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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

04

Jul

Elisabetta Canalis is an Immigrant in a Pink Bikini of the Day

Here’s some skinny model named Elisabetta Canalis in a bikini and she reminds me of this time I worked at a stable shoveling shit out of the horses stalls, not because she looks like shit, but because she looks like a horse, sure she’s got a skinny body and you’d probably fuck her, but that face is a little too reminiscent of the night all the stable boys got drunk and decided to take turns fuckin’ it. It wasn’t a proud moment, but either is this for Elisabetta Canalis or her husband.

Posted in:Bikini|Elisabetta Canalis|Immigrant

2008

03

Jul

Pink Goes for a Jog of the Day

Gender Benders are everywhere and if I was to make a big deal about seeing a man in a bikini, I’d be a hypocrite since I made a man with tits flash me the other day for 5 dollars. I thought it would make a good internet video, one that would take this site to the next level, but I don’t own a camera so only I got to see it. I know you are jealous, but that’s just because you are sexually confused, and to make you feel better about your sexual dysfunction, the majority of people who fuck tranny prostitutes are actually straight. I guess they just relate to boys pretending to be girls better than they relate to their haggard wives pretending to be girls.

Either way, here’s Pink training for the sex change or to become a mover in a bikini top, because she hasn’t quite made her tits transition into full man pecs yet and running around topless would still be deemed offensive, even more offensive than her in a bikini, something you thought wasn’t possible, but it is, so be grateful she’s covered up.

Posted in:Bikini|Jog|Pink

2008

03

Jul

Paz Vega Rocks a Bikini of the Day

Her name is Paz Vega, she’s a Spanish Actress that I’ve never heard of because I have a hard enough time keeping track of my stepdaughter’s boyfriend’s names that trying to place these bitches I’ve never heard of is almost impossible. It’s like I have Alzheimer’s just alcoholic induced Alzheimer’s but the truth is that part of me hopes I get Alzheimer’s because it looks fun.

I was at the coffee shop and overheard some girl talking about how her mother got Alzheimer’s, and was talking about all the fucked up shit she does, like how when she watches Regis and Kelly she goes off about how much of a bitch Kelly is and when asked about how she knows Kelly, she goes into an elaborate story about how they used to date the same guy, even though that never happened and I chimed in to tell them how fucking amazing it sounded. It’s like when you have the disease you can get away with pretty much anything you want and you believe all these things that never happened like not wearing pants one day, or drinking Draino. Shit’s like being jacked on drugs always and sounds like a pretty good way to go because you don’t know that your going and you make people like me laugh along the fucking way.

Either way, here she is that Spanish chick in her bathing suit.

Posted in:Bikini|Paz Vega

2008

03

Jul

Ashley Tisdale is a Fucking Spy in a Bikini of the Day

When Tisdale first got her nose job, I thought nothing of it, I was like this is some bitch with too much money and a bad nose who is considered a star to 10 year olds, but is virtually a nobody to the rest of the world, the perfect position you want to be if you want to cut the line at the movies, and now that I see her rockin’ a camo bikini, I am convinced bitch is some kind of state issued agent who got her nose job to hide her identity as she got more famous like some kind of CIA agent used to brainwash the youth into finding God again or to be celebate like she is the fucking Devil but the truth is that I am just a paranoid dude, and Tisdale is just on a vacation with some dude who she brought to fuck the shit out of her little Highschool Musical vagina and the great news is that her promise ring Disney makes her wear, that vows celibacy until marriage, because we all know how stable marriage is, and how marrying a virgin is the biggest fucking mistake anyone can make, doubles as a cock ring for her androngynist pre-pubescent 12 year old lookin’ boyfriend who’s been given the Disney issued Peter Pan Hormone Treatment like he was Jonathan Taylor Thomas even though he’s 30.

Either way she’s in a bikini, I’m not a fan and would prefer if she was actually out in the warzone dodging bullets and not paparazzi, but I’m just an asshole and like seeing people dance because they have to and not because they want to.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Bikini

2008

02

Jul

Katherine Kelly Lang in a Bikini of the Day

You can tell that this bitch is a mom, not because of the fact she’s with kids, because this camp councilor I knew was always around kids, and no one thought much of it, because he was a little socially awkward and seemed to find happiness in the innocence and simplicity of childhood, until one of his little buddies cried rape to his mom and the sick motherfucker who everyone thought was just a friendly giant, was in fact a child rapist and dude was sent off to jail, but you can tell she’s a mom in the way her ass seems be getting sucked in by the vaccuum that is her vagina.

Her name is Katherine Kelly Lang, she’s on a Soap Opera called The Bold and the Beautiful, it’s probably safe to assume you’ve jerked off to her before because you have limited channels and you don’t have a job and it’s the only thing on TV and bitch has been on this shit every day for the last 20 years, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t boring, even while showing off her mom body in Italy in a bikini, and no, that isn’t mean in the green bathing suit, I am so useless that even uselss Soap Stars don’t invite me on vacation with them….

As a sidenote, her husband is Stephen Baldwin’s manager, so they must be really really rich because I hear Baldwin only takes high paying jobs like Celebrity Apprentice, Jesse Stone: Night Passage, Earthstorm all while finding Jesus.

Posted in:Bikini|Katherine Kelly Lang

2008

01

Jul

Christina Milian Rocks a Bikini of the Day

Christina Milian was the Rihanna the Beta Version. That was some internet talk since this is the fucking internet. The only difference between Milian and Rihanna was that Rihanna knew she wasn’t hugely talented, so she plays the puppet and sings other people songs, while Milian was the eager cheerleading bitch from your high school who starred in the school play, won the school talent show, organized the school fashion show, was on the Yearbook Committee, was the President of the school Government, took singing and dancing classes on her spare time, got straight As, like making puzzles, had a hot body and was a champion tennis player. Bitch had her fucking hands in everything and just spread herself too thin, something I wish my wife could do to herself, so that I could have sex again.

Either way, here she is looking hot in a bikini, because now that she’s burnt out and not really out there, she has plenty of time to just kick it.

Posted in:Bikini|Christina Milian

2008

01

Jul

Flavio Briatore’s Wife in a Bikini of the Day

The great thing about Flavio Briatore is not his hot tits, but it is that he proves to the world that no matter how fat you are, or how old you get you can always pull it hot tail if you’ve got a good personality, because girls don’t go for dudes because of the way they look, they go for dudes who make them feel good about themselves. I am sure the fact that dude’s a billionaire has nothing to do with it, because that would imply that his wife, model Elisabetta Gregoraci, his baby momma Heidi Klum and his Nubian Princess Ex Girlfriend – Naomi Campbell were all prostitutes and the truth is he probably just has a huge dick and they all probably have some kind of daddy issues that stem from being thrown into the modeling world at the age of 14 and who the fuck really cares, because he’s got more money and hotter pussy than all of us and he looks like some kind of Santa Claus motherfucker who shaved his beard for the summer and if anything should be some kind of motivation for you to get out there and buy some fucking lottery tickets, because we all know that’s the only hope you have of making it big.

Posted in:Bikini|Elisabetta Gregoraci|Flavio Briatore

2008

30

Jun

Ronaldo’s Girlfriend/Fiance/Model/Front in a Bikini of the Day

Thank fucking god the Euro shit is over, now honking immigrants with flags on their cars can be put to fucking rest and I can go about my daily activities of doing nothing without getting annoyed by honking immigrants.

Here are some pictures of soccer prodigy Ronaldo and his model fiance, or what I call his front to convince the world he’s no homo by hanging out with her, when in reality he’s probably talking about crushes he has on his team and which of his guy friends have the hottest cocks from the locker room. Sure it may not be a fact that he’s a poofter, but his shorts come as pretty strong evidence, and I know that when the picture of him taking a piss was taken, he was standing there wishing that his hand was on someone elses cock and not on his. I guess life is unfair even to those who seem like they’ve got everything.

Either way, her Nereida Gallardo and she is hot….

In Black:

In Gold:

Posted in:Bikini|Girlfriend|Ronaldo

2008

30

Jun

Naomi Campbell in a Bikini of the Day

I fell in love with a black chick and I’d tell you the story, but you’ll just call me out for being racist, even though it’s what actually happened, but I guess since I don’t care about what you think, I’ll write it anyway.

So, I went out to KFC to get my wife a bucket of chicken, and this black chick in the shortest fucking skirt and low cut shirt walks in like she’s Naomi Campbell and should be walking the runways in Paris and not the line-up at a fried chick place. Her body was lean, her legs were long and her tits were huge and she made me mad that I never bagged a black girl because I was always too scared they’d rob me. About a minute later, her pimp or boyfriend or dude she’s fuckin’ walks in and motherfucker was definitely packin’ heat, so I just minded my own business as they went at each other and her fondled her ass and stuck his tongue down her throat and she grabbed at his dick one minute, like they were at a swingers party but were really just at a fried chicken place, something equally sexy to some people. I just looked the other way because I wasn’t going to get shot and ignored them as they fought over their order and dude turned around and slapped her across the face for stepping out of line because he only had enough money for 1 drink and she called him a broke ass in front of the whole restaurant, the next minute. It was a beautiful experience, one of total dysfunction and ghettoness, one far more beautiful than Naomi Campbell in a bikini kissing some rich white dude.

Posted in:Bikini|Naomi Campbell

2008

30

Jun

Lisa RInna Brings Out Her Bikini of the Day

The thing I like about Lisa Rinna is that she looks like she was in some kind of nuclear waste accident that made her look like some kind of mutant you’d jerk off to in one of your favorite comics, but the only accident that happened in her life is that she made enough money to pay a dude to mangle the fuck out of her face and body because she thought it made her look pretty.

It turns out that when she parades that catcher mitt face of hers around in a bikini, some of you fall into the trap and think it’s hot, while I just see an unnatural mess of a woman, but I guess if she puts that much attention into her appearance, she probably is good in bed, or at least has a pretty hot designer pussy, hopefully not one that she design, because based on her track record, what she thinks looks good actually looks scary.

Posted in:Bikini|Lisa Rinna|Plastic Surgery