I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the SFW Category

2016

10

Feb

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Ass in a Bikini of the Day

gwyneth_paltrow1

gwyneth_paltrow2

I would hate that I am loving these Gwyenth Paltrow ass pics for what I assume is her lifestyle blog…

For reasons like her being old, her being white privilege with a career handed to her by her now dead father, because I am going to assume she was his little baby in his second or third marriage and he wanted to give her everything to make up for his other kids he neglected while being Hollywood…and her being old…I didn’t even find her hot when all the actors were fucking her at the peak of her career in her late 20s….

But I have no shame and actually don’t mind checking out a hot ass on anything, even if I hate everything it represents…I mean they are just pics…and they look fucking good thanks to extreme zoom washing out the disgusting we know is there…She’s like an instagram model…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:gwyneth paltrow|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Heidi Klum Lingerie Model of the Day

Heidi Klum - Intimates Collection, Spring-Summer 2016_013

Heidi Klum is probably in her 50s. She’s been banged the fuck out by a bunch of men throughout her career – but mainly Seal, who I assume has a penis the size of a baby arm, that along with his fertility has ended up in multiple kids for her, which in an of itself demonstrates that they fucked a lot, like a Nazi German trying to piss off her Nazi father, with the biggest and darkest black man she could find….or maybe more like a German scat eating dominatrix, or Masochist, the kind the fill the sex clubs of Berlin, because Germans are a pragmatic people and like to have a release…mainly through the weirdest sex practices ever…

Yet despite all that damage, she looks like this…the Aryan queen that Hilter, despite being black haired, dreamed of creating…and I hope it has everything to do with photoshop, I can’t accept any old lady with a bunch of kids looking like this…

If you look close enough – you’ll see nipples…

Posted in:Heidi Klum|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Ashley Benson in Health Magazine of the DAy

ash (5)

I’ve been making fun of Ashley Benson and her extreme fame for as long as I known she’s existed, because she’s consistently been 15 pounds overweight, which isn’t entirely obese but if it is what you call Hollywood fat…and with a huge audience she has a responsiblity to be fit, with a lot of Pretty Little Liar famous as fuck money she can hire the best trainers and chefs…so the only excuse is lazy.

I like that her team has decided to rebrand her as a fit and healthy person, despite looking sloppy as fuck, because just yesterday SHE WAS DOING FITNESS ON HER SOCIAL

Today she’s doing Health Magazine…seems like some weird Hollywood wizardry…trying to trick us into thinking she’s just muscular or some shit…

It’s coming at us from left field…

Posted in:Ashley Benson|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Dree Hemingway for Playboy’s Nudity Free Issue of the Day

DREE-HEMMY-6

I know there isn’t any hype whatsoever about the new Playboy Issue and their ill-advised attempt to generate advertising and PR by taking out obvious nudity, even though dudes like labia, but instead using implied nudity, because dudes love implied nudity on instagram….

I wrote my shitty 5 reasons not to buy PLAYBOY < a href="http://drunkenstepfather.com/2016/02/05/5-reasons-not-to-buy-playboys-non-nude-issue-of-the-day" target="blank"> HERE ….I didn’t put much thought into it, but we all realize we can access porn and more compelling self shot photoshoots of girls more relevant than Dree Hemingway on instagram….

When I saw the pics from the shoot, I realized the magazine is fucking doomed. I can’t imagine this working or this selling issues.

What I do know is that when you’re a billion dollar brand, the whole point of your content production should be doing stuff that the average dude with an iphone can’t do.

If that’s paying bitches enough to spread eagle…or whatever it is…it’s gotta be better than this.

We live in a world where fashion magazines for women and gays have more tit than this…

What a fucking fail, it’s like Lesbian porn. I need the climax.

Posted in:Dree Hemingway|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Keat Mel Twerks of the Day

KEAT MEL is the kind of girl you’d want to hire to perform at your kid’s birthday party, you know to distract you from the fat and old moms, and to give you an affordable performance, because twerking contests or pro twerkers isn’t really that big of a business, like amateur magician or the guy with the petting zoo, only in booty shorts….and these people need the work…and I guess in Keat Mel’s case, they may also need the greencard with the whole being Russian and by default a mail order bride, just ask Irina Shayk….

This girl is a professional twerker and that alone will revolutionize your day…

Posted in:Keat Mel|SFW|Videos

2016

10

Feb

Irina Shayk’s Creepy Workout Video of the Day

Screen Shot 2016-02-10 at 10.47.35 AM

Here’s a robotic Irina Shayk, who was rumored to being dumped by Brad Cooper last week, only to be a story that made no fucking sense, because there is no way this robotic soulless woman, would throw away that kind of opportunity, you know to carry his baby and allow her to monetize while continuing the good life she deserves because she’s so fucking hot, like so many Russians…some of whom you can buy, while others have already been sold off…like this one…

I don’t know what this fitness pose is – but it’s magic. She’s my favorite.

Posted in:Irina Shayk|SFW

2016

10

Feb

In Bed With Caitlin Jenner Porn of the Day

There is something terribly disturbing about Bruce Jenner lying in bed in drag, drinking his drink, in what seems like he’s either drunk or medicated, while his daughter films him….making it seem as though he may just be an unstable housewife who medicates her sadness while sitting on her pile of money….that’s why she kills people in car accidents…

This family is dark, soulless, fucked up and twisted…but brands love to hire them…so I guess they matter…

Maybe he’s just dealing with his period cramps or is it menopause…either way…there’s mental disorders going on here…and I am sure it will fuck up his girls – who are already so fucked up – leading to what may actually be an interesting storyline…

Here are some pics of Kylie’s possible panties – because why the fuck not..I like sloppy 18 year olds who look like muppets

Posted in:Bruce Jenner|Caitlin Jenner|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Kate Upton’s Throwing in a Football of the Day

Screen Shot 2016-02-10 at 10.56.50 AM

When you’re built like a linebacker, don’t let your massive fat girl tits get in the way of your dreams of being the football player you were destined to be, and grab that football and throw it as hard and as far as you can, which in your case is really far, due to the weight you can put into it….

I am not sure if Kate Upton still does Sports Illustrated, but I assume she’s over it, and this is how you “throw in the towel” in a sporty way…throwing in the football…partially because those days are done, she doesn’t need to be in a bikini for anyone but her immediate family and black guys who love her thickness….

People thought they Replaced her with skinny big tits Charlotte McKinney, who just posted this naked pic of herself to say “Look I have tits”…

Charlotte-McKinney-Nude

But the real girl they replaced her with some other fat chick, body positive fat chick, who is still a fat chick, named Ashley Graham and really may even be as fat as Kate Upton and weigh less than Kate Upton, named Ashely Graham who we can all collective find disgusting if we had standards and who we can all see as the “jumping” on a trend by Sports Illustrated hoping they stay relevant..or at least get press…even though no man anywhere wants to see this, not even BBW fetishists….

So these fat girl models are for other fat chick who are in the media not dudes…who you’d assume Sports Illustrated is trying to sell subscriptions to….WEIRD.

Posted in:Kate Upton|SFW

2016

10

Feb

The Reason Lindsay Lohan Doesn’t Have an Oscar of the Day

I used to be a believer that a broken Lindsay Lohan, who was so fucking famous after her parents sold her to Disney and monetized the fuck out of her, despite robbing her of her soul….would one day win an Oscar…

My rationale was that she’d make a good story of overcoming all odds, you know since she hasn’t died yet….coupled with the fact that I don’t think acting requires any actual talent, just ego and willingness to not feel like an asshole, when clearly you’re being an asshole…

I though that her extreme training as a young kid would allow her to dial into that part of her brain and get it…but then she puts out this shit..and I think…”God she’s terrible”….

I guess despite being a believer I am pretty sure Lohan is done….all based on her Dubsmash she felt the fans needed to see.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Bella Thorne Ass + Serena Williams = Aubrey O’Day Ass of the Day

Screen Shot 2016-02-10 at 12.56.00 PM

Bella Thorne just keeps on going, this girl is working it as hard as she can, and I’m convinced she’s in her 40s and a mom…I keep saying that and it is ok because no one reads the site….if she’s not 40 and is actually 18…I would be forced to question genetics and hormones in the food…either way I can’t be too sure because I don’t care…just keeping the booty coming, skinny fit white girl booty…

Booty that I think I should contrast with Venus or Serena who are also using social media for their booty, because I figured why not contrast a white ginger “18” year old girl…and whatever the fuck this is athlete thickness is…it brings me joy…because I don’t need to do a dedicated post for each….

serena-williams

Fuck it, while I am at it, why not post this Aubrey O’Day who is really just a hybrid of a Williams Sister and the Bella Thorne, only less relevant but just as thirsty with the ass and titty pics…maybe one day someone will care about her fatter than Bella Thorne, less fat that Serena Williams ass…but I doubt it.

aod

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW