DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

24

Jul

Josie Canseco Wants Attention of the Day

Josie Canseco is the 17 year old daughter of Jose Canseco, who was trashily named Josie after her daddy, cuz just because dude’s a roided up baseball player who made millions doesn’t mean he’s classy…especailly when the bitch he married and knocked up was a hooters girl…you know the kind of girl who can raise her daughter to know what is important in life…a hot body…

I mean that, or this is just a sign of the times…and every bitch wants to be half naked, or in a bikini, or sexualized because that’s what people deem important…either you have a half naked selfie on instagram or you ain’t shit…

I am totally okay with that, because any girl who wants to be in a bikini this much, usually puts in work to look good in a bikini…

Unlike Kate Upton, who is milking this whole AOL / SI is an equal opportunity employer, that even fat girls can be their cover girl kinda like a retard in a work program running the Walmart cash…even though motherfucker can’t count.

This brazilian cut bikini wearing Josie Canseco pile of spoiled trash should be celebrated, even if 17 is a pretty easy age to have a hot bikini body, you know, with the whole metabolism not fucking broken down and hormonal yet…because if she’s posting such good shit on the internet now, imagine what will happen in 10 years when she’s a washed up nobody with a drug addiction.

I’m ready for it.

Posted in:Josie Canseco

2013

24

Jul

Behati Prinsloo’s Victoria’s Secret Boring Pics of the Day

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Boring.

The highlight of this girl’s life, other than being tall and skinny enough for Victoria’s Secret to lock her down in a contract, where she poses half naked in seriously dull, uninspired pics, that girls everywhere aspire they could be, because that’s just how well Victoria’s Secret marketing is done…is that she feels important enough to land a popstar/rockstar dude because for some reason these models think they need a popstar to validate their existence.

It’s like modeling isn’t enough, now they need A-Lister cock to really believe in themselves…in an “I’m a model….I only want dudes who fuck models who other girls want to fuck and who the media love”…which I guess makes sense, but doesn’t make me like them any better, especially when the dude of choice is Adam Levine, because let’s face it, he’s the fucking worst….

All I see is groupie pussy…everywhere… I hate that shit unless it is groupie-ing on me….which happens…once in a while…cuz bloggers are the new rockstars…fools.

Posted in:Behati Prinsloo

2013

24

Jul

Aubrey Plaza Talks About Masturbating on Conan of the Day

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I don’t know who Aubrey Plaza is…but now I do and all because she is talking about masturbating, and proves that despite not being hot in any way beyond having a vagina, I can still get interested enough to listen to her talk about masturbating…because girls masturbating is a fetish of mine, probably because growing up, every girl denied ever doing it, but now, thanks to progressive society and the internet, every girl doesn’t just admit it, but usually goes into detail about it, giving me something to masturbate, in a masturbation circle of fucking life that just never ends because everyone is too busy masturbating.

Posted in:Aubrey Plaza

2013

24

Jul

Turtle Masturbating of the Day

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This turtle masturbating reminds me a lot of myself, at least last night, when trying to masturbate for 4-6 hours, until I pretty much rubbed my penis off, only no one was into videotaping me while I did it, because I guess I am not a star, and crying while humiliated is not as fun as it sounds to watch…

The hick conversation, talking about cum like the dude who says “When I was 10 I could do that 3-4 times” while a woman says “That’s impressive”…

I mean shit this is jokes…

Posted in:Videos

2013

24

Jul

Latest Dance Moves in the Middle East of the Day

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This is far more fun to watch than twerking, even though if the bitch is fat enough, twerking can be just as dangerous….even thought most girls twerking now aren’t the hot Jamaican floor slapping bitches who simulate sex I used to love, but 14 year old girls, who have no asses thanks to not hitting puberty, who just make the whole thing kinda awkward to watch…but then again, in every club I’ve been to the last 3 months, there’s been at least 5 girls who drop their asses to the ground like a stripper before busting into a twerk, something you’d think they’d be ashamed of looking silly while they do it, while being so glad they did it…kinda like these dudes with their Middle East Ho Down.

Posted in:Videos

2013

24

Jul

Rita Ora in her Bikini has Titties of the Day

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Busty Rihanna impersonator who they have decided to train and cultivate to be the Rihanna replacement, just as soon as Rihanna falls off the fucking deep end of crazy bitch who can’t handle fame and money, which is going to happen soon enough…you know a puppet they pull out of a small island in the Caribbean is easy to manipulate with promises of fame and fortune and when she gets too big, you just have to knock her off and throw in some other bitch, one with big tits, who can pull off the exact same bullshit act, with the exact same low level talent, that is more fun to watch, cuz of the tits…

Here are some pics I pulled from her instagram, celebrating her titties….her soon to be famous titties…because titties are all that really matter when it comes to her…

Posted in:Rita Ora

2013

24

Jul

Kate Upton is a Secret Internet Fatty of the Day

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I’ve seen these pose so many times before, whether on Facebook or online dating, and it won’t trick me…partially because I’ve seen Kate Upton’s modeling work, and I know she’s got this dumpy pile of shit belly that doesn’t make any sense to me as to how or why she’s a model, even with her huge tits…but also because I know any girl who puts her hand on her belly, and shoots herself from the tits up…knows exactly what she’s doing and that’s saying “LOOK AT MY FUCKING TITS THEY ARE HUGE AND THUS I AM RELEVANT AND DESERVING OF ALL MY SUCCESS BECAUSE I HAVE MASTERED OPTICAL ILLUSIONS AND TRICKING BASIC DUDES WHO ONLY NEED TITS TO GET EXCITED ABOUT A BITCH”….

Sure, the whole thing would be more upsetting, if she didn’t have these stupid tits, I mean if she was just a flat chested fat model, I’d go into protest outside the SI offices, but like most basic dudes, I appreciate them, even if unlike basic dudes, I hate her for everything else. I’m angry like that. I seek justice for all. Not favoritism for fat girls with fat girl tits.

What a fucking pig.

Posted in:Kate Upton

2013

24

Jul

Alexa Vega’s Tits in a Bra for the Internet of the Day

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Spy Kids Alexa Vega is all grown up, which probably upsets some of you perverts who use Spy Kids as your masturbation material, I’m talking to you Robert Rodriguez.

But doesn’t upset me, cuz she’s fucking built proper. Her child starring done did her right, and the fact that she’s wearing a bra as a shirt, like so many everyday girls, cuz I guess that’s the style, a style I endorse, because I’m old school and still find it hot and slutty.

I just hope she goes Amanda Bynes Crazy cuz it increases my chances of having sex with her.

Posted in:Alexa Vega

2013

24

Jul

Prius Driving Ninja of the Day

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I was with a friend the other day who drives a mini, he pulled in between a huge, I’m talking jacked up pick-up truck with an Axe on the roof rack, like he was some kind of backwoods fireman or some shit, and some expensive sports car like a Porsche and he turned to me and said “Which one of us do you think has the biggest dick”….and I laughed, because I knew a man who didn’t need to compensate with car but who is constantly fucking hot bitches, and who drives a mini doesn’t necessarily have the biggest dick, but he definitely comes across like he does….and same goes for this gangster in a Prius knockout, I mean you’d think anyone in a Pirus was a vegan lesbian trying to save the world, not a killer who’s fists are his weapon…

Either way, it made me laugh.

Posted in:Videos

2013

24

Jul

Amanda Bynes Security Footage of the Day

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I love this Amanda Bynes shit.

So this is some secuirty video that was sold to TMZ that features a wig wearing Bynes scrambling around a liquor store to try to save her dogs that she accidentally caught on fire when she built a fire using gas in some parking lot, before being sent to hospital for being certifiable.

I still think it’s an act, and act I would love to have sex with, because she is both fun and hot and would seem to keep things exciting, despite being a dog killer….or negligent dog owner….

I am a fan and believe that her and Lohan will both win Oscars.

I just wish I could find a way to date her.

Posted in:Amanda Bynes