DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

29

Apr

Aubrey O’Day Instagram’s That Ass of the Day

I forgot Aubrey O’Day existed. I tend to do that when it comes to fat piggish girls who don’t know when to shut the fuck up because they don’t they they are fat or piggish because they are fucking rappers. You know, just an annoying vapid idiot who should have never been allowed on TV, or on camer, or in music, or whatever it is she does besides hooking and being some trashy fake titty fat assed slut.

But the good news is that it looks like she’s been working out, which I guess makes for a better fucking time when it comes to looking at her, since there is nothing worse than a fat chick with an ego posing half naked, but when sad fat chick is looking a little fit, anything goes, not that Aubrey O’Day should be celebrated, just stared at and cummed on like all whores deserve, now that she isn’t making me sick to my fucking stomach.

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day

2013

29

Apr

More Miley Cyrus for Elle of the Day

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I think I posted some of these Miley Cyrus for Elle pics, because I am the unofficial Miley Cyrus Fan Club, where all we do is Miley all the fucking time, like we were brain washed into this shit thanks to her bra-less, hairless, hormone therapy making her look like jailbait into her 30s ways.

These pics may not be all that hot, spread asshole, or fun, but you know what, to me and my delusion Miley Fan ways, they couldn’t be any fucking better.

That’s all I have to say about that…I’ve said too much.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

29

Apr

Ashley Benson’s Busty and Tanning in Cancun of the Day

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Spring Breaker Ashley Benson is pulling a Tara Reid and taking her movie character of being part of the perpetual, bikini clad, vacation party, and turning it into real fucking life, because here she is in Cancun, the gateway to a life filled with traveling the world, doing drugs, dancing half naked, and pretty much having an awesome existence, until she turns 40 and realizes she’s fucking 40.

Or maybe, she’s just on vacation, but why Cancun, America’s college frat sewer, filled with shitty hotels, shitty parties, and date rape.

She’s got money now, she could be anywhere, but she chooses here.

I guess the real question is why I’m analyzing the travel plans of some low level celebrity, who wasn’t even that great in her dirty bikini for Spring Breakers, and she wasn’t even great in her threesome scene, because the movie was ultimately not great….when I should just be lookin at her bikini pics….cuz she looks better now than she did then….and I guess I’m into self improvement as long as that self improvement is about her bikini body.

Seriously, them titties are hot.

Here’s her keek.

Posted in:Ashley Benson

2013

29

Apr

Kelly Osbourne in her Bikini of the Day

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Remember when Kelly Osbourne almost died on set of some show she’s on a few months ago. It looks like the only thing that died was her sex appeal, no wait, that was always dead, maybe a product of being raised by her gothic parents, but probably more a product of being made by her gothic parents, with broken DNA thanks to hard fucking drug use. But I guess the starving herself and trying to be skinny thing is over, maybe the fainting was from starving herself, and doctor’s orders are to eat cake, something it looks like her fat ass has been embracing.

All this to say, the bikini was a horrible idea, she needs to plan better vacations, like one that involves a snow suit.

She scares me.

What a dump truck of a spoiled brat, but the good news is there will always be a man horny enough, or gold digger enough to bite the bullet and bang her and I guess that’s what matters.

#Cyberbully

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Posted in:Kelly Osbourne

2013

29

Apr

Nina Dobrev and Julianne Hough in Bikinis Together of the Day

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Nina Dobrev is some Canadian on some Vampire show. Julianne Hough is some professionally trained dancer, who shoulda been a stripper, but instead got on TV, fake dated Seacrest cuz he’s gay and is now single, because I guess their contract is up, allowing her to take her dancing body that doesn’t impress me, no matter how fit it is, she’s a fucking dancer and should be fit, but that I’ll still stare at while it is in a bikini, trying to visualize how big the strap on she fucked Seacrest up the ass with was.

You see, the world is filled with amazing pussy, why bother focusing and celebrating this one. It just doesn’t make sense to me, and that’s coming from someone who posts this shit all day…..it’s nonsense.

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Posted in:Julianne Hough|Nina Dobrev

2013

29

Apr

Bar Refaeli Bikini for Instagram of the Day

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Since Bar Refaeli was kinda fallen off the model map, you know back when Victoria’s Secret fired her, because everyone knows Victoria’s Secret is the only bikini company that matters, at least that’s what they want you to think, and that’s also what Bar Refaeli’s pretty garbage career since Victoria’s Secret would tell you, because no other bikini company, no matter how ghetto, really wants to hire someone the competition fired, they’d rather just go out and find hot no name bitches to make celebrities of instead, it’s like you don’t take someone table scraps, unless you’re willing to admit you can’t afford food of your own, and that you are second rate.

But the good new is, with digital cameras and cellphones, she doesn’t need paying jobs, she can be a bikini model, like all the girls on instagram, everyone’s a fucking bikini model now, and thank god for that.

Posted in:Bar Refaeli

2013

29

Apr

Doutzen Kroes in a Bikini Like It Is Her Job of the Day

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Doutzen Kroes is a mom and I generally hate moms, but she is also a bikini model and I generally love bikini models, or at least looking at their amazing bodies in bikinis, because that’s what they are designed, built, trained to do, in ways that make me ignore the fact that babies have crawled out of their womb, unless I am using it as a reference point to tell all the dumpy, loose stomach moms at the public pool that they are just fucking lazy bitches and I tell them to google girls like Doutzen Kroes to see why.

All this to say, she’s ripped, she’s good, she’s in a bikini, I am into stepfathering her black baby, if she wasn’t so smitten with her DJ husband, who probably bangs all the DJ whores on the road, cuz you know what they say, even if your wife is Doutzen Kroes, she still becomes a naggy cunt you’re bored of fucking, which makes me anxiously await her divorce….not because I think I’ll get with her, but because I frown on love and happiness.

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Posted in:Doutzen Kroes

2013

29

Apr

Courtney Stodden Amazing in Video of the Day

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She may be a useless, clown of a person, you know milking the tabloids being the child bride, even though she looks like she’s in her 40s, pulling off some platinum hair, fake tits shit that was hot in the 90s, back when she was graduating high school, despite her wanting you to think when she was born, but she produces these insane videos of her being insane, and I think the world needs to see her as less of a stripper, scandal, pornstar in training, and more of some performance artist on some higher plane, like some Andy Kaufman shit, pranking all of us while looking hysterical doing it.

I am a fan.

Posted in:Coutney Stodden

2013

29

Apr

Michelle Rodriguez in her Bikini of the Day

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Michelle Rodriguez doesn’t look so bad when she tucks in her dick.

She’s a dude right?

Or maybe she’s just the new generation of sexually ambiguous thanks to hormones in the food? You know eating all that jacked up chicken and dairy to make strong tall hitting puberty at 5

But then again, she is 34, so maybe she is just a lesbian, a hard nippled lesbian I am kinda willing to let rip off my dick like all lesbians want to do because the dick, even as non-threatening as mine, is the enemy.

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Posted in:Michelle Rodriguez

2013

29

Apr

Scarlett Johansson for Marie Claire US of the Day

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Scarlett JOhansson is overrated. From Ghost World to fucking whatever bullshit she is in now, she has never impressed me. She got marketed as this hot and glamorous piece, I just thought she was dumpy. I mean sure, she’s got full lips, but thanks to modern fillers and walk in plastic surgery procedures, so does every duck face bitch on the internet. I’m just not impressed, but I guess she takes a good picture, if you’re into fat, dumpy chicks with decent faces and good lips, who have won the lottery that is life, despite not really deserving it, because they have a personality of a brick wall, only with less texture and stability….maybe her personality is more of a pile of rotting vegetables in a compost heap, but then again I don’t know her, I just see pics of her, and know her body is.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson