DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Ozempic Katy Perry Finds the Only Audience Who Likes Her of the Day

Rita Ora in a Bikini of the Day

Jenna Ortega’s Ceiling Eyes Beetlejuice Promo Erotica of the Day

Dua Lipa in a Bikini with Balloons of the Day

Julianne Hough is a Mormon Gone Wild in a Tight Dress of the Day

2010

Feb

Some Ashlee Simpson Leg in Pantyhose of the Day

5 Comments »

Ashlee Simpson was spotted pantsless in public. It can only be assumed that she’s not wearing pants because her husband is a queer and she craves any male attention she can get, figuring that if she’s not wearing pants, people will look at her like they want to fuck her, something she’s not used to since it’s been excuse after excuse after she got pregnant, as Wentz was eager to impregnate her when he was using her as a vessel for his ego to leave a legacy behind in this world, and all that ended once he succeeded because he could go back to fucking boys…..or maybe she’s just airing out he mom pussy cuz since it’s been stretched the fuck out, it gets clammy and uncomfortable when you try to stuff it into woman’s underwear….and what it really comes down to is who the fuck cares and what the fuck do I know about Ashlee Simpson pantless, I just know it’s a hell of a lot better than Pete Wentz pantsless at the gay bar you walked into cuz you didn’t know it was a gay bar and stayed because you really needed a drink.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Leg

2010

Feb

stepLINKS of the Day

2 Comments »

I spent half my day watching some native presentation at the local native community center because I heard there was going to be free booze, when really all that was free was some obscure meat that must have been baby seal because I guess they prefer to give their people free traditional food than white man’s manipulation juice that left them on the streets and signing over free land.

I ate it anyway, because that’s what being fat is all about and I was lucky enough to meet at least two fat inuit prostitutes who offered me affordable sex, they even had business cards and their entrepreneurial marketing know-how made it hard to say no, but their toothless smiles and skin infection didn’t.

Now here are my stepLINKS….

Paris Hilton Looks Good and Ready to Be Date Raped
GO

I Wonder What Else She Can Destroy With Those Thighs? – VIDEO
GO

The 14 Freakiest Serial Killers You’ve Probably Never Heard Of
GO

Happy Birthday! Drew Barrymore’s Hottest Pics
GO

Because It Will Help You Get Through Monday Without Putting a Bullet In Your Head
GO

Sophie Turner Deserves a Good Rogering
GO

Kate Winslet is Lookin Fully Bangable
GO

Yeah, I’d Bang Super Saver Lilian – VIDEO
GO

Catch a Chat Roulette Predator – VIDEO
GO

Peaches Geldof and Her Sloppy, Topless Throwback
GO

Let’s Make Up Some Stuff About Justin Bieber
GO

Now That’s a Perfect Ass
GO

Sasha Volkova is Worth Taking a Look At
GO

Man, It’s About Time Betty White Gets The Respect She Deserves
GO

Now THAT’S What I Call a Self Shot Babe
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

It’s a Cleavage Miracle! – VIDEO
GO

Rihanna and a Midget Stripper – VIDEO
GO

A Topless Katie Downes Will Perk You Up
GO

Hailey and Tiffany Get It On
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Mila Kunis is Looking good As Always
GO

Rhian Sudgen and a Whole Lot of Air Brushing Make Her the Perfect Blonde
GO

Funny or Die Usually Isn’t That Funny, But Here Is a Funny or Die Video
GO

Lady GaGa and Her Attention Whoredom of the Day
GO

OMG!!! BONER IS MISSING!!!
GO

Fucking Machines X Lesbians = Awww Yeaaah!
GO

Aurelia Gliwski- Victoria’s Secret Lingeri
GO

Once a Slut, Always a Slut
GO

Luisa Takes a Shower
GO

Noni’s Gallery is Something Worth Taking a Look At
GO

A Gallery of 25 Parents That Are Worse Parents Than Me
GO

Guess Agan Shit Stain – VIDEO
GO

The Life and Times of Tim is Pretty Much the Best Show Ever – VIDEO
GO

That Depends On What Your Definition of ‘Drug Free’ Is
GO

Jamie is Nude By the Window
GO

Another Chuck E. Cheese Fight , the Third in a Fucking Week…This Time In St. Louis
GO

I just masturbated to this picture….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2010

Feb

Sophie Monk is a Cripple of the Day

13 Comments »

Sophie Monk was in car accident, I didn’t know, cuz she doesn’t matter, especially since her big constantly cameltoed no matter how thick her pants are vagina was in an accident too, thanks to her ex-future-husband’s wandering dick that went for a swim in Paris Hilton’s herpe-ridden sewage pipe of a vagina, only to taint Sophie Monk and her big vagina, not that herpes have ever stopped me before, but it’s always nice to remind everyone before they jerk off to her newest festish pics, which are of her bruised up, beat up, near death, crippled body that’s easy to rape cuz it can’t run the fuck away.

Bonus – Here’s about as close as I can get to where her pubic hair should be if she didn’t murder it, like Benji Madden murdered her vagina…I guess it’s nice to see she’s not letting that stop her…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Cripple|Sophie Monk

2010

Feb

Sophie Turner Lookin’ Classy of the Day

5 Comments »

Sophie Turner’s people cast some kind of spell on me. I don’t know what PR brainwashing they did but it fucking worked, cuz everytime I see her pictures I feel the need to post about her.

For those of you who don’t know, Sophie Turner is some Australian Lawyer who was on some reality show and who is trying to make it in America. She looks like typical trash stripper and pornstar with fake everything, and I called her out on it, something I am sure everyone has done at least once before, but that she pretended to not like, despite the obvious attempt and effort she’s put into lookin’ this way, so I got a fuckin’ lawsuit threat to take down my comments about her lookin’ like a pornstar….

Either way, I thought the whole thing was a fucking joke, I told them off and wrote about it on the site, and now every time I see her pics of her and her obnoxious whore outfits she wears for attention, I can’t help but post the shit, even if they are boring, cliche and only show a little fake tit cleavage. It’s like they’ve cast some voodoo spell on me, so here I am at it again, Sophie Turner lookin’ like a pornstar but not a pornstar, irrelevant and not exciting, but good enough for me to post, cuz they fucking brainwashed me…..Motherfuckers.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:cleavage|Sophie Turner|Tits

2010

Feb

Jessica Simpson Gets Her Tit Grabbed by a Gay of the Day

6 Comments »

Jessica Simspon’s big ol’ sloppy tit is getting accidentally grabbed by her gay hairdresser and I’m sure she appreciates the attention because getting your tit grabbed is one step closer to getting pregnant so that you don’t feel like an Old Maid you are at family functions since your baby sister is a proud parent in a happy marriage, while you can’t even get a motherfucker to fuck you for more than a fucking week…and all you get is a few seconds of accidental male attention that isn’t even into this kind of thing, and who probably threw up after this happened and soaked his hand in purrell to get the titty germs off of him….to forget the whole incident ever happened.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Tits

2010

Feb

Jennifer Love Hewitt is a Fucking Clown of the Day

11 Comments »

It was Jennifer Love Hewitt’s birthday, she turned 31 and I guess no one gave a fuck, so she decided to dress up like an idiot to let the world know she’s celebrating and having the time of her life cuz it’s her day, or maybe it just took her 31 years to realize and accept the fact that she’s an overweight joke by dressing like the clown that she is, but really what the fuck do I know, other than that this costume in February is nothing but fucking stupidity, but the good news is that I never knew something so insignificant, like some bitch I don’t know who I never found hot, even though she was tiny with big tits, cuz I knew eventually her ass would catch up and balance out her horse face, could actually annoy me this much, but now I do…

Pics via PacificCoastNews
Pics via Fame

Posted in:Clown|Jennifer Love Hewitt

2010

Feb

Some Bitch from The Saturdays in a See Through Shirt of the Day

3 Comments »

Her name is Vanessa White, not to be confused with Vanna White, the Gameshow model who must be in her 90s, and the funny thing is that she’s not even white, that’d be like my name being Rich Classy, or Rock N. Muscles or some other thing that couldn’t be further than the truth, cuz she’s actually Black Filipina, but she is in some contrived, corporate creation called The Saturdays that produce real shit fucking music in the UK that is sung by girls I want to fuck, the way pop music is supposed to be, before trash like Gaga brought the boring lives of Americans everywhere some minor level of excitement with how freaky she was…none of that excitement being sexual excitement….

Either way, here she is in a see thru shirt. Boring? I know.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:The Saturdays|Vanessa White

2010

Feb

Annalynne McCord Tryin’ to Tease of the Day

2 Comments »

Everytime I see pictures of Annalynne McCord with an open mouth, she reminds me of some kind of primate that is about to eat my babies, who I need to fight off to protect my family, but instead of throwing her feces at my face, she’s always trying to act sexy, whether it’s wearing a see thru shirt, or tight clothing, or slowly letting her jacket slip off her shoulder in what looks unintentional, but is actually totally contrived kind of way, like some fuckin’ striptease where you don’t get to see pussy, and the whole thing is causing an internal battle in my head, do I throw my babies at her to eat and pull out my dick and start jerking off, or do I run for my fucking life.

I don’t know if that makes sense, but what I am trying to say is that bitch is ugly, but her body is solid and I’d still fuck it, just with my eyes shut or her on all fours, so that I wouldn’t have to see that face, not that it is an option, but I pretend it is, cuz it helps me get through my pathetic days, as admitting that fucking Annalynne McCord is not an option cuz she is “too good” for me, is some real depressing shit that I prefer ignoring…because I know she’s ugly, bottom feeding trash her and her entourage don’t….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Monster

2010

Feb

Zoe Saldana and Some Airport Security Porn of the Day

1 Comment »

Virgins Losers love this bitch because she is what they modeled the girl in Avatar after, and Avatar porn clips are all the fuckin’ rage in the virgin loser circuit, as virgin losers may hate “cheating” on their previous love interests and sexual fantasies they’re loyal to, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena the Warrior Princess, their love for technology just can’t pass up on new masturbation trends…….

I feel that once a virgin loser leaves the safety of his mother’s basement or computer filled apartment after years of therapy, some medication and a new outlook on life that realizes he will either kill himself or break the miserable pattern his social awkwardness and obsessive compulsiveness has created for him, hoping to make his way through life as close to a normal person as possible by divorcing his internet wife he met on an RPG game and trying to not talk about bullshit that only he and 3 other guys online find interesting, only to realize that real life is hard, since real woman walk around it, making everything so fuckin’ distracting, because everything leads to an erection….especially when all your fantasies come true and the actress who played your most recent alien crush is getting patted down in airport security in a pair of tight jeans that show off her flat ass the virgins don’t find flat because it’s ass and it’s connected to the bitch from Avatar….making them realize this whole living in the normal world is not going to work for them, it’s too much of a sensory overload, that is just way too much to handle….limiting their excursions to seeing Sci-fi movies in 3D for the 14th time…and going to the computer store to buy parts for the spaceship they are building in the garage.

I didn’t re-read this because I find editing too self-absorbed but I hope it makes sense…..otherwise it was a huge waste of time and by huge I mean 5 minutes of time which is huge if you only have 6 minutes to live. True story.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Airport|Security|Zoe Saldana

2010

Feb

Cheryl Cole and her Prison Tattoos for Those of You Who Care of the Day

5 Comments »

Cheryl Cole is from another country that I know nothing about. She is involved in a scandal that I know nothing about because she is a girl I know nothing about who was in a band I know nothing about and who was married to a half-black guy soccer player who I know nothing about and who rocks prison tattoos she may have got for committing a crime I know nothing about, or because she’s just a tacky piece of trash whore from the UK you all want to fuck who thought that these tattoos were actually hot when she got them, before being famous, back when she was suckin’ dick in lock bar bathrooms to pay the nice man who bought her all those drinks back for being such a nice guy, who lucky for her happened to be the producer of the Spice Girls who was responsible for finding Geri Spice the same way…..his nickname in the industry is the “trashman”….I just made that whole story up, but I figure it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than her actual story…..and suckin’ dick to the top is definitely not that far from the truth….

Here she is in some short shorts….

Here she is with a solid push-up or padded bra cuz her tits look pretty serious….

Here she is in a grey dress…..like a catholic school girl in her tunic you’ve probably exposed yourself on public transportation to….I mean if you’re anything like me…

Pics via Bauer
Pics via Fame

Posted in:Cheryl Cole|Tattoos