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Archive for the Model Category

2007

19

Jul

I am – Cindy Crawford Being a Hott MILF of the Day

1 Comment »

Cindy Crawford

I got an email from one of the 5 people who read this site occaisionally saying we give way to much exposure to the young, trashy Hollywood cunts, and that we need to post more MILF’s, so here’s some Cindy Crawford action which I hope is okay because she A) is a mom and B) you (probably) want to fuck her. If I’m wrong just cut me a bit of slack, because I’m an 18 year old girl who thinks more about my eating disorder then fucking older chicks, you know? That may change when I got to college next year and start “experimentingâ€?, but more on that later…

I knew this girl Angie, a girl a lot older then me, who was the biggest slut I have ever and probably will ever meet. Every dude that hung out with her had run with her and from what I understand she used abortion as her form of birth control, and I mean I’m not anti abortion, but like fuck, come on. She had a Mom who everyone used to fuck as well, and the whole thing was really bizarre to me, cause I was like 15. Thing was, she wasn’t like a hot mom either, you know? More like white trash alcoholic welfare Mom.

Anyways, the whole joke this during time was that no one would ever go down on the mother, and that no one wanted to “eat the big black holeâ€?, cause you know apparently she didn’t keep her bits to clean, if you know what I mean, and the smell wasn’t too pleasent. None of them seemed to have a problem fucking her tho, which never made any sense to me, but there you have it. Anyways, somehow it got out that this dirtbag who hung around us name Paul had, in fact, done just that. The gossip spread like wild fire, and before you could say Vagisil, everyone was ragging home about it. The climax came when someone spraypainted PAUL ATE THE BIG BLACK HOLE on the side of our gymnasium. I think he moved shortly after that.

Here’s some pics of Cindy Crawford. I bet her Vagina smells like flowers.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez




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Posted in:Cindy Crawford|Milf|Model|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Model Belen Rodriguez of the Day

1 Comment »

Belen Rodriguez

When I was a hooker I had a client who had me tie his wrists with a long rope of braided hair, bind his dick so tight in dental floss it turned purple, and scratch his ball sack hard while I fucked him. Twice he payed extra to duck tape my tits. I was never really comfortable with the scratching part–the guy was a bleeder, and you know, AIDS is a bitch. But he was a huge tipper, always brought his own dental floss, so I just dipped my fingers in alcohol when it was done, then moved on to the next John.

The point is i don’t think you should scratch or be scratched by anyone unless you have seen the printout of their AIDS/Hep test, even if its hard to get diseased that way. Unless they are paying you. I am no doctor, just a dumb slut with a bigger fear of blood than semen.

But you freaks would sell your kidney for the chance to scratch or be scratched by this slut until you came, even if she told you she was a walking flesh-bag of HIV. Meet Belen Rodriguez in Italian Pocketbook Magazine. Get out some Kleenex, you’ll need it.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE



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I am – America’s Next Top Models Get Naked of the Day
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I am – God’s Girls at a Party of the Day
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Posted in:Lingerie|Model|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – Bar Rafaeli in Wifebeater of the Day

2 Comments »

Bar Rafaeli

Since I have been drinking pretty heavily (expensive) lately, my lunch break consists of walking around for 30 minutes and maybe stealing ketchup packets from a Deli. Yesterday I decided to bum a smoke off some suit outside Starbucks, and was enjoying the buzz when this borderline-obese dogwalker yells at me, “Disgusting!” Now I am rarely called disgusting in broad daylight (and mostly only the internet). Well, yeah I find smoking disgusting too, but I actually quit a year ago and I just felt like a drag today. So I said, “Excuse me?” And this old fat chick with 12 dogs says, “Your shirt, it’s disgusting.” I look down, and i was wearing my “Mary is my homegirl” virgin shirt. “What?” I say. Fat dogwalker goes, “No respect, you kids…” or something.

And that’s when I got pissed and said, “We have freedom of speech in this country, and I have the right to wear anything that celebrates my Catholicism,” which was total bullshit. I bought the shirt in 2003 and now realized it was douchey but hadn’t done laundry and I wasn’t about to let some old bitch point out my shirt was retarded, whatever her reasoning.

That’s when fat dogwalker starts apologizing over and over, saying she was sorry, then goes on for 5 minutes about Jesus (not the beloved drunkenStepfather) while her 12 dogs are pissing everywhere, and she won’t let me get away. I finally lost it and said, “Sorry, i have to go, I am late for my abortion.”

That dogwalker would never have harassed Bar Rafaeli, mostly because she is a rich model and wouldn’t wear stupid ratty shirts, and she is Israeli and everyone knows Israelis can kick the shit out of you (they are like all commandos, seriously). She dated Leonardo DeCaprio and looks exactly like Giselle, which makes sense. Here she is wearing shorts and a teet-friendly tank in NYC yesterday. It’s your party now.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Bar Rafaeli|Model|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

05

Jul

I am – ebay Slut of the Day

1 Comment »

ebay_whore6.jpg

I am not a very good business person, because if I was, I probably wouldn’t be doing this site, but I do know that marketing is pretty fucking basic on the internet. If you want people to look at your shit, you need to post pictures of sluts. So this ebay vendor who sells used clothes, found a slut in his hometown and got her to model the shit he is selling.

The reason I am posting this is almost out of sympathy. I know girls like this bitch who think they are a lot fucking hotter than they are. They dress in slutty cheap clothes, give off crazy attitude, get breast implants, lame tattoos, double tongue piercings and bad dye jobs. They date dudes they meet at the gym or the tanning salon, and they look up to pornstars and strippers but have more ambition than that so they take on their first modeling job they can get, thinking it will launch them into the world as the next hot thing, the next Tila Tequila, maybe a stint in Playboy or hosting parties around the country, but reality is that the fun ends here, with this ebay gig because the rest of the world sees past you skinny frame, stuffed bra, fake tan, weak chin and non existent ass.

Either way, I assume some of you fuckers are into girls like this and it’s a nice change from celebrity content so I decided to post it.


Visit her ebay profile it Will Link to All Her ebay Sales Pages with all her Pictures…
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Posted in:Ass|ebay|Model|Slut|Tits|Underwear|Unsorted

2007

22

Jun

I am – Marisa Miller Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

2 Comments »

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There’s pretty much nothing better than a bikini model in a bikini because these girls are pro. They get paid huge money to rock a bikini while every other woman in the world just works hard as fuck on her body so that wearing a bikini doesn’t embarrass them. So they sit in the gym every night after work, some of them save up their money to get breast implants, and when all is said and done, they look good enough for me, which isn’t saying much because I have no standards, but not quite good enough to make a living from it. So someone like Marisa Miller, who may not even work half as hard as some of you do to look good enough for the best body contest on your next springbreak trip, is pretty much there to tell us all that we aren’t even almost as close to as hot as she is.

There are people like this in everything, whether it’s the kid who always aces the exams at school, the coworker who the boss loves and always gives him raises to keep him around because he is substantially better than you, then sibling who your parents are proud of and not ashamed of like you, the good looking person everyone you know wants while ignoring you, the guy with more money than you who is always showing you up whether in houses he owns, cars he buys, vacations he goes on or even nights at the club. There will always be girls with bigger tits than you, guys with bigger dicks than you, people who are cooler than you, people who are funnier than you, people who sing better than you, people who everything just works out for while you’re on your struggle….

The point is that you have to embrace the fact that you aren’t good at anything, that there will always be people who look, act, smell and perform better than you, and love you mediocrity, even if it means you’ll have a sad and lonely existence, or one spent with other mediocre people, because envy is a bitch and while you wish bad things upon the people that make you feel like shit about yourself, you can turn to the internet a rub one out to a bikini model, like she was on all fours on your dining room table, because fantasy is a hell of a lot better than your reality.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Marisa Miller|Model|Tits|Unsorted

2007

06

Jun

I am – Brooke Sheenan Slutty Dress of the Day

4 Comments »

brooke_sheehan_cleavage2.jpg

Brooke Sheenan is some Sports Model from Australia who won some Sports Model Search and this is what she looks like. I assume a sports model is what Australians call Fitness Models. A fitness model is pretty much not a real model but a bitch who is ripped and who spends her day in the gym and gets paid to wear spandex and bikinis for men’s magazines, shitty events, tradeshows and other useless things that make them more money than I’ll ever have. They win fitness competitions by demonstrating their aerobic ability in front of judges. They are a lot less interesting than fashion models who live off off cocaine, champagne and not eating.

Maybe I am just a bigot towards people who eat 12 egg white protein shakes before lifting more weight in a day than I have in my life. Maybe I am just jealous because of their jacked on endorphins positive outlook on life and their high energy that I find obnoxious because I can’t really keep up….I guess reality is I can never be a bigot towards a set of hot tits and an ass I can chip my tooth on provided bitch let me near her while handing out samples of Whey Protein at the next Muscle convention….

If you’re wondering why I am posting these, it’s because I can’t keep up with the other celebrity blogs, they are so on top of every set of paparazzi pictures that comes out that I can’t keep up. I am too busy doing nothing all day. My new strategy was to post pictures of people who I’ve never heard of because I can only assume no other site is up on this shit because no one gives a fuck about these people. This is my way of staying one step ahead of the game…..I am always innovating…..

Posted in:Brooke Sheehan|cleavage|Model|Unsorted

2007

01

Jun

I am – Gemma Ward is a Model of the Day

1 Comment »

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I was watching the View earlier today while trying to sober up and they were talking about the HPV vaccine and how little girls should get it at the age of 9 to prevent all chances of landing warts and cervical cancer. They said that 30% of girls are banging by the age of 13 and I was pretty fucking shocked to hear that. When I was 13 I don’t even think I knew what jerking of was. I was too busy playing with barbies and learning how to speak english while avoiding crazy rednecks throwing horse manure at me in the seventh grade. They were cowboys and into that shit and not so into mexican immigrants…

That said, this is a model named Gemma Ward and she’s pretty much a big deal at least I am told she is….By the looks of the picture of her kissing that dude, it’s safe to say that I hope she got her HPV vaccine….sleeping your way to the top can kill you.


Bonus – Petra Nemcova at the Same Event

Posted in:Gemma Ward|Model|Unsorted

2007

23

May

I am – Karolina Kurkova’s Ass at a Photoshoot of the Day

1 Comment »

karolina-kurkova_7.jpg

I had no choice but to post these, I was thinking about passing out on the floor but this fucking picture kept eating away at my brain like my wife eats away at a family pack of chicken wings in one fucking sitting. I don’t mean to be always busting my wife’s ass, it turns out that even supermodels have cellulite. I am guessing that this Communist went a little crazy when she realized that she could buy as many boxes of donuts as she wanted, but reality is she’s pretty fuckin’ slammin’ and cellulite or not, I’d love to rub my balls on her, because with a limp dick that’s pretty much all I can do.

I did read my comments though, and saw that you are all complaining about me repeating myself, or something, I think this site stays fresh and I am constantly looking for more substance than the average nipple slip, cleavage shot, vagina slip, bikini pic, see-through shirt. My pictures are up to date and I make an effort to tell different stories depending on how inspired I get.

I am not justifying myself, or crying like a little bitch about negative feedback, I just think you are fucked in the head to think of this site as any more repetitive than anything else out there. So go and tell your friends, because my traffic is fucking dying. That said, I already linked to these pictures in my stepLINKS earlier…

Now you can look at this girl at some photoshoot in spandex. Cuddles.

Posted in:Ass|Karolina Kurkova|Model|Photoshoot|Unsorted

2007

23

May

I am – Karolina Kurkova's Ass at a Photoshoot of the Day

1 Comment »

karolina-kurkova_7.jpg

I had no choice but to post these, I was thinking about passing out on the floor but this fucking picture kept eating away at my brain like my wife eats away at a family pack of chicken wings in one fucking sitting. I don’t mean to be always busting my wife’s ass, it turns out that even supermodels have cellulite. I am guessing that this Communist went a little crazy when she realized that she could buy as many boxes of donuts as she wanted, but reality is she’s pretty fuckin’ slammin’ and cellulite or not, I’d love to rub my balls on her, because with a limp dick that’s pretty much all I can do.

I did read my comments though, and saw that you are all complaining about me repeating myself, or something, I think this site stays fresh and I am constantly looking for more substance than the average nipple slip, cleavage shot, vagina slip, bikini pic, see-through shirt. My pictures are up to date and I make an effort to tell different stories depending on how inspired I get.

I am not justifying myself, or crying like a little bitch about negative feedback, I just think you are fucked in the head to think of this site as any more repetitive than anything else out there. So go and tell your friends, because my traffic is fucking dying. That said, I already linked to these pictures in my stepLINKS earlier…

Now you can look at this girl at some photoshoot in spandex. Cuddles.

Posted in:Ass|Karolina Kurkova|Model|Photoshoot|Unsorted

2007

23

May

I am – Petra Nemcova is Making Hearts With Some Turban Wearing Dude of the Day

49 Comments »

petra_nemcova_charity3.jpg

I could got the racist route and start making jokes about the dude in the turban because American’s assume that anyone with dark skin and a turban is a terrorist, but I am not going to do that, because I am a man of the people and as a man of the people, that mean’s I respect all types of crazy religions, even the Jews. This dude isn’t even an Arab, he’s Indian and people from India don’t suicide bomb, they just make a lot of fucking babies, like gold and lavish palaces and produce all the Bollywood movies you’ve never heard of, they even own the convenience store down the street from me and never give me fucking deals on cigars and also own the Indian restaurant that has an all you can eat Buffet that my wife can’t get enough of, literally…I hate when people do that, but we have been asked to never come back and if we do they are going to charge her for 2 people.

That said, this is Petra Nemcova at some Czech charity event for kids, obviously not dressed slutty enough for me or for the poor communist boys that are used to seeing the old haggard lady named Olga who serves them rationed porridge everyday and who are forced to jerk off to old contraband playboy magazines that were smuggled in the country in the 70s during the Cold War….but I guess she doesn’t really care about the kids, this is obviously more of a publicity stunt for her and her home country…

Yes…I know that the Czech Republic produces some of the dirtiest porn out there, I know eastern europeans aren’t circus performers who teach bears to balance on balls, or gypsy’s trying to read my fortune, or are too busy waiting in line for bread anymore but there isn’t much of a post without the communist jokes that sucked.

Either way, we can all learn a lesson from these people, it’s like fucking Sesame Street and the next time you see an ethnic person, and by ethnic I mean anyone who isn’t your kind, give them a fucking hug, or give them the Nemcova heart hand gesture. I am sure it will go over really well. Especially if you do it in the ghetto part of town…Cuddles…

Posted in:Charity|Model|Petra Nemcova|Unsorted