SFW Archives - Page 952 of 1169 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2016

22

Feb

Ashley Benson Face of the Day

I don’t know if this is Ashley Benson or Amanda Bynes…but I’ve already gone over this Ashley Benson Character and her new found face, so I don’t need to repeat myself, even though I always fucking repeat myself, something that people get mad at me about, but the truth is, the people in the pictures aren’t doing anything different in the pictures they were in last week, and my confusion as to why they are famous and where they came from, or that a shitty show they are on could make them so fucking famous, or that girl who is this famous has been historically 15 pounds too heavy, in an era where that’s marketable, but still lazy….and now her face…her face is aging in some weird fucking way…that could be surgery, or just genetics…because what is good at 18 often times is not good at 25….and by 40 is less womanly than Bruce Jenner…hormones and aging…it happens…

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Posted in:Ashley Benson|SFW

2016

22

Feb

Kaley Cuoco’s Implants – A Retrospective of the Day

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I was going to call this Kaley Cuoco a love story….because it’s not really a retrospective since it was just one event for her fake tits, you know one outing….and it is more of a love story because she’s with Stan Lee, the nerd leader for her nerd fans….

Which makes the implants way more fun especially since she is recently divorced and you can now have her all you want (lol) and she has signed that 100 million dollar contract that will add to her already stupid amount of fucking money, because they pay her a stupid amount of fucking money, because she’s on the biggest show ever playing the hot girl to the nerds – and she’s not even hot….

I think she’s better now that she’s got fake tits…and has been getting fit after cheating on her husband but still…she’s nothing great…just don’t tell the nerds, because to them, she’s a beacon of hope as television is their religion and guiding light….and she’s with your god…Stan Lee

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Posted in:Kaley Cuoco|SFW

2016

22

Feb

Katherine Heigl in Bed Romance of the Day

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Katherine Heigl is as doughy, boring, played out as any almost 40 year old mom…rocking that mom body…even though she didn’t have a kid herself, but rather adopted one from Korea and the USA, because Katherine Heigl has had a doughy, boring, played out mom body since she was in her mid 20s.

I never understood why anyone was interested in her, or thought she was anything magical, but I guess she’s rich and was on TV and at least one movie, so that increases her stock value. It’s like “why’s that dude with a doughy mom body with two adopted babies thanks to her being infertile”….”oh she’s from Grey’s Anatomy and 40 year old Virgin and like all doughy mom bodies, has big tits”…..”Makes sense”.

You liked that conversation with myself about weird in bed, romance, selfies of people no one cares about but who are more important than you thanks to network television…

I have never been into this one, and seeing married middle aged people in love in bed, living their life of luxury, doesn’t really change that – but she’s got fans, Americans fucking love her.

All this to say, what the fuck is this cheesy shit…garbage.

Posted in:Katherine Heigl|SFW

2016

22

Feb

Hilary Duff’s Jean Shorts of the Day

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Recently divorced Hilary Duff has taken on a new hobby of seeing just how strong her jean shorts are before they fucking explode under her cross-fit looking thighs, the kind that can crush watermelons, as easily as they can handle a whole hockey team ramming the fuck into her after the game – to build morale, something that likely won’t happen anymore with the whole divorce thing, but at least he was nice enough to knock the bitch up, pushing her sex ten steps back in sex appeal, that’s why bitches normally do this in their mid 30s. Not their early 20s…you know throw in the towel when it is time to throw in the fucking towel…

The good news for her is her fans are pretty fucking relentless. They aren’t going anywhere, bring the thick legs, bitch could be GILBERT GRAPE MOM level of thick, an they’d sign up to feed her and wipe her ass….and I guess that’s what real sex appeal is..

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Posted in:Hilary Duff|SFW

2016

22

Feb

Emma Roberts Water Carrying Erotica of the Day

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There is something erotic about Emma Roberts. I’m into her.

I just like that her dad is some dead beat failed Oscar winner, which is hilarious…or maybe I like that her Aunt is weird Julia Roberts…a hooker who falls in love even though the hookers I know only fall in love for money to buy drugs….but I am pretty sure it has to do with the daddy issues she’s got thanks to her egotistical dad in self destruct mode for her entire life, coupled with her fit thin body…she’s good…

But even better when struggling with a case of water bottles, perfect for polluting the world, while drinking chemical tainted water soaked in those bottles designed to pollute the world, but they are so convenient after a bender…who cares about earth, when bitch only cares about herself….and with that bend, leg up in the air like a race horse pissing like a dog, she’s all I care about too.

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Posted in:Emma Roberts|SFW

2016

22

Feb

Madison Reed Doing a Handstand of the Day

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Who is Madison Reed…..according to wikipedia, Madison Reed was an American cabaret and ragtime performer who worked with Eubie Blake among others….according to google it’s a hair product company…according to social media…some whore who knows how to work social media to establish a fan base like all the other whores…because bikini handstands are slutty enough but not too slutty because it’s just a girl having fun, so much fun she wants to show her fans – that we can assume are a bunch of pervert dudes into girls playing off their half nakedness as innocent and cute…right…..

What I am trying to say is that this is all so amazing. What a time to live…

Posted in:Madison Reed|SFW

2016

22

Feb

Kimberly Garner’s Amazing Bikini Body of the Day

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Kimberly Garner is some no name reality star from the UK reality show circuit, which means she’s really a no name, but I say, with a body like this, she doesn’t need a name, she just needs to be stared at…it’s practically perfect and confusing because my idea from women in the UK is far more trashy than this, much fatter and toothless and the hot ones look like 90s strippers….

I guess the highlight of Kimberly Garner for me, is that she followed me on social media before, for a few days, before probably reading me call her out for being some vapid cunt, but with that body, a cunt I’d love to fill vapid up….with my fingers, or mouth, or anything really…

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Posted in:Kimberly Garner|SFW

2016

19

Feb

Hannah Ferguson Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

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All these bikini photoshoots are exactly the fucking same…they are so fucking contrived and boring – they lack creativity and they are impossible to get excited about

If anything seeing a bitch pose for the sake of posing, for no reason other than to pose, for idiots who have expensive cameras because they like having girls pose for them, and eventually have brands pay them to have girls pose for them, in just a fabricated nonsense, narcissitic “I’m hot enough to model”…world…

It’s so fucking Disney, candy coated, cheesy garbage…it’s like what happened to fucking snapshots of babes, why do they need to be tilting heads, dropping jaw, duck-facing, and/or making their booty pop – all dramatic…it’s just a fucking picture – ASSHOLES…more assholes…I bet her asshole is great…that ass is great…I love asshole..it’s the gateway to a woman’s soul…I wonder what the weirdest thing she’s put in her asshole is….

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IF THAT’S NOT ENOUGH SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SUGAR BABY FOR YOU – HERE’S SAMANTHA HOOPES BEFORE THE MIAMI TRIP FLASHING PANTIES THAT SHE’D PROBABLY FLASH YOU FOR THE RIGHT PRICE AND BY “FLASH YOU” I MEAN EAT YOUR ASS TIL YOU CUM…

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Posted in:Hannah Ferguson|SFW

2016

19

Feb

Bella Hadid is Dressed Like a Kyle Jenner of the Day

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Bella Hadid is news…or her cameltoe is…because when you’re the bootleg sister of some bootleg model and the kid of some bootleg reality tv stars thanks to being bored rich people…the world cares..

The only think that I like about her is knowing that her public “boyfriend” The Weekend fucks with other girls when he’s in Canada where he lives…possibly exposing her to AIDS and putting an end to her, disrupting her family for 3-4 hours before realizing that they only care about their vapid, self involved selves…

The Worst..

Posted in:Bella Hadid|SFW

2016

19

Feb

Naomi Watts in a Bikini in Mexico of the Day

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Naomi Watts was in Mexico a couple of days ago with her army of Liev Schrieber kids….and the most fascinating thing about her is that she’s 47 years old…and a mom of a bunch of fucking kids…

More interesting than her dad being the Pink Floyd tour manager who is on the Dark Side of the Moon record….or that she actually strugged and only really broke out in Hollywood in 2002 thanks to Mulholland Drive and David Lynch, when she was 32, giving all you turning 30 years old girls some hope that maybe your life isn’t over, even though it is probably over, hope, and that hope shouldn’t be that at 50 you’ll be a famous actress, but rather that you’re body will look this good, that sure could be because she’s a famous actress and it is her duty, but maybe, just maybe she’s better than average people…with average lives and she fucking looks it….

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Posted in:Naomi Watts|SFW

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