I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

09

May

Natasha Hamilton Performing

Natasha Hamilton is the Ginger Haired from Atomic Kitten who’s camp fire vagina makes you want to roast mashmallows instead of have sex. This is her in some pub in her hometown dressed like a jackass with a bunch of other jackasses doing some jackass performance because clearly her Atomic Kitten career hasn’t been as lucrative as she hoped and she’s trying to make ends meet. I have nothing more to say about this pictures and that’s why I decided to write John Tesh another email.

Dear John Tesh,

I wrote you yesterday, but didn’t hear back from you. I am actually pretty hurt that I went out of my way to reach out and was just ignored like a second rate citizen. I tell myself that it’s probably because you get tons of email, but I think that it’s because you have it out for me. Don’t worry, you aren’t the only one.

I read on your site that you can get a much better sleep if you wear your socks to bed. I decided to try it out, because in my youth I used to sleep with a condom on to protect my goods in the dirty sheets I would sleep on. It didn’t help much mainly because it constantly slipped off due to my lack of girth.

I mentioned yesterday that I am pretty poor so I don’t own any socks, but figured I’d try using plastic bags that I got a few weeks ago while collecting cans out of the garbage on the side of the street. The sound of their ruffling kept me up, despite being completely inebriated and I woke up with a pretty disgusting rash. Since I don’t have medical insurance, I figured I’d reach out to you, since you got me in this mess in the first place, and ask if you have any advice to make it go away. Do you think it is just an allergic reaction or could it be something more serious that I caught from wearing dirty bags like the Flesh Eating Disease, Lupus or even Aids.

I hope you can find the time in your busy schedule to get back to me on this,

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Natasha Hamilton|Ridiculous

2008

09

May

Gemma Atkinson in Her Red Bikini For Communism in Cuba of the Day


Here’s some Gemma Atkinson Bikini Pictures from Cuba, where she’s enjoying the friendly people, the beautiful beaches and the warm Caribbean Ocean, something that you’ll never be able to do because you government hates Cuba and has been trying to make them go bankrupt the last 50 years in hopes of taking the motherfuckin’ place over and turning it into a Peurto Rico or Hawaii.

I know that I wouldn’t be so down or so quick to call myself the land of the free when the government will arrest me if I step foot into a resort island that everyone else in the fuckin’ world has been enjoying for affordable vacations all these years. I know some people who have spent some time in Cuba and when I ask them how it was they all say amazing because there were no Americans, so maybe it’s better for the rest of the world that you stay the fuck out of Cuba, I’ve seen what happens when you visited Iraq and that kind of behavior would probably discourage chicks to tan with their fatty tits.

Either way, here’s Gemma with her retarded tits in her Red Bikini for Communism in Cuba.

Posted in:Bikini|Gemma Atkinson

2008

09

May

Tyra Runs a Fetish Show of the Day

So Tyra Banks gets some dude who has some weird sexual fetish on her show. This dude gets off when girls stomp on him, so when he brings a girl home from the bar, he doesn’t try to stick his dick in her, he tries to get her to walk all over him.

So Tyra’s decides to show the public the dude’s fetish by 12 girls from the audience to walk all over the motherfucker and for a dude who gets off to being stomped on by 1 chick, this has to be like having a fuckin’ orgy. It’s on some paradise the suicide bombers reach with their 78 virgins or whatever the fuck they get, only in this case Tyra is god. It’s like telling her that I like blowjobs and I show up to find 12 everyday girls with their mouth opens ready to service me, only blow jobs would get censored from tv, but dudes who get of to getting walked on is considered fine for out kids to see. It’s a little backwards and part of the reason my wife won’t suck my dick, but would love to try walking all over me, she finds the whole concept fascinating after watching the show and her friend’s house and actually came home asking me to try it out but I won’t let her, partially because neither this fetish nor my wife turn me on but mainly because of safety reasons because she’s pushing 300 lbs and she’ll shatter my rib cage, make my organs explode and I’m not in the mood to di

Posted in:Fetish|Tyra Banks

2008

09

May

stepLINKS of the Day

So I am getting fatter than I have ever been – mainly because I eat badly, drink too much and sit all day, while trying to think of something to write here, my last good pair of underwear just split in half when I stood up and that means that from today onwards, I will not be wearing any underwear. I feel like this is going to be pretty miserable for my couch and family, but it’s not my fauly that obesity has forced me to become a nudist. I feel a lot of shame.

Here are my links…..

Fergie Falls the Fuck Down
GO

Sophie Howards Tits Go to a Party
GO

Britney Spears and K-Fed Have Phone Sex
GO

Behind the Scenes of Becky Rule’s Sexy Photoshoot
GO

Sometimes, All It Takes Is a Smile
GO

Angela Marcello is Lookin Fine
GO

Some Petra Nemcover Sports Illustrated Video
GO

A Vintage Blonde Pubic Hair Sex Scene
GO

Phoebe Price Poses With Her Shitty Legged Enquirer Cover Photo
GO

How To Have Sex in a Parked Car, Because You Only Fuck Street Whores…
GO

Because It’s Not Really Fucking When It’s a Blow Up Doll
GO

Natasha Richardson Shows Off Her Old Lady Panties
GO

Army Girls Worldwide
GO

Some LA Club Sluts That Will Make You Want to Touch Yourself, If You Aren’t Already
GO

Whores Galore. That’s a Lot of Whore
GO

Britney’s Got Some Ratty Assed Hair….
GO

Catherine Bell by the Sea
GO

The 10 Hottest Celebrity Striptease Moments
GO

Vanilla’s Wife Beats Her Up Because He Realized She Married Vanilla Ice and Even He Can’t Deal With That Shit
GO

Elisha Cuthbert’s Vagina Slip in Her Bikini
GO

BBC Uses “TITS’ To Get Linked on a Blog
GO

Juliette Lewis Still Crazy As She Fucks the Stage
GO

Some Hot Chick from San Diego State University Lookin’ Hot
GO

Paris Hilton Peddles The Shittiest Products
GO

Rack to the Future – 9 Sets of Tits You May Have Forgotten
GO

Baltimore Raven’s Try Outs
GO

The Wizard of Ass
GO

Here’s a Pretty Hot Approach to Fashion Sites
GO

Find Great Porn
GO

Some Ugly Fuckin’ Girls in Lingerie
GO

Katherine McPhee is Looking Pretty Okay, Hillary Duff Not So Much
GO

Marilyn Mansons 13 Year Old Girlfriend Can’t Handle Her Booze
GO

If She Is Referring to Her Vagina, I Would have Gone With Old and Leathery
GO

Kate Moss Lingerie Shoot
GO

What Kind of a Crazy World Would We Be Living In If Every Amateur Shoot Was As Good As This?
GO

This is For You – Because This Helps You Find Sex the Old Fashioned Way
GO

A Dude on the Jury Gets Ready for Pot Trial By Getting Busted for Smoking Pot Outside
GO

Gemma Atkinson Bikini Pics from Cuba
GO

A Slut Gallery
GO

Hot Sex Scene in a Spanish Movie
GO

Veronika Simon is a Slut
GO

Jaime Pressly is in FHM
GO

Draino Bomb Goes Bad
GO

Gianna Lynn is a Hot Slut…
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Hairy Chick Who Likes Masks Naked
GO

Some Girl’s Perky Tits
GO

Some Slut in Some Posed Pictures
GO

Some Ugly Chick Crops Her Face on Sluts
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

08

May

Naomi Millbank-Smith Having an Upskirt of the Day

Here are some pictures of Naomi Millbank-Smith having a standard upskirt moment when getting out of a car. Nobody cares about Naomi Millbank-Smith because she is a reality tv star, which is pretty much the lowest form of celebrity and to make things worse she wasn’t even a reality TV star in the USA and was on some shitty show in another country. So that’s why I decided to write John Tesh an email instead of writing about her. This is what I had to say:

Dear John Tesh,

I have been listening to your radio show for the last couple of weeks because I can’t afford a TV. I have found it to be a great mix of helpful advice and today’s best music and not only does it lift my spirits but I can also use your resourcefulness to better my life.

Since listening to you, I have drank about half the amount of booze I normally do, I have eaten about half the amount of food I normally do and have increased my water intake but you can’t take all the credit for that, my wife cut off the drinking fund she had set up for me because she listens to you too and apparently you don’t advocate hard drinking.

So now that I can’t afford the self-destructive luxuries I want because of your great advice, I feel like you are responsible for this misery. I know you have lots of disposable income and would really love a couple hundred dollars because I feel it will allow me to enjoy your work, without being mad that I am missing American Idol because I will be completely inebriated, instead of wanting to kill myself everytime it comes on as your soothing voice reminds me of how your impact single-handedly took the bottle away from me.

Keep up the good work, you are a legend in the making.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkneStepfather.com

Posted in:Naomi Millbank-Smith|Upskirt

2008

08

May

Diane Kruger Has Hot Legs of the Day

Diane Kruger’s got some motherfuckin’ legs. I don’t know much about her other than the fact that she’s gotta be a model based on these motherfuckin’ legs but I could be wrong, it happens pretty much every day of my life.

I met a really skinny dude the other day, he was pretty much pushing’ 110 pounds because he was dying of Aids and he was lecturing me about how easy it is to pick up girls. He claimed that despite having Aids he gets pussy all the fuckin’ time, I just figured that it was because Aids bitches are easy since they figure everyone would be too fuckin’ scared to sleep with them so when someone willing comes their way they don’t say no, but he claimed that it’s because the weight loss has made his dick look exponentially bigger against his leg. Since he’s just skin and bone, when he gets a boner it’s thicker than his thigh and that optical illusion tricks all the bitches, that’s when he decided to drop his pants in brad daylight in the park to show me his fuckin’ hard on and that’s when I realized that he wasn’t a needle sharing Aids patient but was infact a fucked up the ass Aids patient so I bounced.

I guess I’ll just let you wonder if Diane Kruger’s skinny legs would make your dick look bigger, because wondering from your shitty house is the closest you’ll get.

Posted in:Diane Kruger|Legs

2008

08

May

From the Forum of the Day

So I decided to go on a whore run last night, not because I can afford a whore but because I like watching people at work to remind me of what the concept means. The problem was that I don’t have a car so I was forced to do it on foot and it was raining. The only friend I made was some french squeegee kid who reminded me of something right out of a horror movie but he taught me how to smoke rock, squeegee cars and walk his talk at the same time and it’s that level of multitasking I just can’t find in myself. It’s like the time I found out my friend jerked off everytime he took a shit because it was the only private time he could find in his house and I was both disgusted and amazed by his level of productivity. Because when I shit I am just trying to deal with the pain that comes from bad diet, hard living and hemorroids and when I used to jerk off I used to just deal with trying not to wake my stepdaughters up.

Either way, here’s some shit going on in the forum….

———Music———

Earth Wind and Fire – Box Set
GO

The Warriors OST
GO

Bubba Sparxxx – The Charm
GO

And you will know us by the Trail of the dead
GO

Foals – Antidotes
GO

Pearl Jam – Three Fish – The Quiet Table
GO

Miles Davis – Ascenseur Pour L’Echafaud
GO

Miles Davis Box Set
GO

Chris Whitley – Living with the Law
GO

Rollins Band – End of Silence
GO

The Black Keys – The Moan
GO

Tears For Fears – The Hurting
GO

The Beach Boys – Summer Days
GO

Duran Duran – Notorious
GO

Christina Aguilera – Just Be Free
GO

Michael Lee Firkins – Cactus Cruz
GO

Andy Taylor – Thunder
GO

Jazzmatazz Vol.4
GO

———Celebs———

Kelley Osbourne’s Big Tits
GO

Katherine Heigl – Photoshoot
GO

Tara Reid Cleavage Pics
GO

Lindsay Lohan in Her Panties
GO

———Comedy Albums———

Mitch Hedburg – Strategic Grill Locations
GO

Mike Birbiglia – Two Drink Mike
GO

———Porn———

Random Nudes
GO

Fervor Feels Herself
GO

Bad Tattoo, Nice Facial
GO

Hips and Thongs
GO

Scarlett Pain
GO

That is an ASS!
GO

Nella minus the fist in puss
GO

———Pics———

Monica Lewinsky’s Boyfriend
GO

———random joke———

How to Stop A Rape
GO

———Sex Talk———

When Did you First Start Watching Porn?
GO

Posted in:Forum

2008

08

May

Olivia Munn Talks About Taking Off Her Panties and Fuckin’ of the Day

I am being lazy today. It happens. I am not inspired from anything going on and I only woke up at noon. That’s the luxury of being an unemployed piece of shit who drinks too fucking much and stays up until all hours of the night trying to find love.

This video came my way from Complex magazine, the same people who featured me as one of the Men of 2008, which hasn’t done much for me but has given me credibilty in the shit that I write so that people send me hate mail, I have that stamp approval to win all arguments and until the person I am battling is man of the year too, I just can’t take them seriously.

Speaking of battling, here’s some video of Olivia Munn beat boxing like she was a brother in the 80s who couldn’t afford a boombox but needed to provide a beat for her rapping friends only she’s doing it 20 years too late. I fuckin’ hate beat boxing with a passion and find it completely unnecessary and on the same level of talent as a 5 year old who can burp the alphabet or my wife who can make fart sounds with her bare sticky back when she suctions it up against the wall.

Either way, she’s talking about panties and fucking and smelly pussy and that’s every virgin loser who likes comics, videogames and masturbating’s dream.

Go to Complex.com to Find Other Hot Videos

Posted in:Olivia Munn|Video

2008

08

May

Eva Mendes is Hot and Topless in Vogue of the Day



Eva Mendes did some hot photoshoot for some European Vogue and it reminds me of all the vintage porn I used to jerk off to because there was just something amazing about getting down to a woman in frilly lingerie in the 1950s while knowin’ she was either pissin’ herself in an old folks home, knitting a scarf for her church group or was dead, all while I came all over myself to her pics…

Posted in:Eva Mendes|Nipples|Vogue

2008

08

May

Stephanie Seymour’s Got a See Through Dress and Pasties of the Day

If you’ve been wondering where Stephanie Seymour has been since she broke up Guns N’ Roses in the 90s, I can assume not very much, but then again I have no fuckin’ idea and I am only basing it ont he fact that she showed up to an event in a see-through shirt with pasties on. It’s like she’s toying with the idea of getting noticed again but she’s being a bit of a pussy about it and hasn’t really gone all the way with showin’ her nipples. I kinda find the whole thing weird, considering models are always naked and are usually comfortable with the world seein’ their tits, but I guess she’s not as confident in her body as she was now that she’s 40 but that’s just because of the much needed societal impact that tells old bitches that they sure aren’t what they used to be as their husbands run after younger pussy and repeatedly turn down sex from them because they aren’t the girl they married. I’d still do her, but that’s just because even at 40 she’s hotter than anything I’ve ever given it to, but then again I am not society and society tells her to put some fuckin’ clothes on because she’s a fuckin’ Mom.

Posted in:Pasties|See Through|Stephanie Seymour