DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Nov

Avril Lavigne is Drunk of the Day

4 Comments »

Avril Lavigne was pulled on stage at a Metal Skool show. From what I understand, they have a weekly gig where they play 80s rock, pretty much mockin’ it and joking around about it, and sometimes celebrities head out there because the only other thing going on on a Sunday night is DJ AM’s LAX party, and no one wants to put themselves through that pain.

So the guys of the band figured Avril Lavigne would know the song “I Love Rock and Roll” and it turns out she didn’t, so while trying to grind up on him while drunk, because she’s hungry for dick after marrying that little man from Sum 41, she fucked up the timing of the chorus, then screeched her way through it, sounding like shit, torturing everyone there and proving that unless she’s singing Shania Twain songs in a studio after months of vocal training, or suburban pop where she channels attitude from living the suburban life and spending her Saturday’s at the mall, and weeknights driving around aimlessly, she’s got no fuckin’ business holding a mic, unless that mic is your dick, in which case, it’s not actually a mic at all…..but more of a sad little worm no one wants to play with.

Posted in:Avril Lavigne|Drunk|Singing

2008

Nov

Will.I.Am Hologram Interview of the Day

No Comments »

I had no choice but to post this shit because it fuckin scares me. When watching it last night, I freaked the fuck out, thinking of the possibilities of integrating this shit into every house, making phone calls, TV, Porn, Webcam Sex a hell of a lot more interesting, it could let me be in 10 places at once, but unfortunately, I don’t have 10 places to be, so it just left me confused, scared and uncomfortable about where the world is goin’ with this technology shit. It’s nice to know some assholes have invested whatever amount of millions of dollars into this, you know with the world crumbling apart, people being ravaged by AIDS and Cancer and poverty, it’s just smart allocation of funds, so that Will.I.Am can do a stupid little dance when half of the world is watching him on CNN talking about politics, when he’s just some cheesy mainstream rapper with an opinion that really doesn’t matter. I know you’ve all seen this, but I really had no choice but to put it up, because it gave me nightmares last night.

On a side note, here’s Obama’s Kenyan relatives/grandmother doing a song and dance for her grandson before slaughtering a goat to really show how happy their tribe is for the way he turned out by not being raised in Kenya with them.

Posted in:Hologram|Will.I.Am

2008

Nov

Annalynne McCord is a Lesbian of the Day

No Comments »

I didn’t know who Annalynne McCord was before last week, because being down with young girls, I’m not always down with the shitty teen primetime soap operas they watch.

She’s on 90210 and based on her recent behavior, she seems to be lovin’ the fame. She gets up from her lunch and decides to go out to greet the paparazzi, something a jaded actor who hates their fame would never do, then she plays up the fact that she’s with a girl and when asked if she is the next Sam Ronson/Lindsay Lohan, she responded “no, Sam Ronson has a penis, me and my sister are all vagina”, no actually she kissed her on the mouth, but I think it’s safe to say this is bullshit and even if it isn’t, Katy Perry ruined it for me.

She’s skinny as fuck, looks like a clown and the highlight of the video isn’t her dyking out but the old bald guy who looks so excited to get her autograph and meet her, he is a creepy motherfucker who may not be me, but I wish it was, not because I want to meet this bitch, but because I want to be the guy who acts overly excited to meet no names because my life is so insignificant and filled with failure that I’ll take anything I can get.

We’re all allowed to have dreams, even back kids can now be taken a little more seriously when they say they wanna be the president of the United States, when before yesterday, they were just laughed at and given crack to sell….

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Lesbian

2008

Nov

Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr in Lingerie For America of the Day

2 Comments »

So I got a little carried away with this Obama shit while drunk last night, I’d be embarrassed but really never go back on the stupid shit I say or do when drunk, I just kinda move on and pretend it never happened. Obama is just a motivational speaker, the black Tony Robins, with a less offensively massive head, trying to pass off responsibility to the people, motivate the people, and instead of carrying the weight of the problems on his shoulders or making the right decisions, he just acts as a figurehead for hope and unity, something America didn’t really have.

I don’t think people know entirely what they are in for, or know the impact of what is going to happen based on his term in office, and like a deadbeat dad, I am convinced nothing is going to change, people will still be poor, people will still be dying in hospitals, but it was a pretty powerful speech.

George Bush was from day one a total fuck up, Palin was a total idiot, McCain didn’t deal with the economy properly, Obama played the race card, America has a lot of ethnic people who hate white people, he sold a dream, and he won….

So he has a great smile, was a novelty, campaigned hard and strong and was a hero in the media, coming in with unrealistic goals and visions that make sense to desperate people, or people who want more out of life, and he did it with style and power but dudes pretty much over-promised and I highly doubt you’ll get what you want and the next 4 months will be about him trying to manage expectations and diffuse the flames her lit to get in office.

I am having Obama supporter remorse, he was a little bit of a novelty with really big goals and expectations, kinda telling the people what they want to hear, you know telling girls in the bar how big your dick is or how fat your wallet is to get them so wet you can hear the jelly donut in her pants squishing between her thighs.

So good luck with all this shit, and that concludes my political talks for the next little while, but no one cares about what I think,

Here are some pictures of to start the day of Marissa Miller and Miranda Kerr since they are the American Dream, well at least one of them is, and the other one just makes more money than you do in your own country, fuckin’ immigrants takin’ all the fuckin’ jobs…..and choosin’ the fuckin’ president….

Posted in:Lingerie|Marisa Miller|Miranda Kerr

2008

Nov

Obama For the Win…..of the Day

30 Comments »

Obama is the Next President of the USA.

Boooooooo!!!!

Just kidding.

This is the best thing that has happened to your country and probably the rest of the world, this is a total revolution and I am pretty happy it worked out this way, because I was convinced the republicans would have put a stop on this shit but it just got out of hand and people started believing him. He is definitely the right person to run your country, or at least a hell of a lot better than McCain/Palin, he is someone who definitely has a vision, and black or not, he’s the commander in chief.

Don’t get me wrong, McCain has achieved a lot and won’t die a failure in the next couple years, he’s done more than most people and that’s something worth a pat on the back and a viagra in his belly, to really celebrate the loss, if anything he can find himself a nice retirement community to settle down in, now that the chaos is behind him. I always hate seeing losers, especially when they were as passionate about him, it’s sad and he should never have chosen Palin as his running mate and that is what really ruined him. I guess the real remarkable thing about all this is that he didn’t die during his speech from a broken heart…….

The racist supporters are probably pretty fuckin’ mad. There will be some local cross burnings tonight, no doubt about it, but be proud to be American despite whatever riots and deaths that may come from this…

I am happy all this is over, so you guys can shut the fuck up and I can go back to hating on sluts.

The people have spoken, let the riots begin, and let’s hope he’s not Lee Harvey Oswalded because that would be a fuckin’ tragedy.

Sure I am not American, I am not educated on the subject, but I know what my instinct tells me and from day one, there really was no competition.

Congratulations to all you fuckers, this won’t change our relationship of you hating me and me hating you, but let’s hope it changes all your lives.

Brobama won, despite being half brother and this is definitely the best thing to happen to more than just the hip hop movement, the black people and despite being scared for you guys for the last couple of weeks….a lot of people are going to be inspired by this and a lot of people will be mad…we’ll see what happens….

This CNN coverage was boring, my friend who’s TV I am borrowing is annoying, the Hologram I expect Obama to use for all public appearances, scared the fuck out of me, and I am drunk….

It’s not a matter of Yes you can anymore, it’s a little yes you did, and that’s more than I can say about what’s going on in your bedroom. Peace out. I am going to go drink more because this post was fucking crazy…let’s just hope Obama makes it out of his speech alive…

He wasn’t assassinated, and if anyone watched that speech and wasn’t moved, or excited of what’s to come, and I’m not talking about fried chicken stands on every corner or gold chains and girls who make their booties talk in ever government office, or the whole country being turned into a crack hustlin’ ghetto, I’m talking about a whole new leadership and direction, you’re fuckin’ idiots, but you probably already know that. Yes, you did, you fuckin’ communists with hologram technology, that shit could revolutionize porn and cybersex….

Ok, enough of this, now you can go back to chronic masturbation, this election shit was boring and draining…..and a little too passionate on all fronts….ok…time to stop…i just can’t seem to end this post…

Posted in:Election 08|Obama

2008

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

I have a feeling that McCain is going to win, despite probably not being the best choice and all the preliminary polls, I am convinced America won’t allow a revolutionary into office, even if America wants a revolutionary in office. I can only assume that it’s the CIA moving in a switching all the votes over, riggin’ that shit proper, because it just won’t make sense if he does win, but I guess it just means that the US Government has a stronger hand in making decisions than your are lead to believe. Communists who don’t know they are communists are worse than actual communists….

On a side note, I was just downtown or what this city considers downtown and people were chanting Obama, which annoyed the fuck out of me because they do not live in the US, and have no business jumpin’ on their shit, but I guess that just shows what impact this dude has on the rest of the world, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t piss me off.

Here are my links, they are communist too, all equally amazing, so click on them fucks and watch your country fall apart at the seam, or see how long it takes before “Lee Harvey Oswald” shows up at Obama’s Eggnog-eral speech…mmmm egg nog….Christmas is comin’ afterall…

I guess the real issue in these hard times is what the fuck the girl in the header pic was thinking when she took this picture….seriously….no, I don’t want you, stop lookin’ at me like that, whore.

PS – This CNN Hologram shit is not working out so well for me, it’s freaking me the fuck out in a big way….

Down the Stairs You Go
GO

I Hate Carrie Underwood More Than Anyone, But I She’s Got a Point There
GO

Victoria Beckham is a Freak…
GO

Jessica Biel Regrets Getting Naked, So Let’s Look At the Pics and Regret It with Her
GO

Mel Brown Cleavage and Upskirt
GO

Vida Guerra Makes My Mouth Water
GO

Salami Fighting Association
GO

The Best Moments in Nikki Cox’s Tits
GO

I Don’t Speak Italian, I Have No Idea What’s Going On Here, And This is The Best Video Ever
GO

Vickie Beckham Wears Black Leather
GO

Toddler Sarah Palin
GO

Drown You Election Day Sorrows In Virtual Pussy
GO

Nothing Like a Fat Lady Dancing
GO

Kill Time Before the Election Results Are in With Porn
GO

Okay These Ads Scare the Shit Our of Me
GO

Lucia Dvorska Gets Down in Lingerie
GO

I Wanna Motorboat Carli Banks
GO

Dirty Dirty Girl
GO

Selita Ebanks Should Just Take Her Dress Right Off
GO

Angelina Jolie Is Just a Punk Kid With Tattoos….And a Movie Star Career….And Millions on Dollars
GO

I’ve Made Getting Laid Almost As Easy As Jerking Off
GO

If Tila Tequila and The Mac Kid Have Babies, I Am Going to Barf
GO

Quick Stop Mishap
GO

Touch My Body
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Vending Machine Karate Kid
GO

Criminal Masterminds of the Internet
GO

Babe Takes aStage Dive
GO

Celebrate Election Day By Getting Laid
GO

Hannah is Wide Open
GO

Tera Patrick Hosts Some Party
GO

Why is Russian TV So Amazing?
GO

A Ray of Sunshine on Your Cloudy Day
GO

Love Election Results Online Here
GO

Heather’s Tits are Flawless
GO

Hayden Panty Airs is a Cyborg or Something
GO

Don’t Forget To Get Your Free Shit After You Vote Today
GO

Hilary Duff in Cheetah Print
GO

Make the Most Disgusting Stink Bombs Ever
GO

When Fat Bitches Collide
GO

Her Name is Barbara Meier, She’s a Model and Her Tit Tape Didn’t Work so Well on the Runway…But She Keeps a Straight Face…While The Weird Dude In the Back Got a Boner and These Pics Were Taken…
GO

Creepy Mary Kate Olsen Montage..
GO

My Wife’s Fantasy Topping She Asked For Xmas that Made me Laugh..
GO

Some Picture of Some Trashy Lingerie Party in L.A.
GO

Some Irish Page 3 Girl With Crazy Tits
GO

Some Girl, Her Pubes and Her Flower
GO

Sarah Palin Pantyhose Screencaps
GO

Some Crazy Fuckin’ Cleavage and Fake TIts in Vegas…
GO

Some Terry Richardson Nude Pics of Some MTV People
GO

I signed up to Twitter, It’s a Disaster, Kinda Useless, But if You Use It, Follow Me….
GO

ENTER THE EAGLES OF DEATH METAL FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS, BACKSTAGE PASSES AND TIME WITH THE BAND….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

Nov

Paris Hilton in her American Flag Dress Cuz She’s Trendy of the Day

2 Comments »

McCain just said at some Election Day Rally today that Sarah Palin’s husband is ready for Washington because he is a champion snowmobiler, who once broke his arm with 250 miles of the race to go and still came in first. Is he fucking kidding? He also said it’s going to be a late night for him, because you know being 80 years old makes staying up past 8 pm a late night, I guess he’ll have to wait til tomorrow for the diner’s early bird special. The truth is this guy is a beast, I can’t handle writing a shitty website from a shitty couch and he’s out there campaigning and is twice my age and I think he’s likable, despite his shitty smear campaign and his repetitiveness of fluffy issues, and jokes discounting how serious issues are, it’s just that Palin idiot who will ruin him and I guess that works for those Obama communist supporters.

I really have no idea which way it is going to go, the polls are not accurate and I guess it’s anyone’s crown, and I just can’t wait for this bullshit to end, who cares if the election is making history, it’s dull.

On a side note, Paris Hilton didn’t vote in 2004 after wearing a Vote or Die shirt like she actually cared because she’s a vapid full of shit (cum) whore, and I heard she’s in the UK shooting her bullshit show and assume she won’t be voting today, despite all the coattail publicity stunt shit she did to promote herslef on FunnyorDie about the election and she is even wearing the American Flag, because being full of shit is her right and if she was in any other country, they’d execute her.

Here’s a quote representing her delusion about where she fits into the world and her impact on the vote all while not bother voting….

â€œItâ€™s exciting to be involved in the biggest election in history. It encourages a lot of young voters to speak their voice and to vote. I was talking about issues and actually making sense but still playing with my image at the same time. Doing it in a ditzy way, but actually saying things I think can really help it along . . . Whoever becomes the next president has a lot on their hands. Itâ€™s going to be hard for anyone.â€?

I assume burning this thing wouldn’t be considered a crime because it’s in the World Health Organizations Center For Disease Control’s best interest….

She may have big cleavage that match her big feet but a face like that is one you’d see at a drag show and not on the Letterman show….these are some pics…before the paparazzi agencies come after me.

Posted in:Election 2008|Paris Hilton

2008

Nov

Ivanka Trump and her Rich Girl Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

I like rich girls. They are usually carefree, don’t give a fuck and less interested in looking for acceptance and more interested in being bad by fucking, getting drunk and doing drugs. You know, going against the grain because their entire life they’ve had to stay classy in front of people, so the second no one is watching they lose their shit.

I saw a relative of the Prime Minister of Canada out dancing on a pole this weekend, wasted, making out with random dudes and it was amazing. It’s the kind of behavior that you’d want from a rich girl. I am not saying that someone like Paris Hilton is of value to society or something I want to see other rich girls copying , since its embarrassing and takes away from the whole allure of fucking a rich girl’s face, when everyone in the world has already seen her get her face fucked, what I am saying is that behind closed doors, when no one is watching, rich girls are amazing.

Ivanka Trump defies all that because she looks fucking boring. She’s not acting crazy or ripping huge trust fund funded lines of cocaine naked in one of her dad’s luxury apartment developments, she looks like she goes home to read up on not sweating the small stuff and investing, and it’s a serious waste of the opportunities she has being who she is, but more importantly, it’s a waste of tit because she is stacked….

On a side note, I read on Perez Hilton that her mom’s 20 year old husband was on the Italian version of Survivor, and was caught fucking one of the contestants on Camera, maybe he could take Ivanka aside and teach her how to throw out her collection of designer turtle necks and pull that gold plated dildo out of her ass, and take advantage of the meal ticket God gave her to take advantage of….but he’ll probably be out of the picture as soon as that video hits the internet, so I guess there’s just no hope for her.

Posted in:Ivanka Trump|Rich|Tits

2008

Nov

Lindsay Lohan and Her Lesbian Tits Re-Hydrating And that’s About All She’s Doing of the Day

3 Comments »

Lohan tried to re-invent herself, sure it may not have been the best idea to go lesbian, you know with the world hating fags, but it worked for Ellen, so I guess it made sense at the time, even though the bulk of her career was based on being in kid’s movies by Disney, a company that only promotes homosexuality in Zac Effron’s dressing room, but after her whole spoiled cunt episode of self-destruction last year, that ended in rehab, it seemed like an interesting step to take, you know to not come across as being a slut by being in a long term loyal relationship, even if it was with another girl, it was seemingly more stable for her career, and interesting enough for people to talk about.

But she hasn’t changed her way, together Ronson and Lohan make sure that no pictures of her drinking or doing drugs surface, despite how obvious it is that she’s still doing cocaine based on how fucking skinny she is and all the shit people have emailed me about seeing her out drinking, but it doesn’t matter, because their lie backfired, because she is just a useless annoying cunt and anyway you present her to the public, she’ll always be that useless annoying cunt.

So she’s been fired from Ugly Betty, She’s not working on any movies, She’s been rejected for Dancing With the Stars, something Pauly Shore wouldn’t be rejected from, she’s now been fired from hosting the World Music Awards, and replaced by Denise Richards, someone who’s career was based on one sex scene and Baywatch, 10 fucking years ago, so I guess it’s time for her to throw in the lesbian towel, because there’s just not much else out there for her. There are no more scandals left to keep her in the media, there’s no body part we haven’t seen and no company willing to hire her….

Sure, aside from the bitchiness, immaturity, bratty, whining, psycho, unstable cunt behavior and the fact that she’s not marketable or worth anything in the celebirty scene, she’s still got a hot set of tits, but anyone can get those, they just have to save up 5 grand, which is something Lohan may have a hard time doing because she can’t get a fuckin’ job, but I guess she’s already made it, so she doesn’t really have to work anymore.

I can’t imagine there really being a comeback for her, unless you consider a Lohan getting fisted by Ronson in Vivid’s next celebrity tape a comeback, but i don’t know how many people would buy that or if it’s even in the works yet, because watching Ronson’s empty ballsack of a vagina is kind of a deal breaker for most people, but not me, empty ballsacks won’t hold me back, I’ve seen a hell of a lot weirder shit….and would love to see Lohan in what would probably be the best performance of her career, except for maybe how she plays up this whole fake lesbian relationship, but I guess that’s not really makin’ her money no matter how good it is…..

So here she is re-hydrating, because she’s pretty much got nothing else going on for her and little to do with her time, while her girlfriend travels the world getting paid too much to DJ shitty events.

Posted in:Lesbian|Lindsay Lohan|Tits

2008

Nov

Heidi Klum is Insane for Guitar Hero of the Day

4 Comments »

Heidi Klum is a bit of a nutcase and i am not making reference to who she decides to make babies with, but more to how she acts every time she’s on camera.

I assume it’s a cultural thing and maybe has to do with some kind of identity crisis from not working in a german brothel licking asshole like everyone else she knows and instead breakin’ all of Hitler’s plans for his people by marrying a black man, but she’s got good tits and is entertaining to watch when you can turn her the fuck off.

It seems like Victoria’s Secret let her off their leash and allowed her to do some Guitar Hero, Risky business shit, as long as she was wearing their product, and it is more interesting than the Tom Cruise scene from a time when he was a closet fag taking trips to Montreal to fuck dudes, and Scientology hadn’t taken over his life, but not as interesting as seeing Michael J. Fox doing it today, but that’s just because he’d really put the shake into his dance, because he has Parkinson’s.

Here’s another, more boring one….

Posted in:Guitar Hero|Heidi Klum|Lingerie