Paris Hilton Archives - Page 16 of 22 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Paris Hilton Category

2008

Mar

Paris Hilton Falls on her Face of the Day

I wasn’t going to post today and write April’s Fool tomorrow because I figured it was a good excuse to be lazy, but since my life is pretty lazy I didn’t know that April Fool’s is tomorrow so I have to wait a full day to fool all you fuckers and now that I’ve ruined my joke, which in all honesty was really shitty but I am not really capable of thinking up a new one because that’s how useless I am.

Speaking of useless, Paris Hilton was in Turkey having a nice romantic lunch with her lesbian lover Benji Madden and the paparazzi went nuts. Stories as big as Paris Hilton being in their country just don’t happen too often in Turkey and the dumb bitch fell on her face and hit her chin.

The funniest thing in this video isn’t that Paris Hilton fell, even though we love seeing bitch on the ground in hopes that she’ll never get up. It is how Benji Madden tries to defuse the situation like a good boyfriend by trying to reason with the Paparazzi that his baby hurt herself and he wants to take care of her. Everyone knows you aren’t supposed to treat a whore like that and if she happens to get hurt in time you spend with her, you are supposed to drag her out on the street by her hair and flee the scene so that you don’t go down with her.

Unfortunately, momma’s boy Madden thinks the noble thing to do is to be a gentleman about the whole thing, so that he can take care of Paris, without realizing how much of a pussy it makes him look like. The reality is that leaving Paris on the ground in her own blood amongst rabid paparazzi is the best help he can give her. You know sometimes the best way to teach a kid how to ride a bike is to let him fall off it a few times first.

This is Paris Hilton, we’re talking about, she’s the kind of girl you try to push down the stairs, not pick back up and brush off after her awkward self trips over her huge feet, then causing a scene basically coming out of the fuckin’ closet like a little pussywhipped girl for the world to see.

Here’s a video of the Paparazzi in Turkey fighting over Paris because not much else is going on there and it’s more interesting than Benji Madden’s coming out video…

Posted in:Falls|Paris Hilton

2008

Mar

Paris Hilton Offends Turkey of the Day

13 Comments »

You would think that Paris Hilton would offend a country just by entering it, but it turns out that she has the capacity to go even further by taking their traditions and giving them herpes by posing in her stupid way that someone mistakenly told her was cute and she hasn’t stopped doing since. It’s a lot like that time I went to some native american rights protest and danced around slappin my mouth like I didn’t pay taxes.

I guess the biggest shock was that she was asked to be a guest judge for their country’s beauty pageant which doesn’t really say much for Turkish women, but knowing me, I’d probably still ask them to let me watch them bath, you just can’t stop a pervert.

Posted in:Offensive|Paris Hilton|Turkey

2008

Mar

Paris Hilton’s Tits Rock Out With Good Charlotte Sister of the Day

7 Comments »

Paris made another appearance with the Good Charlotte sister, only this time it was in Vegas at a club because hosting events is pretty much the extent of Paris Hilton’s contribution to the world.

She is wearing some kind of miracle bra that would piss you off if you ever met a girl in a club with tits like this and brought her home to find out she’s staked like a 12 year old fat kid, but I guess that’s not really anything you’d know first hand, since the girls you get don’t actually exist and are just things you fantasize about in your depressing basement apartment.

I guess you could understand the frustration if you switched your fantasy up a little. So next time you jerk off, imagine the girl who you picked up at some exclusive event, with tits bigger than your head gets into your exotic sports car and starts suckin’ your 10 inch dick. Once you get her back to your luxury hotel suite that costs you 2500 dollars a night, but that doesn’t phase you because you’re so rich, she starts to undress. First the dress comes off, and her body is banging in some expensive sexy lingerie set and you pounce on her like a rabid dog. You go for her tits and all you find are silicone inserts and a really strong push-up wire bra that you awkwardly try to take off but can’t so she does it for you and next thing you know you’re trying to stick your dick into you best friend from elementary school who you spent everyday of summer vacation with.

I guess that’s the beauty of fantasy, they always go into weird dark places but no one needs to know how fucked the shit that makes you cum is. It’s your little secret to yourself. Kinda like when the Good Charlotte sister used to dyke out on each other back when they were 14 and experimenting their sexuality together. It’s their little secret that is only remembered by the matching soul-mate tattoos they got, but they never re-visit except when fuckin’ their 14 year old boy lookin’ girlfriends.

I guess the only thing faker than Paris’ Cleavage and Good Charlotte’s rockstar persona, because that shit is posing harder than the bra is squeezing her tits, is this staged relationship. Enjoy.

Posted in:cleavage|Good Charlotte|Paris Hilton|Tits

2008

Mar

Paris Hilton and Her Useless Cleavage of the Day

8 Comments »

We all know that Paris Hilton contributes nothing to the world, not in the music or film world and not even in the porn world. The only reason her DVD did so well was because she was not the average porn star and it was a bitch we saw in the media being seen the way we wanted to see her and it wasn’t because we thought she was hot or important, it’s because we are just perverts and like seeing how bitches we see around fuck. It’s the same reason I have multiple restraining orders against me. I am not embarrassed to admit that I’ve climbed my fair share of fire escapes and trees in backyards and set up my fair share of hidden cameras in the bedrooms of girls I know who would never fuck me, just to see them in action out of curiosity, not out of some sick sexual perversion because it’s not like I was masturbating when I was doing it….but it turns out judges don’t really think that’s a valid defense.

Either way, here she is suckin’ at flaunting her cleavage, but I am posting it anyway, because tits are tits even when they are attached to a bitch we all can’t stand.

Posted in:cleavage|Paris Hilton|Tits|Useless

2008

Feb

Paris Hilton is Dating Nicole Richie’s Boyfriends Brother of the Day

6 Comments »

The big news of the day that no one cares about is that Paris Hilton is fucking Benji Madden. He is one of the Good Charlotte Twin Sisters, the only twin sisters you don’t want to see fuckin’ each other because they actually have penises but are still gayer than fucking gay. I can assume that it all started in the womb when one of them used the other’s developing penis as a pacifier or maybe it was when they were curious teenage boys with a dream of pop stardom and a libido that couldn’t be satisfied unless each other’s dick were in their mouths….some people have blanket for comfort, like Fergie sang about, other people suck their thumbs and the maddens suck each other’s dick….maybe it’s normal, I’m not a twin.

Either way, Paris has moved in on her best friend’s baby daddy’s twin and that’s some incestuous shit. I guess when you throw your vagina at someone with a broken heart, it’s pretty hard to get rejected. Sure he is on the rebound from recently broke up with a much hotter Sophie Monk, but the real broken heart happened when his brother left him for little boy Richie and knocked her up, forcing them to only get in each other’s mouths at family functions….it’s a sad story, but not as sad as the day Paris calls him with the pregnancy test results and he finds out that he was just part of a scheme trying to outdo her friend and steal some of her glory by becoming sisters in law, instead of sisters in spirit. Maybe he can get another gay tattoo to remember this day by….because he’s that kind of loser….

Posted in:Benji Madden|Paris Hilton|Sex

2008

Feb

Paris Hilton is On Someone’s Facebook of the Day

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You know Paris Hilton is a huge star when I find pictures of her dancing at a club and hugging up on some chick like they are best fucking friends for life on Facebook. She’s like one of those accessible celebrities who hangs out with anyone who isn’t famous around her because they are the only people who are impressed by her and it’s good for her ego. They are the kind of people who feel like they are important just because they are in her slut presence and Paris needs that positive affirmation because everyone else in the world thinks she’s a fuckin’ joke. If it wasn’t for these select few ass lickers out there, there wouldn’t even be a Paris Hilton, the harsh reality of her sucking at life would have hit a long time ago and bitch would have jumped off twentieth floor balcony back then.

So as long as there are socialite wannabes and horny dudes willing to fuck some skinny coked up bitch with herpes, there will be a Paris Hilton because she’ll think she has a purpose and we’ll have the facebook uploads as memories of each and everyone one of these club night encounters and I hate all you fuckers for that.

You are the same guy who made this fat bitch I know think she’s all fuckin that, like god’s fucking gift to sucking cock who thinks she gives the best fucking blowjob the world and deserves presents and to be worshipped all because and asshole told her she was awesome. What she doesn’t know is that when getting a blowjob from a willing girl, it’s always the best fucking blowjob and we tell you that it’s the best fucking blowjob because we are trying to fuckin’ cum and if we were to focus on your fucking flaws at giving a blowjob we’d go fuckin’ limp and forced to jerk off like we always fucking do, making the whole blowjob a waste of our time. So don’t let this get to your head bitch, it’s just part of the fuckin’ process and we tell every girl who sucks are dick that she gives the best fucking blowjob and you don’t deserve presents or to be worshipped, because your blowjob was average at best, it was just the best blowjob we were getting at the time. Cuddles.

Posted in:Facebook|Paris Hilton|Party

2008

Feb

Paris Hilton Does the Pussycat Dolls for Her Birthday of the Day

1 Comment »

I have always found Paris Hilton offensive, I think it started when I saw how bad of a fuck she was in her shitty video and continued in pretty much everything she did, including this stunt at her birthday party this past weekend where she performed with the Pussycat Doll like she’s someone we want to see in lingerie, without realizing that she is someone we want to see disappear.

I figure that at 27, bitch should lay off the club slutting and settle down with some unwanted pregnancy and deadbeat boyfriend, at least that would get her out of her lingerie and into a housecoat which in Paris’ case, fully clothed is a lot hotter than half naked, but instead she insists on hitting the clubs everynight like some kind of 19 year college girl looking for a rich guy to give her free drinks off his bottle to get her drunk enough to take her back to his luxury condo to teach her ass a life lesson about taking free drinks from a dude.

In these pictures Paris looks like a tranny rockin’ out at a drag show which makes sense since she’s at LAX in Vegas and that’s DJ AM’s on the “down low” gay club that he pretends isn’t a gay club because of he throws bikini contests to distract us from the fact that it’s a gay club, like that time I walked into the bus station at 2 am to take a shit after drinking too much on a bench outside and every bathroom stall was being used by married dudes who would meet there to get busy with other men they didn’t know while their wives were at home. It made for a pretty awkward shit.

Either way, we know the truth about DJ AM and that he is responsible for turning Nicole Richie into a little 90 pound 14 year old boy a few years back because it was the only way he could get it up for her. From what I’ve been told his erectile dysfunction had nothing to do with all the drugs he did in the past, but had to do with wanting dick and even going so far to get gastric bypass to be more desirable in the gay club circuit and I can only assume he’s involved in the hardening of Paris’ face that’s making her look like this skinny dude I know who has a little addiction to size 10 high heels and cheap lingerie, he’s not gay just a little confused from all the drugs he’s on to forget the time his childhood piano teacher taught him what jerking off is with his mouth.

2007

Nov

I am – Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie Have Lunch Together of the Day

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Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Here are some pictures of Paris, Nicole and Paris’ sister no one cares about out for lunch together like this was 4 years ago. There was a time when these girls felt like they were on top of the world. They had their TV show and everyone was making a big deal about them. Now one of them is pregnant and the other is serial slut who no one will ever love because they just turn to her for bad sex and money and no one really gives a fuck about them, they’re washed up has beens, but the problem is that they haven’t been replaced and I’m excited for when they are because I need some new blood because it’s come to a point where thinking about either of them sexually is like thinking of your grandmother taking it up the ass, which is a good time, but still smells like shit….and not just any shit…old person shit.

It’s funny what a couple of years does to a person, it’s like riding high one day and in the gutter the next, that’s why I like to stay in the gutter because I don’t think I could handle that kind of disappointment. I guess what it comes down to is that everything always comes around full-circle and nothing in life is permanent, except maybe for AIDS.

I know whenever I see girls from my past I try to get them to show me their vaginas because it’s unnatural for a girl I’ve seen naked to be in my presence and not willing to get naked. If they don’t feel comfortable doing it, then I just keep on walkin’ like they are dead to me. The last time it happened, I ran into a girl i banged years ago on the street with her husband and kids and I said hi, moved in and said, so you gonna show me your pussy or what, I wanna see how it’s aged and she grabbed her kid and stormed off.

Either way, there was a time when these girls loved each other, then hated each other and now they are having lunch together while Stavros is out fuckin Mary Kate Olsen. I guess the rich kid drama will always go on and I feel like I’m watching a Cheers reunion special and Nicole Richie’s playing Norm. I wonder if Cheers jokes work, but I haven’t watched TV since their last episode, so it’s the only reunion special joke I’m packin’ and you’ve probably never seen an episode. I guess I really fucked this one up. It happens pretty much every post.

Related Posts:

Some Paris and Nicole Publicity Stunt
Paris Hilton Likes Fat People
Paris and Nicole From the Paris Exposed Documents

2007

Nov

I am – Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert Party Together of the Day

6 Comments »

I can’t figure out what’s worse, partying with Paris Hilton or partying with Paris Hilton and taking a backseat to her when the paparazzi hits, because they have more interest in her than you, when you’re the one who is supposed to be a movie star and she’s just a tranny lookin’ rich kid with a sex tape. It’s gotta be one of those desperate times callin’ for desperate measures in Elisha Cuthbert’s career but at least she’s wearing a Jewish Outfit of the Day because Jews always succeed and this projection shit may work…..I’ll admit, I didn’t really spend all that much time thinking about this important issue and Ididn’t spend all that much time writing this post. I’m sick, it happens, Fuck You.

Related Posts:

Elisha Cuthbert is a Jewish Retiree
Elisha Cuthbert’s Sweater Tits
Paris Hilton’s Abortion Stain
Paris Hilton Does stepTV

Posted in:Elisha Cuthbert|Paris Hilton|Party|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Paris Hilton Getting Mad at a Sex Shop for Having her Posters Up of the Day

1 Comment »

This story hit at some point last week. Paris was at some sex shop in Toronto and she demanded they take down her posters because they are disgusting and threatened to call the cops and her lawyer. You know what’s disgusting? The fact that you let that loser videotape your bad sex, only to sell the shit and make a lot of money off it. I am guessing she thought that shit would have died down, since the sex tape is almost 10 years old, so when she did it, it all made sense and helped launch her career and isn’t happy that her dirty little past is still following her around. I am only posting this because it just landed in my inbox and I thought it was pretty fucking ridiculous.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Porn Shop|Sex Tape|Unsorted|Video