted in:Kelly Osbourne

2013

07

Mar

Jessica Davies is a Better Glamour Model of the DAy

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Show NSFW Content

Hey Jessica Davies…..you’re some lovliness I’ve never heard of….and you need a lot more fans…because that loveliness needs to be spread around the world….and not just around the random men you’ve spread it on in your quest to get these big titties off a stripper pole and into the magazines….

She’ only has 10,000 twitter followers…which seems like fucking robbery considering she exposes herself on the internet, in magazines, and is busty as fuck, even if she looks a little cheap…

We like cheap…it’s a fucking recession….

So after you take in these big titties that luckily didn’t choose self respect, education, or a career….but instead chose “Show me tits, get me shillings”….like a good girl.

Those tits…I mean…seriously…Next level massive…and natural…what….?~!?

Posted in:Jessica Davies|NSFW

2013

07

Mar

Nina Agdal Modeling Bikinis Video of the Day

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Nina Agdal is the SI Covergirl that was supposed to be…before the people at SI remembered that Kate Upton sells issues…cuz perverts everywhere love that she’s 19…and has masssive tits…not to mention in these hard times in America…it’s important to show some homeland pride…rather than some immigrant shit…even if it’s got 20 pounds of extra beef on its bones…if anything that will remind their readers just how prosperous they are…like the old times….bitch is a rail road tycoon…all well fed and never gone hungry…only unlike a Rail road tycoon…her meat’s from McDonalds…..but why am I talking about Kate Upton, when looking at Nina Agdal…I guess it’s just something this second string talent has to get used to….even if her body is substantially more deserving of a celebration…..

Nicki Minaj Titties Twerk in a New French Montana Tune of the Day

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Little known fact…I love Dancehall music and watching girls twerk to the shit….it’s all Caribbean and amazing….as they shake their asses and slap their asses…so I appreciate Nicki Minaj re-inventing herself to have a little more street cred…tapping into her Islander roots….leaving the whole bullshit pop shit behind cuz she’s already made it….leaving room to be topless with pasties….and the ability to say “NICCA NICCA NICCA” …without the world shitting on her…but most importantly…it allows her to tap into her Dancehall dance classes she took to learn how to act on stage…cuz this girl’s so far removed from the islands…almost whiter than the KKK…it’s all a bullshit front…trust nothing she does…she’s straight from acting school…fact.

Posted in:Nicki Minaj|stepMUSIC

2013

07

Mar

Jennette McCurdy Twitter Bikini of the Day

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Jennette McCurdy is my internet girlfriend…I try to sext her on twitter sometimes…she always ignores me…but I think she’s just playing hard to get…and I like her thinking she’s in the driver’s seat…cuz the driver’s seat is usually my favorite place to make love….at least with street hookers…because I can’t afford a hotel room and my wife frowns upon me bringing them home with me….

She’s a country pop star…she’s on Nickelodeon tv shows….she’s a recipe for disaster at the tender age of 20….you know one of those falling off hard when people forget she exists…but for now she’s lovely and posing in her bikini for the internet…which I think makes her perfect….or at least on the right track…

Posted in:Jennette McCurdy

2013

07

Mar

Edita Vilkeviciute in a Bikini for H&M of the Day

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I’ve done a few posts on EDITA VILKEVICIUTE over the years…

She’s a top…but more importanlty TOPLESS …model from Lituania who I can only was human trafficked to the monsters at Victoria’s Secret…where she walked their fashion show…..before escaping their evil grip when she decided to walk for H&M instead…..blacklisting her from one brand…getting her picked up by another where she doesn’t have to compete with a huge roster of babes….Model politics…are far less interesting than staring at the motherfuckin half naked pics….

Posted in:Edita Vilkeviciute

2013

07

Mar

Alessandra Ambrosio Bikinis it Up for Money of the Day

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Unlike you, Alessandra Ambrosio gets paid to prance around in her bikini….so you’d think looking at pics of her in a bikini would be uneventful, typical, even boring….because we’ve seen it all before…but I like to think of it as watching a great juggling act more than once…or listening to guy playing the same guitar solo on repeat….only the bikini version…

Sure it’s familiar…it has been done….but it just speaks to your soul like a magical angel sent from heaven to watch over….more importantly….it offers us a baseline to compare the women in our lives to….to feel inadequate….but content knowing that this kind of mom body exists…even if the closest we will get to it is masturbating to it….

She’s a babe….she’s in a bikini….she’s getting paid…and we’re all assholes for celebrating it like it matters…but I’ll still celebrate it like it matters….cuz I have nothing else going on.

Here’s the video…

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Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio