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Archive for the Beach Category

2008

01

Sep

Alicia Silverstone Hits the Beach of the Day

Here are some recent pictures of Alicia Silverstone at the beach not wearing a bikini, I guess it’s all part of her master plan to stay completely irrelevant that she’s been doing a pretty good job at considering the only thing I can remember her ever being in is Clueless.

Speaking of Clueless I was talking to 15 year old girls about sex as I like to do. It’s like the Big Brother and Big Sisters organization only way more perverted and illegal. She was talking about how her boyfriend is always late and I was like better him than you if you know what I mean, and she didn’t know what I meant, leading me to believe that these kids are using they dicks and pussies all wrong without knowing the power of them, the consequences and the respsonsibility, they just knows it feels good and that’s a pretty scary thing you can all think about then jerk off to.

Either way, I never found her hot, but I am posting this pictures to remind all of you that she isn’t hot. It’s all part of my master plan.

Posted in:Alicia Silverstone|Beach

2008

10

Jul

Miley Cyrus Has No Legs of the Day

Here are some pictures of Miley Cyrus on the beach for a scene of her show in a pair of short fucking shorts. I guess the executives at Disney have come to terms with the fact that they’ve been jerking off to the spycam videos of Miley’s changing room for so long that it’s time to share the wealth, but I know that if this was my daughter, I wouldn’t let her leave the fucking house like this, I’d make sure she was in a sheer t-shirt with no bra, but only because I think dressing like that leads to better opportunities and it’s never too early to start.

I was randomly messaged by a girl today, someone I don’t know, and I asked her what she was wearing because that’s what I do. She turned around and called me a creep, automatically assuming that I was trying to get sexy with her, without even considering that maybe I am into fashion. Not to mention it’s the middle of the fucking day and she’s probably sitting in an office and cheap business casual doesn’t give me boners. But the real issue was that she called me a fuckin’ creep, when she’s the one messaging people she doesn’t know on the fucking internet, that’s the gateway shit that gets teenage girls raped and murdered by psycho’s they met online, so I guess she’s the creep.

The truth is that the real creep in all this is you, because the image of Miley Cyrus in short shorts turns you on but not as much as the idea of Miley Cyrus with no legs, beause you like the idea of her not being able to run away. Sicko.

BONUS – PICTURE OF HER SIMULATING A BLOWJOB

Posted in:Beach|Miley Cyrus

2008

20

Jun

Kristen Bell on the Beach With Some Asshole of the Day

I have issues with Dax, I don’t know it is watching his horrible performances on Punk’d or the fact that he works out excessively to distract girls from his funny lookin’ face, or that he looks like a frat boy motherfucker who would annoy the fuck out of me while I’m trying to get a drink at the bar and he’s trying to get all the attention from everyone in the bar to make up for his funny lookin’ face, but I do know that it’s got nothing to do with the fact that he’s railing Kristen Bell. There’s nothing hot about her, she’s about as standard as Dax Shepard getting rejected from both acting jobs and women alike before he got a bank account and manipulated the world that he was worth hiring in movies because he was part of a successful MTV show.

Either way, here they are in love and we can only hope their plane crashes on their way home because the world’s seen enough of them already and I think they’ve both lead a good life and need to make room for people with a little more talent.

Bonus – Here are Some Pictures of her Badly Playing a Drunk on Set Even Though You’d Have to Be Drunk To Get Up In Dax Sheppard

Posted in:Beach|Kristen Bell

2008

13

Jun

Bai Ling on the Beach of the Day

Bai Ling is consistently weird. Not as weird as the dude I saw walking his dog with his feet because he had no arms, but still pretty fucking weird. Here she is in a bathrobe at the beach in what I assume is a photoshoot that I guess people care enough about her to take, or that she paid to get done, but that doesn’t negate the fact that you want to fuck her.

Posted in:Bai Ling|Beach

2008

12

May

Bai Ling’s Tits on the Beach of the Day

The good news about Bai Ling is that despite having little to do with her time, she still manages to find a way to show the world her huge dark nipples. I have never really had the experience of getting with a girl who has nipples like this and that’s probably a good thing because I know that any bitch packing a mini dick on her tits would use that shit to to prison rape me every time I cheat on them in hopes of getting with a nipple that is less like suckin’ a dick and more like being with a chick.

I realize that every other site that talks about her nipples are saying the same thing about her, but there’s really only so much you can say about a girl who manages to show her nipples more than any other person all while no one knows who the fuck she is or what she has done or is doing. It’s like every time she shows up to an event and finds herself not on the list because no one knows who she is, she manages to get in because the people working the door know they have seen her nipples on the internet and that must mean she’s someone and that her name not being on the list is just some kind of mistake.

Either way, if I like how despite having something she should probably be insecure about, like someone with 3 nipples who won’t take her shirt off in public or or someone with a retardedly large testicle who won’t have sex with girls becuase of embarrassment, Bai Ling still manages to bust that shit out like she doesn’t give a fuck about it, I think it could be a language barrier.

Posted in:Bai Ling|Beach|Bikini|Nipple

2008

24

Apr

Billie Piper Topless Beach Pictures of the Day

Billie Piper was the Miley Cyrus of her generation in the UK. I know nothing about her, but she had some number 1 songs in 1997 when she was 15 and I guess she never really made it all that big because instead of continuing her career she went and got married to some older guy radio host who she divorced to re-marry the weird lookin’ dude she’s with in these pictures.

The word is that she’s pregnant and that would explain why her tits look like shit and she should worry about covering them up instead of getting them some sun, but I guess if she had that attitude she probably would have never got into that whole mess that ruins your body called pregnancy in the first place.

Posted in:Beach|Billie Piper|Topless

2008

26

Mar

Jodie Foster on the Beach of the Day

I figure why wait for the hot pussy to hit the beach in their skimpy bikinis when you can have all the Jodie Foster you want. Bitch isn’t hot, she isn’t young, and her idea of a skimpy bikini is the beach equivalent of a fuckin’ snowsuit. All bitch is missing is a pair of knee socks and a veil to go with her long sleeved shirt and shorts to make me really live out my fantasies of rockin’ out at a popular Muslim vacation spot. There’s nothing like parasailing or scuba diving or playing beach volleyball or even drinking a Bahama Mamma or Pina Colada with a slut who is scared of getting too much sun. Sometimes happiness comes from just having a nice conservative girl who can sit down and tell you about the last book she curled up alone in bed the previous night and read…in her flannels. I hear they give the best blowjobs, you know the whole good girl gone bad bullshit, which probably explains why she has a kid…because everyone know it takes a slut to make a slut.

Posted in:Beach|Jodie Foster|Slut

2008

22

Feb

Mariah Carey Topless on the Beach of the Day

Here are some pictures of Mariah Carey topless on the beach. She’s doing a pretty damn good job covering up her shit. She’s even strategically placed her dog and used him as a bra which leads me to wonder what else she does with her dog. Not only does the little fucker get to eat her panties, sniff her crotch and eat her tampons when she’s on the rag, watch her take a shit and get closer to her tits than you ever will, but since bitch is crazy, it’s safe to assume that dresses him up for dinner in a little tuxedo pretending he’s her date, since no guy goes near her for fear of having her have a nervous breakdown on them….but that dog just can’t say no…mainly because he can’t talk but also because he feels so luxurious….

Speaking of luxurious, I am drunk and realized that my hair is falling out. Not only am I a fat middle aged poverty case but now I am also a bald fat middle aged poverty case. It’s pretty depressing, but considering I have no self-esteem as it is, I guess it’s not a big deal….probably the same kind of feeling Mariah has when she decided to paraded around the beach like she’s 20 and this is college spring break….

Posted in:Beach|Mariah Carey|Topless

2007

20

Sep

I am – Pam Anderson Covered Up at the Beach

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

I was surprised to see these pictures of Pam Anderson on the beach covered up, mainly because she’s an exhibitionist slut who is normally in a skimpy bikini with fake and real parts spilling the fuck out, but I guess it was cold out considering that buddy she’s with is rocking a gayer than bicycle shorts, tight as fuck wet suit.

I usually rip into this bitch for being a trashy washed up stripper. Or I go off about her hepatitis and how she was the object of all your wet dreams when you were in high school, but I guess I gotta step back and be realistic for a second. She’s got a couple of kids, she’s pretty menopausal, and she’s still got a tighter body than most 20 year olds I try to get naked. Sure, I prey on the ugly ones because they appreciate the attention and I appreciate their youth, but they are still girls. I think Pam’s future husband does the same thing, only he’s more successful and the young girls he goes after are heiresses that he’s enterprising enough to film getting fucked raw dog. I always wondered if he was the source of her herpes, which is the strain that has hit everyone in Hollywood, or if she scored that somewhere else. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is what Pam and his sex smells like, you know her hep, his herp shit’s could be pretty fucking gross.

I am not so into fake tits, I don’t like what they do to girls. They make them so tit-centric that being around them is fucking tedious. They always talk about their tits, flash their tits, make people touch their tits, which isn’t the bad part, the bad part is that I am never the one they ask to touch, lick or rate them, and whenever I am left out, I get bitter. I was walking down the street today and saw some pregnant lookin’ chick walking alone with a set of fake tits, my first thought was that I bet she didn’t know the daddy’s name because her fake tits lured him in one drunken night, when I asked her, she wasn’t too impressed and told me to fuck off.

Either way, here are the Pam Anderson and the shit stain on her arm covered up on the beach pics.

Don’t worry, this post didn’t make me laugh either.


Related Posts:

Pam Anderson White Bikini Pictures
Pam Anderson in a Black Bikini
Pam Anderson Licks Some Dude With Her Vagina Exposed
Pam Anderson Partying in a Hooters Uniform

Posted in:Ass|Beach|Covered Up|Legs|Pamela Anderson|Tits|Unsorted

2007

18

Sep

I am – Penelope Cruz’s Cousin and Sister at the Beach of the Day

penelope_cruz_cousin_tits.jpg

Here are some pictures of Penelope Cruz’s family on the beach somewhere without Penelope Cruz. I have posted about her sister Monica Cruz before, she’s sin the thong, but I have no idea who the topless chick is. The message board I steal my pictures from say that it’s her cousin and it doesn’t really matter who she is, all that matters is that she is living the life, sitting on the beach all thanks to Penelope’s hard work. I guess this is a lot like when they were living in Spain as kids and they’d sit at home all day and send Penelope off to mow lawns, clean houses, work at the local cafe so that when she got home they could steal her paycheck and buy themselves ice cream.

Reality is that I don’t care how she’s related to Penelope Cruz because I just like topless beaches and would post that shit whether bitch was famous or not. I have this fantasy of grandeur, living the life with an above ground pool and a backyard where my stepdaughter and her friends will tan topless while I just sit back and drink beer. All the 18-20 year old hot girls will come over to take advantage of the only pool in the ghetto and I will be a happy fucking man….

I guess the point of this post is that the cousin’s tits are uneven and there’s nothing sexier than bringing a bitch home, taking off her bra to find that shit was being balanced out with a pair of socks and you’re really dealing with some one tit bigger than the other shit that is a lot like driving with a flat tire.

Here are those pics:


Related Posts:

Penelope or Monica Cruz Foot Fetish Pics
Penelope Cruz’s TIts Leaving the Gym
Penelope Cruz Bikini Pictures
Penelope Cruz in a Short Dress

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Cousin|Monica Cruz|Penelope Cruz|Tits|Topless|Unsorted