DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sydney Sweeney Gives a Booty Show of the Day

Christina Aguilera Whorin’ Old Lady of the Day

Christina Milian Posing with Produce of the Day

Aurelie Dupont is the Instagram Of The Day

Britney Spears Returns With Weird Dancing of the Day

2020

Oct

Rachel Bilson Wedgie of the Day

No Comments »

Rachel Bilson is have a girl’s night, in what could be a lame ass sleep over, or even worse a get in your pyjamas for a pyjama party where they watch chick flicks, drink wine, order pizza and eat Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream out of the pint, because they are rich people and don’t need none of that bootleg shit us simpletons eat….

She’s doing this because she’s old as fuck and this is what old ladies do for a good night, maybe they got the idea on some mommy blog, who knows, but it’s lame.

The good news is that her jammies are riding up her ass harder than Hayden Christensen did back when he held her captive in Canada and knocked her up, because I did watch The O.C. and I did find her to be the hottest on the show…and for that she’ll forever be hot, even when lame as shit…

Posted in:Rachel Bilson

2020

Oct

Dynasty LoveYou as Catwoman of the Day

No Comments »

Dynasty LoveYou is the best thing to happen to Instagram…at least she was….

A few years ago when I would still go on Instagram she’d pop up on my feed because she had a ton of followers and was affilaited with other “influencers”…

Seeing a retarded girl do the influencer thing better than most influencers, all while she drooled with her unconventional handicapable face, unable to articulate a word because that is part of her disability, was always a good time….

It was less about inclusivity for me, I don’t subscribe to that, but more about “even a retard can do what you other retards think require skills”…and in most cases the retard does it better.

I am a fan, so that’s why it was decided in this morning’s production meeting at our high end studio where our 600 employees got to discuss today’s posts, in what we call a “Town Hall”, that we round up some of what she’s been up to…in part to remind ya’ll she exists, but mainly to speak to my appreciation of all she does and what she represents, and I’m sure at least one of you can jack off to this, this is your end-all-be-all kind of girl….evidence that dreams can come true….while the rest of you ignorant fucks point and laugh because you’re mean spirited bullies who like to mock talent like this because it is different…while I think different is better….

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Dynastyloveyou

2020

Oct

Weed Wednesday of the Day

No Comments »

Thanks to me, you don’t need a calendar anymore, because like clockwork, every Wednesday I bring you the weed girls who uploaded pics of themselves with their weed…I mean I guess you don’t need a calendar based on technological advances like the one built into your phone and computer…but I do post Weed Wednesday every Wednesday I remember…

What I have discovered is that not all chicks who smoke weed and take nudes with their weed are hot, a lot look like they smoke too much weed, probably because they get paid to post nudes on the internet by weirdos…but that doesn’t mean weed isn’t a magical plant that can save lives, help mental health issues like anxiety and insomnia, all while making food taste better….the fact it is illegal is dumb, so we let these girls and their tits inspire you to get back into the green side…it’s a pandemic, if you’re not smoking weed, you are missing the fuck out.

(more…)

Posted in:Weed

2020

Oct

Bella Thorne Birthday Tits of the Day

No Comments »

Bella Thorne still looks like a hot dog you left in the microwave too long about 5 months ago and only realized because you found the source of that rotting flesh smell you’ve been smelling the last 4 and a half months ago….

She’s got the sex appeal of an obese woman shitting herself because she couldn’t get off her motorized scooter fast enough, which could be the hottest thing out there for some of you lonely fucks, but I am saying it in a “it’s not hot” kind of way.

Sure she’s got the body….and she’s got the tits, that I keep trying to find the implant scars on, since I am sure these are after market tits…but you can never be too sure….I just know her face, despite the pock marks and acne scars she likes to celebrate because it’s part of being relatable to the idiot generation which makes the relatable generation buy your shit…it’s a basic marketing, or network marketing, pyramid scheme scam…where she’s at the top of the food chain cashing in on the idiots who think she’s being authentic….as she pretends to be the voice of her generation and gets rewarded for it…even when she hits OnlyFans like.a bartender or waitress now out of work and ready to cash in on her tits the internet way…despite having 12 revenue streams….pretty fucking greedy right, even more greedy when you realize she doesn’t even get naked to risk that mainstream money she likes so much….so she does this softcore shit and dumb fucks pay to see it….making her millions….while I post them and make about 50 cents a week….because I guess those bolt on tits aren’t mine to monetize…

Point being, for whatever reason, the loud trashy girl saying all the inappropriate things to get noticed is such a cliche, and it’s not hot…even if everyone celebrates it like it is…

I don’t know why I find her sex appeal a zero, I don’t think her level of loud and annoying, vulgar and trashy would throw me off so much that I’d think a girl being slutty has no sex appeal…but maybe it’s because she looks like a dude….so those closet cases out there probably like her for that…while the straights are like…keep the tits coming you scamming clickbait Disney Trained manipulative and annoying cunt….even though we don’t really like anything she does…..but get that she’s a meme and this is her life as a meme.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Bella Thorne

2020

Oct

AJ Michalka Votes of the Day

No Comments »

I hate when celebs try to push people to vote, like they are some kind of activist heroes, when really they are just pieces of shit with no souls who don’t care about anything but themselves, their money and their relevance..

I don’t understand why any of their fans would listen to a celebrity’s opinion on anything, these are the same people who ignore their DMs and comments, unless it’s part of a social media marketing strategy they have their assistant doing….even worse are the Only Fan girls who have random dudes writing their DMs for them…it is all pretty pathetic…but even in my time, when celebs didn’t have social media, unless you were in the know and aware of their fake accounts, they were more obvious in their being unrelatable, while still being unrelatable, their lives are not anything like your life…so their opinions have nothing to do with your life….so just don’t listen to them…because they are lying anyway…

These puppets push their lies to seem woke for whoever is bribing them, paying them, or managing their every move so they stay hireable….pretending to do their part, when the only part their care about is their next part in a movie…

Good thing that AJ Michalka is no longer a celeb, so we can look at her titty “vote” sticker and not hate her for her efforts….

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:AJ Michalka

2020

Oct

Hunter King Got Them Tits On of the Day

No Comments »

Hunter King is the hotter of the King sisters…but Joey King’s at the height of her career after impressing me in The Act, but maybe some forced to be reclusive, thinking she’s sick, half retard who kills her mom with her full retard boyfriend, is hot to me…but I think it has more to do with how good of a job Joey King did…and in this pandemic, she’s been showing that she’s not that awkward, feeding tube, freak show from the show, but hot and busty in her right.

So obviously, the sister who is older and hotter and who probably lives with the younger and more successful sister, is going to take her Soap Opera, Young and the Restless titties as far as she can to get noticed…these girls, even sisters, are jealous and catty…

Obviously, she could be substantially better with these pretty big looking tits, and this tit hanging off her chest like a drunk homeless guy on a park bench isn’t it’s best version, but it’s still a tit and isn’t that what we are all here for? I know it’s what I am here for…

Use the trending family name and the family big tits to get noticed…good strategy….working to get off the Soap Opera hustle and get a real acting job on a real project..since Soap Operas are definitely dying as old housewives who treated them as their porn die off….I mean COVID is a huge threat against Hunter King’s livelihood so she’s being proactive.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Hunter King

2020

Oct

Kaia Gerber Goth Cleavage of the Day

No Comments »

Kaia Gerber bores me. She’s got her cleavage out in this overly dramatic lameness that I guess they’ll position as a “fashion” shoot, or a Behind the Scenes of a fashion shoot, because from a young age her mom has starved her out to make her the fashion model she’s become. It’s one of those Cindy Crawford didn’t climb the supermodel ladder only to NOT use that position to give her family a shot at the supermodel glory….a cash grab, luxurious travel, adoration from the loser fans….in an era where there is no such thing as a super model and brands use dog shit models to seem like they are woke, inclusive and other shit…because they are pussies scared of being cancelled…making Kaia Gerber about as impressive as a dog shit on the side of the road, but maybe the dog shit is more impressive, because at least it evokes emotion, maybe gets you to jump over it so you don’t step in it, where Kaia is just this shell of a human, no soul, sold to a shitty industry all while being rich as shit with no need to be this model….but they all want the likes and follows…it is addictive and in this case it keeps her vapid useless parents excited with every opportunity that comes up…I mean they are people drawn to Malibu who rub shoulders with other shit humans like the Kardashians…trying to get in on the trend instead of doing what’s good for their kid, you know the LA way…

Garbage, but cleavage…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Kaia Gerber

2020

Oct

Leann Rimes Nipples of the Day

No Comments »

LeAnn Rimes is a case study in how if you go country, the good country folk who are into country, oftentimes traditional people, probably even religious people, who still go to church on Sundays, will never turn their back on you.

If you break through in Country and if the Country market accept you, they’ll forever by your Christmas Albums no matter how much of a degenerate you are…proven by LeAnn Rimes who made HUGE money with her country music, even if she was touring random small town casinos last year, she still had that loyal fan based who would still buy her CD at Walmart because they don’t do that whole internet thing…except to protest masks…or some shit…

So this moved to LA, got fake tits, despite playing religious (Religious people with breast implants always confused me, if you believe in God, modifying God’s work, would seem sinful)….all while home wrecking and becoming tabloid fodder….trash…only to be forgiven for going off course by her people, as Jesus has taught them, redemption is possible…

So here she is at 40 something, braless and hard nippled, looking like a ghost in the manor house in some horror movie…but tits are tits…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Leann Rimes

2020

Oct

Ella Purnell’s Bare Ass of the Day

No Comments »

Ella Purnell is a 24 year old actress from the UK that I’ve never heard of. Her wikipedia is not very exciting but she has recently been in an Agatha Christie Mini-Series, which sounds about what you’d expect from UK programming….she was also in something that is apparently very hyped because it was a best selling novel called Sweetbitter, but I am apparently not up to speed on best selling novels, I mean do people even read anymore? So I’ve never heard of that…she’s the lead in something called Belgravia…..which sounds awful because it’s some period piece shit…do people actually watch period pieces? Then she’s in some Netflix show, that’s probably more our speed called Army of the Dead…by nerd icon Zack Snyder….so she’s clearly making moves…

I am more interested in her bare ass for social media…because you know gotta get that hype on there, to get that hype to be cast in movies and TV, which clearly she’s trying to do….and a bare ass is a good starting point for that…especially when in nature, so you can play it off as more wholesome, camping, hiking nudity than obvious nudity….either type of nudity is still nudity and thus good.

Posted in:Ella Purnell

2020

Oct

Billie Eilish’s Fat Titty of the Day

No Comments »

These are a few days old, but I saw them in the FORUM yesterday and shit’s gone viral, at least viral in terms of DrunkenStepfather, since we aren’t a relevant site, where over 500 people have seen the monster tits…

As a small titty lover…who in high school was dating the fat girl with the big tits because she had some sort of handicapped and let me have sex with her retard ass, so long as I gave her baked goods…in what I never expected to be a self fulfilling prophecy or at least a glimpse into my future life where I’m married to a fat retard who gets off on baked goods….but I alway envied the smaller tits and the tighter body on said tits….

But I forget that ya’ll are Americans, where 99 percent of the population is a Walmart shopping pig with diabetes…all limbless and angry….so someone as fat as Billie Eilish is considered slim…and someone as fat titty as Billie Eilish is considered exciting…

I am not a believer in the hype Billie Eilish had last year, I thought it was a hokey bullshit act…a viral song gone viral doing what other people have done countless times before her…being praised like a hero or a prodigy or an artist…when she’s just some LA hipster follower bullshit trying to be edgy and interesting…making her neither edgy or interesting….so I don’t buy into their LA based scam…but the rest of the world does…

So as a country of big titty lovers, despite how gross the host body tits are, here’s your pop icon Billie Eilish and her big tits…because they are big..but so is the rest of her.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Billie Eilish