I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

07

Nov

Rihanna Is Pregnant of the Day

Either Rihanna ate some bad fried chicken at Popeyes, or smoked too much weed after drinking too much because she’s fromt he Islands or she’s pregnant. I’m going with pregnant because when on the road, unable to do the normal things normal people do when they go to new cities because they will get ravaged by the press, paparazzi and fans, so they fuck unprotected styles which leads to babies….and AIDS and that leads to pukin on stage.

Speaking of STDs, I was out with a couple of girls last night and one of them had a camera. I sent her out to take upskirt pictures of girls partying, because I figured little girls would be more inconspicuous than perverted creepy motherfuckers like me. So after trying to get a shot of this girl who kept bending over wearing the shortest skirt in the world, since we were at some really grimey place, this crackhead dude comes up and grabs the girl taking picture by the arms, I step in and he bitch slaps me because I wasn’t letting his drugged, aggressive HIV, herpes faced motherfuckin’ grimey hands see this hot slut’s hot ass. When I tell him I am going to kill him, he ends up licking my face and running off, and now, I am pretty sure I am going to die.

Posted in:Rihanna|Sick

2008

07

Nov

Ryan Seacrest is My Boyfriend of the Day

So I was I somehow managed to get on this Ryan Seacrest email list that his radio sends out to and for some reason they didn’t BCC the shit…and it went like this:

Ryan Seacrest exclusively revealed Thursday that Madonna, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake will still hit the stage together despite a major section of the stage being damaged.
 
Cordially,

ST

So I responded to all:

If you knew how much I jerked off to Ryan Seacrest and his amazing hair, you’d be sending me restraining orders and not links to his site, but since I appreciate all things Ryan Seacrest, I am totally hard over this email. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone.

Cordially and With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

I am posting it because I got a kick out of it, but the this girl didn’t, I guess she’s a real fan of Seacrest.

You’re fat and shy in real life.  And your website is the biggest piece of misogynistic shit on the Internet. 

Shame they haven’t come up with such a thing as retroactive abortions. 

And my response:

I am shy and fat on the internet too. Don’t hate me, I didn’t invite fat chicks.

Love

Jesus

ps -Good retroactive abortion joke, did you get that at your rape victims survivor class, you penis hating cunt.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Ryan Seacrest

2008

07

Nov

The Soup Nazi Hosts Parties of the Day

I remember when I was asked to host a 16 year old girl’s house party, like I was some kind of celebrity and the party I was invited to host was some exclusive club, filled with hot girls and free flowing booze, but it turned I wasn’t really asked to host it, and I was actually an unwanted guest that ended with the police showing up, but not to bust the party like you’d expect with it being 4 in the morning and 50 teenagers underage drinking and making noise, because the girls throwing the party called the cops on me, busting their own party, because that’s just the kind of host I am….an unwelcome one.

So when I got this email of some breast cancer event hosted by the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, I had no choice but to laugh, because any event booking the Soup Nazi to host their shit is probably pretty poor, but more importantly, the Soup Nazi is still living his 15 minutes, 15 years later.

I never liked Seinfeld, it was too Jewish, so I don’t even know who this clown is, but I know he will probably snap one day when some poor fuck asks him at the airport or maybe in the mall to say his “no soup for you line” and he decides to murder suicide, but until then, he’s hosting charity events.

Posted in:Party|Seinfeld|Soup Nazi

2008

07

Nov

Kanye West’s Shitty New Animated Video of the Day

So my internet didn’t work when I woke up this morning after a night of drinking and I figured it was a message from God to take some time for myself because I just work way too hard, then I realized that I barely work, what I do is my way to waste my free time, I just happen to have a lot of it, so it seems like I am always online being productive, I am online all the time, but I am never productive, I just have nothin’ better to do. It also turns out that there is no God, my neighbor just didn’t pay for his internet I’ve been stealing, so I went over to give him shit about it, he made a few calls, and now I’m back.

In my time off, I decided to go on a walk, I came across a sign that was promoting some moving sale at someone’s house near by. It said there was designer clothes, jewelry, Luis Vuitton products and all this other bootleg shit, so I figured I’d take my cracked out self by to pick up some Luis Vuitton luggage on discount, so I could turn around and sell that shit for a profit, like I was Obama livin’ in the Ghetto, sellin’ crack, but when I got there all they had was a couple of picnic baskets, a pair of skis from the 80s and 2 bibles. It was a bust….

Just like this new Kanye West video that premiered earlier today….

Posted in:Animated|Kanye West|Video Premiere

2008

07

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

So I got this email….

Hello dear Ladies and Gentlemen!

I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person Scarlett Galabekian last name, who has nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not d**n sexy),most important – CHRISTIAN young lady! I’ll tell you more,those clones (it’s not only one) made in GERMANY – world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, Rhineland-Palatinate, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town. You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning! Helmut Kohl clone staff strictly controlling all their clones (at least they trying) spreading around the world, they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones, so be careful get close with clones you will be controlled as well. Original person is not happy with those movies, images, video, rumors and etc. spreading on media in that way it would be really nice if we all will try slow down that ”actress” career development, original Scarlett will really appreciated that. Please remember that original Scarlett’s family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials, no matter what form it was created in it was stolen and it is stolen. It all need to be delivered to authorized personals control in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Original Scarlett never was engaged, by the way!
Her close friend Serge G.

P.S. CONTROLLING ACTIVITY OF ANY CLONES IS US MILITARY OPERATION.

Okay…..that was some kind of crazy…I’ve been lazy and tired today and I am going to drink with my clone, and by clone I mean my drunk self, who looks like me, but is a lot more fun, I’ll try to bring it tomorrow, but no promises, considering I never actually bring anything….

Here are my links:

Angelina Jolie Used to Be Amazing….Now She’s a Mom….
GO

Shock Till You Drop Halloween Party
GO

Lindsay Lohan Slutty Photoshoot I’ve Never Seen…..Because I Hate Dykes…
GO

There’s Hope Afterall, Crazy Britney May Come Back Afterall
GO

Jade Jagger Ass Crack Throwback
GO

The Last of the Hollywood Halloween Slut Round Up
GO

Melyssa Ford Ass’s Best Moments
GO

ATV Train Flip
GO

As If the First One Wasn’t Bad Enough
GO

Vending Machine Issues, Temper Temper!
GO

And Here’s Some Lucy Pinder
GO

Three Pieces of Shit On Stage Together
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

The George Bush Tourture Chamber
GO

Find a Girl to Fuck, Because That Blow Up Doll Must Be Getting Worn Out By Now
GO

Now That’s How You Move a Stove!
GO

Gymnastics Faceplant
GO

Some Hillary Duff Horse Face
GO

All You Ladies Could Learn a Thing Or Two From
GO

Here’s Your Dream Garage
GO

The Best of Brazilian Bikinis
GO

Big Boobs Domino
GO

Princess Madeleine is on vacation in a Bikini … Royal Slut…
GO

Nude Brunette Gets Doen in Public
GO

Jennifer Aniston is Desperate
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Sammy Brady is All You Need
GO

Things You Should Never Ever Do
GO

Nasty Office Sex
GO

Sam and Tiff Stick Each Other
GO

Adriana Lima’s New Commercial = Boners
GO

The Literal Rick Roll
GO

Miko Strips Down
GO

Because we All Need a Little Help Now and Then
GO

Jesse Jane Talking About What She Does Best
GO

I Can’t Stand Puff Daddy, But The New ADs for His Clothing Line Are Fine By Me
GO

Kick Face
GO

Keeley Hazell Can Sell Me Anything
GO

Some Irish big Guinness Drinkin’ Titties
GO

Gemma Atkinson Brings Her Tits to Nuts
GO

Sexiest TV Babes of the 80s
GO

Racism Ends Forever – Thanks Joe/Bammer
GO

Some Playboy Flight Attendants
GO

Remember the Cameron Diaz Titty Video?
GO

How About Pamela Anderson’s Huge Fucking Tits
GO

Or Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Tits in Something Silky….
GO

A Tribute to the US Presidential Race
GO

Susan Lucci Upskirt on Kimmel After Losing Dancing With the Once Were Stars
GO

18 Year Old Naughty Cheerleader Who Was Fired for Being Naughty
GO

Tear Your McCain/Palin Bumper Sticker Off Since You’re a Sore Loser
GO

A Vagina to End All Vaginas
GO

Big Miami Tits
GO

Even your dumbass can make $200/day with this
GO

ENTER THE EAGLES OF DEATH METAL FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS, BACKSTAGE PASSES AND TIME WITH THE BAND….
GO

Get Your Slut on Early This Week
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

06

Nov

Parent of the Year Reverse Racism Craziness of the Day

So this is an interesting video…..

Posted in:Obama

2008

06

Nov

Janice Dickinson Nice for the Paparazzi of the Day

So last week, Janice Dickinson was ripping into the paparazzi for being rats and from the sewers, and I was totally down with that, despite knowing that the paparazzi are the only reason she’s ever spoken of, because she may call herself the first supermodel, I never heard of her until she was working on another supermodel’s TV show and by that time, she was already beat up by the plastic surgeon’s knife and collagen injections that the only thing super about her, was the ability to suck dick without knowing she was sucking dick due to having no nerve endings left in her mouth….

Today she’s striking a pose for the motherfuckers and acting like their best fucking friends and this inconsistency is fuckin’ with my head. I guess she’s crazy, which makes sense, I mean she does have a vagina after all.

Posted in:Janice Dickinson|Paparazzi

2008

06

Nov

Scarlett Johansson’s Married Tits of the Day

Scarlett Johansson reminds me of a childhood friend I used to spend time with’s sister. She wasn’t really anything amazing to look at, you know always had a dumb look on her face and a bit of a dumpy body, but she had huge tits and for some unknown reason (her huge tits), all the guys in our school wanted to fuck the shit out of her.

I used to try to convince my friend to take pictures of her showering or in her underwear or pretty much anything exclusive that only he’d have access to because he was an insider and he would always get mad at me, you know telling me shit like “Dude, that’s my sister”.

I would always tell him that that was the beauty of the whole situation, firstly she’d never expect him to be doing that or lookin’ at her like that, so she’d be more comfortable and willing to be naked or topless around him because she didn’t see him as the predator but as family.

I would also tell him that if I had a sister, I’d totally bang the shit out of her, because at the time I was horny and appreciated the idea of having pussy sleeping in the bedroom next to me, and he would just freak out on me.

I then did some research at the local library to prove that there is no evidence that fucking your sister would lead to flipper babies, especially if you’re wearing a condom. The whole flipper baby theory was the government’s way to control people into being too scared to marry their family members and reproduce with their family members, before TV existed. You know, make them think if they do it, they’re going to go to hell and their demon child will be the proof that will get them caught, and I was just asking for some nudes, I wasn’t asking him to go out and crawl in bed with her and slide his hand in her panties while she was sleeping, and by hand, I mean penis.

Needless to say, I never got the pics, we stopped being friends and my persuasion didn’t work out as well as I had hoped, but every time I see Scarlett Johansson, I think about that girl and the set of tits I never saw. Here she is at some event.

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson|Tits

2008

06

Nov

Extreme Home Makeover Goes Too Far of the Day

I saw this preview for Extreme Home Makeover the other day, and it made me laugh. This show is known for taking people’s sob stories are really milking the shit out of them, to get the sympathy views, or people who want to sit around and cry at how moving ABC is because they make these half million dollar houses for these families, while Ty makes half a million dollars an episode, and ABC makes millions of dollars an episode through advertisers all while most of the work and materials, furniture, appliances and accessories are donated by the companies who make them because they like the product placement plug and because the sob story sells, only this week they took it one step farther, by not just building a home for a sob story, but to have it built by a bunch of sob story.

The preview I saw had some guy with no legs manning a back ho and some dude on crutches running the project and i thought they took shit pretty much as far as they could, because like porn, eventually you get de-sensitized to standard missionary position sob stories and the less of an impact they have on your emotions, and I guess the only way to keep things extreme is to throw in handicapped people to build the houses. The whole thing is crazy, but I don’t really see how they’ll ever top this one off…..

Posted in:Explotation|Extreme Home Makeover

2008

06

Nov

Katy Perry Upskirt Pictures of the Day

Katy Perry flashed her panties and I wasn’t there to point and laugh, not that I would, because if I was in the same room as this cunt, I would most likely be throwing furniture at her, telling her to get that fucking song out of my head. You know if you met the person who has been torturing you all these months, you’d want to get your revenge too, but I guess the only salvation I have is that there’s nothing hot about this pig of a girl, who may look like she’s not a pig anymore, because of all the cocaine addiction and pressure of having to dance around on stage and get off her couch, but the second she stops that shit, it’s back to donuts and potato chips where she’ll figure out a new sexual fantasy that attention craving girls do to exploit, I can assume that flashing your white panties in a way that we can’t determine how meaty or hairy your pussy is while hanging with Perez Hilton aren’t it.

I can’t post the pics, because the agency that owns them is a cocksucker who sent me a 6,000 dollar invoice, so I’ll link out to another site in the event you’re interested in looking at this pasty bitch lookin’ very unattractive, even with the sound turned off.

Too see the shitty pictures, follow this link, but I really don’t know why you’d want to …
GO

Posted in:Katy Perry|Upskirt