DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sydney Sweeney Gives a Booty Show of the Day

Christina Aguilera Whorin’ Old Lady of the Day

Christina Milian Posing with Produce of the Day

Aurelie Dupont is the Instagram Of The Day

Britney Spears Returns With Weird Dancing of the Day

2009

Sep

Phoebe Price in Some American Apparel Leggings of the Day

3 Comments »

There is always something weird about seeing an older lady dressed like a teenage girl. I don’t find it hot now, because I like teenage girls and I’m not too into old ladies, but I will tell you this, if I was a young guy, I’d be applying for a job at American Apparel, because this whole hanging onto her youth bullshit, you know a bitch wearing shredded leggings, or a bitch in a sheer top, is a bitch who wants some young cock in her to help her forget her age or about her husband and annoying responsibilities, and they are usually the kind of bitch who will actually seduce a motherfucker in the changing room, you know ask him to adjust her bra for her, because life gets boring and depressing and the taste of youth makes it a little better, even if you look like a fucking clown in the process….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:American Apparel|Leggings|Phoebe Price

2009

Sep

16 Year Old Fucks His Teacher of the Day

6 Comments »

School wasn’t this fun when I was a kid. People were not fucking the teachers and if they were, none of us knew anything about it cuz you know dirty pedophile men and love getting work in the school system whether it is as a volunteer or a bus driver or fuckin’ janitor. I do know that nd if there was no bragging about fucking any female teachers and everyone knows that if shit went down, there would be a hell of a lot of bragging, which brings me to my next question, why the fuck would any teacher in their right mind fuck a teenage boy, the second dude came it probably went on blast. You know a press release issued and sketches drawn, cuz that’s what teenage boys do.

Worst of all this bitch who couldn’t contain her dirty little pussy and had to jump his teenage dick used a condom, everyone knows 16 year olds can’t give you aids, it’s like proven by science or some shit, instead she left the wrapper on the ground and that shit is being used against her in court, because fucking a 16 year old is a crime in this culture, repressing us and making us do bad things, when back in the day girls were getting knocked up at 14 and parent’s weren’t whining about the shit, they were wrapping up their cow as a fuckin dowry.

Either way, good story for the 16 year old, he got all the press he wanted and now we all know he’s not a virgin, shitty story for a woman just trying to do a kid a favor….

This story hit MONTHS ago, but this is some coverage of the trial.

Posted in:Sandra Binkley|Teacher Sex

2009

Sep

Cameron Diaz is Flirting with the Fireman of the Day

7 Comments »

I guess either Cameron Diaz’s Biological Clock is ticking, you know that whole really fucking horny at 35 bullshit you read about but wish doesn’t actually happen because your fat wife you married 10 years ago is turning 35 and you don’t want to have to fuck her twice a day like you were 18, you just want to watch football….or she’s lookin’ for new cock, maybe because all the guys she meets in Hollywood aren’t real men, you know they spend more time getting ready than a bitch, spend more time talking about what to wear or how to get their hair done than a bitch, and act worse that a bitch when they don’t get their coffee served to them proper, so she’s turned to an everyday joe fireman who happens to be on set of her new movie making sure a stunt goes right.

Based on these pictures they had sex cuz I can practically hear her pussy dripping down her fucking leg and into a puddle between her legs with how smitten she looks and I know any man in their right mind would pretty much put their life and prior commitments aside for a night with this bitch with the delusion that she’ll fall in love with them and take them long on her hollywood life.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Cameron Diaz|Flirting

2009

Sep

Barrack’s Stimulus Package of the Day

1 Comment »

One of the first times I ever walked into a sex shop, the first porn DVD I saw was Edward Penishands and I thought shit was genius. I was in my mid 20s and wasn’t really that well versed in porn as I spent most of my time in stripclubs or fucking drunk chicks and prostitutes when I was drunk. If I had to jerk off it’d be to music videos, national geographic and late night infomercials.

I only had one porn that was some bootleg incest shit from Georgia in the 70s and another Playboy softcore shit we stole from a music store and an old VHS copy of Debbie Does Dallas.

Since those days, I have fully submerged myself in the porn world, one would even say I exhausted the shit to the point that I am desensitized and not not on top of my game, cuz a month ago this Barrack Stimulus Package shit hit the internet, and I shoulda been the first to post it since I think it is clever, but instead, I am posting it today.

Posted in:Obama|Parody|Porno Spoof

2009

Sep

Karina Smirnoff is Nude for PETA of the Day

8 Comments »

Karina Smirnoff is naked in heels in some PETA ad. I thought PETA was supposed to be shocking and cutting edge. I hardly think posting a picture of an ex-human trafficked Russian prostitute who escapted her captors and came to America with a husband who bought her who she later had to runaway from because he wasn’t living the life of luxury she expected and instead had a one bedroom apartment and a huge porn collection that he spent the last 15 years masturbating to while saving enough money to buy her. He eventually got abusive because he wasn’t comfortable with someone in his space as he was used to being alone and when he wasn’t beating her with soup cans, he would make her stare at pictures of war torn Russia, sayin he’d send her back if she didn’t do the dishes faster, cook better, and suck his dick harder. When out on the street her only skill was ballet, she was Russian and that’s what they teach the kids along with gynmastics and figure skating as it is a culture of fuckin’ dance, so she did what any down on her luck immigrant who can dance like a fuckin’ angel would do, and that was hit the strip club, eventually lap dancing for a TV Producer and landing a gig in Hollywood that lead to where she is now, naked on a PETA ad staing she’s “Rather Dance Naked Than Wear Fur”, meanwhile everyone knows she loves dancing naked, that shit gave her everything she’s got and it also got her pregnant, but that’s a whole other story I’ll save for another day….yes, I am the unofficial Karina Smirnoff biographer….

Posted in:Karina Smirnoff|Nude|PETA

2009

Sep

Ashlee Simpson Showing Off Her Skinny Body of the Day

2 Comments »

Ashlee Simpson’s back on the scene and she’s looking pretty fucking skinng and I guess the only real damage from making a deal with the devil in order to have the love of her life, a homosexual singer named Pete Wentz, knock her up is that she’s slowly turning into a bird, that or her nosejob nose is just more pronounced now that she’s stopped eating, one of the many tricks she’s busted out in hopes of seducing Wentz because he constantly turns her down when she comes on to him and always needs to come up with a solid excuse to lower her self esteem enough so that she stops putting him in that awkward position. You know, in the beginning it was that her nose was too big, so she developed a complex and got it fixed, then it was that she was pregnant from turning his gay-sex condoms inside out and fucking herself with them to lock him in, so she gave birth, than it was that she was too fat and disgusting since the baby, so she starved herself and started working out, and even that wasn’t good enough to get him hard, so while he’s at home thinking of his next excuse to turn down sex, she’s out wearing revealing clothes to get some male attention…any male attention because she is so deprived at home.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Skinny

2009

Sep

Kevin Federline’s New Girlfriend Legs of the Day

4 Comments »

Her name is Victoria Prince and her claim to fame is that she is dating Kevin Federline and I wonder how that shit happened. I mean we all know the story of the man with the potent sperm and ability to get anyone pregnant, that he practiced on some black chick before perfecting on Britney, you know cuz when he was in there he didn’t want to fuck up the lottery ticket god had given him and his piece of trash self.

Was she a Britney fan and wanted all things Britney? You know that everytime his dick slides in her she hears the faint sounds of “hit me baby one more time” playing back in her head.

Was she swept up my K-Fed’s charm that landed him the biggest popstar in the world, and did she believe that he would amount to something huge in the music industry since he already mastered being huge filling out his XXXL t-shirt. Hoping that K-Fed would make her famous….

I guess what we do know for sure is that she will end up fat, pregnant and alone and the weridest thing in all this is that I just wrote a post about this bullshit.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Girlfriend|Kevin Federline|Legs

2009

Sep

Amber Heard’s Legs Posing with Zombies of the Day

2 Comments »

Amber Heard is some actor in the movie Zombieland. She is also an idiot and was quoted saying something along the lines that she decided to not be a model because modeling takes no talent but acting has substance, something I’m sure 95 percent of actors agree with and 95 percent of non-actors laugh at cuz we all know these cunts are just scamming all of us and getting paid big money for the shit.

She was posing with a zombie cuz zombie’s are the new vampires and lookin’at her, I realize that I wouldn’t mind eating her brains, and by brains I mean pussy.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Amber Heard|Zombie

2009

Sep

Chantelle Houghton Carries Her Box of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s the dumbest concept I’ve ever heard. Some asshole in the UK opened up a coffee shop called “Central Perk” as a recreation to the coffee shop that was in the show “Friends” and they did it with the launch of the 15th anniversary Friends Box set, pretty much meaning that the opening of this coffee shop is about 15 years too late and I guess they proof is in the trash who showed up to the shit like this bitch Chantelle Houghton, who is an ex contestant of UK Big Brother and who heard they were giving out these box sets that she’ll turn around and sell on eBay because she’s spent all her money on eating, as you can tell by her pudgy body, leaving her pretty close to turning to porn, which isn’t going to be that big of a transition, since the fake tan, fake hair, fake tits are already in place…but more importantly because she’s a slut….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Box|Chantelle Houghton

2009

Sep

Eliza Dushku and Rick Fox in the Interracial Couple Update of the Day

No Comments »

Eliza Dushku is a jock slut. Her last boyfriend was Oklahoma’s very own Brad Penny, and I am sure he throws up everytime he thinks about a black cock sliding deep and I’m talking real deep into his ex-girlfriend’s box.

To make those wounds sting a little more, I figured I’d post these pictures of Rick Fox showing up on the set of Dushku’s show. I figured like most new couples, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other and figured she had an hour break, so they might as well fuck each other’s brains out in her trailer, because you might as well fuck every chance you get, no matter how many pieces that shit leaves her in.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Eliza Dushku|IRC|Rick Fox