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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

16

Jul

Nereida Gallardo’s Lesbian Bikini Pictures of the Day

7 Comments »

So Soccer Star Ronaldo dumped this Nereida chick a couple of days ago because he was tired of living the lie, and had to come to terms with the fact that wearing tight little shorts felt a little too good, but not as good as all those extra hours spent in the men’s locker room after the big game, letting his teammates perform hazing rituals on him to initiate him, despite not being a rookie anymore. It was more of a release for him, one that he wanted to further explore and vagina was a real downer for that…

The good news is that this Nereida chick was only with him because he was a famous and rich athlete and her free winning ride was bound to end, because dudes just don’t respect social climbing whores, will denounce men until she’s over the pain of seeing her lottery ticket ripped up before her very eyes.

At least she’ll have a famous love affair to reflect on and think about everytime the average laborer she marries crawls up on her and sticks it inside her, as dreams of her future of a life of fake tits and beach vacations turn into cleaning a modest 2 bedroom house while making pasta 4 times a week for her family to cut costs to be able to afford a modest family trip to Disneyworld…

Posted in:Bikini|Lesbian|Nereida Gallardo

2008

16

Jul

Helen Mirren’s Got Some Big Grandma Tits in a Bikini of the Day

13 Comments »

I just made a new friend on the stoop of my apartment. He was this 20 year old dude who was just sitting there talking to himself. His conversation seemed pretty fucking intense as he was laughing loudly, and screaming, then whispering and crying, shit was like an emotional roller coaster and when I looked to see if he had his CIA blue tooth ear piece that junior executives everywhere are rockin in hopes of making their boring lives seemingly more interesting. I decided that dude was obviously talking to himself, so I figured I’d be a nice guy and strike up some conversation so he didn’t feel so alone. It was a mistake.

He went off on how he was involved in some kind of rape last night and that the woman was his friend’s girlfriend’s grandmother because he loved her fucking cookies so much. He figured if she knew how to bake so well, her pussy was probably prime and when she was passed out on her cancer meds in her room, he slipped in to slip it in her. He then started laughing hysterically and that’s when I decided to peace, because crazy people who talk about raping grandmother’s freak me out.

The truth is the only thing better than an old pussy, that can’t get pregnant because it dried up long ago, is young hot pussy on the pill, but I guess it’s a beggars can’t be choosers situation.

Here is Oscar winning Helen Mirren in her bikini, showing of the tits that made her famous and the good news is that she’s only 63 and not 80, like the big breasted senior citizen I once loved when working at the old folks home.

Posted in:Bikini|Helen Mirren|Tits

2008

11

Jul

James Blunt’s New Pussy in a Bikini of the Day

10 Comments »

James Blunt proves that if you are a little guy who isn’t much to look at, all you have to do is teach yourself the guitar, figure out how to sing about things that make girls wet in the panties, get signed and pretty much whore yourself out to middle aged women and ladies with a broken heart through your record deal that ends up making you a lot of money. Once that happens, you can date and walk around models and other tall girls to let everyone know just how much power you actually have.

It turns out that eating a bag of chips everynight while playing videogames alone in your shitty basement, slowly getting fatter and fatter while chronically masturbating, your idea of satisfying your woman, who is actually a rubber vagina toy your mom got you because she was concerned that if ever you came in contact with a real one, you’d be scared of it and this would ease you into it all while not showering and pretty much lookin’ like you’ve given up on life, doesn’t work quite as well.

Here he is on vacation with some slut, just to show that he smarter than you.

Posted in:Bikini|James Blunt|Pussy

2008

11

Jul

Carrie Underwood in Shitty Bikini Pictures of the Day

7 Comments »

If you are wonder what shit shoveling, tobacco chewin’, guitar strummin’, whiskey drinking cowboys who suffer from a broken heart and who’s dog died last month jerk off to while they cry, Carrie Underwood is it. Here she is in a bikini, which would help those fuckers reach orgasms if they knew how to turn on a computer, but are too busy herding cattle instead, but at least they have their old transmittor radio to learn every lyric of her heart warming songs. The truth is that Carrie Underwood shows us that American Idol can make you very fucking rich, if you use it to get into country music, because country fans are loyal as fuck and will always support one of their own for their entire career, making Underwood a cash cow you’d want to saddle up and ride into the sunset.

Posted in:Bikini|Carrie Underwood

2008

11

Jul

Eva Longoria is a Rat in a Bikini of the Day

15 Comments »

Eva Longoria’s really got nothing going on. She’s not hot, her features are weak, the only really thing she’s got going for her is that she’s not fat, something I am convinced Americans hold in high regard, because every bitch there is fat so that when a skinny girl walks by everyone goes fuckin’ crazy like it’s cinco de mayo. The truth is that she’s a fucking mexican and the last thing the world needs is to see anothr Mexican on TV, I figure people are already tired of us from seeing us work as gardeners, restaurant dishwashers, car washers, hotel staff, construction world and don’t need to be reminded that we are slowly and quietly taking over the world.

I guess what it comes down to is that Eva Longoria marries black french dudes, and like a black french dude I used to hang with because he was always down for a good time spending money he stole from his work on taking me to the strippers and everytime a black chick would get on stage, he wouldn’t look because he felt she was taking their race down a couple notches and not helping the advancement of blabk people, not to mention he liked fucking blondies with fat asses and was repulsed by his own kind since they reminded him of his mother. Maybe I’m just a self-hating mexican.

Who really gives a fuck about what I have to say, look at her fucking bikini pictures, she’s probably pregnant, because you give a fuck about this rat of a woman… Asshole.

Posted in:Bikini|Eva Longoria

2008

10

Jul

Kate Moss on a Yacht in a Bikini of the Day

2 Comments »

Kate Moss is in a bikini on a yacht and the pictures are boring as fuck considering it’s all been seen beore. She’s a retired has been we’ve all seen naked and she’s got tons of money and little to do with her time and always seems to end up on vacation every month. I guess raising her kid using nannies and private daycare is draining or too much responsibility for her. It could be that her hard drinking, drugs and not showering catches up to her and she needs to slow down a little every once in a while, but none of that matters because I am a fan of hers.

I think it’s just because I like that rich girls try to look like us poor people. They dress in rags, they don’t shower and they look like they smell. I was walking down the street the other day and this fucking homeless chick who lifted up her arms to reveal unshaved armpits and huge yellow sweat stains jumps into a 100,000 dollar Mercedes. I was so repulsed by her when I thought she was poor and disgusting because the condition of poor disgusting girls usually reflects the condition of their pussy and in this rich girl’s case shit would have been rank if she was poor, but knowing that she’s just doing this whole unshowered homeless sweaty thing for fashion means that she proabably smells like candy and her pussy is probably spotless and that is a lot hotter than going down on something that smells like sewage.

Posted in:Bikini|Kate Moss

2008

10

Jul

Xisca is in a Yellow Bikini of the Day

7 Comments »

Here’s the Xisca chick in a bikini again. She’s some immigrant who’s banging a tennis player and by lookin’ at these pictures she’s not that hot. She looks like any other girl. Sure she’s not fat but that doesn’t really make a bitch hot, it just makes her worth fucking. If I was a star tennis player, I’d step up my fucking game and reach for obnoxious celebrities and models I want to fuck, I wouldn’t waste my time with this average nobody.

Since I am not a pro-tennis player, I’m going to stand up right now and walk in on my 300 pound wife who is probably stuck on the toilet again and who is in desperate need of a sponge bath, because she can’t fit in the tub but before I do, I am going to pull out my dick and show her what kind of man I am all over her big smelly ass.

Unfortunately, that always ends in shame and emasculating embarassment.

Posted in:Bikini|Xisca|Yellow

2008

10

Jul

Liv Tyler Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are some 4th of July pictures of Liv Tyler suntanning with her unkown hotter friend who actually gets topless, instead of acting conservative like boring Liv Tyler. I think I already posted these, but make of point of forgetting all thing Liv Tyler since she’s fucking ugly and despite popular belief, she does actually have a vagina and the pregnancy pictures, babies and post pregnancy body to prove it and since I am not gay, I have no choice but to recognize all vaginas in bikinis.

Speaking of gay, I ran into a gay friend of mine the other day and we started talking about how he found out he was gay. It had nothing to do with having crushes on boys in his class or on TV, it didn’t happen after getting molested or taken advantage of by some pervert and he wasn’t introduce him to the beautfiul sexually deviant lifestyle by a friend he liked or respected. It happened over a period of time starting when in a long term relationship with a girl he used to cum inside.

One night, they were getting it on about an hour after they fucked and dude finished inside her. He got down to business eating her out and about 5 minutes into it a blob of his own cum fell into his mouth. He loved the taste and went nuts for more making her cum a few times but didn’t realize what it was until after the fact and he put 2 and 2 together and when he did he ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth 10 times and make himself puke.

Over the course of the next year, he came to terms with the fact that he liked his cum and started eating it after jerking off, he would lick it off his chick, suck it out of her chick, anything to get the taste, shit was like a drug and he needed a daily fix because he was addicted. It went on for years and one day her started wondering what other dudes taste like and it became an obsession that he couldn’t get it out of his head no matter how hard he tried, eventually meeting a bisexual friend and the rest is pretty much history.

So if you don’t want to become gay, don’t eat your own cum and more importantly don’t look at these Liv Tyler pics too long, cuz I hear she has that affect on men.

BONUS – PICTURES OF THE GIRL SHE’S HAVING HER BIKINI PARTY WITH- I HAVE NO IDEA WHO SHE IS, PROBABLY ONE OF HER STEPMOTHERS….

Posted in:Bikini|Liv Tyler

2008

09

Jul

Some New J.Lo Bikini Pics of the Day

5 Comments »

I saw a teenage pregnant girl and her teenage baby daddy walking down the street. It was funny because I could tell that dude refused to pay for her abortion because he wanted to buy an ounce of weed instead and was having second thoughts, like the time I spent the allowance my wife gave me on a wooden statue of Jesus at a garage sale, which seemed like a great idea, until I brought it home and realized that I didn’t have any booze for the next week. I could tell that dude was going to run as fast as he fuckin’ could when the baby took it’s first breath and for some reason, that made me happy.

About 5 minutes later, I saw a hot mom, she was carting around a couple of kids and was dressed like a classy escort in short shorts and a cleavage shirt, obviously she successfully bounced back from her pregnancy. I guess she missed all the attention boys used to give her before she gave up her uterus to some rich guy for a secure future and a benz. J.Lo wasn’t quite as lucky with that, but here are some pictures of her in her bikini from the other day, from some new angles for you J.Lo fans.

Posted in:Bikini|J.Lo

2008

09

Jul

I Have No Idea Who Loui Batley is But She Is in a Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

Hollyoaks is some UK soap opera and Loui Bately is some high school drop out who is on the show. These are some pictures of her in a bikini for some calendar shoot that may be old, but are being posted because they are bikini pics and it’s my only way of dealing with the fact that somehwere out there, girls are out in their bikinis, having a good time and lookin’ good while I sit here waiting to die. That’s all I have to say about that.

Posted in:Bikini|Loui Batley