I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

07

Nov

Sophie Monk Doin’ Nothing of the Day

I wonder if Sophie Monk, Paris Hilton and the Good Charlotte fat lesbian sister they both dated ever had a threesome together. You know rubbing cunts til one of them squirts. Benji with a fist in his man pussy, Paris taking pictures of herself to figure out a way to market it to greater opportunities and Sophie Monk showering her pussy with Hand Sanitizer hoping the herpes aren’t contagious, without realizing 6-8 weeks later that they are.

I mean if the Sophie Monk’s break-up was anything like most break-ups, you know going from being engaged to him being in love with Paris Hilton for a career move for his band, their new album and tour, because of the whole Nicole Richie and His Twin Sister having a kid together and the whole Paris being Nicole’s BFF and him being his Twin Sister’s masturbation partner, a story the media would eat it all up, leaving Sophie Monk in the dust, but only after taking Paris for a test ride to see if changing his whole life is worth it, and deciding that it is….

But I know there was a period, after he broke the news to Monk that he was leaving her because he cheated on her and that he was moving on to lower quality, but richer pussy, where she felt inadequate, insecure and willing to forgive him just to get his lesbian suburban tattoos and her life back, by throwing herself at him, in some emotional decision and like all guys, or lesbians that look like guys, he went for it. Because you never turn down the pussy.

Knowing that celebrities don’t use condoms, especially Paris Hilton, and we have proof of that, means that her and Paris Hilton pretty much rubbed cunts without actually rubbing cunts and the likliness of her having a Valtrex Prescription like her ex-future husband’s new future wife and that takes a little away from wanting to go down on her for lunch, you know, it lowers her stock a bit, but herpes isn’t enough reason to keep most guys away when they come up on something that looks like this…..if anything it adds to the whole excitement of the experience, like playing dodgeball, but with more serious repercussions, since when you lose, you’re reminded of it for life…

Posted in:Sophie Monk|Tits

2008

07

Nov

Audrina and Her Big Fake Tits of the Day

I guess The Hills are still on. I was convinced that because Heidi Montag was for McCain, Obama would have been smart enough to say if he wins he will abolish that bullshit show, up until today, I thought that was the only reason he won, but it turns out the bullshit is still being produced and these regular people who are hired to act, but can’t act, further making the show seem contrived and orchestrated, but for some reason people still fuckin’ watch it. I hope it’s because of the entertainment value of seeing big ol’ fake titties making fools of themselves in some really bad, tedious joke, because otherwise, despite Obama’s win, I still have no fuckin’ hope for America.

Other than that, Audrina’s got a good body, and deserves some credit where credit is due, because being skinny and having fake tits is really the American Dream, I am falling asleep as I type this so I should probably just stop. Audrina, drinking and not sleeping have that effect on me, they work their way into my core, and paralyze me…..

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Fake Tits

2008

07

Nov

Katy Perry’s Tits Have Eyes of the Day

If you read this site, which you don’t, but I pretend you do, I mean that’s why I write these stupid things, it’s not for me to keep track of my bullshit that goes on in my mind, that is pretty fucking repetitive and uninteresting, it’s to entertain , even if there’s no fucking audience. A juggling man on the sidewalk that no one notices, is still a fucking juggler, right?

I don’t know where I was going with that, but I do know that I hate Katy Perry, her song, and if you read the site, you know I constantly write about it. I think she fucked the media by taking a cliche fantasy guys and girls have and singing about it in a bubble gum kinda way, making the shit way more pedophiliac, until seeing the girl who sings the shit, and realizing she’s some chubby, unattractive chick, making the whole young girls experimenting turn into two lonely girls who can’t land a date because no guys want them, turning to each other while watching old Ellen reruns or some independent film, and tonguing each other to really feel what love and using each other to show them….

Anyway, she has big tits, at least she always talks about the, donates them to charity and claims they are bigger than they are, like they are some kind of achievement, or trophy, despite the only achievement being on the pill and being able to emotionally eat 8 Big Macs in one fucking sitting…Don’t let her recent weight loss trick you, that’s smoke and mirrors, cocaine and performing, this dumpy bitch only focuses on her tits, because they were the only thing that got her male attention growing up, and she’s still living that fat girl life….because she will always be a fat girl and her tits will always be her only talent…..that’s why her dress has eyes, because they are the only place people look when they talk to her and she felt it would be smart to accommodate because it was starting to make her remember that her tits are all she’s worth….right.

Posted in:Katy Perry|Tits

2008

07

Nov

Hot Booty Video of the Day

I have no idea where this is from, it was just emailed to me and it got me so worked up and hungry. I am thinking it may be one of the lost Obama campaign commercials, but I’m usually wrong about these things, you just gotta watch it and decide for yourself. I got no story to tell, because this hits far to close to home for me, only my wife doesn’t know how to dance, or sing, she just knows how to eat and sit, and her entire body is obese, not just her bottom half, but more importantly, they don’t make lacy boy shorts this bitch in the video is wearing in my wife’s size, so we just use garbage bags and newspaper and there’s really nothing sexy about that…especially the smell….so I’ll just post the link.

Posted in:Booty|Video

2008

07

Nov

Hayden Panettiere in a Low Cut Shirt for Madonna of the Day

I was sitting next to a late night pizza place after going out drinking last night and this girl walked by a group of older immigrant drunk men, alone. The guys ravaged her. They were pulling at her and asking her questions like if she liked to fuck. Then one of them asked her if she wanted to see their friend’s big purple cock, and the guy who was the owner of the big purple cock, said he didn’t want it getting back to his kids, but he assured her that his cock was big and purple and the girl ran off, choosing to not get pizza where old men with big purple cocks assault 18 year old college girls. I didn’t get a good look at he guy with the big purple cock, but I think it could have been Hayden Panettiere, despite being at the Madonna concert, because it’s a pre-requisite to keep her gay passport, like being in a Gay Pride Parade, dressing like a woman at least once, going to an Aids charity event, and knowing what at least 10 different cocks, look, feel and taste like….before and after they’ve been in your ass.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Madonna

2008

07

Nov

Britney Spears and the Naked Cowboy of the Day

Here’s a cleaned up version of Britney Spears performing last night with a clothed Naked Cowboy and it looks like all the homos in the audience had the time of their life, because straight guys just can’t appreciate this shit.

I actually don’t understand why gay guys are so hooked on Madonna. It’s fucking crazy, they see her as an idol even though she has a vagina and even new generation teenage homos are all up on this bitch because even though she’s before they time, just because it’s part of the job description of taking it in the shitter…

Here’s Madonna and Britney in Concert Together

Here’s a video of Naked Cowboy doing what he does best on the streets of New York and not with Britney Spears in Concert…

Here’s a video of Madonna in Concert Supporting Gay Marriages Because Her Whole Fanbase is Gay….

Posted in:Britney Spears|Madonna|Naked Cowboy

2008

07

Nov

Rihanna Is Pregnant of the Day

Either Rihanna ate some bad fried chicken at Popeyes, or smoked too much weed after drinking too much because she’s fromt he Islands or she’s pregnant. I’m going with pregnant because when on the road, unable to do the normal things normal people do when they go to new cities because they will get ravaged by the press, paparazzi and fans, so they fuck unprotected styles which leads to babies….and AIDS and that leads to pukin on stage.

Speaking of STDs, I was out with a couple of girls last night and one of them had a camera. I sent her out to take upskirt pictures of girls partying, because I figured little girls would be more inconspicuous than perverted creepy motherfuckers like me. So after trying to get a shot of this girl who kept bending over wearing the shortest skirt in the world, since we were at some really grimey place, this crackhead dude comes up and grabs the girl taking picture by the arms, I step in and he bitch slaps me because I wasn’t letting his drugged, aggressive HIV, herpes faced motherfuckin’ grimey hands see this hot slut’s hot ass. When I tell him I am going to kill him, he ends up licking my face and running off, and now, I am pretty sure I am going to die.

Posted in:Rihanna|Sick

2008

07

Nov

Ryan Seacrest is My Boyfriend of the Day

So I was I somehow managed to get on this Ryan Seacrest email list that his radio sends out to and for some reason they didn’t BCC the shit…and it went like this:

Ryan Seacrest exclusively revealed Thursday that Madonna, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake will still hit the stage together despite a major section of the stage being damaged.
 
Cordially,

ST

So I responded to all:

If you knew how much I jerked off to Ryan Seacrest and his amazing hair, you’d be sending me restraining orders and not links to his site, but since I appreciate all things Ryan Seacrest, I am totally hard over this email. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone.

Cordially and With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

I am posting it because I got a kick out of it, but the this girl didn’t, I guess she’s a real fan of Seacrest.

You’re fat and shy in real life.  And your website is the biggest piece of misogynistic shit on the Internet. 

Shame they haven’t come up with such a thing as retroactive abortions. 

And my response:

I am shy and fat on the internet too. Don’t hate me, I didn’t invite fat chicks.

Love

Jesus

ps -Good retroactive abortion joke, did you get that at your rape victims survivor class, you penis hating cunt.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Ryan Seacrest

2008

07

Nov

The Soup Nazi Hosts Parties of the Day

I remember when I was asked to host a 16 year old girl’s house party, like I was some kind of celebrity and the party I was invited to host was some exclusive club, filled with hot girls and free flowing booze, but it turned I wasn’t really asked to host it, and I was actually an unwanted guest that ended with the police showing up, but not to bust the party like you’d expect with it being 4 in the morning and 50 teenagers underage drinking and making noise, because the girls throwing the party called the cops on me, busting their own party, because that’s just the kind of host I am….an unwelcome one.

So when I got this email of some breast cancer event hosted by the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, I had no choice but to laugh, because any event booking the Soup Nazi to host their shit is probably pretty poor, but more importantly, the Soup Nazi is still living his 15 minutes, 15 years later.

I never liked Seinfeld, it was too Jewish, so I don’t even know who this clown is, but I know he will probably snap one day when some poor fuck asks him at the airport or maybe in the mall to say his “no soup for you line” and he decides to murder suicide, but until then, he’s hosting charity events.

Posted in:Party|Seinfeld|Soup Nazi

2008

07

Nov

Kanye West’s Shitty New Animated Video of the Day

So my internet didn’t work when I woke up this morning after a night of drinking and I figured it was a message from God to take some time for myself because I just work way too hard, then I realized that I barely work, what I do is my way to waste my free time, I just happen to have a lot of it, so it seems like I am always online being productive, I am online all the time, but I am never productive, I just have nothin’ better to do. It also turns out that there is no God, my neighbor just didn’t pay for his internet I’ve been stealing, so I went over to give him shit about it, he made a few calls, and now I’m back.

In my time off, I decided to go on a walk, I came across a sign that was promoting some moving sale at someone’s house near by. It said there was designer clothes, jewelry, Luis Vuitton products and all this other bootleg shit, so I figured I’d take my cracked out self by to pick up some Luis Vuitton luggage on discount, so I could turn around and sell that shit for a profit, like I was Obama livin’ in the Ghetto, sellin’ crack, but when I got there all they had was a couple of picnic baskets, a pair of skis from the 80s and 2 bibles. It was a bust….

Just like this new Kanye West video that premiered earlier today….

Posted in:Animated|Kanye West|Video Premiere