2009
15
Apr
I have a crush on Jamie Pressly. These things happen. I don’t even care that babies have rolled through her, I like her so much I’d get down to her birthing videos, just to see her vagina, and that’s saying a lot, because lets face it, when a baby is pushing his way through a mucus, blood filled mess of a vagina, it’s definitely not lookin’ its best. It must be real internet love.
Posted in:Hot|Jamie Pressly
2009
15
Apr
What the fuck does Shauna Sand do. She’s some kind of lazy bitch who just coasts through life doing the bare minimum, but managed to become relevant in the process. She’ll fuck the right guy, she’s marry the right guy, she’s get naked at the right time, pregnant at the right time and her hustle, that really isn’t a hustle, managed to work out for her lazy spic ass.
Last night I was at the stripclub and got totally offended by their lack of work ethic. They weren’t hustling private dances, but laying in the fucking booth like a bunch of fucking slobs, who seemingly were exhausted from the hard night of work, but were in reality just lazy fucking strippers who don’t like working, hence the reason why they are strippers.
I guess I should lower my expectations for whores and just watch Shauna Sands tits with the young shirtless guy who is cumming on them.
Posted in:Boy Toy|Shauna Sand
2009
15
Apr
Everyone hates on Rumer Willis wondering why the hell she looks like something that could only grow up next to a power plant or something, you know someone who developed in the womb feeding off radiation and whatever remnants of drugs, alcohol in Demi’s mutated uterus, but the truth is she looks just like her wonky-faced mother, before the millions of dollars of plastic surgery and I guess that’s part of the reason why Ashton Kutcher fucks her, you know to get with an ugly, younger version of his wife while giving her the confidence she needs to not kill herself, because if Ashton fucks her, that probably means other guys will too and tons of girls would die to fuck Ashton since they find him hot, kind of thing, so in a lot of ways, his pity sex saved her fuckin’ life while fueling his perversions, even though she’d be much more successful as a lesbian because lesbians are less judgemental and like pussy for the person behind the pussy and that is why lesbians are for the most part fat, manly and disgusting.
Either way, here’s Rumer Willis pumping gas in what looks like a shirt without a bra because I guess she’s finally come to terms with the inevitable, and that’s to dyke the fuck out.
Posted in:Monster|Nipples|Rumer Willis
2009
15
Apr
Marilyn Manson’s exgirlfriend or current girlfriend or whatever the fuck she is did a photoshoot for GQ and not unlike vampire freaks before her, selling her soul to the devil, hiding from the sun, keepin’ skinny on a blood diet, talking about intense shit amongst each other like planning school shootings and hating the government and “normal” people, hasn’t made her any hotter even if sex with her would be on some next level serial killer level of intensity, her 6 inch blade tampon remains a turn off.
I don’t know what I am talking about, but I am sure it’s something.
Posted in:Evan Rachel Wood|GQ
2009
15
Apr
Elle Macpherson is one of the first supermodels I can remember jerking off to in the 80s, like really diggin and jerkin’ off to because I am sure there were many before her, but they remain nameless and she’s the one that stands out in my tattered brain.
Here she is on vacation with her kids and based on the waterskiing, it looks like she’s holding onto the past, because last time I checked, no one fucking waterskis anymore, it’s a thing of the past, dated like neon sun protecting cream, an ancient art and passtime, which is appropriate, because so is Elle Macpherson’s vagina. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..good one.
Posted in:Bikini|Elle Macpherson|Pictures|Vacation
2009
15
Apr
I was talking to some 20 year old girl the other day and obviously shit lead to talking about her vagina. I made some comment about wanting my old balls hanging off her chin and she got back at me with some shit about loving old balls and I got into some shit about not loving old pussy and she got into some shit about how she doesn’t have an old pussy and how it is young and tight and is hard to get more than one finger in without screaming….
So instead of jumping her then and there, I took it to the next level in sabotaging my chances of fucking her, by letting her know that there are some 2 year old cars that are seemingly still new and in good shape, but when you check out their milage, you can see they are well fuckin’ traveled and may not be something you’d trust on a long distance journey, or really even a trip to the store down the block, you know cuz the suspension is gone, the tires are bald and it burns oil. She got that I was calling her a slut in one of my more obscure ways of calling her a slut and it turns out girls don’t jump on dicks who imply they are sluts, since I guess they like the whole denial of what they have done to themselves….and they don’t care that fucking 40 dudes could be considered a lot to some people because they felt each and everyone of those cocks was worth the ride.
I guess that has nothing to do with a married Fergie almost flashing her ass, I mean other than her being a dirty ditch pig of a woman who has probably done some interesting things for Meth back when she was “addicted”, you know shit that makes flashing the world your ass seem pretty fucking tame.
I wonder if this story makes any fucking sense, I didn’t bother re-reading it, so just ignore the typos, I’m rushing and not Russian.
On a side note -I am digging the new Black Eyed Peas Song….
2009
15
Apr
Hey look a girl you’ve jerked off to many fucking times is in love with another guy, unfortunately for you, this is something you’re getting used to. It all started when you were a 12 year old boy and the pretty girl in your class went off with someone else, even after you reached out and wrote her a love letter and before you spat in her face, called her a cunt and got suspended and issued a restraining order against her from the school, pretty much starting a common theme in your life, that you probably will never be able to live down.
Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Kissing
2009
15
Apr
Brittany Gastineau is almost as useless as the fat chick at the stripclub who had small tits and was too wasted to stand and kept trippin’ up all over herself. You know, as a fat chick, you have a certain level of responsibility, that involves you having to go above and beyond what the skinny chicks are up to, because you are fat and that applies to this Gastineau pig too, step it up a notch, flash us a little fat pussy or something, keep it fucking interesting, because your motivation and effort is really ALL you have going for you. Cuddles.
Posted in:Brittany Gastineau|Tit
2009
15
Apr
Here’s a funny concept, legitimize stripper dancing by creating a nation federation of pole dancers in hope of turning shit into some kind of Olympic Sport, where half naked girls show off their stripper moves, instead of seeing bitches like Shaun Johnson flex her back muscles. I guess it’s not as funny as it is amazing. Sure no strippers I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve been to may stripclubs, have pulled off anything like this, but I guess it’s nice to know shit exists, now all they have to do to make this shit a little better is actually strip. Don’t forget your roots sluts.
Posted in:Pole Dancing|USPDF
2009
15
Apr
I was at the stripclub getting my nipples bit by some flat chested girl with a stinky asshole who managed to give me a few awkward boners like I was 15 again, while Tila Tequila was posting this video of her singing Guns and Roses at some nightclub in Dallas, claiming she was wasted, but just saying that to justify how bad she is, not that I care. I was surprised she knew the words, but then again, after spending the night in the stripclub I realize having fake tits means knowing bad rock. Yeah, I said Guns and Roses is bad rock. Fuck you.
Posted in:Guns and Roses|Tila Tequila
