I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

26

Aug

Rihanna’s Boring Videoshoot of the Day

Rihanna and her boyfriend are on the set of some music video she’s recording and paying for out of her earnings and by the looks of it, shit’s going to suck. I don’t really get how a bitch who performs in a dominatrix outfit, lookin’ like a whore you’d pay to piss on you, can pull off wearing some oversized homely dress I would expect to see a fat retarded kid wear to a baptism or bar mitzvah depending on her faith, and not something I want to see a slut playing wholesome in. Just look how she holds onto that Chris Brown lookin’ motherfucker’s hand like she didn’t let him finish inside her earlier this morning. I guess it’s a concept thing…not a concept me or any of the guys who jerk off to her like, but a concept nevertheless.

Posted in:Boring|Rihanna|Videoshoot

2008

26

Aug

Pam Anderson and her Old Lady Fake Tits of the Day

So Pam Anderson is a aging inspiration to sluts rockin’ the pole everywhere. It is hope that their Playboy tattoos will end up paying themselves off many times over by leading to a centerfold that leads to a shitty acting career that makes them enough money to be luxurious sluts on an international level instead of their local town and trailer park they are from. She is also an inspiration as a pioneer to people like Paris Hilton and every girl with a digital camera that they too can find success with homemade porn.

I was sitting at an intersection today, not in the intersection the way you’d want me to be sitting in hopes that the pain from this site ends, and this car pulls up with a decal that read “Life Coaching” next to a scenic mountainscape or someshit. I looked the car over and shit was a beat up Hyundai from the early 90s, the dude driving the car was bald, in glasses, about 60 years old, in a cheap fucking suit and about 250 pounds and I thought that that’s the kind of guy that could really help me achieve the life I want because he’s fuckin’ livin’ it.

I guess in a lot of ways, I’m just a bleached blonde, fake tittied slut, and he is my Pamela Anderson but I forgot to write down the number so I guess I’ll just have to coach myself through this life. Oh well.

Posted in:Fake Tits|old|Pam Anderson

2008

26

Aug

Stacy Keibler’s Got Some Legs of the Day

I like to reference things I think suck by calling them “gayer than bicycle shorts” because bicycle shorts are pretty fucking gay. Unfortunately, Stacy Keibler is putting my theory to the test by wearing a pair, because when they are on some useless ex-wrestling, Dancing with the Stars slut and are short, tight, and hugging her pussy, all while showing off her long legs, there’s little gay about this shit. Even if she wore this outfit while suckin’ off a dude getting fucked up the ass by another dude in some kind of bi-sexual porn, I’d still have trouble calling it gay and I may be forced to start calling thing I think suck “gayer than two dudes riding a motorcycle” because that is always fuckin’ gay.

Speakin of Gay, I went to grab a coffee earlier and there was some dude who reminded me of you in front of me. He was an awkward lookin’ guy you’d expect collects action figures and plays a lot of videogames and has very few friends. I looked over at him and noticed a gob of fuckin’ cum hanging from the side of his head like he just finished jerking off to anime and the orgasm was built up for so long because he’s mom never gives him fuckin’ privacy and dude didn’t realize it like he was in that Something About Mary scene but less Jewish. I found the whole thing disgusting and tried not to make it obvious, but my gagging sounds were kinda hard to pass off as gas. It was fuckin’ vile but I get free coffee at that place so I’m not about to let some virgin’s cummy hair ruin that for me like they’ve ruined posting celebrity nipple pictures by giving me a bad name and confusing people into thinking I am one of them.

Either way, here’s Stacy Keibler.

Posted in:Legs|Shorts|Stacy Keibler

2008

26

Aug

Heidi Montag Overdosin’ of the Day

The only problem with this 10 minute music video of a shitty Heidi Montag video for a song called Overdosin’ is that it doesn’t end with her having a fuckin’ overdose, and I am talking a real overdose, one you see in the alley and crack dens around your city and not the Hollywood kind where they come out alive. I don’t really understand any of the lyrics but that could be because shit is on mute, what I do know is that it’s obviously a fuckin’ joke playing on that “Call On Me” video that was actually hot, because no one in their right mind could find this good. I am convinced it is some kind of viral video for FunnyorDie.

The truth is that If I wanted to see subpar girls awkwardly doin fitness in American Apparel, I’d hit up my local Y for the maternity class, which isn’t saying much because I do that shit anyway. Either way, I’m sure you’ll love this so here it is.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Overdosin'

2008

26

Aug

Jessica Simpson Performs in a Country Corset of the Day

Jessica Simpson’s still out trying to be Dolly Parton and this time she did it wearing a corset as a shirt under some cowboy shit and that’s something I am down with because I like seeing girls in lingerie and the only chance I really have is when they use that shit as outerwear. It’s the kind of shit that leads to public masturbation and is a good defense to rape, because if she’s in her underwear it’s like she’s saying yes despite her cries asking you to stop.

I was walking outside earlier and came across a dude who looked like he thought he just got raped, he was screaming bloody murder, and begging for the pain to stop and everyone just kinda looked at him wondering what the fuck was going on for 10 minutes as he ran around in hysterics. No one had the balls to ask him what was going on and I didn’t care enough to get involved, but seeing a dude freak out that curl up in the fetal position at 10 am screaming and crying, isn’t really the kind of dude I want to grab a beer with. The cops finally showed up, because I guess one of the suits in the area didn’t feel comfortable with the whole thing and they took him away and I assume sent him to the psych ward but it made for an entertaining experience, one probably more exciting that a Jessica Simpson concert because it’s been proven time and time again that her hot tits just don’t make up for her shitty songs, but when shit’s in picture and we don’t have to deal with her offensive voice, I have no issue staring and you shouldn’t either.

Posted in:Corset|Country|Jessica Simpson|Tits

2008

26

Aug

Mary Kate Olsen Forgot Her Pants of the Day

In the wake of Heath Ledger’s death in her apartment, that she was let off the hook for because murder is not a crime when you are rich, an executioner, a cop or a surgeon, Mary Kate Olsen left the house without any pants on. She’s some kind of leader of the hipster dumpy bitch movement that has put a damper on my checkin’ out girls during the day hobby. It seems like the time of wearing high heels, mini skirts and tight cleavage shirts to college is long gone, and a whole lot of girls have taken the oversized flannel home depot shirt that I sometimes wear because it cost 4 dollars at the Salvation Army and it gets cold in this fuckin’ place since I can’t afford heat, and it’s not hot. Sure it’s almost nice to think that under those pearl snaps lies a bare pussy, but the fact it belongs to an Olsen is pretty much a deal breaker and the only hope I have is that an immigrant somewhere misunderstands the new trend to not wear pants and leaves her house bare assed, because that is the only good that can come from this mess.

Posted in:Mary-Kate Olsen|Pantsless

2008

26

Aug

Lohan and Ronson Go Out for a Family Dinner of the Day

Here’s a little angry lesbian action as Sam Ronson gives the paparazzi the finger while lookin’ like Macauley Culkin or some shit. Now I like Sam Ronson and have defended her and her intentions for at least the last week. I never called her out as a social climbing socialite from a rich family who figured attaching herself to Lohan would get her more money for her DJ gigs, I never said that they probably aren’t fucking or are doing what they are doing to mess with the media because when you grow up as the kid or stepkid of some socialite mother and rockstar, you are taught at a young age what the right and wrong thing to say is, but I do think giving us all the finger is totally out of line. It’s one of those things where you like the media when they give you coverage, otherwise you wouldn’t be hanging out with Hollywood’s badgirl and you wouldn’t date or pretend to date someone so high profile, you’d attach yourself to a nice lowkey lesbian who is probably a whole lot easier to deal with than Lohan.

Beyond just giving us the finger, I ran into someone who went to some event she recently played in Montreal and he said that she ignored his attempts to meet her, she spent most of her time texting someone, and she looked like being there was the last place in the world she wanted to be, despite getting paid 30,000 dollars. In her defense, meeting random local freaks in every city is probably not something I’d be down with either, but I’m not a DJ trying to secure fans. He also told me her music sucked, her set sucked and the whole experience sucked harder than Lohan used to suck dick. The worst thing about her Montreal trip was the fact that she didn’t even reach out to me and ask me to hang so until she does, this bitch is dead to me and her bullshit flippin’ the bird for attention is just that…a cry for attention. That said, Lohan’s got some great tits.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Samantha Ronson

2008

26

Aug

Danielle Lloyd’s Got an Orange Bikini of the Day

This Danielle Lloyd Bitch busted out a bikini as she often does when she’s not drunk in the club. I guess the goal is to get some sun on her pasty British body and to spend some of the money she’s made as a UK model. If anything, Danielle gives hope to average lookin’ chicks that their dreams of being slutty models can come true all they have to do is move to the UK because clearly becoming a model in the UK doesn’t really take much more than having a decent set of tits. If this girl was in any other market, she’d get laughed out of the photographer’s studio, unless of course he was a snuff photographer who never turns down a girl he thinks no one will miss when she’s gone. Here she is in her bikini.

Posted in:Bikini|Danielle Lloyd

2008

26

Aug

Camila Alves is a Pretty Hot Hairy Mom of the Day

I was in an Indian run grocery store yesterday buying my wife some supplies to get her through the night, like cheap ice cream and a bag of chips. I was there with my stepdaughter who wanted to come along for the ride, even though it was more of a walk down the street. I started playing around in front of the hairy brown clerk by taking her obscure product line of native Indian food and rubbed it on my stepdaughter’s face, saying things like “you’re going to get an Indian disease” and “now you have Malaria” and “you’re going to turn the color of your mother’s shit she stained the toilet with earlier today” and “now you smell like curry” and after about 5 minutes of laughing at the crap this chick was selling, she pulled out a hammer and said to get the fuck out of her store before she attacked in her thick accent I couldn’t really take serious leading to me laughing more, until she got out from behind the counter and started to muscle me out. It turns out that she didn’t find laughing at her culture as funny as I did.

Now although Camila Alves is no Indian or Sri Lankan, she’s got the same sideburns as the lady who assaulted me last night and despite that hair little rat face, I find her hot enough to get pregnant, good job Matthew Mcconaughey, this bitch bounced back proper.

Posted in:Camila Alves|cleavage|Hot

2008

26

Aug

Tara Reid Does Tradeshows of the Day

There comes a time in every useless celebrity’s life, the kind who is hot for a minute and spends the rest of her career drinking heavily to make up for not having any talent other than the look guys want to fuck, slowly self destructing your once appealing young lookin’ face and turning into that of a haggard catcher’s mitt, where they have to accept the fact that the free ride is pretty much over. Tara Reid was the hired help at the Ed Hardy founder’s booth the other day, you know working a fuckin’ tradeshow like an aspiring model who doesn’t have what it takes to ever be famous, handing out free samples and trying to seduce buyers to pick up the company’s product line and that’s a pretty far cry from gracing the silver screen in teen comedies. I guess it’s safe to assume that she needs the money since she hasn’t worked in years and I guess it’s an easier gig and paid better than anything you did today, but it’s still must be pretty depressing knowing that the next step is to turn tricks for money as a high class escort or work the local Costco handing out samples of shitty pre-made food, only to be told repeatedly by the customers that she looks a lot like Tara Reid, where she’ll respond saying that she gets that all the time, because the embarrassment of admitting to such a horrible ending to a career that once seemed prosperous is just too damn depressing…Either way, she’s showing off her back and I feel like there’s not enough exposed backs on the site, so I guess she’s not totally useless.

Posted in:Tara Reid|Tradeshow