I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

18

Jun

Audrina Patridge Gets Out of a Mercedes of the Day

The girls from The Hills may be useless cunts, but they drive Mercedes and that’s better than my whip, which is a pair of sneakers with holes in them.

Either way, I did a post on Holly Montag, Heidi Montag’s sister and she found out and got back to me:

Hey Drunken Stepfather!

What you wrote was pretty hilarious, but would you mind taking my pictures down please? They are my private photos that only my friends are supposed to be able see, and I think you know better…

Thank you,

Holly Montag

This is the closest brush with useless fame I have ever had, except for that one time I saw Wesley Snipes in a bar and he threatened to kill me, but at the time he wasn’t useless but that story is as tired as his bank account.

Either way, I’ll take the attention, even if it’s through her useless party slut sister, something more useless than useless but it’s good enough for me…..

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Mercedes

2008

18

Jun

Shannon Elizabeth’s Got Jungle Fever of the Day

I love how pissed off dudes get when they see a bitch they want to fuck or a bitch that they have fucked rockin’ out with a brother. I don’t think anything can piss a white dude off more than knowing a black dude has been up in a bitch first. I was talking to a friend the other day who told me that shit was going well with his chick and was thinking about asking her to move in with him, then in a game of truth or dare amongst friends at a dinner party (because my friend is a fucking yuppie faggot who goes to couple parties to play truth or dare in hopes of hearing something hot that he can jerk off to because he can’t fuck other chicks), he found out that his girlfriend’s ex, that he knew all about and that he knew was the first to give her an orgasm and the first to fuck her up the ass and the first dude who knocked her up that lead to her first abortion or miscarriage was Black and he freaked out and dumped her. Now, this may not sound crazy to some of you racist fucks, but it sounded crazy to me, because he was about to move in with the girl and just because she got black dick before him, she was disgusting to him and damaged fuckin’ goods.

Shit like that never bothered me, maybe because I am brown and think white dudes are boring, suburban and lame, maybe it’s because I know black dudes have more game and know how to play a bitch better and get what he wants out of them and respect that, maybe it’s cuz I know girls are sluts who like getting ravaged by huge cocks and white dudes aren’t up for the task, but whatever it is, who cares.

What I do care about is why more white people aren’t hating on Kim Kardashian for fucking a black dude, you’d figure if you’d go so far to dump your girlfriend or never date the hot chick who wants you for doing the same thing, the least you could do is carry that racism over into your sexual fantasies and ignore eveything Kardashian does in hopes that she disappears, instead you sit there and jerk off to her like some kind of pervert because you are one.

Here’s some Shannon Elizabeth with a black dude who she may or may not be fucking.

Posted in:Jungle Fever|Shannon Elizabeth

2008

18

Jun

Shauna Sand in Some Hair Salon Porn of the Day

I have a feeling that you’re the kind of guy who hangs outside of Beauty Salons and peers in at all the luxurious women getting there hair done, until they notice you and ask you to leave, because I know I am.

When I look at rich women, a lot of times they look as ratty as streetwhores because they have seen their fair share of tanning beds, hair bleach, packs of cigarettes and cock that doesn’t belong to their husbands and look just as tacky and haggard as a prostitute. It reminds me that girls will be girls and that they are all cut from the same cloth, because no matter how much money you have you’re still a fuckin’ whore, just one in more expensive accessories, clothes and cars.

I like to think of Shauna Sand as the missing link between suckin’ dick in back alleys for 5 dollars and suckin’ dick at prestigious events for a quick adrenaline rush. Because she looks like a whore, she made her money being a whore, but she’s got enough money to get her hair done where the high society women go and that turns me on.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

17

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day

I’ve had some bad internet luck the last couple days and I am trying to sort it out but it’s not working out too well for me. What is working out for me is that people still hate me despite my absence from the internet and are sending me hateful messages. Here’s one I got today.

YOU ARE MEAN. YOU ARE SICK. YOU ARE VULGAR. YOU ARE CRAZY. YOU NEED PSYCHIATRIC HELP. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU BLAME ONE CHILD FOR ACCIDENTLY KILLING ANOTHER? THIS COULD HAVE BEEN ANYONE AND THIS CHILD IS A GOOD PERSON WHO IS A GOOD STUDENT, A GOOD FAMILY MEMBER, A WITNESS FOR THE LORD (THAT YOU NEED, BUT HATE). CAN YOU?

IMAGINE HAVING TO LIVE WITH SUCH AN ACCIDENT? i GUESS WHO HAVE NO INSIGHT INTO REAL LIFE WHATSOEVER. YOU ARE THE CRUELEST AND MEANEST IDIOT I HAVE EVER HEARD. THERE IS A PLACE FOR ALL OF US AFTER DEATH, BUT YOURS WILL BE DOWNWARD, NOT UPWARD. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT ANYONE WOULD SAY THE CRUEL AND IGNORANT THINGS YOU SAID.

GO GET HELP WITH YOUR LIFE. LEAVE OTHERS ALONE.

My response:

Are you trying to get me all horny on the computer again using your smutty dirty God talk again? I have no idea what you are talking about but am thinking about all the dirty things I could do to your vagina while God watches. We could make him his very own porno cuz it’s pretty obvious he’s down with voyeurism, otherwise he wouldn’t follow me to the bathroom everytime I shit or threaten to pass judgement on my readers who are constantly masturbating in shame, the way God likes it.

I once asked a girl if I could judge her masturbating and she slapped me across the face. She was a whore, but not the good kind ov whore who would take money in exchange for me judging her masturbate, let’s just hope you won’t be so abrasive when I ask to judge you in action. I guess none of this matters. Send nudes because I am convinced you are fat otherwise you’d be out having fun and not sitting at home emailing me smut. You little minx. With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

The Sluts Next Door Are At War!!
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The Hulk’s Debora Nascimento shows you What’s What
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Marisa Miller Puts the Twins on Display
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Anne Hathaway is Single
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Porn Slut Mary Cary has a Nipples Slip
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Play The Celebrity Photohunt!
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The Greatest Sports Riots Caught On Video:
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Heidi Klum Lookin’ Like Shit on the Red Carpet
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Top 10 Hottest Videos of Drunk Chicks Making Out
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Some Broad Doing Parkour That Is Pretty Amazing
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Some Sister Feeds Her Little Brother Something Special
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New Megan Fox Photos
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The Veronica’s Are a Female Band Worth Liking on Looks Alone
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12 Shots Later
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How To: Use A Cock Ring So You Last for then 20 Seconds
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Miranda Kerr Pretends to Be a Catalogue Model
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Yet Another Hot Chick Playing with the Wii Fit in Her Underwear
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Now That’s an Alex Trebek I can Relate To
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Maids At Your Service
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Teen Alexa Strips Down
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Sharing is Caring
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A Good Collection of Japanese Pranks
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Man Loves Giant Cheeto; Freaks Me The Fuck Out
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Brazilian model and Victoriaís Secret Angel Izabel Goulart Puts Most Women to Shame
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Ring Hereos Sexy Ring Sluts Make Cage Fighting Less Gay
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Rhianna and Her Legs Went Out For Dinner
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Nude Streaker Scores
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Charlize Theron Looks All Kinds of Hot at Some Premiere for a Movie She Just Made
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It Will Take More Than a Puppy to Make You Look Cutr Darling
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Kelly Ripa is Kind of Looking Half Decent
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Remember Those Hippies Kanye Pissed Off At the Festival? Here’s Some of the Aftermath
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Enough Porn To Keep Your Hands Busy All Day
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Bianca Has the Kind of Rack You Only See In Your Dreams. Or In Her Gallery
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Some Work Out Slut Who is Pretty Hott
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Real Girls Hate Peta
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Babe Appraiser Would Be the Best Job Ever
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I Asked If You Could Fuck a Song – What Would it Be….They Answered
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Sunny Leone Video
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Christina Milian Hot Dress Throwback
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Christina DeRosa is Hotness
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I Think Ameria Wins This Face Off Because I Love Her, But You Decide
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Tara Reid is Still Sleazy
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Miley Cyrus…blah blah….Topless Shoot…blah blah
Here’s Some More Pics of Her Jailbait Ass
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Nikki Sanderson = Boners All Over
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Jodie Marsh Tits Throwback
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Shamron Moore is Better Seen and Not Heard
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The Hottest Sluts on the Net
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Office Play Makes Working Fun
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A Nice Self-Shot Collection
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Vanessa Hudgens New Song is Terrible, But At Least She Looks Good in the Video
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Porn REVIEWS:

MILF Movie Club MAkes MILF Hunting Worth It
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Spring Break Fantasy
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Nebraska Coeds
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Drunken Holes
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SUPPORT MY ADVERTISERS AND IN TURN – SUPPORT ME

Use This To Get Laid, and Make Mom Proud
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Happiness is Merely a Click Away
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Find Girls To Fuck, Because You Comic Collection Can Only Do So Much For You
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BONUS:

Some Montreal Slits That Are Most Probably Underage and Therefore Totally Your Thing. Perv
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ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Looking Good Sweetheart:
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

17

Jun

Karina Smirnoff Gets Upset When Talking About Maria(o) Lopez Cheating on Her of the Day

I don’t know what’s more embarrassing, admitting you dated Mario Lopez from Saved by the Bell on TV, or crying about the fact that he cheated on you. I guess nothing destroys self esteem like being cheated on by some second rate loser going off fucking chicks behind your back, not because you are inadequate, even though it feels that way, but because dude’s just trying to hold onto this fame thing as hard and as long as he can and will sleep with anyone who offers because he knows he’s a fuckin’ has-been loser with little time left of convincing Hooters girls that he’ll show you what he used to do to Zach from Saved by the Bell, because a time will come when the generation of Hooters girls will have no idea what the fuck Saved by the Bell is and bedding 23 year olds will be a thing of the past. Those fans are hitting 30 now, soon they’ll be 40 and the only thing fun about fucking a 40 year old is menopause.

Posted in:Karina Smirnoff|Uncategorized

2008

17

Jun

Kate Hudson is Banging Armstrong not Strong Testicles of the Day

Comments Off on Kate Hudson is Banging Armstrong not Strong Testicles of the Day

So it turns out that Kate Hudson is borderline lesbian because she dates dudes with half the testicles other men have and if that isn’t one step closer to eating pussy I don’t know what is.

I kinda always had a feeling she was into rubbing cunts back when I realized she had no tits, and all the girls I know with no tits like fucking chicks. Also, her baby daddy had long hair and fat man tits and fat dudes look alot more like fat chicks than they look like real men, so I can only assume she spent countless nights licking his asshole pretending it was the asshole of Roseanne.

Either way, I hate how celebrities try to avoid admitting they date each other, it’s like we really give a fuck who Lance Armstrong is laying it into. We barely even care about watching him win bike races because the only thing gayer than racing bikes are the shorts the men put on to ride their racing bikes after shaving their legs. It’s the whole foundation of my “Gayer Than Bicycle Shorts” expression and these 2 assholes are not important enough to be avoiding any questions, or giving well-thought out answers to questions, except maybe when people ask about how Kate Hudson lead Owen Wilson to suicide when he realized what she looked like naked.

Either way, here’s the clip of Kate Hudson avoiding the question about Lance Armstrong last week:

Live Strong.

Posted in:Kate Hudson|Lance Armstrong

2008

17

Jun

Video that Sucks of the Day

This video sucks because it isn’t funny. It is supposed to be a parody on some Japanese commercial that I haven’t seen and that I don’t care to see because I don’t live in Japan and don’t need to buy Japanese products making their commercials pretty much obsolete to me, no matter how funny they are.

This video also sucks because the company who produced it claims to be “Comedy that is Funny”. I like think we are smart enough to come to our own conclusions as to what is funny and what isn’t funny and just because you say you are funny, doesn’t mean you are funny. Like that ugly chick who I had beef with last weekend who thought she was hot. It’s one of those you can’t full me motherfucker, situations.

This video sucks because the joke is putting a wig in a bikini bottom and that is some frat boy “Oh my god she has huge bush, look at her try to get rid of her hug bush with the chainsaw and other household appliances cuz her bush is so fucking big”, shit and I don’t appreciate it.

The only think that doesn’t suck about this commercial parody from the people that put funny back into comedy is that there’s a bitch in a bikini and usually that’s good enough for me.

Posted in:Video that Sucks

2008

17

Jun

Katy Perry Performing on Carson Daly of the Day(ly)

Sure she sucks at singing and the highlight of her career is that everyone wants to fuck her, and the highlight of her career up until now has been the fact that she convinced some pervert executive to sign her and give her a chance to live her dream because she gives great head, but that is nothing compared to this glorious moment of performing live on the Carson Daly show, I hear it is the most coveted slot to be on in TV. Sure it doesn’t have an audience or a good time slot like those other late night shows, and sure the host is a fucking loser and not a comedian, but it is the closest thing to the time you played make belief “TV Reporter” with your cousin as kids in front of an audience of stuffed animals, only this doesn’t end in sex offending, it just ends in tarnished careers, but when you don’t deserve a career to being with – it’s all good.

Posted in:Katy Perry|Performs

2008

16

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day

Today is a struggle, I am hungover and adjusting to being somewhere that isn’t my shitty couch in my shitty apartment and by adjusting I mean trying to bang as many bitches as possible because I left my disgusting wife at home. One of the bitches I am not going to be getting with is this one who just emailed me:

u are so hot but im only 12

I had nothing to respond so instead here are my links:

Britney’s Favorite Porno
GO

Bikini Super Market
GO

More Gameshow Fun from the Far East
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Nikki Sanderson Looks Oh So Good
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Adriana Lima is Engaged and It’s Only a Matter of Time Before She Ruins Her Vagina With a Baby
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Kim Kardashian Panty Upskirt
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Hayden Like an Old Truck or Fridge – Keeps Getting Older and Less Significant
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Find Out a Girls Name After You Slept With Her, In Case You’re a Drunk Like Me And Forget Shit Like That
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Tali Jatali Has a Horrible Accent But Is Fully Hot, So It’s Forgiveable
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Roselyn Sanchez Gallery
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Amazing Compilation of Some Crazy Basketball Shots
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The Top 10 Hottest Videos of Chicks Using Guns
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Jordan’s Sister Sophie Price’s First Strip of the Day
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Some Tila Tequila Shoot for King Magazine that You’ll Want to Fuck
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Darth Thriller Video
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Wet T-Shirt Goodness
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Car-Ma-Sutra : The Top 10 Sexual Positions in your Car
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Two Fat Guys Fight in Tight Pants Video
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8 Popular Sex Toys for Men
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Some Dude on Drugs Rock’s Out Proper
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Some Wrestling Diva Milf Flashing Her Ass and Showing Off her Big Fake Gross Tits
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Jamie Bradford is Cute in Plaid, and By Cute I Mean Fuckable
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More Mischa Barton Mushy Thighs
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Hot Underwear Ad You’ve Probably Already Seen….
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Kanye West Manages to Piss Off an Entire Festival’s Worth of People,
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American Apparel Ad With Tits
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American Apparel is Selling Sex Toys Now….
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Watch GIrls in your Neighborhood Get on Cam So You Can Get Off or Take them On a Date
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Samantha Fox Rocking The Cameltoe
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Top 7 Ass Getting Hollywood Assholes
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The Top 50 Most Lovely Cheerleading Squads
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Denise Richards Bikini Throwback
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Wet T-Shirt Contest Backstage
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I Usually Enjoy Watching Skaters Fall, But This is Pretty Awesome
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The Mid-Life Crisis Tour 2008
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Lesbian Butthole Lovers
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Rhianna Looks Hot at the Music Music Video Awards
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Ron Jeremy Never Ceases to Amaze Me
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A Collection of Nude Beach Shots
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Winehouse is Steadily on the Road to Recovery; Shows Up Only 2 Hours Late for Show
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Katherine is Sexy in a Fishnet
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Hyacinth’s Photoshoot Video
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The Ass Polka
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The Best Porn On The Net According To A Fat Guy (Me)
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Girlie Caught Masturbating
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Creepy Dutch Dude Gets Close to the Childrens
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Some Car Crash From the Inside Video
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Harvey Price Has a Message For Us
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Kate Beckinsale Hates Her, Which is Odd Because I Think It Is Glorious
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Tila Tequila Needs to Have Her Fucking Head Examined
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Uhhhh…Rock On…I Think?
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Who knew polka could be this fun!
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Living Lohan Episode 4
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Lori Loughlin is Back and More Bangable Then Ever
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The Oldest Lesbians in the History of Lesbians
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Miranda Kerr in a Victoria’s Secret Commercial
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Chaka Khan Dressed Like a Tire
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Prank Goes Gay
GO

Remember When Britney Spears Was Fuckable?
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Bierstick is Possibly the Greatest Invention Ever
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Spy Cam Catches Strippers Getting It On
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Keanu Reeves’ Chink in a Bikini
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Some Freaks Doing Weird Things to Themselves….
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Rogue Collector’s Photobucket Finds of the Day –

A Picture of Some Naked Chick and a Little Dick Suckin’
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Some Chubby Chick Gets Down To Her Naked Self in These Pictures
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BONUS –

Club Sluts From Montreal Sluts That Are a Hell of a Lot Better in Picture than in Person Because You Can’t Hear Their Annoying Voices…..
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PORN REVIEWS –

18 Eighteen is the Closest You Come to Doing Underage Girls Without Getting Arrested
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In Hornor of R.Kelly – Get into Sneaky Pee
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Her First Pregnancy
GO

Watch Squirting Carly Do What She Does…
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SUPPORT THE SITE BY CLICKING ON OUR SPONSORS WHO HAVE ALL THREATENED TO CANCEL THIS MONTH BECAUSE NO ONE IS CLICKING….WHICH MEANS THE END OF THIS BULLSHIT….

Use This to Get Sex, Because We All Need a Little Help Sometimes
And By We I Mean Losers Like You
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Relationships Made Easy
GO

Sluts You Know You Can Count On…..
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Start The Week Off Right. Get Laid
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Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

16

Jun

Katherine Heigl is a Pig in Her Bikini of the Day

I don’t know what the deal with Katherine Heigl is, she is a cunt and she’s not even attractive enough to justify being a cunt. She is however attractive enough to sell me hardware supplies because she’s built like she can carry fuckin’ lumber, but unfortunately she’s too much of a cunt to follow her destiny at the hardware store and managed to work her way into lives of people everywhere through our TVs because TVs are like our family members who don’t get drunk and naked at parties like our other family memebers. Either way, last week this Heigl bitch turned down applying to be nominated for an Emmy, because she knew she wouldn’t get nominated and didn’t want that stain on her career.

It’s a lot like these whores a dude I know tried to hire the other night. He was determined to get a lesbian show and had no interest on fucking the girls or letting the girls fuck him because he just wanted to show his friends a good time. He has a lot more money than any of my other friends, so he calls up these whores from some agency and they come over. When they walk in the door, they see a group of perverts standing around and get fuckin’ stage fright or someshit. They ask the dude paying what he wants them to do, and he tells them he wants a lesbian show. One of them panics and asks if anyone in the room wants full service when they are done the lesbian show and dude says that he just wants the lesbian show. The other one freaks out saying she doesn’t do lesbian shows and my friend asks what the difference between fucking multiple strangers all night and licking your friend’s pussy is and she just said she was on the rag and ran out of the apartment. You know every

Posted in:Bikini|Katherine Heigl|Pig