Bikini Archives - Page 58 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

Jul

Jaime Pressly and her Black Bikini of the Day

Jaime Pressly is a hot mom out in a bikini. Sure she looks like she’s had a ton of plastic surgery, but I am all for people trying to better themselves by hiring a surgeon to play God on their faces. I am not one of those people who is out lookin’ for natural beauty, sure I hate fake tits, but I just like lookin’ at skinny chicks, even if they have faces that look like they crawled out of the septic tank, or an eating disorder, but that’s just because I’ve been so absorbed in obesity all these years that I am earning to rub my balls against a hot pertruding rib cage and spine on the back of a girl so hungry she can’t resist my sexiness.

Posted in:Bikini|Jaime Pressly

2008

Jul

Victoria Silvstedt Isn’t Topless in a Bikini in St Tropez of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of slut Victoria Silvstedt in a bikini again. I know I get repetitive about this whore being a whore and that’s only because she tried to take me down with a lawsuit when I posted pics of her getting eaten out by some married Greek midget billionaire. I don’t have the pictures up anymore, and usually I don’t get mad when girls attack, I figure it’s their weird way of flirting with me and I always try to reverse it so that I end up being the Mexican broke ass midget eating her out in the next set of pics that hit, but it never really works out like that.

I wasn’t going to go up against her, since her pockets are a lot deeper than mine and that is a huge part of my depression. All I needed to make this life a better was to be born a skinny blonde chick with fake tits who everyone wants to fuck, not only would I be able to afford a TV, but I’d also be able to go around suing random people to keep me entertained in my dull, useless, silicone filled life.

Posted in:Bikini|St. Tropez|Victoria Silvstedt

2008

Jul

Tara Reid’s Weird Stomach in a Bikini of the Day

6 Comments »

Party girl Tara Reid was out in a bikini with some gay dude who I have seen in other pictures of her. He is latching the fuck onto her as hard as he can because he wants to get some exposure and figures that since Tara Reid is slowly fading away and too drunk to realize who she is hanging out with, it’s a great stepping stone that may lead to bigger or better things, and that even if it doesn’t will land him on TMZ and other celebrity blogs, which is a big deal to an attention craving gay dude and that’s why he did his hair for the occassion.

I tried the same strategy to make myself famous in the past, because I figure famous dudes get hot pussy, make good money and can sit by the pool all day while the rest of the world works their 9 to 5 grind to pay for their kids Nintendo Wii, but the closest thing to Tara Reid fame that was accessible for me to entourage was this really colorful homeless dude, who dresses like a clown and does juggling tricks while rapping and dancing. It didn’t get me much exposure, but I did smoke crack for the first time and that’s almost better than being famous, except for maybe the realization you can’t afford another hit….

Either way, Tara Reid’s stomach has Aids.

BONUS – It Looks Like People Still Think Tara Reid is Relevant Enough to Ask for Autographs on Out Dated Sexy Pics of Her, That Must Really Boost Her Self Esteem….

Posted in:Bikini|Tara Reid

2008

Jul

Natalia Bush is Not Related to George Bush But Wears a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

Her name is Natalia Bush and in honor of her name, she’s wearing her Bikini for the 4th of July and she doesn’t have any bush. They claim that she’s not related to George Bush, but I feel like admitting that you were related to him would pretty much put a target on her head like some kind of warning to stay the fuck away from her. Shit’s pretty much worse than knowing the girl you are bringing home with you has herpes, because when horny enough, herpes seems like it’s not a big enough deal to refuse sex, but the thought of George Bush or anything related to him when fucking or wanting to fuck has enough power to turn you onto abstinence.

Now I don’t want to give you the wrong idea. I am not a political person and I don’t really have a stance on American Politics or the war in Iraq and what it is doing to the rest of the world with the high gas prices, but I do know dude comes across like he’s dumb as bricks, but probably isn’t that dumb considering he runs oil companies and is making a lot of people rich while dooping a whole country into supporting him and his endeavors that are obviously for personal gain, so maybe he’s actually a fucking genius and we’re the idiots.

Either way, I’d stay the fuck away from this piece just to be safe, even though she looks like she loves sex and has a pretty rockin’ body, but I don’t mind looking at pictures of her in a bikini, but that’s probably because I am a pervert.

Posted in:Bikini|Natalia Bush

2008

Jul

Leelee Sobieski Hides Her Bikini in a Gypsy Dress of the Day

4 Comments »

I was sitting in a ghetto part of town tonight, drinking a beer on a patio that overlooked the water and the people next to me were a lovely Jewish couple who clearly had a lot of money, but were rolling through the same digs I was, because they were cheap. I was alone and had no choice but to listen to their chronic complaints about the price of the food and how other restaurants chargin 15 dollars for a steak or highway robbers. Now I don’t have any money, but know that if I was to go to a restaurant and see a steak was 15 dollars I wouldn’t give a fuck. Now I don’t live in a mansion, drive a luxury car, or send my kids to 20,000 dollar a year private school or stage 20,000 dollar winter vacations because I don’t celebrate Christmas, and I don’t fucking concern myself with a 15 dollar steak and I don’t think they should either. I guess when your wife has a Jewish dog face, your priorities shift and instead of dealing with the real issue at hand, you focus your energy on insignificant shit.

I was doing a little research regarding the war going on in my email about Judaism being a race and not a religion and figured out that the Jewish population made a huge comback since the holoaust making me believe that in order to maintain their religion and bring it back to a stong number, they had to fuck family members and that explains the issue everyone has about my Jewish girls looking like dog claims. It’s not a race or cultural issue, it’s a backwoods issue of incest and if it makes everyone feel better, backwoods products of incest have ugly wives and complain about the price of steaks too, but that’s just becuase they are used to eating mud and mud is free.

All this to say, Leelee Sobieski may be Jewish and have fatty tits, but she still stays covered up in her gypsy outfit like a good Jew keeping her historical roots alive. I hear her boyfriend fucks her through a hole in a sheet too, but that could just be a rumor. Here’s her poor excuse for a bikini picture.

Posted in:Bikini|Leelee Sobieski

2008

Jul

Mya Rockin’ a Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

I made friends with a black dude outside some hotel lobby. He was drunk and talking to every 18 year old girl who walked into the place. He’d tell them that he liked their dress or that they were beautiful and kept this up for about 30 minutes to different groups of girls, always singling out the ugliest one in the group. He started chatting me up. He was freaking out about all this young pussy and told me that he was laying the groundwork. He saaid that girls are hooked on black dudes and that all girls want a daddy. Since he was in his 50s, he was working that angle.

The next thing I know, I am in the hotel bar with the dude, who is buying me drinks and all these hot young girls rush him because he was so nice to them when they walked in and was a familiar face amongst all the chachi losers with bottles of Grey Goose trying to bag them.

Within 10 minutes, this friendly older guy these girls were running to for safety is making out with almost every one he spoke to walking in. They were all taking turns with him, so while 10 girls are crowded around him waiting for a turn, I’m confused to shit as to what I am experiencing.

The bad news was that I didn’t get the spillover of girls he didn’t want, because he wanted all of them, but I did get to see some ass and titties as dude playfully lifted and pulled down their dresses for me. He only to get a friendly slap on the shoulder by the girls he pretty much violated as to say “oh Mr Old Strange Pervert Black Man, You’re So Silly”, knowing that if I did it, I’d get arrested so I ended up leaving because the world is not fair.

I guess that has nothing to do with Mya in a bikini since she’s not young, and hot anymore buy I guess she’s black enough to remind me of my new friend who I will never see again….

Posted in:Bikini|Mya

2008

Jul

Some Cheryl Burke Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

I always had this idea that dancers were these lean, borderline anorexic lookin’ chicks in tights, before actually going to a local dance school’s dance performance because my stepdaughter gave me a free ticket. I figured getting down to watching teenage girls dancing and not getting naked in the process would be a nice change of pace from what I was used to. I was wrong. Every single girl who came out with her hip hop choreographed Britney Spears backup dancer shit was built like a fucking tank and seeing hot chicks in booty shorts shaking their asses wasn’t really an option, because there were no hot chicks, just these thick, strong Hayden Panettiere chicks squating, popping and locking in some kind of seizure inducing dance battle.

The point is that Cheryl Burke is also a dancer, but not the good kind you want to give 10 dollars a song to, and a thick kind you want to hire to help you move because she’s more fit than any of your deadbeat friends, and here she is in a bikini, showing off her thick dance muscles.

Posted in:Bikini|Cheryl Burke|Dancing With the Stars

2008

Jul

Jennifer Lopez in Her July 4th Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

I never understood the hype about J.Lo’s ass, it always confused me that the world would be drawn to some bottom heavy slut, and make her insanely rich in the process.

Here she is fatter than she used to be and rockin’ a bikini. She was hoping no one would notice so she tried to throw in the mirrored bikini to blind the paparazzi cameras and figured if that didnt work, the reflection of her husbands scary white legs would do the trick, what she didn’t realize is that he’s too sickly thin to really do much distracting and actually turns invisible when the flash is on. I guess none of that matters, because you still have a thing for this whore who has openly had many dicks and no one’s ever called her out on it. I guess it’s just a middle class Peurto Rican from the bronx, going through an identity crisis all in hopes that the real hispanic population don’t catch on to the fact that she’s full of shit and is whiter than McCain.

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Lopez

2008

Jul

Jim Carey Makes a Joke With Jenny McCarthy’s Bathing Suit of the Day

1 Comment »

Jenny McCarthy and her long lost Canadian relative, who I assume she doesn’t know is her relative and decided that the connection she felt the first time she met him was love at first sight, when in reality it was just on some genetic level. It’s like when you met a cousin from another country for the first time and you just hit it off immediately because you have the same grandparents, only in this case you give them your genitals, instead of a gift certificate to Starbucks for Christmas. Leaving the rest of the world looking in amazement and wondering if you’re related or if it is just a coincidence that you look like you’re twins while making out with each other in public. I guess we’ll all just have to wait for the flipper baby to know the truth and I am not talking about that Autistic shit McCarthy is up on already, that baby’s from a previous marriage.

I never found Jim Carey funny, I actually kinda hated him up until recently. He’s just this clown of a person who tries too hard to get a laugh and looks like an asshole while doing it. He reminds me of some cocksucker in my class who would never shut the fuck up in his antics and annoyed everyone until he got beat up enough that his spirits and jokes just stopped, leaving him down and out and reclusive in a dark corner, going from the annoying life of the classroom to the weird kid in the corner no one notcies, that is until one day he decides to take out his rage on the world and stages a school shooting.

But I have to admit, this stunt where he decided to put on Jenny McCarthy’s bathing suit to fuck with the paparazzi/public and get a laugh was pretty clever and reminds me a lot of this closet case who would always suggest we do the gayest things because it would be funny and for the sake of comedy. When he’d run around in ladies clothing, make-up and show a serious interest in Brad Pitt, we could pass shit off as a joke, but it got out of hand when he told me that we would really mess with our girlfriends at the time if they walked in on us sucking each other off. I didn’t really get the joke but he came back at me aggressively, because he thought I was ruining his joke and said that it would only really be funny if we timed it perfectly and the second they walked into the room expecting us to be playing videogames, I’d be cumming all over his face instead. It’d be a real fuckin’ knee slapper.

Sure, I was complimented that he thought I was worthy to take part in his joke, but I didn’t see much funny about letting him suck me off, it was just a little gay….

Either way, Jenny McCarthy’s body looks tight.

Posted in:Bikini|funny|Jenny McCarthy|Jim Carey

2008

Jul

Sheree Murphey is a Sloppy Chick in a Bikini Getting Frisky of the Day

3 Comments »

Here is Sheree Murphy, some sloppy british bitch who’s worked her way out of the working class factory life and onto TV and in the process managed to land herself a soccer player to marry and have a bunch of kids with and it’s nice to see that despite the fact that she’s destroyed physically by the pregnancy, her husband is still horny enough to get busy with her in the pool for all of us to see. You know that stems from not trying to show off his trophy wife, because she’s more of a participation ribbon they give the retard kids so they don’t feel discouraged for losing, and it is sheer horniness and something you can relate to. I just hope he’s drunk because that’s really the only way I can accept this kind of behavior, like last night when we saw some fat horny Italian chick who was built for making babies, get with some random dude in a really large shirt and pretty much stood in the corner sticking her tongue down his throat and taking breaks to whisper the names of all the babies she has planned for him. The fertility almost turned me on, but the estrogen charged thighs definitely didn’t.

Posted in:Bikini|Sex|Sheree Murphey|Sloppy