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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2007

Jun

I am – Maria Sharapova Practising her Tennis of the Day

1 Comment »

I figure since you’re a bunch of lazy perverts, you’ll appreciate watching or looking at pictures of one of the hottest bitches in tennis training. You can look at her struggling with her ball, bending over, stretching and making forced faces that are similar to the faces she’d make banging you and pretend that she is banging you, because you are creepy….

I decided that I should become a stand up comedian because it’s a life that is designed for fat losers with nothing much to say but nonsense they come up with while sitting at home getting drunk alone in efforts to forget how much their lives suck.

The reason they think they have it in them to be stand up comedians is because their better looking friends always tell them that they are funny because there’s really not much else going for them and when trying to prevent your fat loser friend from killing themselves, you go for whatever it is you can to make them feel better about themselves.

The only real reason why their funny is because they are overcompensating for their inability to look good enough to fuck and some asshole told them that humor is the fastest way into a girls pants while forgetting to tell them that that only applies after all the good looking and successful guys are unavailable.

So stand up comedy is this who fucking pool of assholes who have this delusional idea of having what it takes.

Since I figure I fit the part, here are some jokes I wrote in efforts to live the fucking loser dream:

Maybe fagâ€™s are into to you because you are an asshole

That’s pretty much all I’ve got….

2007

Jun

I am – Petra Nemcova Topless Body Painted of the Day

191 Comments »

Here are some Petra Nemcova topless on the runway body painted pictures.

If I was an art student in college this would be my career goal. When all the pansy artist hippie motherfuckers with their potluck dinners, ratty thrift store clothes and bohemian trying hard to live the artist way cocksuckers would try to get all introspective and analytical on my airbrushed canvases of flames, a bikini, a t-shirt and every other thing I’ve seen airbrushed on a bitch, I’d just look at them, smile and say “art fag, i am going to be a body painter while your living in an artist loft smoking opium your rich art school friend bought with their daddy’s credit card, I’m going to be turning pussies into a pair of fucking boy shorts”….knowing that when that loser has dreams of being the next Picasso, I’ll have the best excuse to stare a hot chick’s naked without looking creepy. Fuck romantic idealistic bullshit when you’ve got smut that you can pretend isn’t smut by claiming it’s art…..

I don’t really know where I am going with this, but becoming an air brush body painter is a weird fucking life goal but I am glad someone’s doing it, because it motivates chicks to get naked and anything that motivates chicks to get naked motivates me to look at them get naked and remember – there’s nothing wrong with wearing pants that look like white trash beer drinking RV Camping beach towels.

2007

Jun

I am – Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova in a bikini top and little shorts for you to look at while you sit at your computer thinking about how much you’d rather be at the beach looking a girls tanning but are too scared to leave your house….I guess you could also dream about how you always wanted to be Enrique because of his angelic voice and ability to be gayer that fucking bicycle shorts while still leading the public to believe he is slamming this Russian slag. I can only assume that any real man would never let the world know he sings the way Enrique sings for fear of being called a fag, I can also only assume that this motherfucker only sells records to the middle aged women and gay men because middle aged women like gay men and gay men like gay men. I can also assume that being born and named Enrique kinda type casts you as the cabana boy who is light on his feet and doesn’t really like wearing much more than spandex euro trash booty shorts speedos for everyone to see your package.

That doesn’t change the fact that everyone has had a thing for this Anna Kournikova whore for at least 10 years. I can only assume it is because of her athletic ability, at least that’s why Enrique is with her, I hear she’s in tight with all the pro tennis playing dudes like Serena Williams and hot chicks always attract men leading him to live out his homosexuality disguised as Male-Male-Female threesomes….

2007

Jun

I am – Natasha Hamilton Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

I know you probably don’t know who she is because I don’t know who she is and despite having no interest in these people and just use them to lure idiots like you into my site, I still have been doing it 2.5 years and that makes me a bit of an expert. I don’t think being an expert in identifying useless celebrities is something to be proud of, it kinda categorizes me into the worlds of virgins and people who cut out pictures of bitches from magazines to put in my magical box that I keep under my bed for lovemaking purposes. I am talking about the losers who identify with celebrity vagina because they can’t get vagina of their own and in their fantasy world the characters these bitches play in the movies are their dream girls and one day when they make it rich they will win them over and end up marrying them and living happily ever after. What they realize is that no matter how much money they make, they can’t erase the fact that they are socially awkward creepy chronic masturbaters and girls don’t like awkward creepy chronic masturbaters, not to mention you don’t get rich living in your mom’s basement playing role playing games and poking girls your don’t know on facebook. That said, I have no idea who this bitch is, but rumor is that she’s in Atomic Kitten and that’s some UK girl group you probably want to fuck….

The real reason I posted these wasn’t because of the white bikini, even though I love white bikinis because they get see through and everytime I’ve seen a bitch in you, I’ve been able to make out what her pussy looks like, and despite that sounding creepy as shit, reality is it’s not my fault a bitch is showing her junk to everyone at the public pool I sometimes sneak into..so stop judging.

I wanted to write about redheads and how I was always scared of them growing up. I was born in mexico and spend a solid 10 years of my life there. I had never seen a redhead before and when I did for the first time when I was moved to Texas, I thought they were the spawn of the devil. I admit I was living with crazy Jesus people and I thought that everything was evil because that’s what they beat into me, but these pale faced, freckle covered weirdos with fire colored hair made me feel fucking uneasy. Later in life, I became a little more obnoxious and started asking the redheads I knew if they had fire crotches, they never wanted to answer me so I just assumed they were. I think I probably traumatized them and gave them a complex, but I was 15 or some shit, I hope they got over it, because I don’t want a group of redheaded weirdos I once knew holding meetings on how they want to kill me for ruining their sex lives, because redheads are naturally really strong and could hurt me. I figure they are strong for the same reason retarded people are strong, their gene pool evolved over the generations to deal with dickheads like me who would tease them for being different, so that we couldn’t lock them in lockers and shit. Someone once told me that redheaded kids were left in the woods to fend for themselves as babies in the middle ages because having a redheaded kid was considered a bad thing. So the ones who survived were obviously the ones who could deal with the elements….making them a superior race of humans….

Either way, what I am getting at is that the though of these pale spotted people with bright red lips and what I assume big red cunts with orange fucking pubes used to make me fucking sick to my stomach and I couldn’t grasp why Archie from the Archie comics always wanted to get a piece of the redheaded girl…that was until I started seeing seeing hot redheads, ones who didn’t look like they were genetic accidents that would have been left in the woods in the middle ages. They looked like hot fucking pieces of ass that I wanted to go down on for fucking hours. Now it seems that every time I leave my house, I see at least one redhead I’d like to fuck, red pubes and all. Maybe it’s become a fetish because I’ve never had one, but I am thinking that for all those years I was just prejudice and missed out on fulfilling this dream and now it’s too late because I am married and can’t get boners.

This post was really long. I bet it was boring to read. Good thing you didn’t bother. Asshole.

2007

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

I was sitting outside for about 15 minutes today before realizing that it was too hot for me and my fear of dying made me come back inside, but in those 10 minutes I saw to ladies with summer dresses on talking about their outfits. At first it was too fucking boring to listen to, but then the bitches started jacking up their skirts and joking around about not wearing panties. These women were in their 40s proving my theory that once a chick has a kid or two and their vagina’s have been seen by one man sexually for 15 years and by doctors and nurses during their pregnancies, they become a little more liberal about their sacred parts. I didn’t actually see their boxes or anything, but they both seemed really keen on proving that their were going commando and that they were nicely waxed for the weather. It may sound like a fantasy to you, but it did actually happen and trust me it’s no fantasy to me….even though they were pretty fit. I got something against old ladies that I haven’t quite figured out yet, maybe it’s the whole being married thing.

I was keen on getting out the links to you today, but for some reason I didn’t bother going through youtube or photobucket like I planed. Maybe tomorrow.

If anyone wants to help me do links, I’ll pay you in blowjobs because when summer comes, I get pretty fucking hot sitting on this fucking computer that pumps out more heat than my heater does in winter. Maybe it’s because I am poor and can’t afford heat but you get what I am saying and if you don’t just click the fucking links retard.

And don’t email me about this DJ Trippin’ picture, I don’t know who the fuck she is, or who he is, but I just made them both famous. Cuddles

Call the stepHOTLINE, It’s Anonymous and I Want to Make Fun Of Your Shitty Opinion. Today’s Question is: How did you lose your virginity?
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Rachelle Leah in FHM Lookin’ Hot. She’s a UFC Chick
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Danny Devito Signed Some Nasty Sluts Massive Tits
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Britney Spear’s Ass Flash Video…Too Bad The Internet Doesn’t Let Us Smell What The People Around Her are Smelling…
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Kelly Brook Bent Over for Her Bikini Calendar Photoshoot Part 2
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Hot Chick Named Luba in Lingerie
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Some Slut Named Alison Sweeney’s Huge Tits
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Geri Halliwell Hired an Outdoor Extreme Massive Trainer to Make Her Look Tiny in Her Spandex
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Nick Lachey Threatened to Kill the Paparazzi on Video – Tough Guy
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The Booble Porn Minute
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Some Video Called Sesame Hood
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Angelina Jolie Giving Herself a Boob Tattoo in Foxfire
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Some Topless Spanish Reporter in Action
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Some Shitty Deleted Scene from Knocked Up Because I hate This Fucking Movie and you probably thought it was genius…
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Here’s Maxim’s Guide to Great Britain with Tits
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Some Freaky Kid Doing Freaky Things With his Freaky Body
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Drunk Chicks Sucking Tit at a Party
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Fucking Hippies and their Vegetable Orchastras
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Paris Hilton Tried to Kill Herself Before Going to Prison
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Italian Model Elisabetta Canalis In Her Bikini for the Summer
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Hula Skirt Loses Her Skirt Mid Dance
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Kate Moss Told Amy Winehouse’s Pete Doherty Copy Cat Husband to Piss Off….
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Shakira Having Sex With the Microphone
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Old Ladies Getting Naked for a Calendar
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Some Chick Named Olivia WIlde Lookin’ Goood in Slut Gear or H+M
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Teens on the Beach Video
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Some Girls Fake Tits Cam Show – NSFW
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Paris Hilton in Jail Parody Video That Sucks
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Some Choose Your Bikini Proper Video
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A whole lot of amateur chicks
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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The Assholes from Knocked up at the Spike Guys Awards Trying to Be Funny, Not Realizing I Hate Them Not To Mention Listening To The Camera Man Laugh Pisses Me Off
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New CSS Video – All The Hipsters Love CSS – I’ve Never Heard of Them
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Have I Posted This Photobucket Girl Yet?
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Pete Wentz Got in a FIght Defending Ashlee Simpson, Pussy
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You need sex more than me and I haven’t had sex in years which is a lot better than not having sex ever. Try this
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Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Britney Spears Bikini Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

I came across these Britney Spears pictures and I realized that there is nothing better in life than posting 2 Britney Spears posts back to back. It the shit bloggin is made for…

Yesterday on my drunken adventure, I ended up at the strip club for too early for there to be strippers working. It was me and the stage and a bar tender who was playing her own shitty music. I asked her if there were any girls to entertain me considering I spent 3 dollars oto get in to see vagina. About 5 minutes later, some french slut hit the stage and did a little dance for me. Since I was the only one in the place it felt really romantic as she spread her legs…The issue I had was that I knew she wanted my money, the other issue was that I had no money. I looked over my shoulder to see her wiping down her box after rubbing it up against the pole and I wondered if that really prevented HPV and AIDS, maybe she was onto something. When she got me lookin’ at her she turned around in embarrassment even though I already saw her inner parts…

The thing I like about Britney is that it seems like she never embarrassed, she has no shame, she has enough money to not give a fuck and we’ve all seen her inner parts but like the stripper, she still bothers to cover up.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Britney Spears|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Britney Spears Nip Slip of the Day

67 Comments »

Nothing says I let some dude bust a nut inside me a minimum of 2 times when we were married, knocking my fat unhygienic ass up twice like walking around LA with your tits hanging out. It’s like an open invitation for all of us fuckers to latch onto her with our mouths and start sucking for spoiled milk that her little babies left behind….

I’d write more, but what’s the fucking point, her tits are doing all the talking for me and no one needs a commentator when they are trying to stare at a useless cunt they’ll never meet’s tits…

Posted in:Britney Spears|Nipple|Nipslip|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Serena Williams Bikini Body of the Day

4 Comments »

So to balance out the day, I figured I’d throw up these Serena Williams bikini pictures, even though I linked these fuckers in the stepLINKS last night. If you’re wondering what I mean by balance shit out, I am not talking about throwing this thick piece of ass on a scale to prove that her workout regime has gone totally fucking wrong, I am not really sure what I am talking about, but I was thinking along the lines of since my last 2 posts were of chicks in bikinis, I should give some airtime to dudes in a bikini.

I think it’s safe to say that her boyfriend is wallet fucking her or trying to get ahead in his own career as a possible hip hop MC or some shit and getting in paparazzi pictures is a solid way to promote yourself because there is no way he’s with her because she’s a good fuck or because she’s a gentle lady.

All the masking your sexuality and taking female hormones all because her dad wanted a champion tennis player can make any dude pretty fucking pissed off. I remember this one time I was drunk and passed out at a party and some chick put make up on me. I looked really pretty and felt like I had been raped. Taking away someone’s manhood is probably the worst kind of abuse a person can endure and making bitch live the role so well so that she doesn’t give up the jig when she goes out in public in lady’s bikinis is totally humiliating.

She’s the kind of girl who doesn’t have a vagina, so it’s in the ass everyday and I am not talking about in her ass, I am talking about in your ass. All the hard training and loses in her sport means she’s gotta take her aggression and frustration out somewhere….

I know that everyone is saying that she’s a dude and that it’s a pretty obvious joke. I am sure she’s a nice person who just does too much weight lifting to scare all the dainty tennis chicks off the court. It’s like facing the monster at the end of a video game only the real life version and she makes millions because of it. If I could make millions doing anything, I’d probably do it. If I was creative, I would have come up with a whole other angle, but I’m not creative so suck my dick and while your at it, jerk off to this bitch’s dick. Gaylord.

2007

Jun

I am – Celine Dion Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are the Celine Dion Bikini pictures that I have been waiting to see for 10 years. I don’t know when they were taken and I hate this bitch as much as you do but there’s just something magical about french chicks that you probably don’t understand because you don’t live in Montreal.

I’ll quickly explain because I figure it’s my role as the Number 1 Blog of Montreal to give you good reason to come to this city and that good reason is the french girls.

French girls are sluts, they are into sex and they are pretty fucking dirty girls in the bedroom. They are liberal, emotional and like anal and being naked. They don’t take much working on, you basically just need to catch them when they are horny or impress them by pretending you are famous because a lot of the french girls I have met have been from small shitty communities and work as bar maids or waitresses or strippers and are easily impressed. They spend their money on nice clothes, lookin good and going out instead of shit waspy corporate suburban trash spend their money on, like pant suits for the office car and mortgage payments and other expenses to ensure a dull fucking existence.

Majority of strippers in Montreal are french and have tight fucking bodies even though they only eat french fries and drink wine. They are genetically programmed to maintain a tight lookin’ figure well into their 50s even with chain smoking, hard livin’ and bad food. By the time they are 30, their faces usually look weathered and old like a wilted flower but their bodies scream 16 year old and the older they get the sluttier they get to try to hold onto their youthful years of multiple sex partners.

The only problem with french girls is that they don’t speak english, they hate english people and they don’t get my fucking jokes. Every french girl I try to talk to don’t get what I am saying and my shit goes way over their heads. When a sense of humor is all you’ve got, you’ll be going home alone, but if you’re older and richer, they are totally into having you for a daddy. Kinda like Celine did with her manager husband who tapped her ass at 14 before making her famous and leading her to believe that she’s nothing without him….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Celine Dion|French Chicks|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Uma Thurman Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Uma Thurman in a bathing suit. I figured that the site is about bitches in bikinis and I have no choice but to post them. I have been getting a lot of hate mail from people saying that I’ve lost my edge, that I am not as funny as I used to be, that the site isn’t worth visiting anymore and that it’s going down hill. Reality is that it was never really good, it couldn’t go downhill and that I was always rock bottom. The only difference now is that you’ve heard all my stories, you’ve heard all my lame jokes and you’ve seen all the pictures I post on other sites a day before I get them up. I am actually shocked that I’ve been able to convince you 10-15 people to keep reading.

I ran into a guy I hadn’t seen in years the other day. He strapped down, got married, moved to the suburbs, stopped going out, gave up on life, sits at home and watches movies with his wife every friday night because she’s tired from the week’s work and spends saturdays going to flea markets or home depot to buy supplies to fix up their dream home….Either way, dude grabbed me by the collar and told me how he spends his days on the site and that my writing makes him really fucking horny.

I didn’t realize that I was turning people on, especially men I once used to hang out with and the fact that the only person I turn on with my writing is a 300 pound 45 year old dude kinda makes me feel awkward especially when he’s thanking me for changing his life. Reality is that I have never really turned anyone on in my life. I don’t write anything sexy and the girls I have been in bed with blame being drunk and dehydrated for their parched vaginas to be nice and not put added focus on my serious inadequacies.

If you want something to actually turn you on, think White Bathing Suit. These fucking things are always semi see through and revealing and designed for a good fucking time. I am not going to get into her wrist brace and how you’ve got medical restraint fetishes because injured vulnerable girls who are bound by casts turn you on, because that’s not the kind of show I am trying to run here.

Enjoy the tits, I am not even going to talk about her dumpy ass because I’ve already written too much that you won’t read. Asshole.