DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

18

Jun

I am – Kim Kardashian's Big Breast Weekend of the Day

I like tits. I was never one of those guys who was addicted to tits though. I wouldn’t compromise my integrity by slamming a fat girl with big fat tits, but I would compromise my integrity by sleeping with crack addicted prostitutes who were missing teeth and smelled like shit for cheap…at least they weren’t fat.

But as I get older and as my wife gets fatter and fatter, I can appreciate a full figured slut just like you and even though I’ve seen her have monkey sex like watching the nature channel, and even though she lets black dudes piss on her, which is a black fetish because I’ve never got off to that shit, but it seems like all the black celebrity sex tapes include pissing, we could still fit 2 of her into a pair of my wife’s pants.

I was sitting outside with my wife yesterday and some chubby chick wearing some summer tit exposing dress and I couldn’t figure out if her tits were real. My wife was trying to talk about our relationship or some shit I was ignoring and just kept staring and trying to figure shit out like a scientist trying to find the cure to cancer. When my wife hit me and asked me what I was looking at but was too lazy to turn her fat head, I just said “that girls tits”. She got all offended and felt like I didn’t find her sexy anymore, and I had to tell her that I never found her sexy. It was a great father’s day moment….

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Tits|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Mary Cary’s Birthday Party of the Day

43 Comments »

So this bitch is a porn star and since pornstar lives consist of getting fucked up and getting fucked, you’d think it’d be a good time. I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t invited. I never get invited to much but a few years ago when working at some porn company in the stock room packing boxes the whole company was invited to one of their launch parties. I remember thinking it was going to be a big deal where I would witness live sex and other dirty things, but it turned out the star of the movie was knocked up by the other star of the movie because they loved fucking each other so much they decided to start a relationship up or some shit. I guess it’s one of those things where since they both work in the porn industry they both can’t get jealous that the other one fucked someone else all day. But I am thinking that there’s really no point of a relationship when you get all the sex you need. I know that when I was a janitor, I never cleaned my house. When I was a gardener, I never mowed my lawn, when I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant, I never ate restaurant food, so if I was a porn star, I probably wouldn’t fuck after work hours.

It really doesn’t matter because my penis doesn’t work and when it did work it was too small to do porn, but I’ve decided that I hate porn chicks. They are too easy and trashy and have fake tits they like showing off. They don’t fuck like real people fuck and they fake orgasms and can’t act. I am way more into subtle sluts who keep the craziness for behind closed doors because that’s what amateur ex girlfriend porn is made of…and not by crying for attention everywhere they go….

2007

18

Jun

I am – Mary Cary's Birthday Party of the Day

No Comments »

So this bitch is a porn star and since pornstar lives consist of getting fucked up and getting fucked, you’d think it’d be a good time. I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t invited. I never get invited to much but a few years ago when working at some porn company in the stock room packing boxes the whole company was invited to one of their launch parties. I remember thinking it was going to be a big deal where I would witness live sex and other dirty things, but it turned out the star of the movie was knocked up by the other star of the movie because they loved fucking each other so much they decided to start a relationship up or some shit. I guess it’s one of those things where since they both work in the porn industry they both can’t get jealous that the other one fucked someone else all day. But I am thinking that there’s really no point of a relationship when you get all the sex you need. I know that when I was a janitor, I never cleaned my house. When I was a gardener, I never mowed my lawn, when I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant, I never ate restaurant food, so if I was a porn star, I probably wouldn’t fuck after work hours.

It really doesn’t matter because my penis doesn’t work and when it did work it was too small to do porn, but I’ve decided that I hate porn chicks. They are too easy and trashy and have fake tits they like showing off. They don’t fuck like real people fuck and they fake orgasms and can’t act. I am way more into subtle sluts who keep the craziness for behind closed doors because that’s what amateur ex girlfriend porn is made of…and not by crying for attention everywhere they go….

2007

18

Jun

I am – Joanna Krupa at a Lingerie Party of the Day

1 Comment »

You probably don’t know who this bitch is, actually you’re one of those internet weirdos who just constantly looks at pictures of semi famous girls posing with their big old tits, so you probably have every picture ever taken of her on your hard drive, and that is probably one of the reasons why you can’t get laid. Either way, Krupa is at some lingerie party and she isn’t wearing the kind of lingerie I want to see. I am more into something a little more revealing with a little more skin, not something that doubles as a fucking party dress, but I guess that’s asking too much out of a slut who made her career showing off her fat tits.

I like concept parties. I think panty parties, lingerie parties, pool parties, beach parties, group sex parties are all things I’d like to do. I always wanted to throw parties, but realize that it will cost way too much money, too much time and too much organization that I don’t have the ability to do. Some of the concept parties I’ve had are drinking and driving party to see how many of us get home alive and not arrested as a protest to all these drive safe ads. I also thought about having an amateur stripper party, a nudist party where you check your clothes at the door and I guess those are all I’ve come up with so far.

I am not even going to talk about her gay black accessory because gay black guys are a whole other fucking topic that I don’t I want to get into because we all know black dudes are supposed to be hip hop not taking it in the butt.

Posted in:Joanna Krupa|Lingerie|Tits|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Chanelle From Big Brother UK before she was Big Brother UK Famous of the Day

2 Comments »

These Big Brother chicks are fucking crazy. I guess the producers of the show try to find the most obscure and slutty girls they can because they want people to tune in, so reality is that these pictures of a 19 year old on the show named Chanelle showing her box aren’t that much of a surprise. These were emailed into me and I have issues recognizing people so I don’t even know if this really is the same chick, but I am posting them anyway as a protest to every other blog and their fat Beyonce in a bikini pictures that I don’t really give a shit about because I don’t like fat chicks in bathing suits and bitch is already famous and has too much fucking money. I would rather help some poor British chick that obviously craves attention and probably has daddy issues and likes the thought of men jerkin off to her become a household name, because I’ve already seen her box and she’s just starting out.

I realized that I am pretty old and washed up. I went out drinking on Saturday night and met up with a guy who was already on a 2 day bender. I ended up crashing and burning and not remember anything that happened while he kept going strong well into last night while I was in bed by 9 while he was at the pool with chicks in their G-strings. If I was younger and more ambitious I probably would have been there by his side getting pics and trying to convince them to do a slutty photo shoot for the site since she’s already 3/4 naked, but instead I refused to leave the fucking house. I am starting to turn into you and that makes me sad.

THE VAGINA PICTURES

BONUS: VIDEOS

Chanelle the Intro

Chanelle Butt Wiggle

Chanelle is Scared of Herpes

Posted in:Big Brother|Box|Chanelle|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Britney Spears is Fucking Crazy of the Day

3 Comments »

My computer broke this weekend so I couldn’t do my stepLINKS, so I got really fucking drunk instead and it was a good fucking time. I would go more into it, but I am lazy right now, it was father’s day yesterday and I always feel like a second rate father having not been the guy to dump my load in my wife to produce my wonderful stepdaughters. I am just some hack father figure who lives in the same house as them. They don’t call me dad and they don’t buy me father’s day gifts, like taking me golfing even though I fucking hate the concept of gold but it’s the principle. I guess there are other things you could do for your father like have a bbq, take him out to lunch, but him a present, treat him like a king all day, have naked lesbian wrestling in the living room for him, let him watch your shower/masturbate/dance. I got nothing. Not even a card. I guess that’s what happens when your wife’s kids know you’re just there riding the disability check, not carrying your weight and constantly calling their mother a fat whore.

Speaking of fat whore, here’s some Britney Spears insanity. She went into a club with a friend wearing one outfit and walked out wearing her friend’s outfit. I think that’s the kind of thing someone crazy thinks up to either fuck with the media, or to have an excuse to see her friend in her panties, or even to entertain your crazy self by giving an unsuspecting friend scabies or any other surface rash you get from wearing someone else’s clothes. I bet that joke woulda made you laugh if I delivered the joke a little stronger, but I am just waking up and I never said I was as funny as the other cocksuckers with blogs and their virginity…

Posted in:Britney Spears|Crazy|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

15

Jun

I am – Poor Ladies Picking Up Cans of the Day

56 Comments »

I am feeling really uninspired. There are no good pictures for me to write about. I am still hungover and I don’t have much to say. I had this video lying around from a few months ago and figured that it is worth posting now. I don’t think poor people collecting cans to make some money to feed their families is all that funny, but on a nice day the day before your weekend I figure I should try to take you down a notch from your perfect little world. A little back story is that these women went crazy on me for taking the video, they kept calling me a dirty son of a bitch and I ran away from them like the pussy I am. I figure since they had no shame in picking up people’s trash, they’d probably have no shame in jabbing a broken bottle in my neck or some shit. I didn’t get that part on vide, but I’m not good at this shit so this will have to do. Enjoy your weekend and spending your hard earned money on things you don’t really mean on the beautiful summer days. Asshole.

Posted in:Homeless|Poor|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

15

Jun

I am – Amanda Beard Signing Playboy Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

When a woman decides to get naked for the world to see a strange thing happens and that strange thing is that they suddenly become sluts in public, I’m talking everywhere they go. I am not sure if it’s because they figure that since everyone has seen them naked, there is no point in holding back or if it is some prior slut issues that they’ve kept locked up all these years…

To you she’s been Olympic Athlete, to me she’s a whore who spends days upon days upon days in a bathing suit and to her ex boyfriend she was probably the first girl to take it up the ass. I think it’s got to do with being on the swim team that makes girls crazy.

I’ve seen my share of swim teams and all the girls no matter what age flash each other, talk about shaving their boxes and shower together. I remember that was my motivation behind volunteering at the local high school as an assistant swim coach, but I didn’t get the job after I told the coach what my motivation was….

Either way, I guess no one told her that she has a pretty wrecked face, they probably didn’t want to ruin her day, her excitement, she even went out and bought little shorts and heels to have some level of femininity after all those years of being an athlete in the gym, which is about as feminine as Gerri Halliwell’s huge trainer walking her faggot dog….

Bonus – Picture of Gerri Halliwell’s Huge Trainer Walking Her Faggot Dog….

Posted in:Amanda Beard|Playboy|Unsorted

2007

15

Jun

I am – Danielle Lloyd Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

I am getting bored of posting bikini pictures. I am thinking because they aren’t that inspiring and all I can really say is shit like “look at those tits” or “check out that ass” and it’s boring. You’d think that lookin’ at pictures of a slut half naked would get me all pumped to write some story about a bitch I once fucked who liked wearing bikinis or some other random shit, but I think I’ve said all I can say for the week about bikinis. I am more into seeing the slut first hand and watching her move in real life is a little more my thing. Pictures are boring and the equivalent of saying you’re rather check out pictures of a girl posing naked than actually being in the room with her posing naked. Regardless, I am compelled to throw these up because it is what I do and I know that’s why you come to the site and I am really all about pleasing you. I actually don’t really give a fuck about you or what you think but I figured it’s nicer to pretend that I do.

I went to the pool on Monday where the strippers hang out all day and I should be there today but I am convinced the heat is going to kill me. They always warn the weak and old to stay in on days like today and I figure that I am a bit of both and that since I don’t want to die I’ll just stick to my computer. When I was there all the girls seemed to think they were Paris/Lohan/celebrities as they sipped their cocktails in bikinis and I realized that if you venture out of your house, you don’t need sites like mine. I rely heavily on you being a reclusive asshole and I guess I should thank you for that.

It’s also nice to see that a bitch is so self sufficient that she can be out in her bikini at least 10 times this last month, rubbing it in all our faces that we suck at life.

Posted in:Bikini|Danielle Lloyd|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

15

Jun

I am – Jade Goody Nipples of the Day

1 Comment »

This bitch’s name is Jade Goody and she’s a fat chick from big brother showing of her fat titties that she made at the all you can eat dessert bar, it only took her 14 years. Fuck implants. Eat cake.

I always wondered why every contestant of Big Brother was into flashing tit, cunt and whatever else they could after leaving the show and I think I figured it out. I had theories like the producers hypnotized them and that the producers gave them some kind of medication that fucked up their sense of shame because that would give the show higher ratings, but realized that it would be a hell of a lot more cost effective to just cast total sluts who have no issue showing their junk on TV. I guess another theory is that they thought Big Brother would be their big break and it’s only lead them to a taste of success and fame because as soon as the next season rolls out so do the old contestants. In this case bitch rolled out to the all you can eat buffet.

I have no real stories of sluts wanted to be famous right now, but I am feeling kinda too hungover to try to think back to pull out a decent story, so I’ll let this big momma’s breasts that can feed a nation with nipples are like a beer tap distract you from my shitty post.