I was never ever into Rachel Hunter when she was at her prime bikini modeling…I barely even looked at her twice, even when the bikini was see through and her nipples were exposed….I just always found her to have a big jaw, big face, big head cuz maybe she was just big….I also just assumed she was the front for Rod Stewart’s homosexual tendencies…you know cuz famous musical acts are all weird….and appently nothing ever changes for the better cuz as it turns out her sex appeal is something that clearly doesn’t improve with age…but that’s not news to anyone….just look at your mom, wife, high school crush…bitches just get uglier…and here are the ex bikini model pics to remind us that not everyone is Elle Macpherson….
Rachel Hunter is demonstrating some moves Rod Stewart taught her back when they were in a staged relationship to pretend he was straight despite how masculine she always looked. No, he wasn’t an avid baseball player, but he was an avid squatter, or at least he was every time they had sex when he’d get into this position before making her fuck him up the ass with a big black strap on……
I never understood the Rachel Hunter appeal when she was big in the 80s, I always just assumed it was a glitch in the modeling agency process, like she squeezed in because at the time plus sized models didn’t exist, but SI needed someone with tits and she was eager or some shit, you know a right time, right place situation, but then Rod Stewart swept her up, because one day when he was feeling hetero he picked up the issue of SI and said get me the biggest blonde in here to reaffirm to the public that I am all fuckin’ man, and chose her because she was the one who looked most like his first love he met in a gay bath house named “Roger” but pronounced “RawJay”, like he was french, but really nothing but a poof.
Either way, she’s still around, she looks like hell, and if you jerked off to her 20 years ago, here’s the aftermath.
I am not a dietician but I will go as far as to say that eating chicken wings is probably the last thing Rachel Hunter should be shoving into her fat mouth. She used to be a fuckin’ model and not any fucking model, a bikini and lingerie model. That is the body most young girls look up to and want to have but what they don’t know is that eventually everything dies including sex appeal. The good news is that now that this Swine Flu has hit, bitch can get some work as the poster girl for it…Get it….cuz she’s a pig…good one, right???Right? Come on guys..work with me here.
Here are some pictures of a Menopausal Rachel Hunter buying herself some household products, because let’s face it, when the vagina’s dried up, the only thing left to do is clean, bake and put your knitting skills to test. There was a time that Rachel Hunter was a bikini model and now that time is long gone, but there is so much to look forward to, like grand children, church groups and the Bridge club.
I was on the bus the other day across from some haggard woman who was probably in her 50s but had a face that looked like she had been dead for years. Her bleach blonde hair, make-up, fake nails and tight fuckin’ pants didn’t trick me into thinking she was younger and desirable, although she probably hoped it would. She was carrying her value pack of toilet paper that she probably bought on sale, because her retirement funds she saved from her stripping career had finally dried up after living off it for the last 2 decades since she’s too old for the pole and she just spent the last of it on a bottle of vodka.
Either way, all that toilet paper she was carrying kept making me think of all the things she would be using it for, like a drippy asshole she lost control of because of all the times she’s been fucked up the ass had finally caught up to her or maybe to wipe the puss from the pussy from genital herpes that she’s had since the 80s but can’t seem to kick because shit’s for life and all of a sudden I realized I wanted to fuck her..
Here is a barely there upskirt shot of Rachel Hunter that was taken sometime in her lifetime because I have a feeling they aren’t new and I can never really tell how old she is in pictures because of all the Australian sun skin damage bitch has going on. I never found this bitch hot in anyway, her body is too big and her face is too obscure looking and the sexiest thing in this picture is that ratty old Kleenex on her lap…it makes me think of all the sexy things she could have done with it before placing it there, like maybe she blew her nose, maybe she had to wipe off some kind of food that was stuck to some part of her body off, maybe she coughed something up, maybe she missed a spot when wiping her ass and now her asshole is burning and she needs to tend to it….maybe she thinks she’s getting her last period and never knows when it’s going to hit because she’s at that age where a woman’s body starts changing…
Either way, she takes a potential hot moment and ruins it, like the other day when I was taking out my garbage, I walked by the old laundry room they have set up for tennants in the building. My wife never uses them but sometimes I do because the smell of my own ass when I am working makes me want to throw up.
So I walk by the machine and there’s pair of panties on top of the dryer, so I snatch them up like it’s fucking Christmas because let’s face it finding random girl’s underwear is fucking hot. I bring them upstairs to further inspect….Now you’d think the panties you find in the laundry room would cater to some kind of fantasy and be a hot fucking moment, but I looked these fuckers over and realized just how fucking crackhead my building is. They were falling apart and covered in holes like the bitch who was wearing them was 4 sizes too big but trying to live the dream that she wasn’t and these panties were tearing apart from every angle as they tried to hold onto and cover her her fat ass. There was also some brown streak with cigarette burns on the part that would have covered her vagina and that was the moment I wished I could get boners to jerk off all over them and put them back where I found them as some kind of sick/creepy joke, but instead I just used them to wipe my ass when I was out of toilet paper.
That’s how I feel about this picture of Rachel Hunter, if I could afford a printer I would print it and wipe my ass with it because they are so bad, but I am posting it anyway, because it’s hard to be the best site on the internet that nobody reads by posting stuff people actually want to read. Cuddles.
My posts aren’t very racy today. I was tired and feeling uninspired. I started taking this anti-stress organic bullshit my hippie neighbor gave me when I went to score some pot and he told me that he’s done with smoking pot and is onto some new age organic shit and meditation to get his natural highs. Anyway, shit’s made me mellow. I saw things I hated today and didn’t even react and when I got back home, I had no memory of the things that I saw and hated because this organic shit made me not care. I didn’t even go out for Spring Break to harass American 18 year old college whores…but there is always tomorrow.
Speaking of tomorrow, it looks like Rachel Hunter has already reached her Tomorrow. She’s a model who turned haggard and useless and is launching her own Bikini line which isn’t a total fucking cliche considering she was a bikini model I used to jerk off to because I had access to the 1988 Swimsuit VHS in a time when porn wasn’t all that available and bitch totally showed some nipple.
Either way, here she is putting on a shoe for you food fetishists out there. Now fuck yourself.
Rachel Hunter in a Bikini is something I hold close to my heart. In 1989 she was in a Sports Illustrated 20th Anniversary special and was one of the girls who rocked a sheer bathing suit. This was a time before porn was as available as it is today and I was about 20 at the time and stole it from my Neighbor. I think that video saw more of my seed than my wife ever has….It was a different era.
Speaking of seed, Rachel Hunter was married to Rod Stewart, she filled his tall blonde model of a woman mold that he seems to live by, and he filled her with his seed. I have a specific type of woman too, and that’s one who has genitals, or anything that can double as a vagina, but I have no standards…..
Speaking of no standards, this bitch may be washed up, but I’d still giver he a piece of my massive flacid peen and by massive I mean buried in my cardiovascular disease candidate of a gut.
The positive in all this is that she looks nothing like his daughter who looks like her face was run over by daddy’s Bentley in between ripping lines of supermodel pussies and writing shitty music.
This post may or may not sound like every other post I’ve written, but I don’t have enough brain capacity to try to come up with funny on a daily basis….