DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

26

Apr

Lily Aldridge Boring for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

I like fast fashion as much as any Bangladeshi garment factory worker. I mean there’s just something so awesome about producing shit overseas, you know taking the jobs away from Americans who could use the jobs, and exploiting third world countries, paying them 38 dollars a month to work 50 hours a week, making garbage quality product with little to no craftsmanship or design, to shit out in retail stores and to make women think they need to buy the shit for 80 times what it cost to make it, all because of the way they marketed it.

You know, making 2 dollar bras, selling them for 50 bucks, and using 10 dollars per bra to pay people like Lily Aldridge to model it in some primetime TV infomercial and 15 dollar a bra to cover overhead like rent in their shitty stores, or these catalog campaigns that suck, leaving 23 dollars in profit, to sustain the 5 billion dollars in revenue they make a fucking year.

It’s pretty disgusting, but what isn’t disgusting is girls in lingerie! Yay.

Even if I preferred groupie slut Lily Aldridge when she was a tampon ad model fucking rockstars…and not some VS model married to one….but ultimately who cares. It is all evil and we are the ones to blame.

Posted in:Lily Aldridge

2013

26

Apr

Demi Moore’s Monster Nipple Lives of the Day

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It’s good to know, that after years of surgery, 90 year old Demi Moore, still has her nipple. It hasn’t fallen off due to too much tinkering….actually, I could have gone on the rest of my life without knowing that, because Demi Moore, despite having sex with young people, is a monster, in a world where there are so many nipples that aren’t loosely attached to monsters, she’s pretty much obsolete and outdated and was never even hot. She’s the Motorola Razr of pussy in an Smart Phone world….Enjoy.

Posted in:Demi Moore|NSFW

2013

26

Apr

Ashley Tisdale Clowning in a Photoshoot of the Day

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Ashley Tisdale makes me laugh. I’ve been writing about her FIT BODY / Bad Face for a while, and I just can’t seem to get enough of it.

I think it is because I know that she knows she’s not hot, but that she tries to be as hot as she can in photoshoots, because she’s come this far, she can’t just brown paper bag herself all the time, like she does with the paparazzi, but she can duck face.

I mean if she thought she was hot, she wouldn’t have got plastic surgery in the first place, she would have just owned her look. Instead, she does all she can to smoke and mirror it, from fitness to this nonsense, and for some reason, she’s growing on me, I kind of appreciate the ugly duckling fighting for her right to be seen, even if it stems from delusion and being a spoiled entitled cunt, but I am probably only into it thanks to the fit body part, cuz with a fit body, a bad face hardly even exists. Fact.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale

2013

26

Apr

Selena Gomez Album Promo Shoot of the Day

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Selena Gomez is taking her lesbian lover Justin Bieber’s lead and hitting the music scene, with her own album and tour, because she doesn’t need to piggyback on his undeserving success, she’s got her own undeserving success to milk the fuck out of before it is too late…and as far as I’m concerned, she’s already fucking failed.

I mean, she had an opportunity with this album to actually re-invent herself, you know even as a one hit wonder pop tart, she could have branded this shit anyway she wanted to, and instead of doing something hot, or outrageous, or that I could jerk off to like she was Rihanna, she’s in fucking low level catlog looking pics you’d find in a flyer for a local department store. Seriously garbage.

That’s not to say I expected this girl to have a clue as to what was up, but her team should learn how to launch her, package her, and exploit her better. Seriously.

Posted in:Selena Gomez

2013

26

Apr

A Couple Hipster Bitches Lookin Hot for Vice Magazine of the Day

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Vice Magazine owes me money.

Before they sold to MTV to bankroll their media/news company, they were a hipster magazine that was available free in every trendy store across North America that could lie to advertisers about their relevance and reach, because magazines don’t have Google Analytics.

When people stopped giving a fuck about magazines, they hit the internet and were trying to figure shit out, and in doing that would buy traffic from me, only they didn’t pay me the last few months.

Which makes me mad. Because I need every dollar I can get. Since I am not running with 100,000,000 dollars from MTV.

So every time I see them on HBO, even if deep down, what they are doing, is probably needed in a society filled with idiots who watch CNN and believe what they are told. I yell at the TV.

I mean Gonzo, first hand journalism and misadventures challenging what’s going on in the world is nothing genius, but at least someone is doing it with corporate money, it’s better that MTV finances this than Jersey Shore.

It turns out they are also doing fashion shoots with hipster chicks with corporate money, money they didn’t pay, making me feel like in a way I fucking financed this shoot, executive producer this shit.

So that’s why I am posting it.

If you care, they were shot by an ex-instagram follower of mine….the break-up was devastating. But the good news is his pics look like they were shot on instagram.

All this to say, I like hot hipsters, even if I hate who they work for and what they represent all owned by MTV and shit.

Posted in:Photos

2013

26

Apr

Jessica Alba in Some Magazine of the Day

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Jessica Alba is working it good, even showing a little puffy nipple thanks to too much breast feeding, for some magazine I’ve never heard of, but that I know has taken the right steps in post production to make her skin look like she’s not in her 30s or a mom of 2, but instead a young vibrant thing we all used to want to have sex with as she got paid millions to cock tease us before settling down…and for that we celebrate, not that we haven’t given this unappreciative, never-nude bitch enough, like her fucking whole life of luxury, thanks to our lusting after her, something we could have collectively taken back from her, if we weren’t all such fucking perverts with no control over wanting to fuck girls in movies marketed to us hard.

here are the pics.

Posted in:Jessica Alba

2013

26

Apr

Miley Cyrus Tongue of the DAy

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Sure I prefer looking at her long legs and tiny body walking the streets in heels without a bra on….because that’s kinda her thing.

But I’m good with her self shot pics of her looking like that “crazy” emoticon, you know hat back, tongue out, doin the “Amanda Bynes”….you know pretending to lose her shit.

Not because I like girls who are a little androgynous, not that short hair makes a bitch have testicles, or even make a bitch seem crazy, like she’s losing her mind, despite what they want you to think, but because I like looking at those lips, that mouth, and most importantly that tongue, I’d be totally into shoving up my ass while making her sing Walt Disney Tunes, you know to feel at home and comfortable, like I was one of the execs who gave her her first gig.

All this to say, I’m a fan.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

26

Apr

Noami Campbell Lives and She’s Blonde in Vogue of the Day

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Naomi Campbell is channeling all the women I see at Wal Mart, who have 50 shades of black babies, probably from various men, with their golden weave still in from last night’s lap dance, because the strip club and Wal Mart along with Beyonce, is where you’ll see the most rare breed of blonde black chicks per capita. That’s a fact, I mean that was until today, when Naomi Campbell took the gutter and brought it to the high fashion world in the pages of vogue, looking like an African goddess, all long, lean and tight bodied, that coupled with her shitty personality, make her one of my favorites, but that could just be because I’ve never banged a black girl, they always snob me out, look at me and laugh at me, which makes me want them so bad…

Posted in:Naomi Campbell

2013

26

Apr

Amanda Bynes New Hair of the Day

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I like that everyone is buying into Amanda Bynes’ cry for attention, because that is exactly what she wants you to do. No one noticed her before, now she’s a fucking internet meme that has gone viral, that everyone, the very same people who didn’t give a fuck about her before, are tracking her every move, because people, despite all their anti bullying campaigns, are instinctively bullies, and laughing at her. Even though she has the last fucking laugh, and you’re all just a bunch of idiots.

You see today, she shaved half her head, which would be shocking if it was like Britney in a manic episode to get the Cocaine out of her hair follicles so she didn’t lose her kids. But when her hair cut is the same as 50 percent of girls I see in bars, from Rihanna to everyone else, it’s hardly shocking, it’s called trendy.

But people are like “OMG, now that crazy bitch who wants drake to murder her vagina who talks to herself and sues everyone while paying paparazzi to follow her shaved half her head, she’s really losing it, let’s watch”…because people are fucking idiots, something they prove over and over again….

All this to say, I would love to cum on her hair, shaved or not. She’s a babe I want to violate with my load.

Here are the shocking pics of her being hip-hop. All this to say, I’m on Team Amanda Bynes.

Posted in:Amanda Bynes

2013

26

Apr

Seren Gibson and Tamsin in Front UK of the Day

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I make fun of tacky, trashy Glamour models all the time, not because I don’t like what they do, you know modeling them titties, but because they are cheesy as fuck. You know like strippers at an after hours party, showing off their stupid tits, while high on MDMA, flashing their panties, with a bunch of dudes on steroids. You know, just garbage…

But it seems like Front UK has figured it out, they get regular looking girls, just like ALTERNATIVE chicks who look like they drink pitchers of beer, posing in band shirts, with a certain element of realness to it…rather than Glamour shoots, this shit is just hot topless with everyday girls, and I appreciate that, because the “Glamour” part of “Glamour” models is a fucking joke, let’s keep things true to their core, girls showing tits, that’s all we need.

Posted in:NSFW|Seren Gibson|Tamsin