I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

27

May

Megan Fox Does a Photoshoot of the Day

I met my very own Megan Fox earlier today. She was this hot blonde chick who asked me for a lighter on the street randomly. I didn’t have a lighter because I don’t smoke, so I said no, but then I remembered I don’t change my pants and grabbed some matches the other week at a restaurant, so I called her back saying I had matches, only to realize that I didn’t. I apologized. She said I got her hopes up. I said “Yeah, I really fucked you” she walked away creeped the fuck out and I screamed after her saying “I’m going to write about this on Craiglist misconnections”. I am pretty sure she felt the love.

Here’s Megan Fox doing some photoshoot. My favorite part of it are her white pants because of the suspense that comes with wearing white pants – will she get a surprise period or not – only time will tell – amazing.

Posted in:Megan Fox|Photoshoot

2009

27

May

Gabriel “Gabby” Agbonlahor’s Ugly Girlfriend on the Beach of the Day

This is some “footballer” and by “footballer” I mean pro soccer player in Europe, I just like to pretend I know what’s going on, using big words to sound worldly because it impresses the ladies. Even though I know the white and black ball is called a fucking soccer ball and not a fucking football. I also know the black and white player named Gabriel Agbonlahor’s may have white features, but likes to keep his taste in women Nigerian as fuck, because this pig in a bikini is what he’s fucking, when he could be getting with much better lookin’ soccer groupie whores like his other budies, because these asshoels are considered to be famous over there and everyone knows famous guys can land some pretty prime girls, especially when their list of standards don’t have one line item that reads “White”.

Yeah – I edited him out of the pictures, but you can google the shit to see what he looks like.

So I guess without him in the pictures this is just some bitch in a green bikini.

After the Cameron Diaz pics, I guess green bikinis are in this season.

Maybe I should get one and try to join in one of the charity car washes the high school kids organize by my house.

I am always willing to get wet for charitable causes.

Especially when it involves hanging with teenage girls.

I should probably edit that last line out.

It may be a “red flag” for the FBI.

It may ruin my fuckin’ master plan.

Oh well.

Posted in:Bikini|Gabriel "Gabby" Agbonlahor

2009

27

May

Cameron Diaz in her Green Bikini of the Day

Cameron Diaz is amazing.

Not only was her grandfather a dirty cuban cigar roller who snuck into the country to teach the locals how to roll dirty cuban cigars because the American government was trying to choke Cuba out as hard as they could to make the shit into some kind of State, but her tall and lean body coupled with her hefty bank account, and her ability to jerk off a dick while fisting herself makes her top grade pussy.

Sure, she looks like the kind of girl who may be a little too cute and down with the boys, who wants to watch sports despite sports being porn for closet case fags and shits with the door open while scratching her razor burnt cunt because as one of the boys she knows we like our pussy bald, but maybe that was just her in a role in a movie, I am pretty shitty at differentiating reality and bullshit that is celebrity and hollywood, and that’s why I prefer talking about myself.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any beach stories about me and a girl in a green bikini, I also only have Cuban prostitute stories, because Cuba is the cheapest place to travel in Canada and they would bore you, despite being 18 and hairy and willing to spend the week with you for 50 dollars, especially since Cameron Diaz is one of those Cuban prostitutes who only lets other celebrities inside her, so I’ll just leave it at that, because really, anyone who reads shit on the internet, is no one I want to get to know.

Posted in:Bikini|Cameron Diaz

2009

27

May

Beyonce in Concert With No Pants on of the Day

If Beyonce was a boy she wouldn’t be wearing a fuckin’ one piece bathing suit, unless of course she was a cross dressing boy. If Beyonce had any fucking respect for others and wasn’t and self-loving bitch who thinks she’s better than the rest of the fuckin world, she wouldn’t be wearing a fucking one piece bathing suit, she’d cover her fat ass up.

Maybe this women’s liberation, independent woman, all the single ladies bullshit kick should take a fucking time out and stand in the fuckin’ corner where it belongs, because her fashion sense on stage may influence other fat girls to dress like this, thinking they are loving themselves, while alienating the men who would possibly consider fuckin’ them when drunk, because being face to face with their fat pantless crotch when not alone at their apartment, will usually make us walk the other fuckin’ way.

Posted in:Beyonce|Concert|Pants

2009

27

May

Candice Swanepoel in Some Topless Pics of the Day

Here’s some lingerie model topless. I know tits are an amazing thing that make a girl far less interesting than she was before I got thru the padded bra only to discover she is actually an A Cup forcing me to hate jerk off on her tits to teach them a fuckin lesson about lying to me, not that I am a big tit lover, but because I just like the truth..

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Topless

2009

27

May

Starbucks has some Solid Competition of the Day

I am pretty sure I’ve been to Vietnam. It was years ago and this guy I know’s mom died, left him 100 grand or something and he wanted to hit up Southeast Asia. His dad was a war vet and he chose Vietnam to go on a quest to find his dad’s war amputated foot. We didn’t have much luck finding his foot, but we did meet a lot of fucking whores, I’m talking tons of ladyboys that I didn’t fuck with and hundreds of regular girls in lady bars, where you’d walk buy and they’d jump you for BOOM BOOM or whatever the fuck they call sex while you drank 50 cent beer.

I just know that I was drunk the entire time and at one of the lady bars, I walked into the bathroom and the girls were hosing off their pussies with a hose attached to the toilet, and it was pretty fucking amazing.

We brought a couple of the whores with us to the beach and stayed at some resort and I probably should have never left, but instead here I am, with a fat wife who doesn’t satisfy my needs, no money, and no bikini clad whore coffee house. But they do have them in LA so fuck you Starbucks, the Vietnamese know customer service and this shit better fuckin’ turn into a franchise so I can get my coffee and a friend to talk to and stare at for 4 dollars.

Posted in:Coffee Shop|Vietnamese

2009

26

May

stepLINKS of the Day

I have nothing to say. It happens.

But I do have links. Click them.

I’m Gonna Go Out to The Bar and Slobber All Over Young Broads
You’re Staying In I Take It?
GO

Not So Fast, All You Gays, California is Still Full of Biggots That Hate You
GO

Post Game Lov Making
GO

USC Nut Sucker Punch
GO

Kristin Cavallari Gives Us A Fantastic View
GO

Dog House Bikini Contest
GO

Evangeline Lily Needs to Stop Fucking Complaining
GO

A Flowchart of What Will Inevitably Happen to You at a Memorial Day Barbecue
GO

Side Effects of a Limp Penis
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Doggy Style: A Love Story
GO

Okay This Brooke Hogan Album Cover Thing Has GOT to be a Joke
Seriously It Just Fucking Has to Be
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Jose Canseco Got Knocked the Fuck Out
GO

Lohan Most Probably Got a Deep Dicking
GO

Avril Lavigne Bikini Troll Body
GO

Jada Pinkette Smith May Be a Dyke, But That Doesn’t Mean I Wouldn’t Throw It In
GO

Mike Tyson’s $ Year Old Daughter May Die and I Kinda Feel Bad For Him
GO

Brooke Sheilds Regrets Not Being a Little Whore
GO

Claudia Schiffer’s Shower
GO

Danielle Lloyd Got Smacked the Fuck Down
GO

April ONeil Flashing in Public
GO

Now THAT’S Fucking Brick Smashing
GO

Party Slut Tit Flash!
GO

Jessica Moore Has Something to Show You
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

shotgun Backfire Means a New Set of Teeth
GO

Mel Gibson’s Whore Is Most Def 100% Knocked Up With His Whore Baby
GO

Blondie Strips Down
GO

AHHHHHHH Kate Beckingsale!!
GO

Jessica Pears Models Bikinis
GO

Hot Lesbian Sex. That’s All.
GO

Face Down Ass Up
GO

Emily Scott: Ralph Magazaine, June 2009
GO

Conservative Shock Jock Mancow gets Waterboarded – VIDEO
GO

America Takes Top Honors in the 2009 World Beard and Moustache Championships
GO

Kobe is Big Old Homo
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

26

May

Sanaa Lathan and Her Half Naked White Sex Slave of the Day

I don’t know who this Sanaa LAthan bitch is but I do know she’s on some reverse racism kick. She drags out some white girl to parade around her half naked, to fetch her drinks while showing the world her G-String assed, like some kind of worthless objectified whore, in some sort of revenge that all of Sanaa’s black men have left her pussy for the forbidden fruit that is white pussy and she’s gonna make sure the white pussy knows its place.

I could be wrong, I mean they could be friends and the white girl is just some kind of exhibitionist who likes getting a nice even tan, but there’s no fun in friendship, but there is fun in slavery, especially when its a sex slave.

Posted in:Beach|Sanaa Lathan|Topless

2009

26

May

Shauna Sand in her Bikini of the Day

I don’t even know what to say about these. I really don’t. I mean I’ve done this Shauna Sand post, over and fuckin’ over again, only today she’s on the beach with her boy-toy who she is engaged to, in a bikini, with her stupid plastic shoes that match her stupid plastic titties and that have more soul and longevity than her very dead and rotting vagina, because this is what she does and I really can’t hate on it, she’s done way better than all the washed up whores I know, who are sucking dick in gutters if they aren’t dead, so if anything this bitch is a modern day hero and a fine example of how plastic surgery can turn you into a cartoon character.

Here are those pics

Posted in:Bikini|Shauna Sand

2009

26

May

Some Shop Naked Publicity Stunt in the UK of the Day

Here’s a publicity stunt that I like to think I invented, or at least tried pulling off when I was a stock clerk at a Pharmacy, only was far less successful than these motherfuckers.

What you see in the pictures is some bullshit store offering the first 100 customers who show up naked, or half naked because we can’t be smut peddlers as the Christians will judge and never shop here again, a couple hundred dollars to get a crowd and some buzz.

What I used to do was tell various girls I met that if they let me go down on them, or suck their tits, or jerk off on their faces, I’d steal methodone or whatever other prescription drug they were addicted to, and word got around quick and you’d be surprised what kind of turn out I got, unfortunately, none were worth touching, but I got addicted to my new level of fame and was never one to turn down titties in my face….

I guess this just proves the fact that all girls are whores so whether you’re the the guy with the drugs, or the guy with the money, you’re going to have a decent amount of pussy being thrown your way.

Here are those pics.

Posted in:Publicity Stunt|Shop Naked